I'm a bastard

[rpbailey]

I have a fun little anecdote to share. I feel, not so much guilt, but the feeling that I should feel guilt.

I moved to Seattle about seven months ago, to go to school. I had a friend living about 600 miles away from my home town, in a different state who was working a job that he didn't really care about. He and I were in high-school together, and from the get-go it was mostly me giving orders and him following them. That's just the dynamic of how our friendship worked.

I convinced him to quit his job, move 600 miles from his friends and family and take over my old job, and I convinced my boss that my friend was the perfect candidate. The pay was better for my friend, and I was able to "keep an eye" on everything from afar, so to speak. Things didn't work out in Seattle, so I returned. Of course, my friend was in my old position, and due to the office politics, the only way to get in was for someone else to leave. So, I found a better job than my old job up in my friend's old town (where he moved from) and pressured him into quitting this job (after only 6 months) and taking the job in his old town, 600 miles away. His last day is next Thursday. He is taking me out to dinner on Monday to thank me for all I've done for him.

In short, I get what I want (my old job back), he gets what he wants (a better job in his old town), but somehow, I feel like I should feel guilty for using my friend like a 'pawn' like that.

And that's my late-night, I-can't-sleep story.

[Blaze]

you're such an intj.

what you did makes logical sense for you and him....but it really was self serving. i don't know if you are a bastard or not, but over time, people do become aware of your being self serving. this will affect the level of intimacy you have in your relationships. it might be good to at least acknowledge at the negotiation points your self serving position. that way it's out in the open and he knows that he is helping you, too. that way it's more of a 2 way street and less of a behind the scenes manipulation.

on the other hand, you could take the point of view that work is work. fuck it. we all have to do what we have to do.

[rpbailey]

you're such an intj.

what you did makes logical sense for you and him....but it really was self serving. i don't know if you are a bastard or not, but over time, people do become aware of your being self serving. this will affect the level of intimacy you have in your relationships. it might be good to at least acknowledge at the negotiation points your self serving position. that way it's out in the open and he knows that he is helping you, too. that way it's more of a 2 way street and less of a behind the scenes manipulation.

on the other hand, you could take the point of view that work is work. fuck it. we all have to do what we have to do.

Well, as far as this guy is concerned, I did him a huge favor (finding him a job in his old town, one that pays better) and he's happy. I suspect the other coworkers realize something is up (that I coincidentally show up right when the other guy put in his two weeks notice), but no one has said anything about it yet. Now that you mention it, I could probably tell tons of other stories where I've managed to get away with crap like that. Maybe I should go comment in Expat's "Ultimate Survivor" thread.

[rpbailey]

I actually have another story, although this is more of me being a wuss and bad stuff happening instead of me actively breaking stuff.

I do computer work for a living and, like all other computer technicians, my boss is an idiot. He told us that he was going to start sending our finished work orders to the people who put them in. I argued with him in private that it was a bad idea -- 9 times out of 10, the problem is that the user was being an idiot, and it would look bad for us to say this. Arguing in private didn't work, so I brought the issue up in a meeting with him and the other techs. I had a speech, it was very moving. The boss was flustered and screaming at us, that this was how it had to be and that we were all worthless, didn't do our jobs, etc. Note, I sparked this entire debate.

One of my coworkers chimed in "Well, can we at least here the pros and cons of this idea?" Very diplomatic of him, but the boss was enraged and started focusing all the screaming on the one tech. For my part, I _should_ have jumped in and taken the heat, but I didn't.

The meeting ended after a grueling 2 hours, with nothing resolved. We were heading out to our respective job sites. I finished at my site in about an hour, and called the boss to see what he wanted me to do. He told me to meet my coworker, the guy who got yelled at, at his site and help him out. I went to his site...he wasn't there. This was only around 10:30, but I figured maybe he was taking an early lunch? I waited until 12:30 to report to the boss that the guy just wasn't there. During that time lapse, I called the other techs and other job sites to see if my coworker had accidentally gone to the wrong site.

At the end of the day, the coworker came into the office, the boss asked how the site was, and the coworker said he was there all day and might need to be there tomorrow. The boss sent a different coworker over there, and proved that nothing had been done.

