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Thread: What's his type?

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    Default What's his type?

    This might not be much, but I am wondering what you think.

    He is very very social and outgoing. Half the town knows him, he hangs out with friends all the time, and lives with three roommates. He will hang out with the biker gang, his buddy's grandparents, play pool with his buddy's kids (or anyone else for that matter), etc. So basically he will hang out with anyone who is fun to hang out with. He dislikes pretentiousness and is all about people being nice. He also wants people to be reliable. He is very humanitarian, but when someone hurts other people or pissed him off majorly, that goes out the window.

    He is energetic, friendly, and would do anything for those close to him. He is very attentive, caring, sweet, charming, and touchy feely (anywhere). He can initially come across as a bit cocky and overly self-assured, but he really is not. He is actually pretty sensitive and it is not all that difficult to hurt his feelings. He could never hurt the feelings of those close to him and has a very good intuition of how to approach people.

    He has been in a million professions (special forces, vice president in the corporate world, owner of a restaurant, etc.), mostly successful. Right now he is running his dad's business, but is not crazy about it. He has moved a lot. He was a crack addict for several years but quit. He does not talk all that much about his past, but will willingly answer questions. I would not consider him a private person.

    He is majorly into computers (repair, assembly, and everything else). He plays Warcraft obsessively, and likes cuddly movie evenings as much as bar nights. He is very disciplined with his work.

    He very much likes to cook, keeps his place decently clean (not a clean-freak), and enjoys making people feel good. He really must be the most social person I know. It is difficult to get on his bad side, but once you are there, you are there to stay: he will hold a grudge forever. But he will not use anything personal you share with him against you. He is into music, plays base guitar, but will only sing songs by Bob Marley (I have no idea why). And for what it's worth, he has a really big tattoo on his arm.

    Any ideas?

    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    kinda reminds me of a blend of a few people who are all ESFj. that's my best guess.

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    The beginning sounds very ESFJ. I don't know any other ESFJ than my conservative friend but that's a very good possibility.
    INFP

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    I was thinking that, too, but he really does not seem that emotional and I doubt that he is dominant...I really don't get an ESFj vibe (I know a few) and for some reason I think he is a T. But I am not sure.
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    Other than the holding a grudge part and being a touchy feely person, i can easily identify with this person. Like, very much so...
    although, It has been said that I may be an ESFJ but i doubt it, so he may be ESTJ. My opinions with socionics suck though so take my word for what it's worth.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kim
    I was thinking that, too, but he really does not seem that emotional and I doubt that he is dominant...I really don't get an ESFj vibe (I know a few) and for some reason I think he is a T. But I am not sure.
    ESFj was my first impression, too. But let's assume for a moment that he really is a T. Can you see him as an ENTj? I'm not saying that that's likely, but many of the things you say about him could fit some of the ENTjs I know. Most of the ENTjs are not that socially outgoing, but I know one ENTj who is extremely extraverted in that sense. And they can be touchy sometimes, too (though they don't like to admit it).

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    Quote Originally Posted by cracka
    Other than the holding a grudge part and being a touchy feely person, i can easily identify with this person. Like, very much so...
    although, It has been said that I may be an ESFJ but i doubt it, so he may be ESTJ. My opinions with socionics suck though so take my word for what it's worth.
    Actually ESTj was my very first thought and Expat agrees that he probably is. Awesome, when you relate to it, he probably is one!

    Phaedrus, I was also considering ENTj and many things really fit (entrepreneur, adventurous, etc.). But he does give off a delta vibe and I think we would come across as two deltas interacting.
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    Yes I think he's an ESTj sensory subtype.

    As per Valentina Meged:

    Sensory subtype is characterized by stability and fitness for work. It is very energetic, it cannot sit without the matter and it does not love to in vain lose time. It is interested in new technologies in its professional region and knows how to adapt them for its needs. It is impulsive, energetic, it knows how hotly to convince. It is exacting and strict, but sometimes it yields to the persuasions. It possesses a feeling of humor. Speech - is jerky, emotional. Frequently it is possible to note that locating, only the stretched smile. Are sometimes the attempts to draw together distance in the contact cordial, friendly gestures - embraces, by clappings, by light touchs to the collocutor. Behaves sufficiently raskovanno and unconstrainedly. It lively conducts conversation, it jokes. Epicure and aesthete. It loves expensive, qualitative and beautiful things, original dishes. It knows how to remove stress, after sitting at the table with the friends. But for long to rest for itself it does not make possible. Usually has the rounded shapes of body or tendency toward the completeness. Motions are irregular, are sharp, are rapid and are impulsive. It is sufficiently restless.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    He is ESFj ... that is the way my Step-father acts.

