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Thread: Do introverts close up around their duals?

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    le petit prince raisonpure's Avatar
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    Default Do introverts close up around their duals?

    I noticed something very peculiar the other day, when my ESFj friend sat a meter away from my INTp/INTj friend. She was being her usual bubbly, entertaining self, but he showed no signs of admiration. He fell completely silent and started staring into space, much like I do when I detach myself to focus on absorbing a person's presence. Even weirder, he would move away from my friend, only to move back a little closer. Being in her proximity seemed to make him very self-conscious; it's like he was hesitating between attraction and fear. Which is the same reaction that I have around ESTps.

    I have never seen him close himself off like that around anyone else, so it made me wonder. Has anyone else has experienced an initial awkwardness around their duals because they seemed too good? If so, how long did it take for the interactions to become more spontaneous?
    “I think, therefore I'll think" - Ayn Rand (ESTp, UR GUARDIAN ANGEL)

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    It sounds more like how they'd behave around a conflictor to me.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    LIIs are incredibly sensitive in regard to proximity issues.
    Often times they will retreat, to gauge the situation, and the reposition.
    The ESE's Fe may have been to powerful, even if it was enjoyable.

    Also, the ESE may have been so bubbly that the LII was attracted, yet felt out of the conversation, so had nothing to contribute. Staring may have been trying to find some point in a conversation to contribute to, he may have been overanalyzing.

    Just because you are around your dual doesn't mean it's magic. It often takes tome to realize the compatibility, because you appear to operate in different spheres at first.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Ahh, I have wondered this for a while too!

    Personally, I have had no "confirmed" experiences with ESTps, but I must've had many encounters with them in RL, but I still can not recognize them.

    I don't know what I am supposed to really look for, more than the stereotypical traits associated with ESTps... and I don't seem to find any of them in people that I am around. I know way too many ENFps on the other hand. =/

    The males that I think *may* be ESTp usually don't test as ESTp at all. One tested ENFp -__- yet again and I was really shocked. The others that have been ESTp I never would expect to be and it seems like they do sort of "pass me by" or slip under the radar in a way..

    I still can't believe some of them are ESTp

    Also, I can see myself getting "scared" around ESTps, but then again maybe my view on ESTps is totally wrong. I see them as very fiery, intimidating and always ready for action.. which is apparently a true description of them but that would actually frighten me somewhat.. I love extroverts but I guess I see assholes as being ESTp a lot. Hopefully I am wrong..


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    Considering your age and high school status, the relative significance of the test results is questionable. Do you approach people and as ask them to take a psychological test for you?
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    perhaps he usually opens up to her in private, but when there is another person around he clams up. The other person being the INTp. I don't like to speak to people with whom I feel strong bonds if we are accompanied by a group(3 or more). I like giving/receiving undivided attention. Introverts have many barriers in their relations to others, and they tend to relate to every single person in different way. Given that, it may be hard for them to be socially open when in the presence of one person, but easier in the presence of another. Or easier if they are alone with the other individual. Or he could just been having a bad day?
    asd

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    Duals don't speak to each other in public, generally.

    Better: if you have a connection, then if there are other people, it's very annoying to speak with the person you have a connection with without exclusivity.

    Now, was the situation you refer to one-on-one, or group-based? If the first, then it seems to be a self-consciousness problem. If the second, then it seems to be normal.

    Speaking for me, no, I don't close up with anybody one-on-one. I sometimes close up when the other party talks too much. That is something that turns me off, when they go on monologues and I have to be the spectator - possibly because they steal my role, I don't know.

    So, perhaps, I can conclude that introverts are more likely to show those signs.

    ScarlettLux: you probably think that some ESTps you actually meet are introverts. No, we are very much extraverts but we don't speak when it's not necessary. Unless we like you very much

    Heath: I am actually the same way, but the motivation is reversed. I like to give undivided attention; moreover, it is very unlikely that in a group there are more than 2 individuals I like.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Default Re: Do introverts close up around their duals?

    Quote Originally Posted by raisonpure
    I have never seen him close himself off like that around anyone else, so it made me wonder. Has anyone else has experienced an initial awkwardness around their duals because they seemed too good? If so, how long did it take for the interactions to become more spontaneous?
    It happens to me all the time, specially with the most quiet ISTp. It seems to me as if they panic in my presence when I'm too expressive.

    For example, I went to the police to report a crime (they stole money from my sister) and one officer came, a woman, who I immediatly identified as ISTp. When she came I was hugging my sister and later we started to joke quite a bit and I noticed this woman to get close, without saying anything.

    Then my sister made a mistake while filing the form and this woman said something, I actually liked her voice tone very much because it was very calm and friendly. Sharply contrasting her complete unexpressive face. She said "wait a bit, I'll see if I can fix it so you don't need to write it all again". Then, after a few minutes she came and I looked at her directly to the eyes with a big smile (I'm always grateful when people does nice things for me) and she got frozen. She kept looking at me directly to the eyes, completelly silent and and with a still face. It wasn't uncomfortable at all, but I still looked somewhere else.

    When my sister got interviewed by annother officer, my sister requested me to go for her credential to this woman and when I saw her again and asked her for it, she got frozen again, looking at me directly to the eyes, but without saying anything and with the same unexpressive face.

