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Thread: How can you tell if ISTp likes you? How do ISTps express interest?

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    Default How can you tell if ISTp likes you? How do ISTps express interest?

    Wondering. How do you tell if an ISTp likes you.
    How do ISTps express this.

    I'm really bad at reading them. Well, bad at telling what my boyfriend is feeling sometimes anyway. Because of his expressionless face. And his cool demeanor, sometimes I'd think he's angry with me or he's losing interest in me or something.
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    cunnilingus epilepsy inducer
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    Tried asking?

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    Quote Originally Posted by electric
    Tried asking?


    ISTp's like my ISTj father probablly express things through actions not words.
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

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    It's already been said before, but I show it thru actions..by always being there for them, by listening to them, accepting them, small gifts to show I care, etc. Sometimes I don't think it's obvious enough for most. Unless they hear someone come right out and say 'i love you', they have no clue. Sometimes I think that phrase is thrown around entirely too much and I almost never ...well, actually only said it once to my previous boyfriend even after he had told me numerous times he loved me. I'm pretty sure than smashed his self esteem, ha ha. That phrase just makes me extremeeeely uncomfortable and if I say it once, I think that's enough; i wouldn't have said it to begin with if i didn't truly mean it. I think if it's said too often, it cheapens the meaning. Actions are far more important than words.

    One thing that I almost cannot and will not tolerate are people that need constant affirmation on how I feel about them. It's very unattractive...it reeks of insecurity.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    I think if it's said too often, it cheapens the meaning.
    weird.


    this has come right out of my mouth, nearly verbatim. you make me think i am ISTp quite often!
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    I do agree, actions are more important than words.

    Quote Originally Posted by Diana
    Do you have an example of this?
    My ISTj father is terrible with words he often says mean and hurtfull things but he cooks dinner, he works on the house, he invests and makes money, he buys us lollies and food - he provides for us.

    My ESFp ex and i used to say caring stuff too much. It got boring for both of us. Im sure its something to do with us both being F types. Your right, it did cheapen the meaning, and diana is probablly right maybe we were trying to convince ourselves of our feelings.. I think we were also both insecure in the relationship so there you go.

    I do think words do have their place though, saying something from the heart can have a tremendous impact on someone. Trust me im an ENFp :wink:
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    hmm...I know everyone says to look for actions to indicate an ISTps interest, but I just don't get it. A lot of guys do "nice things" for girls because they want to get laid. Has anyone seen that Chris Rock stand up comedy thing where he's talking about what guys are really thinking when they open doors for you?? lol. It can be hard to tell the intent behind the action.
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    Quote Originally Posted by electric
    Tried asking?
    Yes. His response?
    "stupid question"


    Hmm, @ all those who said to read those actions.
    Sometimes it's obvious, sometimes it's not.
    Like sometimes, when I'm talking to him, I don't get a response. But I think it's not that he's ignoring me. He was just to absorbed in what he's doing. Usually I just wait.
    However there were many times where he was really sweet.

    And I'm the one usually initiating when we should meet. He doesn't call me. Hmm. More like he rarely does. I'm the one calling him. And I was just wondering if that meant anything.

    Quote Originally Posted by Diana
    Mea, with your ISTp boyfriend, you say that he didn't date for 7 years before you. That alone speaks volumes.
    Yea, I guess. :wink:

    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    I do think words do have their place though, saying something from the heart can have a tremendous impact on someone. Trust me im an ENFp
    Totally!
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    I fully agree with Jessica, implied, and Diana.

    It's not an ISTp thing, it's a Fi>Fe thing.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels
    hmm...I know everyone says to look for actions to indicate an ISTps interest, but I just don't get it. A lot of guys do "nice things" for girls because they want to get laid. Has anyone seen that Chris Rock stand up comedy thing where he's talking about what guys are really thinking when they open doors for you?? lol. It can be hard to tell the intent behind the action.
    The same goes for words, doesn't it?
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    And Mea, I was saying this from my own experience (as far as how I would be able to tell these guys apart)!! When I re-read my own post I realized it could sound like I was implying something about your situation...not what I meant.

