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Thread: Meeting dual in a relationship

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    Default Meeting dual in a relationship

    edit fo sho
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Blaze's Avatar
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    say, "won't your boyfriend mind if he knows we're getting together?" and see what she says.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Default Re: Oh Uhm, Dual with Boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    She even asked me once to go by her place to study buuttt, i didn't even think she could've had something else in mind. Actually, I declined saying I ahd to go biking, so maybe she thought I was gay.
    It seriously took me about a minute to realize that she didn't invite you to study butt...
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    he died with a felafel
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    Default Re: Oh Uhm, Dual with Boyfriend

    [quote="Kim"]

    It seriously took me about a minute to realize that she didn't invite you to study butt... [/quote]



    Other than that, dual or not, that's rather risky. How much do you care for sth/anything to happen? Take it from there. OTOH, it seems to be more up to her than you at this point (given the b/f and all) - but who knows...maybe she's bored and needs a change

    yes, test her - but subtly...(if possible )

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    he died with a felafel
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    come to think of it, maybe you might also consider in being straighforward (rather than subtle)with her...ask her what nr.2 poster suggested...i mean, you're not the one in a relationship...

    or are you?

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blaze8
    say, "won't your boyfriend mind if he knows we're getting together?" and see what she says.
    DING DING DING

    Blaze gets the daily million dollar prize for seduction.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    just kill her. and then nuke sierra leone.

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    Blaze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilligan
    Quote Originally Posted by Blaze8
    say, "won't your boyfriend mind if he knows we're getting together?" and see what she says.
    DING DING DING

    Blaze gets the daily million dollar prize for seduction.
    hey! is that sarcastic by any chance? :wink:

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    escaping anndelise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blaze8
    Quote Originally Posted by Gilligan
    Quote Originally Posted by Blaze8
    say, "won't your boyfriend mind if he knows we're getting together?" and see what she says.
    DING DING DING

    Blaze gets the daily million dollar prize for seduction.
    hey! is that sarcastic by any chance? :wink:
    i wouldn't think so
    see, if hooking up with FDG hadn't been on her mind before, it will be
    a statement like that puts the thought into her head, leaving FDG the "innocent" one
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp

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    Default Re: Oh Uhm, Dual with Boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    But she has a loooong term older badass rich boyfriend or some shit like that;
    do it just to teach that motherfucker a lesson.

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    should I just leave it hanging (if we don't study toghether, we don't cross each other's roads often), or uhm, just keep hanging out casually, and see if something happens (with the risk of being unable to trust her after)?
    Who gives a shit. Just use her and dump her. She takes on that risk by her actions.

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    She even asked me once to go by her place to study buuttt, i didn't even think she could've had something else in mind. Actually, I declined saying I ahd to go biking, so maybe she thought I was gay.
    lol you sound intj

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh Uhm, Dual with Boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by science as magic
    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    But she has a loooong term older badass rich boyfriend or some shit like that;
    do it just to teach that motherfucker a lesson.

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    should I just leave it hanging (if we don't study toghether, we don't cross each other's roads often), or uhm, just keep hanging out casually, and see if something happens (with the risk of being unable to trust her after)?
    Who gives a shit. Just use her and dump her. She takes on that risk by her actions.

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    She even asked me once to go by her place to study buuttt, i didn't even think she could've had something else in mind. Actually, I declined saying I ahd to go biking, so maybe she thought I was gay.
    lol you sound intj
    lol i love your transformations

    besides, don't girls like guys they think as gay more?

    anyway i'll try to follow blaze's suggestion
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Default Re: Oh Uhm, Dual with Boyfriend

    Stop acting gay, FDG.

    Girls do not like poofy guys. They like guys that make them feel wanted; they like to be asked out, pursued, etc. Question is, is this all she wants? Is she using you for a little ego boost while not technically doing anything wrong?

    I say keep her on the line, but continue to develop your harem.

    qupte: "...and see if something happens (with the risk of being unable to trust her after)?"
    If something does happen, you will not have to worry about trusting her because chances are it will not last long anyways, even if it is your dual.
    LII
    that is what i was getting at. if there is an inescapable appropriation that is required in the act of understanding, this brings into question the validity of socionics in describing what is real, and hence stubborn contradictions that continue to plague me.