    I belive quiet ISTp think that nobody notices them, as if nobody knew they exist, so they feel perplexed when around their duals.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux
    Ahh, I have wondered this for a while too!

    Personally, I have had no "confirmed" experiences with ESTps, but I must've had many encounters with them in RL, but I still can not recognize them.

    I don't know what I am supposed to really look for, more than the stereotypical traits associated with ESTps... and I don't seem to find any of them in people that I am around. I know way too many ENFps on the other hand. =/

    The males that I think *may* be ESTp usually don't test as ESTp at all. One tested ENFp -__- yet again and I was really shocked. The others that have been ESTp I never would expect to be and it seems like they do sort of "pass me by" or slip under the radar in a way..

    I still can't believe some of them are ESTp

    Also, I can see myself getting "scared" around ESTps, but then again maybe my view on ESTps is totally wrong. I see them as very fiery, intimidating and always ready for action.. which is apparently a true description of them but that would actually frighten me somewhat.. I love extroverts but I guess I see assholes as being ESTp a lot. Hopefully I am wrong..
    ESTps aren't always like that, all the time (it is probably also varies with subtype). I had a S subtype ESTp 'friend' and I think he only beat me up once! :wink:

    Sometimes, they have a questioning look in their eyes, which says 'wtf are you talking about?' (though this is possibly INTj interaction ) - they can look quite uncertain and lost sometimes - sorta wary-looking. Sometimes I got the feeling he was scared of a little ol' INTj, as though I knew something he didn't, and I was going to defeat somehow. They are only intimidating when the red mist descends and they blindly think they are right (and have the upperhand too) - they only get in to a fight they believe (i.e. certain) they can win - they have a sort of sick glee about it IME. They seem like the Goliath in a David vs. Goliath fight .

    Some (supposed ESTps) from socionics.com with the look I'm taking about:



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    hm
    THE BEARD HEARD HIS MOVEMENT AND MADE AN ATTACK RUN BUT DID NOT ACTUALLY ATTACK HIM

    viva palestina

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom
    It sounds more like how they'd behave around a conflictor to me.
    jah
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Duals don't speak to each other in public, generally.
    This is true for duals who know each other well.

    Although it's not out of awkwardness; in fact the opposite.

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    I think unaccustomed dual interaction can be very very awkward.

    Someone presenting you with what you are looking for (dual seeking), but if you don't know anything about the person, or have an averse first impression, it could be an uneasy situation.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by thehotelambush
    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Duals don't speak to each other in public, generally.
    This is true for duals who know each other well.

    Although it's not out of awkwardness; in fact the opposite.
    Yeah, it's because they can't be as intimate, also genitally.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Don't forget the the thehotelambush's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Quote Originally Posted by thehotelambush
    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Duals don't speak to each other in public, generally.
    This is true for duals who know each other well.

    Although it's not out of awkwardness; in fact the opposite.
    Yeah, it's because they can't be as intimate, also genitally.
    Uh, I guess so. That makes sense. Kind of.

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    I don't understand what any of you are saying at all. My husband and I talk to each other all the time. He talks more if I'm around than not. In fact, I lead him into conversations with people around us. He says he likes to have me around when we're places because he doesn't seem to get into conversations if I'm not there. But if I'm there he participates more. Maybe it's different for one dual pair than another, I don't know.

    Now if I leave the room and my husband is alone with, say, my ENFj dad or something like that, he shuts down completely and doesn't utter a word until I get back. And then later my dad will ask me why my husband doesn't like him.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    SEIs and I tend to only find things to talk about when it's just the two of us; in groups, we tend to just play our parts. An SLI once told me that I made her feel comfortable and more willing to open up in groups.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom
    I don't understand what any of you are saying at all. My husband and I talk to each other all the time. He talks more if I'm around than not. In fact, I lead him into conversations with people around us. He says he likes to have me around when we're places because he doesn't seem to get into conversations if I'm not there. But if I'm there he participates more. Maybe it's different for one dual pair than another, I don't know.

    Now if I leave the room and my husband is alone with, say, my ENFj dad or something like that, he shuts down completely and doesn't utter a word until I get back. And then later my dad will ask me why my husband doesn't like him.
    Why does your ENFJ dad think that about your husband? Or why would an ENFJ get that impression in a situation similar to the above?
    ISTj.

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    Why would an ENFj think an ISTp doesn't like him?

    From Rick's Socionics Site

    Conflict: Both partners seem to monitor each other's weak areas. This prevents conflicts from coming out into the open, since both partners feel too unsure of themselves to discuss their relationship effectively. As a result, conflicts stew beneath the surface — causing pain and long-lasting offense (if partners expect anything of each other) — without any hope of resolution. Initially partners may attract each other from a distance because they are such opposites, but their language and thought patterns are hopelessly difficult to digest at a close psychological distance. At best partners may have occasional rare moments of resonance when both are in a strange mood and begin to talk about life without focusing attention on one another.
    Basically, my dad tries to get my husband to come out of his shell, but he does it in a way that makes my husband retreat even further into his shell. My dad doesn't understand why my husband doesn't respond to his attempts to be friendly.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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