    From what you've said, I'd guess your ISTp is into you and just doesn't like to say it out loud. If he does some actions that show it, or even just wants to hang w/ you, that's nice

    Quote Originally Posted by jewels
    hmm...I know everyone says to look for actions to indicate an ISTps interest, but I just don't get it. A lot of guys do "nice things" for girls because they want to get laid. Has anyone seen that Chris Rock stand up comedy thing where he's talking about what guys are really thinking when they open doors for you?? lol. It can be hard to tell the intent behind the action.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    Quote Originally Posted by jewels
    hmm...I know everyone says to look for actions to indicate an ISTps interest, but I just don't get it. A lot of guys do "nice things" for girls because they want to get laid. Has anyone seen that Chris Rock stand up comedy thing where he's talking about what guys are really thinking when they open doors for you?? lol. It can be hard to tell the intent behind the action.
    The same goes for words, doesn't it?
    And this is what makes it so confusing...actions? words? I don't know what is suppose to speak louder.

    I used to think you just give it time and see...BUT then, I have a good friend who had a serious boyfriend for close to a year and just found out he had a second girlfriend (in another city). He saw them both for close to a year, with neither of them knowing. So, following that, you never really have any way to tell who you can, and can't, trust. Right?

    on the positive side, after they found out about each other, and the girls became good friends and both dumped him!
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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels
    And this is what makes it so confusing...actions? words? I don't know what is suppose to speak louder.
    In principle, actions, but not something as trivial as opening the door. It's more about being there for the other, making real sacrifices in one's time, etc.

    Quote Originally Posted by jewels
    I used to think you just give it time and see...BUT then, I have a good friend who had a serious boyfriend for close to a year and just found out he had a second girlfriend (in another city). He saw them both for close to a year, with neither of them knowing. So, following that, you never really have any way to tell who you can, and can't, trust. Right?
    Unfortunately. honest people do have to watch out for dishonest ones, but it doesn't mean that everyone's dishonest.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    I fully agree with Jessica, implied, and Diana.

    It's not an ISTp thing, it's a Fi>Fe thing.
    O. Yea. That may be true. I have friends asking me why can't both of us be more "romantic" and they'll tell me that they have pet names for each other and how often they meet and say sweet things to each other. And we don't really celebrate special occasions. Nothing fancy, however it's just the way I like it.

    I'm just having problems reading his mind. LOL! I wish I could. It's so much simpler with other people. But not him. I need to understand ISTps more.

    Quote Originally Posted by jewels
    And Mea, I was saying this from my own experience (as far as how I would be able to tell these guys apart)!! When I re-read my own post I realized it could sound like I was implying something about your situation...not what I meant.
    I understand what you meant. > <

    From what you've said, I'd guess your ISTp is into you and just doesn't like to say it out loud. If he does some actions that show it, or even just wants to hang w/ you, that's nice
    Hmm. Yes. I guess. We don't meet very often anyway. So each meeting is extra special to me. I just like watching him from a distance sometimes, even if he's right next to me.
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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels
    A lot of guys do "nice things" for girls because they want to get laid.

    ....at which point he's showing his interest in you.


    ; 5w6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mea
    But not him. I need to understand ISTps more.
    Ahh Mea. What has Jewels compained about before this thread in her relationships? They bore the shit out of her. As ENFp's we can pick up some type of escence of practically every type.

    Except one..

    Hes doing his job perfectly. Its just this mysterious nature that makes you come back for more
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    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    Quote Originally Posted by Mea
    But not him. I need to understand ISTps more.
    Ahh Mea. What has Jewels compained about before this thread in her relationships? They bore the shit out of her. As ENFp's we can pick up some type of escence of practically every type.

    Except one..

    Hes doing his job perfectly. Its just this mysterious nature that makes you come back for more
    Very true! I can't disagree with that.
    It kinda drives me crazy. lol. And it's ironic that being around him makes me comfortable, in a way.
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    Yes, I will second that!! haha. Yeah meatburger, I'm sure you remember the many threads about the guys who liked to organize their sock drawers and talk about plants! It is true, ISTp is the one type I can't figure out. Is there any type that has ISTp all figured out? Or are they mysterious to everyone?

    Anyway, Mea I'm happy you've found one to confuse you in a good way! even though it can be frustrating to not know what's up, I guess that's the whole point :wink:

    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    Quote Originally Posted by Mea
    But not him. I need to understand ISTps more.
    Ahh Mea. What has Jewels compained about before this thread in her relationships? They bore the shit out of her. As ENFp's we can pick up some type of escence of practically every type.

    Except one..