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    ego boost for what, sorry? i haven't given her a compliment/hit on her/tried to charm her. The acting poofy would have been true if I had made a move and then stopped, which I still haven't. Of course if I want the girl to know that I want her, your approach is what I'd use, and what I've always used (not that it has always worked); this time though the thing developed differently than the "hitting" script, that's why I am asking.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    ego boost for what, sorry? i haven't given her a compliment/hit on her/tried to charm her. The acting poofy would have been true if I had made a move and then stopped, which I still haven't. Of course if I want the girl to know that I want her, your approach is what I'd use, and what I've always used (not that it has always worked); this time though the thing developed differently than the "hitting" script, that's why I am asking.
    I was suggesting that she has a motivation for hanging out with you. That motivation being less than innocent given her behaviour. Perhaps assuming validation from the opposite sex/ego boost as her motivation is too much of an assumption. So many girls have low self esteem, I just assume it sometimes.

    If you want a method besides the "hitting" script, I will share some tidbits of my experience. Just pretend like you do not like her and do not want to have sex with her, which you have been doing, then make her laugh her panties off. Don't rush anything, but give her reasons to join you at the abode. For example, "I just got a new pottery wheel!", "Really! I love pottery! Maybe I can come over sometime!" Just give her reasons to invite herself over, and she will if you made her laugh enough.

    Socionics helps too, because there are certain things that each type relates to in the descriptions that can be used to build rapport. For instance, I was talking to this INTp girl and after a few minutes of asking about basics, like where are you from etc., I said "You seem like your the type of person that can tell what other people are going to do before they do it." Her eyes lit up and she really started talking etc. Done and done.

    I say just be extra smiley and laughy, and patient. And don't put all your eggs in one basket.

    I wish I could be of more help as I once knew an ESTp that really enjoyed chasing taken and married women, and he was good at it. I never asked him too much about it, but every once in a while he would tell me how he would work his way in. He really enjoyed the challenge of it, and was easily bored with un-attached women.
    LII
    that is what i was getting at. if there is an inescapable appropriation that is required in the act of understanding, this brings into question the validity of socionics in describing what is real, and hence stubborn contradictions that continue to plague me.

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    you haven't mentioned much yet about what you will do about

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    loooong term older badass rich boyfriend.
    i'm assuming that if he finds out he won't be happy.
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    Ah mmh k mariano, basically just keep what I've been doing so far. No risk of placing all my eggs in one basket: that is done only if I am in a relationship.

    I see your point now in regard to motivation. Could actually be, who knows? But I prefer not to be paranoid, after all, there doesn't seem to be much to lose in this case anyway.

    Anyways implied, those are problems to care about only when, if, and then they present themselves (imho)
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Rajoy's advice is excellent but imo you still have to keep one thing in mind: girls love independant guys. act normally, don't change the way you act with her, that's what she likes. maybe her boy's not delivering the goods no more. she wants to get swept away. and you're the man in the driver's seat. it's a bitch move where i come from but hey! what women want... my suggestion: invite her at your place to study. what you can't possibly do in public will find its way in private. and if she asks, invent something like noise at the library disturbs your studying or whatever. there's no need to think about what to do after you've sealed the deal. only the moment counts.

    and if you get beat up for it well that'll be one more great story to tell!
    IEI - the nasty kind...

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    girls love independant guys
    Sweeping statement.
    Guys also like independence. Everyone needs it to some extent.
    Some people are more clingy than others.
    Just thought I'd say that.
    I have nothing against you or your post.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mea
    I have nothing against you or your post.
    you better... :wink:
    IEI - the nasty kind...

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    le petit prince raisonpure's Avatar
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    But she has a loooong term older badass rich boyfriend or some shit like that
    I assume you didn't glean this crucial piece of information directly from her? If so, where did you get the information from? How reliable are your sources of information?

    She may have wronged someone in the past -- a jealous ex, for example -- who might be spreading rumours about her in order to spoil her chances of a future relationship. The information could even be outdated.

    How much do you know about her? You don't seem certain about what kind of person she is, so I'd suggest you to leave it hanging until you know enough to be able to trust her. You've been through enough to risk being used by someone who doesn't know the meaning of commitment In the meantime, you can send spies to observe how she treats others, and maybe even inquire after the history of her relationship(s), if it exists. Maintain contact through email, phone, IM, if you can get a hold of it.

