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Thread: ISTps and relationships

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    Default ISTps and relationships

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    Last edited by njio; 02-07-2008 at 03:48 AM.
    ISTp

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    jessica129's Avatar
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    Everyone had to know I was going to be the first to reply. I could write a novel!

    The past few relationships I've been in, I never felt like the person really knew me. I've always felt I've had to put on an act just to be accepted. So then they're getting to like that fake version of myself and I can't keep up with it and eventually the 'true' self breaks thru and they're gone. I basically feel like a social loser but meh, I'm not big on relationships anyway. They're too much work and a source of too much stress for me. I do honestly wish i could meet someone I didn't have to pretend with, but I'm so used to being put down for my lack of social skills, that I don't know if it's ever going to happen. I'm worried i'm starting to turn bitter towards people in general, i've been let down so much. I guess you can't shun the whole human race for the actions of a few...even though it's tempting to just tell everyone to go to hell.

    At one point the fear of being alone really started to get to me. Now it's like, blah, whatever. Whatever happens, happens. I can't keep pretending just to get someone to accept me. I don't isolate myself, I get out and i do meet people but it's on a purely superficial level. I figure it can't hurt to get out there and meet as many new people as possible and maybe one will turn out to be halfway normal. Hasn't happened yet.

    I don't know about the 'dual' thing. I'm wanting to find another ISTP, I think they'd understand. I dont imagine there'd be much interesting convo, however. Ah, i'm rambling too much.

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    I think ISTps are not boring at all! It's probably just difficult to find the right people. Don't blame yourselves because it's tough for everyone to meet compatible people, regardless of type. ENFps LOVE ISTps! You're the ying to our yang! we like that you can be quiet and steady, and that is not boring to us, but rather, very cool.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    I don't want people to impede upon my activities. I like to come home excercise, enjoy some entertainment and sleep. If I had a girlfriend I'd have to go out and buy shit, and always go places. I will have a hard time sacrificing that comfort.
    asd

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    I just think i'm too independent for most to be comfortable with. I always get told I don't call enough or show i like the other person enough. I could go weeks without picking up the telephone. In the start of all relationships, it goes really good. I'm so enthusiastic and excited and full of energy to get to know the other person. Once that enthusiasm fades, i basically turn in to a lump. The person is left wondering where that exciting person has gone. Just takes too much energy for me. I just don't know how to maintain relationships. After you know someone and have talked about everything under the sun, i'm left with a 'well....what else' frame of mind.

    haha, I'm trying to make the best out of being single by being thankful that that's one less person i have to spend money on this year.

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    Quote Originally Posted by enjio
    Every time this happens, I get more and more wary of letting people into my life. How am I supposed to open up?
    You let them freely come into and go away (well not really) from your life. I used to have a stable social circle but it all changed when most of my friends went elsewhere to pursue their studies. There are often long periods with no contact at all but I think there's a common understanding that we'll just catch up with each other whenever one fancies to. When we do get to talk online, we simply pick up where we once left off. So it's out of sight but not out of mind.

    Quote Originally Posted by heath
    If I had a girlfriend I'd have to go out and buy shit, and always go places. I will have a hard time sacrificing that comfort.
    Maybe when you eventually find a worthwhile girl you won't even mind going out and buying shit for her. Your comfort will be nothing relative to her happiness. After some time of experiencing that magical spell, you'll return to this site and tell everybody about your new-found wisdom on... the meaning of sacrifice. I've a long shopping list for God this year and one of the wishes is making heath lose his head. (just kidding!!)

    Nah.. not every girl will expect you to go out and buy useless things for her. You can still retain your independence and do your favourite activities.

    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    They're too much work and a source of too much stress for me. I do honestly wish i could meet someone I didn't have to pretend with, but I'm so used to being put down for my lack of social skills, that I don't know if it's ever going to happen.
    I think with the right people, you hardly will need to pretend. That's tiring and if I've to do it all the time with some people, they will almost never become my close friends. Casual friends but not close friends. Likewise, I don't expect them to pretend to be who they are not. If letting their real personalities out is going to strain the long-term interaction (personality clashes, it happens), I won't hold it against them for not wanting to get closer to me. They will find fulfillment in the company of others who can appreciate them for who they are.