My absent coworker had felt depressed about getting yelled at, and went home to try and deal with the stress, and ended up getting drunk and sleeping the entire day (note: Alcohol is not a solution! Unless it is a homogeneous mixture of two chemicals). The next day, the coworker was fired.

To this day, my other coworkers tease me about how I got him fired, and either joke about the reason (Rob bought him lunch twice, and the coworker never chipped in!) or use it as a threat to the others "You'd better get back to work, or I'll tell the boss you're pulling a "Ryan" on us."

This was fun, I was in a sour mood and sharing this story has helped cheer me.

[UDP]

You're an INTJ and you like money.
Are you an ENTj as well?

[rpbailey]

You're an INTJ and you like money.
Are you an ENTj as well?

I've consistently tested as an INTj. And what's wrong with money? If you check the URL I provided, it gives a strong statement from Ayn Rand about money being the byproduct of men who use their minds and actions to create and produce.

Additionally, I love the economic system. In a free market, everything is connected and interdependent. A rise someplace will make a fall elsewhere, and it's a fascinatingly alive system.

Futhermore, it is the most objective way I can think of to measurement progress in my goal. Take your goal to save the earth by cleaning up the environment. Exactly when is that done? Tell me how many tree frogs need to be saved before your job is finished? How much should we lower our carbon dioxide output? 11%? Why not 12? Why not 13? Why not any other arbitrary number? At least I'm honest with myself and am using actual units of measurement to gauge myself instead of some arbitrary, subjective number.

[UDP]

What is your goal?


Also, test results just spit back what you put in. You don't know your type until you know socionics, IMO.

[rpbailey]

What is your goal?


Also, test results just spit back what you put in. You don't know your type until you know socionics, IMO.

My goal is to run a law firm specializing in Corporate Law in regards to International Business -- basically, working with two companies in different countries to facilitate efficient and mutually-beneficial transactions.

My main focus will initially be the Asian countries (specifically China and Japan), as the economies are booming there compared to the economies of both Europe and even the United States. While obviously both companies will likely have their own legal departments, my goal will be to provide an agency who not only understands the local laws of the company, but foreign laws to make sure that there are no hitches in the exchange.

This is why I need to get through college before I can start this -- no one sane would take legal advice from someone who is not qualified to give it.

[UDP]

That's great - I would like it if my idea was that clear.

[rpbailey]

That's great - I would like it if my idea was that clear.

Well, what is the problem? Make a list of all the issues you care about, and of that list, tackle the one that you care the most about. I'd be glad to help with the brainstorming if you'd wish.

[UDP]

thanks.
I'm not laughing at you.


The matter is that I cannot settle on what values are worth it and what frame of reference to view reality in. I am still forging my own structure.
It's complicated.

I would say that I can easily make it less complicated, but that may be a lie.

[rpbailey]

thanks.
I'm not laughing at you.


The matter is that I cannot settle on what values are worth it and what frame of reference to view reality in. I am still forging my own structure.
It's complicated.

I would say that I can easily make it less complicated, but that may be a lie.

Sorry for not responding sooner, I was out doing stuff. The offer stands if you do want help. I'm quite good at organizing things and plotting out courses for other people.

[UDP]

If I was asking for help, I would have been direct about it. The matter has nothing to do with you or anyone else, it is my own affair that I have to work out.

I'm quite good at organizing things and plotting out courses for other people.

Wrong door rpb
Whether you meant it or not, you should realize that your comment is implying there is an incompetency on my part to organize and plot things out.


Besides, the matter is not related to either of those two topics. I've said enough as it is - it's none of your business.

[rpbailey]

If I was asking for help, I would have been direct about it. But the matter has nothing to do with you or anyone else, it is my own affair that I have to work out.

I'm quite good at organizing things and plotting out courses for other people.

Wrong door rpb
Whether you meant it or not, you should realize that your comment is implying there is an incompetency on my part to organize and plot things out.


Besides, the matter is not related to either of those two topics. But I've said enough as it is - it's none of your business.

Of course I meant no disrespect or slight, merely offering a friendly hand of assistance if desired. Consider the subject dropped.

[UDP]

I figured as much. I harbor no ill feelings about the matter.