    How many hours have you known each other for, by the way?
    “I think, therefore I'll think" - Ayn Rand (ESTp, UR GUARDIAN ANGEL)

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    Quote Originally Posted by raisonpure
    But she has a loooong term older badass rich boyfriend or some shit like that
    I assume you didn't glean this crucial piece of information directly from her?
    Yes, I did; of course, not directly - but she mentioned him in a conversation with another common friend; it wasn't anything I felt bad about, since I hadn't developed any attraction towards her at the time.

    If so, where did you get the information from? How reliable are your sources of information?
    I guess, that she herself has no motivation to spread such a voice.


    How much do you know about her? You don't seem certain about what kind of person she is, so I'd suggest you to leave it hanging until you know enough to be able to trust her.
    Ok, I agree with this, to an extent. It's true that I don't know much about her - but also take into account, that I haven't put anything into it actually, since I seem to have been acting somewhat aloof since now (in mantaining/initiating contact).

    You've been through enough to risk being used by someone who doesn't know the meaning of commitment In the meantime, you can send spies to observe how she treats others, and maybe even inquire after the history of her relationship(s), if it exists. Maintain contact through email, phone, IM, if you can get a hold of it.
    Spies! lol. Good suggestion anyway. I have a long-time friend (I suppose, either ISTj-Ti or ENTj-Te) that was in high-school with her; he didn't seem to have anything wrong to say in her regard. As far as IM goes - I supremely hate to IM people that I have gotten to know IRL first. I can't really understand why, but I do.

    How many hours have you known each other for, by the way?
    Well let's see. Hours alone us two without anybody else, I'd say around, 50-60?
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    le petit prince raisonpure's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Yes, I did; of course, not directly - but she mentioned him in a conversation with another common friend; it wasn't anything I felt bad about, since I hadn't developed any attraction towards her at the time. I guess, that she herself has no motivation to spread such a voice.
    On the contrary, it could have been a deliberate attempt to discourage potential suitors with ignoble intentions. Especially if she mentioned it amidst an audience, and in a louder voice than usual. I don't know her well enough to say this for sure, but it could be her way of filtering out the worthy from the unworthy -- those who are prepared to accept nothing more than her friendship, and those who are not. If your "common friend" is male, she may have even lied to him because she doesn't like him, but had reason to believe that he liked her

    Yes, females are capable of such bullshit. A few months ago, when my mother wanted to discourage my teacher from contacting her, she concocted a story for me and my friend to act out. The gist of the story was that my mother had been embarking on midnight trysts with a friend who happened to be "my mother's type; masculine and relatively well off". Since my friend dislikes my teacher immensely, she eagerly dropped a lie whenever he came within hearing distance. For example:

    "Is your mother dating someone? She's been wearing such extravagant outfits, and she reeks of perfume! Has she really been coming home in the mornings!?"
    "When is your mother's boyfriend going to take us out to dinner? I can't wait!!!"

    The act was so deliberate and farfetched that I wouldn't have believed it myself, but my teacher -- whose weaknesses as an ESTj became visible for everyone to see -- bought the lie completely, and was so distressed by it that he seemed helpless . He was so convinced that she was a traitorous fortune hunter, he almost destroyed his future prospects by cutting off all ties with my mother -- from tactlessly rejecting the students she had introduced him, to returning the money he had received from them (so that he wouldn't owe her anything). For a time, I was afraid that he would turn me away as well, but he said he wouldn't because he made a promise to my mother

    The most unbelievable thing about the whole incident was that it started because my mother, despite her age (we refer to her as "the old hag on menopause" ), was vain enough to assume that my teacher had "unpure intentions" towards her. What's even funnier is that her misunderstanding stemmed from how he phoned her too often, asked her too many intrusive questions (eg. "Do you DIY?"), and sent her an SMS that said "Sleep well, darling", which she deemed inappropriate for the relationship they had -- while I see it as a mere manifestation of his "caretaking tendencies" :wink:. Fortunately, they were able to resolve their misunderstandings with some interceding, but our acting was probably too convincing, since he seems to believe the lie to this very day...