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    Quote Originally Posted by heath
    I don't want people to impede upon my activities. I like to come home excercise, enjoy some entertainment and sleep. If I had a girlfriend I'd have to go out and buy shit, and always go places. I will have a hard time sacrificing that comfort.
    Heath! Don't be and old grandma yet You'll find out that going places can be totally fun. Buy shit, not so much, especially with your money
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Upon second thoughts, I think I'll keep that wish in my shopping list. ^ ^

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    Default Re: ISTPs and relationships

    Quote Originally Posted by enjio
    I realize that there are people on this bored that take somewhat of an interest in ISTPs, but in real life, I find it hard to believe that anybody would bother. The concept of duality seems too good to be true. The ENFPs on this board seem like good people, but I've met two and although I can see how it'd work, I can't seem to let my guard down. Eventually, it all ends up the same: they could care less. Maybe it's just me, but I can't seem to maintain any form of lasting relationship, aside from my immediate and extended family. People that I begin to get close to end up moving, drifting away, or doing something that fucks me over. Every time this happens, I get more and more wary of letting people into my life. How am I supposed to open up?
    well Im glad for this forum because it seems ISTPs will open up here. I dont think I would ever get this kind of insight into how any ISTPs feel IRL. No matter how much you love them and no matter how much you beg them you just wont get it. Ive found the best way to keep an ISTP interested in you is to pay them almost no attention True or False?

    Topaz
    The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

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    Absolutely true

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    I don't think I could handle that in a partner. I must smother everyone around me in
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilligan
    I don't think I could handle that in a partner. I must smother everyone around me in
    Unforntuantely me too At least some
    Oh well, back to the drawing board :wink:

    Topaz
    The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

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    Éminence grise mikemex's Avatar
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    When I did go to the army of my country to offer a firearm I designed, I meet an ISTp friend of mine, an old Liutenant Colonel.

    I came, showed him my gun, spoke about all the wonderful things it can do and also spoke to him about my other inventions.

    I reached a point, in which I felt I was speaking to the wall. He simply sat, observing me, listening to me, but keeping completelly shut. I really tought that I was losing my time; that he was listening to me being polite, but that he tought I was mad or something.

    So I said "well... uh, tell me what do you think about it...". I do remember that time like it was 5 seconds ago. I remember his face. He had the face of a person who was observing something pleasant, just to be interrupted.

    He didn't knew what to say. It took like 5 seconds for him to answer me. And when he answered me he just said "looks very good...".

    Next time he invited me to eat to his house and became friends. He enjoyed being with me, which I really could not understand. I remember that he told me "I'm free on fridays if you wish to come here and have a cup of chocolate".

    Well. If it had been a girl, I would had droppped it in 5 seconds. Rejection really hurts me, and if someone isn't visibly interested, I tend to step away.

    So a tip for you ISTp: send clear signals. If you are bad at talking, at least give away free smiles. We ENFp will pick it up and understand the shyness. But if we feel you really have no interest, it will not work.

    I do understand very well how ISTp show their love and I really like it. They are the kind, that see you need a pencil and are there to give it to you. The type that see you make an embarrasing mistake and just laugh without making you feel bad about it.

    I look and look... no ISTp girls anywhere. How it can be, that you are searching for us and I don't find even one?
    [] | NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)

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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex
    I came, showed him my gun, spoke about all the wonderful things it can do and also spoke to him about my other inventions.

    I reached a point, in which I felt I was speaking to the wall. He simply sat, observing me, listening to me, but keeping completelly shut. I really tought that I was losing my time; that he was listening to me being polite, but that he tought I was mad or something.

    So I said "well... uh, tell me what do you think about it...". I do remember that time like it was 5 seconds ago. I remember his face. He had the face of a person who was observing something pleasant, just to be interrupted.
    I know I have a dirty mind but I just got through reading that thread about subliminal messages in old comic books and this cracked me up.

    Topaz
    The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Topaz
    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex
    I came, showed him my gun, spoke about all the wonderful things it can do and also spoke to him about my other inventions.

    I reached a point, in which I felt I was speaking to the wall. He simply sat, observing me, listening to me, but keeping completelly shut. I really tought that I was losing my time; that he was listening to me being polite, but that he tought I was mad or something.

    So I said "well... uh, tell me what do you think about it...". I do remember that time like it was 5 seconds ago. I remember his face. He had the face of a person who was observing something pleasant, just to be interrupted.
    I know I have a dirty mind but I just got through reading that thread about subliminal messages in old comic books and this cracked me up.
    And I know exactly what it is!

