Results 1 to 27 of 27

Thread: ESIs-ISFjs handling conflict and crisis situations

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    448
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default ESIs-ISFjs handling conflict and crisis situations

    I see these types as avoiding conflict often..


    Does this mean they cannot mobilize in critical situations? Would they be alright in emergency situations or not? It would imagine an internal panic would take place, similar to INFJs?

    Just curious.
    {♠x<º))))><¸.·´¯`·.¸IcEPiCk¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>x♠ }

  2. #2
    MysticSonic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    2,993
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    From first hand experience I can assure you that ISFjs...do NOT handle critical situations well.
    "To become is just like falling asleep. You never know exactly when it happens, the transition, the magic, and you think, if you could only recall that exact moment of crossing the line then you would understand everything; you would see it all"

    "Angels dancing on the head of a pin dissolve into nothingness at the bedside of a dying child."

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    448
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    lol

    any good stories???

    I think ISFJ males have it worst because they have to put up a front. Because they seem to live in a world of generalization and stereotypes they may over do it and act a little too aggressive in their need to control and other areas.
    {♠x<º))))><¸.·´¯`·.¸IcEPiCk¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>x♠ }

  4. #4
    MysticSonic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    2,993
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Nothing worth noting. You know what they say: it is the scaracity of an item that determines the worth of the item; in this case, instances where my ISFj father has overreacted under-pressure are far too numerous to even recall one.

    They seem to get most nervous when you're attempting to be more efficient, though do so using functions such as Ne, which in turn make them nervous and unsure about the result.

    Edit- Most particularly when you attempt to revamp how THEY do things. Fits of rage, for male ISFjs at least, are all too common in such situations. It comes off rather infantile. :/
    "To become is just like falling asleep. You never know exactly when it happens, the transition, the magic, and you think, if you could only recall that exact moment of crossing the line then you would understand everything; you would see it all"

    "Angels dancing on the head of a pin dissolve into nothingness at the bedside of a dying child."

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    448
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    interesting, I think Ive seen this nervousness before, I just thought it was awkwardness but in retrospect my very movements made the guy nervous I think.
    {♠x<º))))><¸.·´¯`·.¸IcEPiCk¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>x♠ }

  6. #6

    Default

    i'm an isfj and i also dislike conflict. of course, almost everyone doesn't like conflict. i dunno, maybe a lot of isfj's escape conflict but i don't because running away won't solve anything. But under stress I can also be like isfj's in the description... so i'm always trying to improve to be calm in critical situations.

  7. #7
    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Freiburg im Breisgau
    TIM
    ENTj
    Posts
    15,631
    Mentioned
    157 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    The ISFjs I know aren't really afraid of conflict unless you jeopardize purposefully the relationship. Basically they tend to avoid sensitive spots by testing the reactions (I don't think they do it with machination). If you flare up when they touch a given spot, they will avoid it in the future. Figuring out this reaction is very useful in interacting with them (I have been accused of manipulation by my mother because of this "strategy", but the anger I feel is very real and thus I don't think the accusation has grounds) because eh, if you get consistenly angry they'll figure out that it's not something that should be talked about. This behaviour cannot be taken too far of course, it must be used with parsimony and only in regard to very hurtful topics. As an example, my mother never gives any opinion on girlfriends because once I broke a door in anger.

    A whole different matter is when they are agitated because of an external event that they cannot control (an exam upcoming, for example). In this case is better to ignore all their reactions/lashing out, because they usually don't even remember what they are saying after the "in the zone" moment is gone.

    jaja, it's not true that everybody dislikes conflict. I find debates, even very heated with insults from every side, to be fantastic. Emotional conflict is of course another matter.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

  8. #8

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG

    jaja, it's not true that everybody dislikes conflict. I find debates, even very heated with insults from every side, to be fantastic. Emotional conflict is of course another matter.
    oh yeah, i forgot about that.

  9. #9
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,501
    Mentioned
    58 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I've found conflict avoidance to be related to the health and wellness of the ISFj. The ones who avoid conflict like the plague have a very low sense of self-worth. This is probably true of many types.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  10. #10
    Banned
    Join Date
    May 2005
    TIM
    D-LSI-Ti 1w9 sp/sx
    Posts
    11,586
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    What the fuck is a critical situation?