    To raise another example, my friend once spent more than an hour persuading a group of boys around us into believing that my best friend = my boyfriend I still don't know why she decided to spread such a lie, but they've been less reluctant to approach me since then, so it's possible that her motive was to make me more approachable.

    So while it's important that you play it safe around a girl whose motives are questionable, it's also important that you don't throw away all your chances for a lie. Besides, a combination of "rich", "old", and "badass" sounds like the stuff of soap operas


    Ok, I agree with this, to an extent. It's true that I don't know much about her - but also take into account, that I haven't put anything into it actually, since I seem to have been acting somewhat aloof since now (in mantaining/initiating contact).
    Ehm, if you're really hopeless at evaluating people from afar, then you have all the more reason to employ a spy or two. Preferably female; someone who, from observation alone, can gather sufficient data on a person's character to see through their motives.

    Try to find out if:
    - She has been behaving similarly with other guys
    - She has behaved similarly in the past, and if so, what happened afterwards?
    “I think, therefore I'll think" - Ayn Rand (ESTp, UR GUARDIAN ANGEL)

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raisonpure
    On the contrary, it could have been a deliberate attempt to discourage potential suitors with ignoble intentions. Especially if she mentioned it amidst an audience, and in a louder voice than usual. I don't know her well enough to say this for sure, but it could be her way of filtering out the worthy from the unworthy -- those who are prepared to accept nothing more than her friendship, and those who are not. If your "common friend" is male, she may have even lied to him because she doesn't like him, but had reason to believe that he liked her
    Hey c'mon now the conspiracy theories!! I don't know really, the mention seemed to be casual. I don't think the common friend had any interest in her since he has a girlfriend too and generally doesn't seem to be particularly, how can I say it, flirty.

    Yes, females are capable of such bullshit. A few months ago, when my mother wanted to discourage my teacher from contacting her, she concocted a story for me and my friend to act out. The gist of the story was that my mother had been embarking on midnight trysts with a friend who happened to be "my mother's type; masculine and relatively well off". Since my friend dislikes my teacher immensely, she eagerly dropped a lie whenever he came within hearing distance. For example:

    "Is your mother dating someone? She's been wearing such extravagant outfits, and she reeks of perfume! Has she really been coming home in the mornings!?"
    "When is your mother's boyfriend going to take us out to dinner? I can't wait!!!"

    The act was so deliberate and farfetched that I wouldn't have believed it myself, but my teacher -- whose weaknesses as an ESTj became visible for everyone to see -- bought the lie completely, and was so distressed by it that he seemed helpless . He was so convinced that she was a traitorous fortune hunter, he almost destroyed his future prospects by cutting off all ties with my mother -- from tactlessly rejecting the students she had introduced him, to returning the money he had received from them (so that he wouldn't owe her anything). For a time, I was afraid that he would turn me away as well, but he said he wouldn't because he made a promise to my mother
    Ohahahahahaha it must have been fun to act, but also definitely bad on the teacher, poor him. Yes, now I can see the motivation of your reccomendations; I don't think I am particularly good at evaluating this kind of lieing, honestly - even if, I usually tend to get a bad gut feeling, that I haven't felt in this case.


    The most unbelievable thing about the whole incident was that it started because my mother, despite her age (we refer to her as "the old hag on menopause" ), was vain enough to assume that my teacher had "unpure intentions" towards her. What's even funnier is that her misunderstanding stemmed from how he phoned her too often, asked her too many intrusive questions (eg. "Do you DIY?"), and sent her an SMS that said "Sleep well, darling", which she deemed inappropriate for the relationship they had -- while I see it as a mere manifestation of his "caretaking tendencies" :wink:. Fortunately, they were able to resolve their misunderstandings with some interceding, but our acting was probably too convincing, since he seems to believe the lie to this very day...
    ahahaah, honestly: I think your mother was right. "Darling" does not seem to be justified by caretaking tendencies in my book!