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    Actually, I agree with ESTj sensory subtype more.
    Like what Expat quoted, he does sound ESTj.
    And he has a Delta vibe.
    INTp
    sx/sp

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    Could be ESTj. I haven't met ESTjs who are that social though. But something about him doesn't sound ESFj. It is a possibility anyways. Sounds like a caring type. What else could he be??

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    More likely to be ESTj.

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    Sounds ESTj to me. I would agree with sensory subtype.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    I once think ESTjs are not humans at all (superheros) 'cos I think their lifestyle and schedule are really crazy.

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    Quote Originally Posted by eunice
    I once think ESTjs are not humans at all (superheros) 'cos I think their lifestyle and schedule are really crazy.

    same!
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    Quote Originally Posted by XoX
    Could be ESTj. I haven't met ESTjs who are that social though. But something about him doesn't sound ESFj. It is a possibility anyways. Sounds like a caring type. What else could he be??
    I can only see him as a Si subtype EJ, nothing else.

    And yes, the extreme sociability thing speaks against ESTj, but other things don't look ESFj, either. I prefer ESTj, but it's difficult to be sure.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Hey, thanks all!

    I think his way of being social is not the ESFj way - it is not really about this hospitable socializing as in inviting friends over and entertaining them and making them feel comfortable. He is more the type to hang out with his friends at bars and parties and such.

    He is a workaholic and has lots of energy. And if it helps, he can come across as a bad boy (partying, womanizing, lol), but is sort of the hard shell/soft core type. Like trying to keep himself from falling in love, realizing it is already too late to then call drunk at 3am to tell someone that he hates to admit it, but he is totally crazy about her and in love with her and that his friends are making fun of him because he keeps talking about her and is all gooey-happy.

    Oh, and yes, there is something very delta about him. He is very much "live and let live," very accepting of all sorts of people and very caring when it comes to those close to him, pets, and children in a delta way. It is hard to explain.

    ESTj?? ENTj is still a possibility, but the quadra really seems delta.

    Yay, a bleeding-heart delta retard for Kimmie!!

    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    PS: The description Expat posted fits very well!
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kim
    Hey, thanks all!

    I think his way of being social is not the ESFj way - it is not really about this hospitable socializing as in inviting friends over and entertaining them and making them feel comfortable. He is more the type to hang out with his friends at bars and parties and such.

    He is a workaholic and has lots of energy. And if it helps, he can come across as a bad boy (partying, womanizing, lol), but is sort of the hard shell/soft core type. Like trying to keep himself from falling in love, realizing it is already too late to then call drunk at 3am to tell someone that he hates to admit it, but he is totally crazy about her and in love with her and that his friends are making fun of him because he keeps talking about her and is all gooey-happy.

    Oh, and yes, there is something very delta about him. He is very much "live and let live," very accepting of all sorts of people and very caring when it comes to those close to him, pets, and children in a delta way. It is hard to explain.

    ESTj?? ENTj is still a possibility, but the quadra really seems delta.

    Yay, a bleeding-heart delta retard for Kimmie!!

    <3

    I had an ESTj grandfather who this guy reminds me of: very social, a kind of "Godfather-y" presence among other guys, but at the same time with a big heart and a major soft spot that only gets noticed once you break past the social persona. Sociable, but not in the "dutiful" kind of way that some ESFjs can be; he genuinely liked being around people at times, but had to get away from the limelight once in a while. ESTj sensory fits perfectly.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    weird i thought estjs were the social dutiful ones. The ESTjs I know (2) don't seem very social to me. But I guess it depends how one sees duty.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilligan
    I had an ESTj grandfather who this guy reminds me of: very social, a kind of "Godfather-y" presence among other guys, but at the same time with a big heart and a major soft spot that only gets noticed once you break past the social persona. Sociable, but not in the "dutiful" kind of way that some ESFjs can be; he genuinely liked being around people at times, but had to get away from the limelight once in a while. ESTj sensory fits perfectly.
    YES, that totally describes him! Haha, the Godfather-y presence is fantastic, he will love it! And yeah, close friends and ENFps know the soft spot, but other people would not assume. And that's exactly it, his socializing is not dutiful, but he really just genuinely likes people.

    <3
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
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    .