  11. #11
    Banned
    Join Date
    May 2005
    TIM
    D-LSI-Ti 1w9 sp/sx
    Posts
    11,586
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Haha, FDG picks bad girlfriends and gets owned by his ISFj mom for it.

  12. #12
    Grand Inquisitor Bardia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    TIM
    ESI
    Posts
    1,258
    Mentioned
    7 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I hate being around others in conflict and often try to resolve the situation but oddly enough I don't really have a problem expressing when someone has ticked me off. I still sometimes try to avoid conflict especially when its just hurt feelings. I bottle it up and sometimes just avoid the person. I have gotten better though about telling people when they hurt my feelings but it is hard since its not exactly culturally normal for guys to have feelings. I also tend to overreact a lot when under stress from exams/due dates.
    “No psychologist should pretend to understand what he does not understand... Only fools and charlatans know everything and understand nothing.” -Anton Chekhov

    http://kevan.org/johari?name=Bardia0
    http://kevan.org/nohari?name=Bardia0

  13. #13
    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Freiburg im Breisgau
    TIM
    ENTj
    Posts
    15,631
    Mentioned
    157 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe
    Haha, FDG picks bad girlfriends and gets owned by his ISFj mom for it.
    Eh, I wouldn't define that as getting owned, since she didn't really get much pleasure in return.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

  14. #14
    yeves's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    TIM
    Si 6 spsx
    Posts
    1,259
    Mentioned
    38 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    A woman I vaguely typed as ESI deals with conflict situations by yelling at others. Only she herself doesn't think of it as yelling. Her voice is very strong and it carries forward. In high pressure situations, she speaks in loud snappy statements that are like a whip lash and make everyone else else snap out of it and pay attention.

  15. #15
    Haikus
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Berlin
    TIM
    LSI 5w6 sx/so
    Posts
    5,421
    Mentioned
    144 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    The ISFjs I know aren't really afraid of conflict unless you jeopardize purposefully the relationship. Basically they tend to avoid sensitive spots by testing the reactions (I don't think they do it with machination). If you flare up when they touch a given spot, they will avoid it in the future. Figuring out this reaction is very useful in interacting with them (I have been accused of manipulation by my mother because of this "strategy", but the anger I feel is very real and thus I don't think the accusation has grounds) because eh, if you get consistenly angry they'll figure out that it's not something that should be talked about. This behaviour cannot be taken too far of course, it must be used with parsimony and only in regard to very hurtful topics. As an example, my mother never gives any opinion on girlfriends because once I broke a door in anger.
    This is an ISFj who wants to maintain a harmonious relationship. Otherwise they may do the opposite.

    Anyway all in all I wouldn't say ESIs are conflict-avoidant. If they have internal anxiety or discomfort, they hide it well. Se subtype in particular gets really belligerent if their safety is threatened or if someone mistreats a family member. And of course, it can happen that they consider you ain't treating them as you should, in which case they can provoke conflict. As eg., an ESI-Se aunt (who's actually a pretty cool woman as a rule) bumped into a cousin of mine when the dude was in high school skipping classes with a chick; apparently he pretended not to see her in order to avoid complications (his parents finding out he wasn't in school that day at 11 am etc.); in the afternoon auntie furiously went to his parents (who weren't even her blood relatives) and informed them about the unforgivable transgression that their son engaged in ("He pretended not to see me!"). She was more pissed off than the guy's parents that he faked it while skipping classes. I was amused at this situation and now I wonder how a different type may have handled it.

  16. #16
    carrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    wv
    TIM
    SEE sx sp (8)46
    Posts
    347
    Mentioned
    12 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Nobody posting here knows what they are talking about. 1. Conflict ain't my my cup of tea mainly because I prefer not to split your wig. 2. In critical situations I'm the last person to freak out and the first person making a move to keep my freinds and family out of harm. 3. When my emotional boundaries are repeatedly crossed I become very assertive and don't let the issue go until the other party acknowledges and agrees to treat me the way I want.