    To raise another example, my friend once spent more than an hour persuading a group of boys around us into believing that my best friend = my boyfriend I still don't know why she decided to spread such a lie, but they've been less reluctant to approach me since then, so it's possible that her motive was to make me more approachable.
    I have actually more than once served, especially in disco-dancing-settings, as boyfriend-replacement for female friends that did not wanted to be harassed by morons, especially morons over 30 (which seem to be keen on trying to impress 20-yo-girls). So, I can completely understand how the act, if done correctly, is perfectly credible - and, also, honestly, very fun to partecipate in.


    So while it's important that you play it safe around a girl whose motives are questionable, it's also important that you don't throw away all your chances for a lie. Besides, a combination of "rich", "old", and "badass" sounds like the stuff of soap operas
    Of course I exaggerated the description! He probably is none of the three, just a normal cool guy. Older than me though, this is for sure.

    Ehm, if you're really hopeless at evaluating people from afar, then you have all the more reason to employ a spy or two.
    Seems like I am a good observer only when emotionally detached from the situation. Emotional involvment erases this ability.

    Preferably female; someone who, from observation alone, can gather sufficient data on a person's character to see through their motives.

    Try to find out if:
    - She has been behaving similarly with other guys
    - She has behaved similarly in the past, and if so, what happened afterwards?
    Sounds even fun to do. Thanks for the advice!

    As for the first one of the two - I have tried to observe her interactions with other guys we hang out when we're in a group. She is definitely friendly, although she doesn't seem to hang out one-on-one with them. A comparative advantage I have, though, is that I live much nearer to her than anybody else I know (and her boyfriend too, he - 30 kms; me - 6 kms).
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    If she seems quite supid, go fo it. If she has integrity, then just let things run there natural course...if you don't get together, but are good friends, you might meet someone even better with a boyfriend....you can use your good credit from your female friend to vouch for your indefatitable integrity - to make the new girl leave her less reliable boyfriend. (Though, there's the chance everybody will think you're gay, and who just wants to be friends with girls anyway?
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    Anyone who's with someone is automatically off limits for me. I think we've talked about this on many occasions though, so I'll spare everyone the rant.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

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    Wow a lot of ridiculous shit is being said in this thread. This is being way too overanalyzed.

    The bottom line is - she's showing interest in you, either because she really is interested or she just wants attention/fun. She's stopping there because she has a boyfriend, and she doesn't want any blame/guilt on herself. Girls like to rationalize things in this way. She'll invite you but nothing more. The ball is in your court buddy.

    So you can just fuck it and go after it, or accept that she has a boyfriend and chill. The morals of the situation are up to you to evaluate. I personally don't believe in going after girls that have boyfriends but sometimes shit happens.
    ENTj




    "A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it..."

    "All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible."
    - Thomas E Lawrence

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    le petit prince raisonpure's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    Anyone who's with someone is automatically off limits for me. I think we've talked about this on many occasions though, so I'll spare everyone the rant.
    Not everyone has the fortune to be designed like that, though At least he had the presence of mind to decline her invitation -- which was more gallant than gay, poofy, or dependent, given the trying situation.

    Quote Originally Posted by pezzonovante
    Wow a lot of ridiculous shit is being said in this thread. This is being way too overanalyzed.

    The bottom line is - she's showing interest in you, either because she really is interested or she just wants attention/fun. She's stopping there because she has a boyfriend, and she doesn't want any blame/guilt on herself. Girls like to rationalize things in this way. She'll invite you but nothing more. The ball is in your court buddy.

    So you can just fuck it and go after it, or accept that she has a boyfriend and chill. The morals of the situation are up to you to evaluate. I personally don't believe in going after girls that have boyfriends but sometimes shit happens.
    Yes, it does boil down to that. But now that you mention it, here's a brief lesson on morality: If she is a witch who just wants attention and fun, then he must not fuck it. If she is really interested, and there is more to the circumstances than what meets the eye, then he must not fuck her until the situation can be understood in its entirety. Regardless of which scenario is true, someone is going to get hurt if he blindly chases after it.
    “I think, therefore I'll think" - Ayn Rand (ESTp, UR GUARDIAN ANGEL)

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raisonpure
    Quote Originally Posted by Joy
    Anyone who's with someone is automatically off limits for me. I think we've talked about this on many occasions though, so I'll spare everyone the rant.
    Not everyone has the fortune to be designed like that, though At least he had the presence of mind to decline her invitation -- which was more gallant than gay, poofy, or dependent, given the trying situation.

