Help type my mom

[Mea]

I need help typing my mom and the relationship we have.

My mom can't seem to relax, the slightest mistake made totally stresses her up. For example, there was once she was sending me to school, and she missed a turn. She was sooooo worried about me being late and her being late for work/or that she'd lose her way, and she was complaining non-stop. I don't quite understand it. How can she find a solution if she's so tensed up?

She hates disorder and mess. And to me, she's a perfectionist. Like when we were at Vancouver visiting out relatives during the winter, she was always worried about me or my dad being cold and kept asking if we need thicker sweaters. And because my dad and I aren't too bothered by the cold, she'd get all stressed up because she thought we'd freeze. If she forgot to take something when she has already left her house, she can grumble about it for the whole day, and it totally spoils her mood. And she tends to over-care for people that are close to her.

She's always trying to plan MY life, not only my life, but what I do daily. She'd tell me, lets do this on Sunday, and when Sunday comes, she'd assume that I agreed to her plans, when I didn't. And she'd get mad because I'd rather rest at home on Sundays(because of long saturday nights out). We can't seem to understand each other and this usually turns nasty.

And she's always paranoid about who I mix with and what I do to the extent of reading my diary when I was younger. Even taking my cellphone to read my messages. Or getting my friend's numbers and calling them. Not only does that irritate me, it irritates my friends too!
And she'd complain about me to my friends.

I feel that she's really bad around people, although she seems to be able to talk to strangers pretty easily. She'd say things that sound pretty insensitive to me, it appears that she doesn't think before she says anything. And she doesn't usually realize it when she offends or hurts someone with what she says.

Also, she can be pretty irrelevant when answering questions(not sure if this is type related). Example, few nights ago, she was watching this documentary on successful companies. And they were currently interviewing this particular company, when I ask her what that company dealt with, what do they do?
And she answered: I didn't watch the starting of the program, I don't know what this program is really featuring.
I asked her that 4 more times before she understood my question. I almost flipped!

O, and she loves to make small talk with anyone and everyone! To me, gossipping is a talent of hers. IMO, she talks too much and doesn't listen.

And she loves complaining about tiny details in her life. Either that or she'd pin all her life's unhappiness on me. She'd say I don't care for her enough, I don't show that I love her enough, or I do NOTHING for the family. There were times she said she would rather that I'm not her daughter. (I didn't take those last words too seriously as I figured she probably didnt mean it)

I think this description might be biased, but I tried my best.
I can't think of anyone whom I conflict so much with. And it upsets me because she's my mom.

So, any ideas about what type she might be, and the relationship we have?

O, and some pictures to help.
[pictures removed]

[Gilly]

My mom can't seem to relax, the slightest mistake made totally stresses her up. For example, there was once she was sending me to school, and she missed a turn. She was sooooo worried about me being late and her being late for work/or that she'd lose her way, and she was complaining non-stop. I don't quite understand it. How can she find a solution if she's so tensed up?

This sounds like an EJ. The last part makes her sound like she has super-ego Ni.

She hates disorder and mess. And to me, she's a perfectionist. Like when we were at Vancouver visiting out relatives during the winter, she was always worried about me or my dad being cold and kept asking if we need thicker sweaters. And because my dad and I aren't too bothered by the cold, she'd get all stressed up because she thought we'd freeze.

Ego Si

She's always trying to plan MY life, not only my life, but what I do daily. She'd tell me, lets do this on Sunday, and when Sunday comes, she'd assume that I agreed to her plans, when I didn't. And she'd get mad because I'd rather rest at home on Sundays(because of long saturday nights out). We can't seem to understand each other and this usually turns nasty.

And she's always paranoid about who I mix with and what I do to the extent of reading my diary when I was younger. Even taking my cellphone to read my messages. Or getting my friend's numbers and calling them. Not only does that irritate me, it irritates my friends too!
And she'd complain about me to my friends.

This is beginning to sound A LOT like my relationship with my mother!

I feel that she's really bad around people, although she seems to be able to talk to strangers pretty easily. She'd say things that are pretty insensitive to me, it appears that she doesn't think before she says anything.

You value different Ethical functions than she does. This sounds like you value Fi, so this makes her more likely Fe.

Also, she can be pretty irrelevant when answering questions(not sure if this is type related). Example, few nights ago, she was watching this documentary on successful companies. And they were currently interviewing this particular company, when I ask her what that company dealt with, what do they do?
And she answered: I didn't watch the starting of the program, I don't know what this program is really featuring.
I asked her that 4 more times before she understood my question. I almost flipped!

This sounds like Static/Dynamic miscommunication. She thought you were asking what the company was doing/had done (dynamic properties), when you wanted to know what the company's business was (static property).

She'd say I don't care for her enough, I don't show that I love her enough...

Again, probably different Ethical functions.

I'd say ESFj.

[FDG]

ESFj

[Expat]

Not-very-healthy Enneagram 2.

ESFj Si subtype.