  17. #17
    suedehead's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    3,023
    Mentioned
    195 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    I think I can handle emergency situations. I'm not sure I get anxious, but I get mad or frustrated especially if there's a lot of stalling or if I get the sense that I can't just will myself through it and things are being left up in the air. As far as conflict, it depends in how invested in it I am. If there isn't anything real at stake, then I can just ignore them. And even when there is, it usually gets resolved quickly.

  18. #18
    lump's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    TIM
    Fi/Te 641 sp/sx
    Posts
    12,606
    Mentioned
    631 Post(s)
    Tagged
    3 Thread(s)

    Default

    i get stressed out a lot about daily pressures but when it comes to drop-everything emergency situations i just go into robot mode. i remember when i was at work and i got a call from my sons daycare saying he never showed up after school. and i was on a couple different phones at the same time communicating with the school and the daycare and his dad and trying to find him as quickly as possible. and after it was resolved the esfj i shared an office with looked kind of bothered and said something about me seeming emotionless and how if her kid was missing she would be in tears. but tears wouldn't have helped anything. in moments like that i get tunnel vision and all i can see is the next step i need to take.

    i'm not sure how to describe my approach to conflict because it depends so much on the people and the situation. there are times i avoid it and times i provoke it. there are times that its a pointless way for people to inflict pain on eachother and times when its an airing of thoughts and feelings that finally gets things into the open so they can be resolved.

  19. #19
    boom boom boom blackburry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    TIM
    ESI-Se 6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,269
    Mentioned
    142 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by lungs View Post
    i get stressed out a lot about daily pressures but when it comes to drop-everything emergency situations i just go into robot mode. i remember when i was at work and i got a call from my sons daycare saying he never showed up after school. and i was on a couple different phones at the same time communicating with the school and the daycare and his dad and trying to find him as quickly as possible. and after it was resolved the esfj i shared an office with looked kind of bothered and said something about me seeming emotionless and how if her kid was missing she would be in tears. but tears wouldn't have helped anything. in moments like that i get tunnel vision and all i can see is the next step i need to take.

    i'm not sure how to describe my approach to conflict because it depends so much on the people and the situation. there are times i avoid it and times i provoke it. there are times that its a pointless way for people to inflict pain on eachother and times when its an airing of thoughts and feelings that finally gets things into the open so they can be resolved.
    this.






    Emotional conflict is the worst for me. I can handle pretty much anything else with a certain...ease... but doing crappily in classes and emotional turmoil with a SO...pretty much puts me in a panic mode. and I feel... awful and ..just find it hard to cope while in the moment during those times. I become so disappointed in myself and just pity party and...total fucking mess.. but put me in the middle of an actual crisis and everything else turns off and my brain is sharp and clear.


    **disclosure...i recently discovered why I panic during emotional turmoil... I was taught to repress emotions and that they weren't important and if I gave in I was pretty much wasting time/wimpy ..I've never learned from someone how to handle them or communicate them. ...working on this now.


    ...and....I get an intense love/hate when debating people. I kind of like debating topics. Learn a lot that way.
    Last edited by blackburry; 10-09-2014 at 04:38 PM.

  20. #20
    InvisibleJim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Si vis pacem
    TIM
    para bellum
    Posts
    4,832
    Mentioned
    202 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    They inflate like a balloon and float off to another land.

  21. #21
    boom boom boom blackburry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    TIM
    ESI-Se 6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,269
    Mentioned
    142 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Forensics27 View Post
    blackburry, it is not cool to have that is it?
    do you wish sometimes things could be more chaotic? It's almost a guilty pleasure of mine because of the way we deal with everyday peaceful life and it makes us go crazy!

    More chaotic? not really. I work in a field that provides more than enough... stress and chaos that I don't particularly find chaos appealing in my personal life anymore. If I had a...tame career...perhaps. I'd probably be an adrelenine junkie. I exercise a lot ...and that tends to help with providing a sense of... change. I used to get incredibly bored easily and needed...a lot of turmoil until I realized that... I can provide myself with it in other ways without jeopardizing relationships/friendships. plus chaos is so distracting from...nice things. like good food and sunsets and quiets days (shit like that...that I'm starting to really really enjoy).

  22. #22
    boom boom boom blackburry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    TIM
    ESI-Se 6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,269
    Mentioned
    142 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Forensics27 View Post
    it's the simple things

    things like this are a breathe of fresh hair to hear
    I'm only recently starting to appreciate the simple things ..ha....years before I'd be like..yeah, no, that's lame... oh how silly I was...