    Hes doing his job perfectly. Its just this mysterious nature that makes you come back for more
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    It's already been said before, but I show it thru actions..by always being there for them, by listening to them, accepting them, small gifts to show I care, etc. Sometimes I don't think it's obvious enough for most. Unless they hear someone come right out and say 'i love you', they have no clue. Sometimes I think that phrase is thrown around entirely too much and I almost never ...well, actually only said it once to my previous boyfriend even after he had told me numerous times he loved me. I'm pretty sure than smashed his self esteem, ha ha. That phrase just makes me extremeeeely uncomfortable and if I say it once, I think that's enough; i wouldn't have said it to begin with if i didn't truly mean it. I think if it's said too often, it cheapens the meaning. Actions are far more important than words.

    One thing that I almost cannot and will not tolerate are people that need constant affirmation on how I feel about them. It's very unattractive...it reeks of insecurity.
    95% of the above applies to an INTp, my girlfriend is one. So I belive it's safe to asume both are close enough.

    I used to tell her all the time that I loved her and such, until she started to think that the phrase lost a meaning. She even asked me to stop it altogheter. However, after a few weeks of absolute silence, she was the one who started to ask me for it! You have to accept it: we all like to hear it.

    Also, yes, it is a matter of getting confident with your partner. It takes quite a while to get close to a person who doesn't show her emotions easily. At times you wonder if your partner really loves you, because she doesn't seem to just open up. However, after a while you'll realize that it is often the introverted partner who loves more intesely; they simply don't belive that other people needs so much reassurance.

    This is basically a conflict between introversion/extroversion natures, I think. Isn't the whole point of being introverted that you don't rely so much on the external enviroment? However, extroverts do need external signals.

    So... we just come back to the same old suggestion about typology: knowing your weaknesses is not an excuse for them. If you are aware that your partner needs reassurance, you'll have to give it; regardless if you like it or not.

    You can always remain single, if you don't care to fulfill other's expectations.
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    he likes you if:
    -spends time with you doing shit you like, whether he likes it or not
    -invites you to spend time with him and his close friends the couple of them that he does have
    -tells you shit he wont tell other people (fears,hopes,dreams)...things he wouldnt tell the general population,even some friends
    -ask for ur advice (whether he takes it or not, just the fact he asked for ur opinnion on an issue or whatnot, its showing in a way he does give a shit)

    ISTPs are very good at emotionally manipulating people, especially ENFPs for some reason, so when we get it in return, generally if we care we'll respond with anger (meaning we give a shit enought about it to let it bother us) or with indifference (meaning we could care less for that bullshit cuz we sniff it out like its our own). So...do something out of the ordinary, im not saying go bone the dood down the street, but do something unexpected that would have take him aback a little bit and make him think. I hope by his response alone youll be able to figure it out...generally I just expect people to know how I feel about them, most of the time I think I come off exactly as I intend to. Well, at least if i dont like someone they DEF. know it...but if i do like them, if u dont think i hate you then you're good to go ahaha
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    If you can't handle lots of built up anger, I don't suggest purpously doing something to get them mad just to see if they care. I dunno about you, but the last time my ex did this to me, I went off like a mad woman and never heard from him again. lol.

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    but i bet you got angry because u gave a shit
    Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.

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    Very much so, but I don't think a lot of people understand that in order to get that angry and irrational, really means you care almost too much. They obviously see it the other way. I'm just saying you might ruin it like i did.

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    As long as the agressor is aware that they are purposly trying to anger the ISTP then they should expect the wrath of which hell hath no fury like...they'll be fine, I bet after you had enough time to think about it and rationalize things, it was all dandy after about a day or two. Just as long as she knows what she's doing ahahah....see we are great manipulators

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    Quote Originally Posted by ISTP
    ISTPs are very good at emotionally manipulating people, especially ENFPs for some reason, so when we get it in return, generally if we care we'll respond with anger (meaning we give a shit enought about it to let it bother us) or with indifference (meaning we could care less for that bullshit cuz we sniff it out like its our own). So...do something out of the ordinary, im not saying go bone the dood down the street, but do something unexpected that would have take him aback a little bit and make him think. I hope by his response alone youll be able to figure it out...generally I just expect people to know how I feel about them, most of the time I think I come off exactly as I intend to. Well, at least if i dont like someone they DEF. know it...but if i do like them, if u dont think i hate you then you're good to go ahaha
    Well, I can't speak for other ENFp, but that's not true for me. When an ISTp gets something from me, it is simply because I'm generous by nature: with my time, my resources. But I do notice when people is trying to manipulate me. Perhaps because of your lack of understanding of others you seem to belive that you get away with it without being noticed.