    Quote Originally Posted by pezzonovante
    Wow a lot of ridiculous shit is being said in this thread. This is being way too overanalyzed.

    The bottom line is - she's showing interest in you, either because she really is interested or she just wants attention/fun. She's stopping there because she has a boyfriend, and she doesn't want any blame/guilt on herself. Girls like to rationalize things in this way. She'll invite you but nothing more. The ball is in your court buddy.

    So you can just fuck it and go after it, or accept that she has a boyfriend and chill. The morals of the situation are up to you to evaluate. I personally don't believe in going after girls that have boyfriends but sometimes shit happens.
    Yes, it does boil down to that. But now that you mention it, here's a brief lesson on morality: If she is a witch who just wants attention and fun, then he must not fuck it. If she is really interested, and there is more to the circumstances than what meets the eye, then he must not fuck her until the situation can be understood in its entirety. Regardless of which scenario is true, someone is going to get hurt if he blindly chases after it.
    Can't help but completely agreeing.

    Joy: does it seem like I am going after her? I am actually barely taking any initiative exactly to prevent uncertain situations to happen. In any case, the optimum would probably be if the relationship with her boyfriend (supposing his existance) is downhilling, which I do not know if it is the case.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    mustachio's Avatar
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    i've been in this type of situation before and sometimes if you wait too long you miss an awesome opprtunity. and this happens when you overanalyse too much. i'm not saying you should definitely follow my or anybody else's advice on this forum since nobody's there irl as a witness. but sometimes you must jump into the lake without any preparation. just follow your instincts man. life isn't always about playing it safe.
    IEI - the nasty kind...

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    Quote Originally Posted by fingercuffs
    i've been in this type of situation before and sometimes if you wait too long you miss an awesome opprtunity. and this happens when you overanalyse too much. i'm not saying you should definitely follow my or anybody else's advice on this forum since nobody's there irl as a witness. but sometimes you must jump into the lake without any preparation. just follow your instincts man. life isn't always about playing it safe.
    Just talkin' on a forum; when I am in the moment, I rarely think about what I do. But, thinking about when being in the moment, can be useful. What I am not going to do, is of course ask her out. Either it happens, or it doesn't, but I won't try to make it happen consciously.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    mustachio's Avatar
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    hope it works out for you man! :wink:
    IEI - the nasty kind...

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    Quote Originally Posted by raisonpure
    Yes, it does boil down to that. But now that you mention it, here's a brief lesson on morality: If she is a witch who just wants attention and fun, then he must not fuck it. If she is really interested, and there is more to the circumstances than what meets the eye, then he must not fuck her until the situation can be understood in its entirety. Regardless of which scenario is true, someone is going to get hurt if he blindly chases after it.
    First of all, by fuck it I didn't mean fuck her. I meant to fuck with the overanalyzing, to throw caution into the wind and just go for it.

    This isn't rocket science. By the time you understand all her "hidden motives" and whatever she probably isn't gonna be attracted to you anymore. With things between men and women you can't really hesitate. You have a brief window of opportunity where you could make a move and if nothing happens during that window your relationship will settle in as only friends. FDG you are only agreeing with raisonpure's advice because it is offering an easy way out for you - just keep analyzing and observing without having to risk anything. The problem is by doing that, you're just blowing your opportunity.

    If you do decide to go for it, just invite her over to your house to study or whatever. You say your faces get real close till your lips are almost touching, so just kiss her. Everything will go down after there.

    Deep down inside, if you would like to respect her boyfriend, then do so. That's cool too.

    Just don't want to be with this girl but not do anything. Pick one path and go down it, don't stay stuck in the middle.
    ENTj




    "A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it..."

