Article originally translated by Malyshka. Rescued and reposted.
Posted: Tue Nov 02, 2004 11:09 pm
Post subject: One of the ways of dualisation (c) Prokofieva, Udalova
“If you want to be happy – be happy”
In the process of socionic consultations we face the necessity of explaining to the person who asks fore help that he should become himself - be harmonized with the framework of own type. And, as soon as the client accepts this idea, a natural question arises: "How can I do that? "
This question appears to be not so simple and the appropriate techniques can not be found in the socionics-related literature. Even people who are accuainted with socionics face this questions: why don’t we always love duals? why do we sometimes have bad relationship with such “favourable” types as, for example, with those who are our activation and mirror? We can frequently see how people (who have from the socionic point of view all opportunities for productive relationship) may not be understood by the partner, are not able to establish normal relationship.
In our opinion it’s important to estimate relations not to a degree of comfort, but according to the information they have that is necessary for self-perfection. If we see only the “worth” side of relations, i.e. comfort, prestige, jocundity etc. they turn into a brand or a "medal". A person will be concerned that his relationship, for example, with his wife or children, aren’t so comfortable as supposed to be; they can’t be replaced, there is no way out, all is left is to deny socionics.
It would be fair to concider that there are no bad and good types, there are also no bad and good relations. After all intertype relations show a person how good did he work over his channels of information.
Dualisation process, i.e. study of his information channels, is conducted with the help of the analysis of display of socionic functions in interactions with his/her partner.
We consider any intertype relations a person faces during his life to be necessary material for constructive self-perfection. Representatives of various types in more or less simple (or complex) shape show us our imperfections in concrete socionic functions, i.e. a degree of ours dualisation.
Let's exclude the cases of obvious antagonism of aims, sharp distinction of intellectual, cultural levels, conception of goods and bad etc. We also shall not discuss the attempts to change the partner which, as is well known, is the same as beating a dead horse.
Then it is necessary to offer one constructive way out: it is important for each of us to work on ourselves to improve our relations with associates. This idea is not new, but socionics may show concrete ways of solving this problem.
In our opinion, one of approaches to harmonization of relationship is the developmental work on concrete functions with the “help” of which our comminication is “destroyed”.
Usually relations are ruined because of involuntary discharge of the negative information on a Place of Least Resistance (PLR) of the partner (the fourth function in model "A"), which may happen even between duals if, for example, a bad habit is formed. At any approach to developmental work on relations there is one rule - to not discharge negative information on a PLR of the partner. While discussing some matter one should not choose any predicates that “activate” the fourth function
ENTj_____ ____ Discussion of questions of bad state of health,
ENFj______________ conversations about nonaesthetic things
INFj_____ ____ Discussion of modest means,
INTj______________ orders, power(force) pressure
ENFp_____ ____ Discussion of logical contradictions, reproaches
ESFp______________ in misunderstanding, demonstration of learning
INFp_____ ____ Discussion of inexpedient actions, imposing
ISFp______________ of assignments, lectures
ENTp_____ ____Quarrels, display of disrespect,
INTp_____ ____ Bursts of emotions, insults,
ISTp______________ imposing of emotions
ESFj_____ ____ Reproaches in inaccuracy and delays,
ESTj______________urging on, back-word (of terms)
ISFj_____ ____ Surplus information,
ISTj______________ not clear prospects, " but what if? "
If relationship collapses not because of PLRs but because of other functions it is necessary to realize the display of which function destroys your relations. If the type of the partner is known it is easy to determine what place in the formula of his type does the revealed function have.
As we have agreed what demanding something from the partner is useless and have decided to work at self-improvement, it is necessary to find the function with same number (i.e. equal on force and equally realized) in the formula of the type. Working on it is as difficult (or easy) as for our partner. Now all we have to do is to start supervising displays of this function in our relationship with the given partner.
Practice of consultations shows that when a person masters transition from being discontent with his partner to constructive work on self-improvement, relations improve.
We “make” an ideal partner with our own hands, by reorganising ourselves. Self-made as Americans say. At the same time quite decent relations are built not only with this partner, but also with other people since there is a harmonization of the person.
This is how we understand the dualisation process about which Aushra wrote and about which so many good words are said.
Certainly it is possibe to build relations this way not only with a dual, but also with the person of any type, even with a conflictor. We can see the unexpected effect when even conflictors communicate with each other pretty well. Here the principle "Do as you would be done by " means: "do not manifest those functions which you wouldn’t like to be exposed to (eg. don’t “overuse” your 6th if you don’t want to be exposed to your partner’s 6th function)".
In general the relations prevailing in our life symbolize our problems actual now. Some of them are described by I.Kalinauskas.
Identity__________Necessity of self- perception, of being yourself
Dual____________Necessity of rest, comfort
Mirror___________Necessity of active distribution of results, realization of the person
Activation________Time of comprehension of the problems has come
Business_________Time to act has come
Illusion__________Problem of internal freedom
Related__________Necessity of strengthening of the positions in society, self-affirmation
Semi-dual________Time of intensive development of new knowledge, of studies has come
Contrary_________It is important to forget about household problems, to rise above them
Super-Ego________Problem of a survival, things we do not want to see and recognize
Quasi-Identical____Training of ability to win, struggle, disprove
Conflict__________Necessity of realized practical decisions
Supervisor_______Prevail when it is necessary to pay attention to problems of debt
Supervisee_______Prevail when one should pay attention to developing the 2nd function
Benefactor_______Specify ducking out from the responsibility for the results of the problem-solving
Beneficiary_______Specify ducking out from the responsibility for making decisions
Unfortunately the process of dualisatoin does not always proceed so quickly as it would be desirable. It happens that even within quite favorable relations a person as though blinds himself with claims to the partner not even noticing at first the necessity of developmental work on his own problems.
The actions on self-improvement stated above would be enough to improve the relations radically.