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    Quote Originally Posted by stefana
    Quote Originally Posted by Topaz
    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex
    I came, showed him my gun, spoke about all the wonderful things it can do and also spoke to him about my other inventions.

    I reached a point, in which I felt I was speaking to the wall. He simply sat, observing me, listening to me, but keeping completelly shut. I really tought that I was losing my time; that he was listening to me being polite, but that he tought I was mad or something.

    So I said "well... uh, tell me what do you think about it...". I do remember that time like it was 5 seconds ago. I remember his face. He had the face of a person who was observing something pleasant, just to be interrupted.
    I know I have a dirty mind but I just got through reading that thread about subliminal messages in old comic books and this cracked me up.
    And I know exactly what it is!
    I didn't notice it until topaz pointed it out.

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    "A soldier has a rifle and a gun..."

    Never mind Didn't notice it was so funny...
    [] | NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)

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    - Ole Golly from Harriet, the spy.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG

    Heath! Don't be and old grandma yet You'll find out that going places can be totally fun. Buy shit, not so much, especially with your money
    alright, dude!
    asd

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    mikemex, if my memory serves me right, you're a guy, right?? i read your post and i thought oh, could he be gay and has a crush on you?? but of course, this could be due to the fact that in asia, people don't usually show this kind of warmth like inviting others over to their houses so fast, not any more.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sara
    this could be due to the fact that in asia, people don't usually show this kind of warmth like inviting others over to their houses so fast, not any more.
    I think it is common in big cities all over the world. I don't do that either 'cos I'm wary of who I invite. I will invite family and close friends, but usually not others 'cos they end up talking about how your house is like to every other people that they meet. I don't like my privacy to be impeded.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sara
    mikemex, if my memory serves me right, you're a guy, right?? i read your post and i thought oh, could he be gay and has a crush on you?? but of course, this could be due to the fact that in asia, people don't usually show this kind of warmth like inviting others over to their houses so fast, not any more.
    Not so fast, I only quoted part of what he said cause it was sort of funny from a sick stand point.
    His first statement was :
    When I did go to the army of my country to offer a firearm I designed, I meet an ISTp friend of mine, an old Liutenant Colonel.
    So this ISTP was not a stranger to him.
    Sorry Mike, I shouldnt have derailed the thread

    Topaz
    The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    C'mon ISTps. The ones I know always have a lot of girls going after them, even if they usually don't really realize this rather obvious (from an outsider) fact.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Maybe if I were a lesbian I'd have more luck then. Guys don't approach me......well, SOBER guys don't approach me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    Maybe if I were a lesbian I'd have more luck then. Guys don't approach me......well, SOBER guys don't approach me.
    The fact that guys don't approach you doesn't mean that they don't think about approaching you. OK I understand how it's a meagre consolation, but hey. I know that say, out of 100 times guys might think about approaching a girl, it actually happens 2-3 times.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    C'mon ISTps. The ones I know always have a lot of girls going after them, even if they usually don't really realize this rather obvious (from an outsider) fact.
    I noticed it too, and I was surprised that they are oblivious to it. I got an ISTp guy friend who once told me that he doesn't understand why girls have to hint or give subtle signals about going out with him. He thinks that they are playing mind games with him, and he prefers them to be direct. On the other hand, some girls complained about him not getting their msg and stuff like that, and they thought he was trying to embarrass them. And when my ISTp guy friend cares about his ESFj girlfriend, she didn't appreciate it 'cos he is not a very open person and can be very logical sometimes. So I guess differences in types can lead to serious misunderstandings sometimes.

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    Yeah, she's a real hottie, and she knows it.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Well, abount being invited, it might sound weird for those of you who are not ENFp, but for me, it's the most usual thing that people invites me over to places.

    About this LC, altough I didn't know him before, I was already friends with a sergeant on his command, who introduced me to him. By the way, the sergeant is ISTp too and something similar happened.

    I used to run a home business, a laptop repair shop, and met a lot of people. One day this sergeant comes to buy a laptop from me and I show him my ballistics program because I never talked to a military before. So the sergeant, I don't know, feels instandly drawn to me and offers to show it to his boss.

    It took a while until I got an appointment, but in the meanwhile, my sergeant friend also invited me to his house first and the house of his parents later. When I spoke to his father, he told me, he was very excited to have a friend because he didn't had any.

    It is very common, from what I've seen, that ISTp are often surrounded by people, but barely have true friends. That might be because, in the places they are common (like the Army), ENFp are quite rare.

    I spent quite a bit of time in the military industry, most in the weapons factory. There, probably 50% of the soldiers are ISTp.

    It's at times scaring the impact I leave on ISTp. The last time I went, a captain approaches me and says:

    "Hey, how are you?"
    "Uh... I'm fine, and you?"
    "You don't recall me, right?"
    "(silence, looking)"
    "I'm captain xxxxx. I went with liutenant xxxxx to your house to pick the schematics of your rifle..."
    "Oh yeah!"

    Well, the same happens even to other persons I barely spoke to.

    I've got an ISTp cousin that I've seen like 3 times in my life, but that also has a high steem to me.

    Last time I went he asked me about a project that I dropped years ago. I couldn't even recall that I had told him about it...

    Thing is, anywhere I go, ISTp are drawn to me. They often have bad relations with other people, like in the case of my cousin, who the entire family has bad reputation due to being orphans and my aunt asking money to everybody.

    Quote Originally Posted by eunice
    I will invite family and close friends, but usually not others 'cos they end up talking about how your house is like to every other people that they meet. I don't like my privacy to be impeded.
    I'm the total opposite to that. I never talk about people house's or what they do in them. When I come over I simply try to make them to feel as comfortable as possible and the tension quickly dissipates.

    In general, there is some sort of charisma that I never notice before. People feels accepted and encouraged by me and thus feel closer to me much quicker.

    How bad that you don't NOTICE that there are guys after you Jessica. You're very beautiful, just try to be more aware of it. :wink:
    [] | NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)

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    - Ole Golly from Harriet, the spy.

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    Mikemex may I ask what country you are from?

    Topaz
    The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

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    Default Re: ISTPs and relationships

    Quote Originally Posted by Topaz
    Ive found the best way to keep an ISTP interested in you is to pay them almost no attention True or False?
    False.

    I refuse to 'chase' people. Ignore me and you won't see much of me anymore.

    There's a girl I know that has decided to start playing the "ignore-him-and-only-pay-attention-to-him-when-*I*-need-something" game and I hardly ever talk to her anymore.
    ; 5w6

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    It can get old if they take it to extremes, but I’d rather have them play hard to get than smother me with attention. A few of my relationships got smothering at times and I had to back away. It makes me very uncomfortable.

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    Quote Originally Posted by enjio
    For me, it's not about girls playing hard to get... it's just I'd rather them have their own lives, their own interests. I'm comfortable with not having a lot of attention, so girls who focus too much on me tend to make me back off
    I would say the same applies to ENFPs to a degree. I dont like someone to be right up under me. Give me some space. I think its a matter of finding the right balance. Both ENFPs and ISTPs have to land on how much togetherness and seperateness they can have thats comfortable for both. That means they will have to communicate and not give up when things dont go as they expected. I suspect thats a reason why things dont work out many times.

    Topaz
    The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

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    Mexico Topaz.

    Between ISTp and ENFp occurs a situation which is likely to cause trouble.

    We ENFp are driven novelty. We know the ISTp, play the happy-chappy routine and ISTp is left with a good impression. The ENFp frequents the ISTp for a while. However, as the situation starts to lose its novelty, we ENFp tend to seek it somewhere else, and thus leave the ISTp confused.

    As I see them, ISTp are highly skeptical about people. They are the kind likely to think "if he was so interested in me and now he doesn't talk to me, he must not be that interested in me then".

    It has happened to me with ISTp before. If I distance from them, it's rather difficult to resume. But that would be important for the ISTp to understand, just because the ENFp dissapears for a while it doesn't mean that he has lost interest. Rather, I think dissapearing produces a feeling of novelty the next time.

    Thing is, both ENFp and ISTp are people who enjoy their work. Both can be deeply absorbed by "their things". However, I also think that both like to finish something and then look around for someone to share the sense of accomplishment with.

    For ISTp it may be much harder than for the ENFp, because they tend to be sharply ignoring when something doesn't interest them. They are not good with people, which implies that sometimes it is needed to stop what you are doing to pay attention to others. Often the ISTp goes for weeks without talking to anybody, and then he is surprised why there is no one interested in him.

    Thing is, between ISTp and ENFp a good tip is to keep in touch.
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  33. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex
    Mexico Topaz.

    Between ISTp and ENFp occurs a situation which is likely to cause trouble.

    We ENFp are driven novelty. We know the ISTp, play the happy-chappy routine and ISTp is left with a good impression. The ENFp frequents the ISTp for a while. However, as the situation starts to lose its novelty, we ENFp tend to seek it somewhere else, and thus leave the ISTp confused.
    I haven't seen any ENFp going down this path, that I know. They all seem happy and the ISTp doesn't restrict them in their pursuits and therefore they feel no need to break the relation.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    With ISTPs too much attention is oversaturation and they tire of us. Its good to give them a break. Too much distants has a detrimental effect though. Then you have to reconstruct your relationship with them almost from the ground up. So like Mikemex said its good to keep in touch. I loose contact of people over distances sometimes. Neither ISTP or ENFP are very good with long distance imo. Therefore, stay local, stay visible. :wink:

    Topaz
    The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

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    My husband and I have some things we always do together, and some things we always do apart. Like I have no interest in working on cars. When he needs time by himself, he goes into the garage. I have a lot more time by myself because I don't have a job, but I have felt smothered in other relationships where someone wanted to spend a ton of time with me.

    But we're quite happy. I am definitely driven by novelty, but my husband seems to like that. He would get bored if I wasn't dragging him around hither and yon from time to time.

    Supposedly ENFps do lose interest in most other people, and I guess I did find that to be the case in many relationships, but supposedly (again) we are less likely to lose interest in ISTps because they don't display their emotions so much so we don't ever feel like we have them completely figured out. And I can see that. Sometimes I'm still not sure if my husband is angry, or frustrated about something, or just hungry, or whatever. And I'll ask him if he's angry and he'll say, "Oh no, I'm fine, I was just thinking about how I am going to back end the Monaro." Or whatever. (The Monaro is a car by the way.)
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    thats funny. Yeah, I can see what youre saying.

    Topaz
    The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    I haven't seen any ENFp going down this path, that I know. They all seem happy and the ISTp doesn't restrict them in their pursuits and therefore they feel no need to break the relation.
    My friends are friends, not co-workers or school mates, which means I do not have day to day contact with them, so I have to actively stay in touch with them if I don't want to lose contact.

    At times I don't see them for months. This ISTp/ENFp and distance thing, I've observed it many times.

    If an ISTp has ever considered you a "friend" (or whatever concept they have about it), that will remain. However, ISTp are likely to get involved in many things and then simply say "I have no time" to the ENFp when he comes back.

    Right now I was talking to one of my ISTp friends for the millionth time and it's really difficult to resume from where I left.
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    Default Re: ISTPs and relationships

    Quote Originally Posted by Topaz
    Ive found the best way to keep an ISTP interested in you is to pay them almost no attention True or False?
    HAHA sooo true!!
    Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex
    Mexico Topaz.

    Between ISTp and ENFp occurs a situation which is likely to cause trouble.

    We ENFp are driven novelty. We know the ISTp, play the happy-chappy routine and ISTp is left with a good impression. The ENFp frequents the ISTp for a while. However, as the situation starts to lose its novelty, we ENFp tend to seek it somewhere else, and thus leave the ISTp confused.

    As I see them, ISTp are highly skeptical about people. They are the kind likely to think "if he was so interested in me and now he doesn't talk to me, he must not be that interested in me then".

    It has happened to me with ISTp before. If I distance from them, it's rather difficult to resume. But that would be important for the ISTp to understand, just because the ENFp dissapears for a while it doesn't mean that he has lost interest. Rather, I think dissapearing produces a feeling of novelty the next time.

    Thing is, both ENFp and ISTp are people who enjoy their work. Both can be deeply absorbed by "their things". However, I also think that both like to finish something and then look around for someone to share the sense of accomplishment with.

    For ISTp it may be much harder than for the ENFp, because they tend to be sharply ignoring when something doesn't interest them. They are not good with people, which implies that sometimes it is needed to stop what you are doing to pay attention to others. Often the ISTp goes for weeks without talking to anybody, and then he is surprised why there is no one interested in him.

    Thing is, between ISTp and ENFp a good tip is to keep in touch.
    I wish everyone had that level of understanding about me.

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    It’s been my experience that most are either too ‘weirded out’ by the fact it takes me so long to open up or just couldn’t care less… they’d rather be in the company of someone who gives them constant attention and when I don’t, they lose intrest and/or assume i'm a bitch.

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