    For example, I have a friend in the university that lives close to me. Just a few hours ago he said "I had friends who gave me a ride to home, but they all are gone now... it's dangerous to take the bus to home so late...". He lives close to my house and I said "ah, don't worry, I can take you home if I'm around, just let me know".

    About playing tricks... come on. I also went through that with my girlfriend. It's like a mechanism of defence for people who is deeply insecure. Something like:

    "I'm afraid of not being loved. If he is not aware that I love him, then it must be that he does't pay enough attention. If he doesn't pay enough attention is a proof that he doesn't really love me. It is just a matter of time before he dumps me, so I'll dump him first."

    "I love him, but I will not allow him to get close, because the closer he is, the more I love him and the more vulnerable I am. Nobody can really be trusted, so I'll keep everyone at distance, so nobody can hurt me."

    I don't know your love life, but I bet that you have not had a truly intimate relationship with anybody. One day my girlfriend caught me in a lie and her insecure mind started to build a world-domination-plot on how fake I was and such. (She thought that, if I was capable of lying to her on small things, I could as well lie about having other girls and such) She started to play all kinds of tricks, we fought for a while, we separated, stoppped talking to each other for nearly two months.

    I apologized and explained to her that I don't think that lies are inherently wrong; it all depends on what do you intend by doing them and I lied because I wanted her to feel good about something. She however, refused to forgive me, so after a few harsh conversations I simply stopped talking to her. A week, two, one month, nearly two... and she decided to come back to me and said "I miss you... I know who are you really". Huh... I've always been what I am, she just decided to build a problem out of her insecurities! She admited that it all was driven by her deep fear of losing me.

    But I'm the kind of person who gets close to you, and is there the next day, and the next, and the next and so on as long as you wish to have contact with me. I understand that people makes mistakes and forgive.

    So yeah, go on and play cheap tricks. Keep treating everyone like a foreigner.
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    But I'm the kind of person who gets close to you, and is there the next day, and the next, and the next and so on as long as you wish to have contact with me. I understand that people makes mistakes and forgive.
    True, but you forget ENFp s can be your best friend one day then the next week they are gone like they forgot about you. They get bored of people too easily. Thats why I think many ENFp s unless they end up with children, wont settle until an older age when it dawns upon them the clock is ticking and reality is forced to merge with idealism.

    So yeah, go on and play cheap tricks. Keep treating everyone like a foreigner.
    I can sometimes treat people I know as if I dont know them in public. Depends how well I know them, my mood etc. If they are an aquintance I may nod my head or may say nothing. Cheap tricks? We sometimes try to manipulate emotions but I think the ENFp does see through it. There are other weird tactics ISTps employ but its mostly strategic methods, that one is hard to explain... Dont get the wrong idea though!

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    Quote Originally Posted by IcEPiCk
    But I'm the kind of person who gets close to you, and is there the next day, and the next, and the next and so on as long as you wish to have contact with me. I understand that people makes mistakes and forgive.
    True, but you forget ENFp s can be your best friend one day then the next week they are gone like they forgot about you. They get bored of people too easily. Thats why I think many ENFp s unless they end up with children, wont settle until an older age when it dawns upon them the clock is ticking and reality is forced to merge with idealism.
    Yea. True maybe. But I don't think ENFps ever get bored of ISTps. They're too hmm.. interesting? Don't know if it's the best word though. And there are some friends that ENFps keep forever.

    I'm horrible at spotting ISTps. But the ones I know so far, very interesting..
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    Quote Originally Posted by ISTP
    he likes you if:
    -spends time with you doing shit you like, whether he likes it or not
    -invites you to spend time with him and his close friends the couple of them that he does have
    -tells you shit he wont tell other people (fears,hopes,dreams)...things he wouldnt tell the general population,even some friends
    -ask for ur advice (whether he takes it or not, just the fact he asked for ur opinnion on an issue or whatnot, its showing in a way he does give a shit)
    If this were true, he prolly doesn't like me very much.

    Quote Originally Posted by ISTP
    -spends time with you doing shit you like, whether he likes it or not
    -I spend time doing stuff he likes. Whether I like it or not.