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    The *only* thing that seems to be against ESTj is that I can't see him as a negativist. However since a Si ESTj is on the verge of neg/pos, it's not a big problem.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG
    The *only* thing that seems to be against ESTj is that I can't see him as a negativist. However since a Si ESTj is on the verge of neg/pos, it's not a big problem.
    Yeah, I would have said that he isn't, but now I am not so sure (work stress has settled in).

    How do ESTjs handle strong emotions? Feelings of attaching to somebody? Is this welcome or scary?
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
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    This is from Augusta's description of ESTj-INFj duality - -

    Their [ESTj's] attraction to the opposite sex is completely conscious and they don’t fear it. They pity those who try to hide it. They have more difficulty with feelings. The ESTjs feel the need for love, they want to be loved and be needed, but they don’t know how to write a poem out of their love. An ESTj man tries to attract the girl with kindness, services, gifts, but not with beautiful words about feelings. This torments him, it seems difficult, meaningless. Feelings are their passive and therefore vulnerable side. They cannot quickly fall in love, they fear to be deceived, to mistake their wishes for reality. If love contradicts logic, they reject it.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    DAMN!
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    Why? That's what Fi dual-seeking is all about - - it doesn't mean that the ESTj doesn't want to love, on the contrary.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    I meant so say that that seems spot-on. Tell me more!
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    In people with the developed sensations the intuition is not developed; therefore they only exceptionally take chances, they want complete clarity and confidence. They cannot love, if they think that their feelings are unreasonable. They cannot love someone, about whom they have doubts, whom they don’t trust, which causes problems. They can’t love even those who are too independent and so have no need constant aid and guardianship. [ -- ] In the sphere of feelings they don’t feel up to taking the risk: they can desire those who don’t desire them in return, but they can’t love those that don’t reciprocate their love. They need a partner with deep introverted feeling, and barely noticed balanced emotions on the surface, that is, someone, whose essential internal peace (?) is the skill measure the feeling of others with their own feelings. To logical extroverts, it is exceptionally important the positive and very tactful emotional estimation of all their behavior, concerns, and efforts. For them, life is clear, light, and intelligible, when they don’t spoil the mood of their partners, when they make their partners happy.

    The princess of the male ESTj’s dream does not show initiative herself, she waits, until he notices her. But when he begins to pay attention to her, he does it very tactfully and is not negative even when joking. ESTjs don’t understand sarcastic (?) jokes, they perceive them as negative evaluations of their own personality and that turns them away. They are not tempted nor attracted by mincing manners.

    ESTjs feel responsibility for their partner. They are more aggressive when protecting their partner’s interests from real and imaginary enemies than they are when protecting their own. They worry about their partner, give them instructions, correct and regulate their activities. They do with pleasure all that the partner can’t do – if the partner really cannot, instead of not being willing to do it. More precisely, they try to overcome difficulties that prevent the partner from taking effective action. They really don’t like it, if the partner falls under the influence, and listen to the advice, of others.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Expat

    The princess of the male ESTj’s dream does not show initiative herself, she waits, until he notices her. But when he begins to pay attention to her, he does it very tactfully and is not negative even when joking. ESTjs don’t understand sarcastic (?) jokes, they perceive them as negative evaluations of their own personality and that turns them away. They are not tempted nor attracted by mincing manners.
    Can they be forgiving when the circumstances are somewhat out of the ordinary? I mean, let's say everything goes well and then something very unexpected happens, that throws her for a loop and she acts out of character? In case he cannot quite place her negative behavior, will he withdraw or try to find out? Will he reevaluate the whole situation? How sincere is he when he says that everything is ok?

    What are mincing manners?
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kim
    Can they be forgiving when the circumstances are somewhat out of the ordinary? I mean, let's say everything goes well and then something very unexpected happens, that throws her for a loop and she acts out of character?
    The ESTjs I know are generally forgiving but they never forget something that happened. They have a habbit of bring up stuff from the past that you wished was forgotten already.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kim
    In case he cannot quite place her negative behavior, will he withdraw or try to find out? Will he reevaluate the whole situation? How sincere is he when he says that everything is ok?
    The ESTjs I know never "re-evaluate the whole situation". They build their evaluation of the "situation" slowly. All new data affects their evaluation but they don't do dramatic re-evaluations. I think they even hate the word "re-evaluation" as they don't like to do same thing twice. They are generally very stable in their evaluations.