  23. #23
    lump's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    TIM
    Fi/Te 641 sp/sx
    Posts
    12,606
    Mentioned
    631 Post(s)
    Tagged
    3 Thread(s)

    Default

    This might sound crazy, but crisis situations can be very calming. My thoughts get purified and streamlined. I have one overriding purpose to life for a few moments.

    Maybe this is enneagram 6? Does anybody else relate?

  24. #24
    Idiot Iris's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    TIM
    EIE-Ni
    Posts
    1,001
    Mentioned
    56 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by lungs View Post
    This might sound crazy, but crisis situations can be very calming. My thoughts get purified and streamlined. I have one overriding purpose to life for a few moments.

    Maybe this is enneagram 6? Does anybody else relate?
    Don't know anything about E6, but when there is an emergency, I am focused like a laser beam on the problem and usually have great clarity of thought as to what needs to be done. I don't like it if there is an emergency and it is up to someone else to take action and they are deliberating slowly. I like fast and competent reactions.
    You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek.
    But first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril.
    You shall see things, wonderful to tell. You shall see a... cow... on the roof of a cotton house. And, oh, so many startlements.
    I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the ob-stacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward.
    Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation
    .


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pukq_XJmM-k

  25. #25
    yeves's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    TIM
    Si 6 spsx
    Posts
    1,259
    Mentioned
    38 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Iris View Post
    Don't know anything about E6, but when there is an emergency, I am focused like a laser beam on the problem and usually have great clarity of thought as to what needs to be done. I don't like it if there is an emergency and it is up to someone else to take action and they are deliberating slowly. I like fast and competent reactions.
    the tunnel vision and laser beam focus are part of the fight-or-flight reaction in situations that involve a lot of stress. i remember they taught us this back in school in the gen ed. health class socionics typings aside, this works the same way for almost everyone. i could relate to most of what has been written in this thread about stress, and I don't even type ESI, which tells me that much of this isn't type related and is generic physiological reactions to stress.

  26. #26
    Idiot Iris's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    TIM
    EIE-Ni
    Posts
    1,001
    Mentioned
    56 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by yeves View Post
    the tunnel vision and laser beam focus are part of the fight-or-flight reaction in situations that involve a lot of stress. i remember they taught us this back in school in the gen ed. health class socionics typings aside, this works the same way for almost everyone. i could relate to most of what has been written in this thread about stress, and I don't even type ESI, which tells me that much of this isn't type related and is generic physiological reactions to stress.
    Who knows? An IP type (not a sensor, for sure) whom I have known for years is hopeless in emergencies and usually does the opposite of what would be correct procedure. But another IP, my SEI sis in law, is the one I want by my side in an emergency, for sure.
    You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek.
    But first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril.
    You shall see things, wonderful to tell. You shall see a... cow... on the roof of a cotton house. And, oh, so many startlements.
    I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the ob-stacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward.
    Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation
    .


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pukq_XJmM-k

  27. #27
    So fluffeh. Cuddly McFluffles's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    TIM
    ESI
    Posts
    2,780
    Mentioned
    28 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    It depends on the conflict. I have a lot of non-socionic baggage to work through concerning speaking up for myself and not being cowed by the potential irrationality of others. In that sense, conflict can be very difficult. I also find that I hate dealing with conflict when I care about the person involved; it just feels like too much work, and I have the urge to actively avoid resolution/explanation/etc. In general webspace, I've become much better at speaking my mind and less concerned about the conflict that results. Generally, the less I like someone, the less I am concerned with their good opinion, and the less I am likely to wrap my message in pretty language. But I think I'm also becoming more blunt in most things. (Yay, progress.) Family conflict... so much yelling and arguing. (I remember once telling my over-religious LSI father that one day he'd stop using religion to justify his faults. Fun times.)

    Crises, on the other hand... I hate those so much. I've had to learn to accept that shit is going down and then start considering options for adaptation. Still, they're very stressful.
    Johari/Nohari

    "Tell someone you love them today, because life is short; shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying."

    Fruit, the fluffy kitty.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •