Missing the girl

[rpbailey]

So, let's talk about old relationships. How they ended, how you dealt with it, etc.

On my part, I ended a 3-year relationship a year ago tomorrow. There was some unpleasantness at Christmas and we had a "cooling period" . I tried to rectify things on Valentine's Day, and it was decided that it wasn't going to work. I got over it after about six months, and stopped thinking about her...but now, as Valentine's comes up, I don't find myself thinking about her as much as I do all the other relationships I've had that have failed or never had the chance of taking off due to me never making my feelings known.

How about you guys? Stories would be much appreciated and enjoyed.

[UDP]

The only talk I am going to get into about that today is:
today would be an awesome day for a young couple --- all the classes are canceled due to huge snowfall. All day in bed with an ESE ->

[rpbailey]

10 years that don't even seem like they really happened. I look at old picture albums and it feels like I'm seeing people in the pictures that I don't even know. Strangers living a life that I just had some bizarre dream about, and the images float in and out like they do when you're first waking up. I'm on the threshold of entering a whole new set of circumstances and I don't know what's ahead of me. I'm terrified, excessively lonely, my emotions are acting nuts on me and I haven't been able to get them under control yet, and if I don't find some way to stop it, I feel myself slipping into depression.

Funny you should mention pictures. I have an extremely good memory, but for some reason, everything I remember about dealing with people seems 'fake' . Like I'm not really remembering my own life, but remembering something I saw on television. As such, I've developed a picture collection of people who were in my life but no longer were, a creepy memorial to memories to cement that they are real.

If you do not mind my asking, what is the new set of circumstances that you will soon be finding yourself under?

[Expat]

rpbailey, you are an IJ, right?

[rpbailey]

(...) that'll soon be behind you, and only the unknown future ahead. I don't know why that scares me, but it does.

I wish I had something really deep and profound to offer, but I don't. For what it's worth, though, not knowing what's to come is part of the adventure of life, part of what makes it so exciting. I can't promise that things will turn out OK, but as long as one keeps their wits about them, I can promise that you'll have some amazing scenery as you go on your way through life.

Hopefully someone who isn't emotionally dead will chime in here with an amazing, awesome motivational speech here, one that will put my sad rant above to shame.

[rpbailey]

rpbailey, you are an IJ, right?

Yes, INTJ. Now that you mention it, I'll set my signature to reflect as such.

[rpbailey]

lol, you did fine. Thanks. There are so many things I want to do in life, things to look forward to, and I don't want to be stuck never moving forward, but this is a pretty big deal. I'll get past it, but it might take a little time.

Well, the good thing about time is that there is so much of it, just waiting for us in the future.

But for today, I don't know about you, but I suspect my day will consist of eating junk food and hiding from all the 'happy' people in the world. And possibly prank calls.

[Blaze]

The only talk I am going to get into about that today is:
today would be an awesome day for a young couple --- all the classes are canceled due to huge snowfall. All day in bed with an ESE ->

lol yeah that sounds like a perfect day for an lii....:-)

[Expat]

rpbailey, you are an IJ, right?

Yes, INTJ. Now that you mention it, I'll set my signature to reflect as such.

What you and Diana wrote seems characteristic of IJ Statics:

10 years that don't even seem like they really happened. I look at old picture albums and it feels like I'm seeing people in the pictures that I don't even know. Strangers living a life that I just had some bizarre dream about, and the images float in and out like they do when you're first waking up. I'm on the threshold of entering a whole new set of circumstances and I don't know what's ahead of me. I'm terrified, excessively lonely, my emotions are acting nuts on me and I haven't been able to get them under control yet, and if I don't find some way to stop it, I feel myself slipping into depression.

Funny you should mention pictures. I have an extremely good memory, but for some reason, everything I remember about dealing with people seems 'fake' . Like I'm not really remembering my own life, but remembering something I saw on television. As such, I've developed a picture collection of people who were in my life but no longer were, a creepy memorial to memories to cement that they are real.

[cracka]

So, let's talk about old relationships. How they ended, how you dealt with it, etc.

On my part, I ended a 3-year relationship a year ago tomorrow. There was some unpleasantness at Christmas and we had a "cooling period" . I tried to rectify things on Valentine's Day, and it was decided that it wasn't going to work. I got over it after about six months, and stopped thinking about her...but now, as Valentine's comes up, I don't find myself thinking about her as much as I do all the other relationships I've had that have failed or never had the chance of taking off due to me never making my feelings known.

How about you guys? Stories would be much appreciated and enjoyed.

I don't think I'm alpha but i feel like typing anyways, this may even be my first post in this section...I think I've written this story before though...lol
I ended a relationship of about two and a half years, about 3 years and two weeks ago. it was the last week of January when we broke up. Things had been going bad and my insecurity was getting the best of our relationship. Things got really bad around the holidays and she started treating me like a room mate instead of the person she was supposedly in love with. We had talked about not being together and she said she had a place she could go to and just put her stuff in storage etc... So, one saturday morning I woke up and tapped her shoulder and told her that she was moving out today and she needed to get up and start packing. If I had tried to sugar coat it I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to break up with her. In all actuallity, she had my heart in a box and could do what she wanted with it any time she wanted to, and before this...I usually let her.
So, I helped her move out, made sure she was ok and had a place to stay etc. I was Very good to her in a caring, father to his daughter, sort of way. I wasn't the type to kick her out and not care. Of course, the main reason I broke it up was because we were always arguing and fighting, we didn't like doing the same things, and we had two different social circles that just never worked out. She had the snobby bitches who told her every other day that she deserved better. They'd even try to hook her up with guys when they went out...lol (I'm sure this was my main reason for being as insecure as I was towards the end)

Skip forward a month and I find out she's with this other guy I knew and let her hang out with all the time. I only found this out when I actually asked her to get back with me and that I missed her yada yada yada...typical fool in love shit. She said she couldn't because she was with someone else.
So, the next week I found out about a job opening up here in Oregon. I ended up sending my resume in because I figured if I wasn't around her, then the drama would go away. I told her when I was offered the job that I was moving away and she hated it because she really did want to get back with me, just not at that time. Personally, I wasn't really willing to wait, at least that's what I told myself. We ended up hooking up about once or twice a week, while she was with this guy I hated, until the day I left Arizona for Oregon. I didn't like her being with this other guy cuz he was a POS but that wasn't a choice for me to make. I still called her etc for a long time after moving to OR, the funny part was that when they broke up I pretty much quit calling her. Now she's with another dude that I actually like and we were good friends when I was in AZ... I can see them getting married and having kids some day and I couldn't be happier for her.
As for myself, I haven't been in a relationship since. I think I now have a problem committing myself to a relationship like I did then. I do think I'm over her but it's taken me 3 years to get that way. I have went on dates here and there but I tend to not throw myself out there for people like I used to. I guess that's my way of dealing with it. I guess, in a way, I've just cut my emotions out of the picture and just take women as people to hang out with and sleep with every once in a while...lol it's bad I know.

[rpbailey]

(...)I guess, in a way, I've just cut my emotions out of the picture and just take women as people to hang out with and sleep with every once in a while...lol it's bad I know.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I appreciate that you took the time to write out your lengthy tale for our benefit.

As far as the emotions go, for my part I see no problem with maintaining an emotional distance from people. In my experience, some people may be initially put-off by it, but they come to appreciate that they can count on my consistency, that I usually do not suffer from 'whims' or any such things.

[Jimbean]

yeah, these things are something else arn't they?

Well, lately I have been thinking about getting in contact with an old ex-girlfriend of mine back in high school, just to see how she is doing. I have been debating with myself how and if I should go about this situation. This is somebody I have known from my junior year in high school to my sophmore year in college.

I don't know why I am saying this, I suppose I am just trying to relate, that's all

[rpbailey]

yeah, these things are something else arn't they?

Well, lately I have been thinking about getting in contact with an old ex-girlfriend of mine back in high school, just to see how she is doing. I have been debating with myself how and if I should go about this situation. This is somebody I have known from my junior year in high school to my sophmore year in college.

I don't know why I am saying this, I suppose I am just trying to relate, that's all

Heh, great minds think alike. Earlier today, I actually called up the mother of my high school girlfriend and convinced her to give me the ex's phone number. I hit her answering machine and left a creepy message along the lines of: "Hey, it's Rob. Sorry we haven't spoken for so long. Uhhhh...Happy Valentine's Day. Yeah, that's all. Bye."

You should definitely do it. Even if things don't pan out exactly how you plan, you'll regret it if you don't.

[Jimbean]

It's weird if you ask me, sometimes I wonder if the feelings that I have are even normal. I actually still remember meeting her for the first time, right down to the day of the week and the time of the day, as well as about every think else, yet I have terrible memory . I was 17, and she was 15, we seemed to be completely different people, but we got along well (ENTp and ENFj). We dated for about a month, and then broke up, but would remain friends for the next three and a half years until the end of the fall semester at community college; I remember that day well too. Sometimes I think about it, sometimes I remember listening to her talk about things, whatever was going on. I actually still think about her from time to time, and in times like this, I remember things crystal clear.

[rpbailey]

It's weird if you ask me, sometimes I wonder if the feelings that I have are even normal.

Well, as far as feelings are concerned, I'm the absolute last person you should take advice from. But, I know that you will have a nagging voice of "What could have happened" if you don't. Recently, due to the miracle of MySpace, I recently found out that a different ex-girlfriend ended up getting married and now has a child, all in the relatively short span of five years. It'd be weird if I were to contact her now and make peace, but anywho, you see what I'm saying. One shouldn't have to worry about 'what might have been' .

[misutii]

Funny you should mention pictures. I have an extremely good memory, but for some reason, everything I remember about dealing with people seems 'fake' . Like I'm not really remembering my own life, but remembering something I saw on television. As such, I've developed a picture collection of people who were in my life but no longer were, a creepy memorial to memories to cement that they are real.

i'm the exact opposite, pictures make me insecure, i have literally no pictures of myself or people i care about, but when I think of them i can dynamically imagine them in my mind, see their faces as if they're beside me right now

[FDG]

It's weird if you ask me, sometimes I wonder if the feelings that I have are even normal. I actually still remember meeting her for the first time, right down to the day of the week and the time of the day, as well as about every think else, yet I have terrible memory . I was 17, and she was 15, we seemed to be completely different people, but we got along well (ENTp and ENFj). We dated for about a month, and then broke up, but would remain friends for the next three and a half years until the end of the fall semester at community college; I remember that day well too. Sometimes I think about it, sometimes I remember listening to her talk about things, whatever was going on. I actually still think about her from time to time, and in times like this, I remember things crystal clear.

so you want to completely smash her vagina?

[Blaze]

It's weird if you ask me, sometimes I wonder if the feelings that I have are even normal. I actually still remember meeting her for the first time, right down to the day of the week and the time of the day, as well as about every think else, yet I have terrible memory . I was 17, and she was 15, we seemed to be completely different people, but we got along well (ENTp and ENFj). We dated for about a month, and then broke up, but would remain friends for the next three and a half years until the end of the fall semester at community college; I remember that day well too. Sometimes I think about it, sometimes I remember listening to her talk about things, whatever was going on. I actually still think about her from time to time, and in times like this, I remember things crystal clear.

so you want to completely smash her vagina?

fdg you're such a ho lol.

jb, i went out with an enfj in high school, it was a pretty good relationship. i never should have broken up with him. we went out for 3 years.

[pezzonovante]

Cracka, I've gone through a very similar situation to yours and I know exactly how you felt. I tried to end it in the same way you did and ended up going through an extremely drawn out and hard break up...and I haven't really been the same since. It's been about 8 months and while I'm mostly over her, I find it hard to "throw myself out there for people like I used to" to use your words. I've just kept myself incredibly busy with school and other responsibilities, and for the first time in my life have been completely focused on my future and nothing else. So as hard as it's been I realize that everything that happened was for a reason and will lead to good things.

I hadn't really thought about her too much for the last couple months and I've been straight but interestingly enough I had a very real dream about her last night that made me wake up with very mixed emotions. Had a lousy ass day...but I know tomorrow will be better.

Thanks for sharing your story bro.