    Quote Originally Posted by ISTP
    -invites you to spend time with him and his close friends the couple of them that he does have
    -He does invite me to spend time with him and his close friends though.

    Quote Originally Posted by ISTP
    -tells you shit he wont tell other people (fears,hopes,dreams)...things he wouldnt tell the general population,even some friends
    -He rarely tells me stuff. Sometimes he does. But if it's somethings bad, it'll -take him a longer time. He says he doesn't want me to worry. Dunno.

    Quote Originally Posted by ISTP
    -ask for ur advice (whether he takes it or not, just the fact he asked for ur opinnion on an issue or whatnot, its showing in a way he does give a shit)
    Err.. Yea. Sometimes. And I think he thinks my answers are silly... sometimes.
    INTp
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  29. #29
    Éminence grise mikemex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IcEPiCk
    True, but you forget ENFp s can be your best friend one day then the next week they are gone like they forgot about you. They get bored of people too easily. Thats why I think many ENFp s unless they end up with children, wont settle until an older age when it dawns upon them the clock is ticking and reality is forced to merge with idealism.
    ENFp almost never forget about people; it's just that they at times know so many that find it difficult to pay attention to all. And yes, driven by novelty tend to pay more attention to newer people.

    But it's not only the ENFp; other people is to blame as well. ENFp are easy to get close to and easy to keep in touch with... if you know how.

    ENFp give a wrong impression to people most of the time. They outwardly resemble their ESFp cousins in their constant search for fun, giving a false impresion of being frivolous. However, internally ENFp are much more "deep" and serious.

    ENFp, conciously or unconciously, are always looking for a sense of identity, of belongship. They make things with the aim of doing something outstanding, something that differentiates them from other people, something which is so unique that gives them a meaning to their own existence. This is the reason why they run around helping people, trying to make a diference in anything they do. They want to mean something to others.

    This is the real reason why they simply go away: most people ignores their need for aknowledgment. They want to know that others care about them.

    For an ENFp, there is no better compliment than to search for him/her. They think that the people who doesn't look after them doesn't really care; and they are quite right to some extent.

    In the ENFp's view, they see themselves as doing the first step to entablish the so desired intimacy with others. So they expect that if they did the first step, you continue from there. Other people has it easy, actually, because ENFp rarely push people away.

    So now you know why the ENFp simply "forgot" about you. You didn't care to search from him, which is the way the ENFp notices those who care. Give the ENFp a feeling of belongship, and you'll see that ENFp are not so random as they seem.
    [] | NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)

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  30. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex
    Quote Originally Posted by IcEPiCk
    True, but you forget ENFp s can be your best friend one day then the next week they are gone like they forgot about you. They get bored of people too easily. Thats why I think many ENFp s unless they end up with children, wont settle until an older age when it dawns upon them the clock is ticking and reality is forced to merge with idealism.
    ENFp almost never forget about people; it's just that they at times know so many that find it difficult to pay attention to all. And yes, driven by novelty tend to pay more attention to newer people.

    But it's not only the ENFp; other people is to blame as well. ENFp are easy to get close to and easy to keep in touch with... if you know how.

    ENFp give a wrong impression to people most of the time. They outwardly resemble their ESFp cousins in their constant search for fun, giving a false impresion of being frivolous. However, internally ENFp are much more "deep" and serious.

    ENFp, conciously or unconciously, are always looking for a sense of identity, of belongship. They make things with the aim of doing something outstanding, something that differentiates them from other people, something which is so unique that gives them a meaning to their own existence. This is the reason why they run around helping people, trying to make a diference in anything they do. They want to mean something to others.

    This is the real reason why they simply go away: most people ignores their need for aknowledgment. They want to know that others care about them.

    For an ENFp, there is no better compliment than to search for him/her. They think that the people who doesn't look after them doesn't really care; and they are quite right to some extent.

    In the ENFp's view, they see themselves as doing the first step to entablish the so desired intimacy with others. So they expect that if they did the first step, you continue from there. Other people has it easy, actually, because ENFp rarely push people away.

    So now you know why the ENFp simply "forgot" about you. You didn't care to search from him, which is the way the ENFp notices those who care. Give the ENFp a feeling of belongship, and you'll see that ENFp are not so random as they seem.
    The man speaks the truth! I can relate to a lot of what you said here. Maybe you should create an "Understanding IEEs" thread.
    "Nothing happens until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change."