That would make her your benefactor (you need her Si, but you can't provide her with Ti), but the relationship felt more like supervision which would make you an INFp if correct.

[Expat]

Also, she can be pretty irrelevant when answering questions(not sure if this is type related). Example, few nights ago, she was watching this documentary on successful companies. And they were currently interviewing this particular company, when I ask her what that company dealt with, what do they do?
And she answered: I didn't watch the starting of the program, I don't know what this program is really featuring.
I asked her that 4 more times before she understood my question. I almost flipped!

This sounds like Static/Dynamic miscommunication. She thought you were asking what the company was doing/had done (dynamic properties), when you wanted to know what the company's business was (static property).

That is interesting. Yes, it could be that, but it could also be Ni-related. The ESFj feels insecure when not knowing the steps that led to the conclusion.

[Gilly]

She looks more logical to me.

[Mea]

Ok, I've just added pictures.

Hmm, ESFj?
The description by mcnew sounds right, but I'm not sure.

And...me as Beneficiary and her as Benefactor??

I can see this being true

The Beneficiary usually listens to every word the Benefactor says but there is no feedback, the Benefactor can not hear the Beneficiary. This may be sometimes unpleasant and even irritating for the Beneficiary.

but not this

Relations of Benefit may appear even and conflict free. Usually it is the Benefactor who initiates the contact. Partners can even feel some kind of spiritual connection between them. However, relations last only as long as the Benefactor has something to give and the Beneficiary has need of it.

I'd prefer not to initiate contact with her because we can't seem to understand each other nor agree with things. It'll usually end up in conflict.

However, this might be true:

If this major condition is no longer fulfilled, relations enter quite an unpleasant stage of their development. The Beneficiary may begin ignoring the Benefactor completely or they may start to accentuate too many of the Benefactors inability, provoking arguments and quarrels.

[eunice]

ESFj

[Mea]

Not-very-healthy Enneagram 2.

ESFj Si subtype.

That would make her your benefactor (you need her Si, but you can't provide her with Ti), but the relationship felt more like supervision which would make you an INFp if correct.

Well, I don't think we have a relation of supervision. That would describe the relationship I have with my dad more.
I don't feel controlled by her, nor do I feel supervised. I just think she's too uptight and "square". > <

The latter usually feels this control even if the Supervisor does not say or do anything. The explanation for this is that the Supervisee weak point is defenceless against the Supervisor's strong point. This makes the Supervisee nervous and expect the worse.

I don't feel this. And I never feel nervous around my mom. But I do feel that around my dad.

However, it may seem like the Supervisor always undervalues the abilities of the Supervisee. This stimulates the Supervisee into proving their own worthiness with various actions, yet there is little chance that they will succeed.

Nah, my mom doesn't undervalue my abilities, and I don't feel any need to prove my worthiness to her.
However, I have felt that need to show my dad that I can do more than he thinks.
My dad's INTj, that I'm pretty sure.

[Expat]

Ok, then benefit sounds more accurate.

[Mea]

She looks more logical to me.

Actually, I think she's ISTj.

That would be a conflicting relation.
But my opinion might be biased.

[Mea]

She's always trying to plan MY life, not only my life, but what I do daily. She'd tell me, lets do this on Sunday, and when Sunday comes, she'd assume that I agreed to her plans, when I didn't. And she'd get mad because I'd rather rest at home on Sundays(because of long saturday nights out). We can't seem to understand each other and this usually turns nasty.

And she's always paranoid about who I mix with and what I do to the extent of reading my diary when I was younger. Even taking my cellphone to read my messages. Or getting my friend's numbers and calling them. Not only does that irritate me, it irritates my friends too!
And she'd complain about me to my friends.

This is beginning to sound A LOT like my relationship with my mother!

You mean she intrudes into your privacy a lot too?

[Mea]

Added a lil more description of my mom.

O, and she loves to make small talk with anyone and everyone! To me, gossipping is a talent of hers. IMO, she talks too much and doesn't listen.

If that helps...

[Expat]

It just confirms that ESFj is likely.

[implied]

She looks more logical to me.

i am beginning to think that base :fe: + EJ must make people look "logical." like kate bush as an ENFj or whatever. i don´t think she looks incredibly "feelery."



anyhow, god, she sounds exactly like my mom. who is ESFj , too. she does the overly-caregiving thing, the perfectionism regarding order, the weird tactlessness insensitive thing where she has no idea how incredibly blunt she sounds, and when i was younger as well she´d do the eavesdropping on phone conversations/diary reading/etc. heh, i feel your pain, mea!

[Mea]

anyhow, god, she sounds exactly like my mom. who is ESFj , too. she does the overly-caregiving thing, the perfectionism regarding order, the weird tactlessness insensitive thing where she has no idea how incredibly blunt she sounds, and when i was younger as well she´d do the eavesdropping on phone conversations/diary reading/etc. heh, i feel your pain, mea!

Argh! Thank gOD i'm not the only one who feels that way! I was doubting she was an F type because of how insensitive she can be! O well, reading the ESFj description, it sounded right.