    "All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible."
    - Thomas E Lawrence

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    le petit prince raisonpure's Avatar
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    He agrees because he shares the desire to avoid seizing an opportunity unless the risk is minimal. It is not an indication of cowardice, but of a Warren Buffet mindset. The "easy way out" would be to invest in an unfamiliar and unanalyzed stock while it is rising -- only to crash a day later. Call me conservative if you want, but I don't believe in the average person's path to success for a reason. And I doubt FDG believes in it, or he would've said "to hell with morality" and gone after for her without asking for advice -- like a stereotypical ESTp

    Even if he's been acting aloof, she should take the time to understand where he's coming from. If the girl can't maintain interest for long enough to wait until he can trust her, then she doesn't know the meaning of commitment, isn't worth it, and can go fuck herself.
    “I think, therefore I'll think" - Ayn Rand (ESTp, UR GUARDIAN ANGEL)

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    Quote Originally Posted by pezzonovante
    FDG you are only agreeing with raisonpure's advice because it is offering an easy way out for you - just keep analyzing and observing without having to risk anything. .
    Yawn. Do you really think this hits a nerve? I'm just choosing the right option. I've done the straight-full-on-attack multiple times when the situation calls for it. If that was the case - I would proceed with the attack. I've even scared girls off with straightforwardness. But of course if I'm asking advice is because I know this time the situation is different.

    How do you explain that I have blowed away a large number of opportunities by being too straightforward? If a tactic doesn't work, let's change it, don't you think? Going there and saying "Hey, wanna come at my place tonight" after some initial wooing works some time, but usually when you don't know the girl well. A sudden change in attitude is generally not well-received.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    meatburger's Avatar
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    all is fair in love and war
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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    pezzonovante's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    Quote Originally Posted by pezzonovante
    FDG you are only agreeing with raisonpure's advice because it is offering an easy way out for you - just keep analyzing and observing without having to risk anything. .
    Yawn. Do you really think this hits a nerve? I'm just choosing the right option. I've done the straight-full-on-attack multiple times when the situation calls for it. If that was the case - I would proceed with the attack. I've even scared girls off with straightforwardness. But of course if I'm asking advice is because I know this time the situation is different.

    How do you explain that I have blowed away a large number of opportunities by being too straightforward? If a tactic doesn't work, let's change it, don't you think? Going there and saying "Hey, wanna come at my place tonight" after some initial wooing works some time, but usually when you don't know the girl well. A sudden change in attitude is generally not well-received.
    Haha look at how defensive you are. You don't have to try to prove to me that you're usually aggressive. I don't really give two shits, I was just trying to give you some advice. If you don't want it that's cool.

    Raisonpure, all I gotta say is good luck trying to get with someone analyzing them like your portfolio hahaha.
    ENTj




    "A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it..."

    "All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible."
    - Thomas E Lawrence

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    Of course I am defensive, since you attacked me. Sounds like a natural response, nothing to be embarassed about
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    mustachio's Avatar
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    FDG, without seeming too obstrusive, would you say you have feelings for this girl? i mean do you really like her. if so i can understand why you're agreeing with raisonpure. but personally, i still think you should listen to your own instincts in this matter. or at least a friend irl who might have a better grip on the situation. because love and theory don't mix.

    and meatburger's right: if you do have feelings for her you shouldn't repress them. love doesn't listen to reason and vice versa. even at the cost of a "crash and burn" scenario.

    anyway, i think that another good opportunity is bound to come up. and if you've been girly enough :wink: to post a thread about it, your heart won't hesitate the next time.
    IEI - the nasty kind...

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fingercuffs
    FDG, without seeming too obstrusive, would you say you have feelings for this girl? i mean do you really like her.
    Yeah, when I'm in her company. If I don't see her for, say, 2 days, they of course dissolve, or rather I make them dissolve.


    if so i can understand why you're agreeing with raisonpure. but personally, i still think you should listen to your own instincts in this matter. or at least a friend irl who might have a better grip on the situation. because love and theory don't mix.
    I agree, take into account that I've only been with her in public places tho.

    and meatburger's right: if you do have feelings for her you shouldn't repress them. love doesn't listen to reason and vice versa. even at the cost of a "crash and burn" scenario.

    anyway, i think that another good opportunity is bound to come up. and if you've been girly enough :wink: to post a thread about it, your heart won't hesitate the next time.
    Aahah, probably. Maybe I will have to think twice before refusing next time.

    I don't know if I have already stated why I am being so cautious. I come from a string of two relationship with INFps that lasted both 2 months. Why so short? Because they both had a fucking boyfriend. I used the full-on attack strategy etc etc...worked well at the start, but then they felt guily blah blah etc. So I decided to approach it differently this time.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

  40. #40
    Creepy-Diana

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