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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex
    Quote Originally Posted by IcEPiCk
    True, but you forget ENFp s can be your best friend one day then the next week they are gone like they forgot about you. They get bored of people too easily. Thats why I think many ENFp s unless they end up with children, wont settle until an older age when it dawns upon them the clock is ticking and reality is forced to merge with idealism.
    ENFp almost never forget about people; it's just that they at times know so many that find it difficult to pay attention to all. And yes, driven by novelty tend to pay more attention to newer people.

    But it's not only the ENFp; other people is to blame as well. ENFp are easy to get close to and easy to keep in touch with... if you know how.

    ENFp give a wrong impression to people most of the time. They outwardly resemble their ESFp cousins in their constant search for fun, giving a false impresion of being frivolous. However, internally ENFp are much more "deep" and serious.

    ENFp, conciously or unconciously, are always looking for a sense of identity, of belongship. They make things with the aim of doing something outstanding, something that differentiates them from other people, something which is so unique that gives them a meaning to their own existence. This is the reason why they run around helping people, trying to make a diference in anything they do. They want to mean something to others.

    This is the real reason why they simply go away: most people ignores their need for aknowledgment. They want to know that others care about them.

    For an ENFp, there is no better compliment than to search for him/her. They think that the people who doesn't look after them doesn't really care; and they are quite right to some extent.

    In the ENFp's view, they see themselves as doing the first step to entablish the so desired intimacy with others. So they expect that if they did the first step, you continue from there. Other people has it easy, actually, because ENFp rarely push people away.

    So now you know why the ENFp simply "forgot" about you. You didn't care to search from him, which is the way the ENFp notices those who care. Give the ENFp a feeling of belongship, and you'll see that ENFp are not so random as they seem.
    couldn't have said it any better myself. lol.
    INTp
    sx/sp

  32. #32
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    Yeah well done Mike i totally agree. I dont forget about people, infact i feel sad that i cant keep in contact with them all. Im constantly in a battle of pulling people closer and pushing them away when i need my alone time.

    A good example of this is some friends on msn. I realy like them but this week i have been doing a bartending course and i have been so focused on it i didn't want to talk on msn to anyone for some reason. You know who you are :wink:
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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    well, actually, i'm getting pretty tired. guessing what he feels. i know he likes me. that's y he's still with me. but he's not showing it. And everything that's keeping this relationship going is because i'm letting it. And i'm pretty tired. I love him lots. But it's draining my energy. I don't know how much more I can take really.

    I don't know if I should let go or continue. I don't know anymore. My friends are telling me to move on, but I really don't know cuz I really like him loads. I really don't know if I have the patience to pull this thru.....
    INTp
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    Quote Originally Posted by Diana
    Quote Originally Posted by Mea
    well, actually, i'm getting pretty tired. guessing what he feels. i know he likes me. that's y he's still with me. but he's not showing it. And everything that's keeping this relationship going is because i'm letting it. And i'm pretty tired. I love him lots. But it's draining my energy. I don't know how much more I can take really.

    I don't know if I should let go or continue. I don't know anymore. My friends are telling me to move on, but I really don't know cuz I really like him loads. I really don't know if I have the patience to pull this thru.....
    *hugs* Mea. I completely understand. That would be frustrating for me too, it'd be like you're having to carry the whole relationship yourself. Can you let him know that you'd like more from his end? Some effort?
    Thanks Diana (=
    I dunno how to ask anything from him cuz I don't wanna force anything from him and I think it's actually my fault. > < I think I could try speaking to him. But I really prefer not to upset him really. > <
    INTp
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  35. #35
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    This reminds me of one of my relationships. My guess is, he's completely oblivious to how "detached" he is and how much stress it's putting on you. My last relationship, I was perfectly content and thought everything was going fine until one day the "you're a cold, unemotional bitch. Leave me alone." speech came along. lol. My ex went on to tell me how much a stress it was for him to constantly have to be the one to keep things going. I was completely shocked to say the least. Frankly, if you let this keep festering and don't come out and say it to him directly, I don't see how you can get upset with him...so many times my ex would keep important issues from me for so long until it built into a huge problem that couldn't be fixed. He was so afraid of conflict. I'd much rather have a fight with someone than sit quietly and pretend things are fine. I ended up hating that part about him. Don't hold things back just because you're afraid of the reaction. For me, unless you come out and say what's wrong, I wont know. If you nip this in the butt soon and just say exactly what you want and put the cards on the table, maybe there's chance he'll change.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    If you nip this in the butt soon and just say exactly what you want and put the cards on the table, maybe there's chance he'll change.
    I always thought it was "nip it in the bud". I never heard "nip it in the butt"
    Anyway, I think someones ability to handle confrontation has alot to do with their emotional maturity and character. Imature people lose their heads and say things that are hurtful and off topic or they give up and run away (and yeah, Ive been there). Mature people deal with the problem and are willing to try to see the other persons point of view and work for solutions. Well thats my take on it anyway.

    Topaz
    The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

  37. #37

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    I accompanied my boyfriend since last night till 8am this morning. And I asked him if he wanted me to go over to his place.
    And he said "it's up to you" period.
    Well, he was awake since 6pm the day before. I was considering whether to go over or not, but fell asleep. I woke up at 1pm and realized he called me 4 times at 9am and sent an sms asking if I was going over.
    So much for "up to you". Unfortunately, I woke up too late.
    Funny ISTps. He could've just said OK!

    @Jessica: You ex is INFp? My INFp friend thinks my boyfriend is too cold and unemotional too. They met for the first time yesterday and my INFp friend was really hostile toward him. Err.. It wasn't obvious to my bf. He was just standing at a corner trying to act invisible. > < But it was pretty obvious to me.
    And I do feel a slight change in him since I stopped working and I'm spending more time with him. He's opening up more.
    INTp
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  38. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mea
    I accompanied my boyfriend since last night till 8am this morning. And I asked him if he wanted me to go over to his place.
    And he said "it's up to you" period.
    Well, he was awake since 6pm the day before. I was considering whether to go over or not, but fell asleep. I woke up at 1pm and realized he called me 4 times at 9am and sent an sms asking if I was going over.
    So much for "up to you". Unfortunately, I woke up too late.
    Funny ISTps. He could've just said OK!
    Oh yeah I've been married for, what, 9 years now I think, and my husband will still say "whatever you want" sometimes when he really wants me to do something in particular. And then he'll see I didn't do what he wanted and he'll look disappointed, and I'll say, "you said whatever I want" and he'll say, "yeah but I was hoping . . ." and I'll say, "I have a cell phone! CALL ME if you want something! I can't read your mind!" I think that is actually what he wants though - for me to be able to read his mind. It's a puzzle.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
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    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom
    Quote Originally Posted by Mea
    I accompanied my boyfriend since last night till 8am this morning. And I asked him if he wanted me to go over to his place.
    And he said "it's up to you" period.
    Well, he was awake since 6pm the day before. I was considering whether to go over or not, but fell asleep. I woke up at 1pm and realized he called me 4 times at 9am and sent an sms asking if I was going over.
    So much for "up to you". Unfortunately, I woke up too late.
    Funny ISTps. He could've just said OK!
    Oh yeah I've been married for, what, 9 years now I think, and my husband will still say "whatever you want" sometimes when he really wants me to do something in particular. And then he'll see I didn't do what he wanted and he'll look disappointed, and I'll say, "you said whatever I want" and he'll say, "yeah but I was hoping . . ." and I'll say, "I have a cell phone! CALL ME if you want something! I can't read your mind!" I think that is actually what he wants though - for me to be able to read his mind. It's a puzzle.
    Indeed. Hmm. Guess I'm not alone.
    He says that all the time too. "it's up to you", "whatever you want", and gets disappointed when I didn't do what he wanted. And he doesn't really show it. So I really have no idea what he's thinking. Usually, I'll just go "but I thought you said "it's up to you" and he'll just say "never mind".
    I'm usually the one calling him, asking him if he wants to meet up. He rarely calls me anyway. And all he ever says is those few lines. Most of the time, I'll just meet him anyway. He seems glad, but NEVER shows it.
    Strangely, we don't quarrel.
    INTp
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    LOL! And he did it again.
    "Why didn't you come over? I thought you said you were coming over?"
    Didn't wanna disturb him cuz he was busy sleeping.

    Edit: And so I told him I'll be meeting him Monday. And surprise surprise! He said OK.

    O. And I realized one thing about him. When he's around people he's not too familiar with, he likes to stand at a corner where there's nobody, and try to act invisible. When someone looks at him, he looks away immediately. But not that he's scared, I dunno. That calm, aloof look is one thing that remains constant.
    Are ISTps generally like that?
    INTp
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