    Anyways the biggest problem I have seen in ESTj/ENFp relations (from the ESTj point of view) is the fact that ESTjs don't appreciate the sometimes irrational behavior of ENFps. ISTps seem to love it when ENFps go "crazy" and run around but ESTjs are more likely to see it as a temporary disturbance to the otherwise harmonious relations. They seek stability and "normality".

    Quote Originally Posted by Kim
    What are mincing manners?
    lol I don't actually know...perhaps they are somekind of "flirtative (feminine) behavior". Acting "girly" or something. I really don't know for sure though. It has to be something that INFps and ISFps naturally do.

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    Quote Originally Posted by XoX
    The ESTjs I know are generally forgiving but they never forget something that happened. They have a habbit of bring up stuff from the past that you wished was forgotten already.
    Yes, I can see that! In this particular case, it's all well and good. He was surprised that I was worried about it given the circumstances.

    Quote Originally Posted by XoX
    The ESTjs I know never "re-evaluate the whole situation". They build their evaluation of the "situation" slowly. All new data affects their evaluation but they don't do dramatic re-evaluations. I think they even hate the word "re-evaluation" as they don't like to do same thing twice. They are generally very stable in their evaluations.
    Yes, I can see that in all ESTjs I know. And this incident has not changed anything because the situation was out of the ordinary. He didn't see a need to re-evaluate anything although he admitted to being a bit freaked out at how quickly this relationship is moving along. Not that he does not want it to move along, but he seems a bit uncomfortable with not being able to evaluate things slowly, as you say, because emotions "get in the way."

    Anyways the biggest problem I have seen in ESTj/ENFp relations (from the ESTj point of view) is the fact that ESTjs don't appreciate the sometimes irrational behavior of ENFps. ISTps seem to love it when ENFps go "crazy" and run around but ESTjs are more likely to see it as a temporary disturbance to the otherwise harmonious relations. They seek stability and "normality".
    Hm, yes. I have not yet had an opportunity to go crazy and run around, so this remains to be seen. But I do think that he has a pretty good grasp on my personality already (soaking up the information ESTj-style). He does like silliness and he can keep up with my energy level although he does need his downtime and timeouts to hang out with his friends. And he absolutely seeks emotional stability. But that might also be because he has a very hard time with relationship troubles/separations.

    lol I don't actually know...perhaps they are somekind of "flirtative (feminine) behavior". Acting "girly" or something. I really don't know for sure though. It has to be something that INFps and ISFps naturally do.
    [/quote]

    He doesn't like mating rituals and games such as "now I have to wait an x number of days before I call." He lived in Europe for a long time, which might have thrown him out of the loop as far as American dating culture is concerned. But he did say that when we first met, he liked that I was nice and (according to him) interesting and easy to talk to. I was not very flirtateous (I had had such a crappy day...) and he seemed to like that (plus we met at a grocery store, so it was not a setting that made for drunken hit-on lines although it was the wine section, hehe). Do ESTjs want to take the initiative? He is very much a gentleman in terms of opening car doors, flowers, etc. and he does not expect anything of that sort in return. He first of all wants me to be happy and make my life easier, which sounds very ESTj (especially from the descriptions that Expat posted).

    And with reference to the closed thread about ESTjs: I have been quite impressed with how accomplished he is in whatever profession he has worked in - also creatively. I don't quite understand why people think that is a bad thing (jack of all trades - yeah, and since they are such crazy workaholics, they are pretty damn good at them, too). This is probably one of the least boring people I have ever met. Certainly the one with the most interesting life. And part of the reason is probably that he does not waste his time with talk about what letter combination makes a person creative or intelligent. Good that he is not interested in Socionics ("oh no, here she goes again with her letters...).

    My mom, a close friend and this guy are the ESTjs I know best and they are amazing in terms of adapting to situations, expanding their horizons,
    and effectively (and creatively) utilizing knowledge. The creativity might not be obvious to some because they don't show it off. But because they are people of action rather than promises, you can rest assured that they don't talk empty talk about being someone or something.

    Cracka, do you relate???? And don't you dare let alpha claim you! I don't allow it! Or to say it with Arwen: "If you want him, come and claim him!" I will let the watery delta horses run over any alpha nazgul that tries to drag you over to the fiery wasteland of alphdor! Back off, Gilly! [/geek mode]
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kim
    Anyways the biggest problem I have seen in ESTj/ENFp relations (from the ESTj point of view) is the fact that ESTjs don't appreciate the sometimes irrational behavior of ENFps. ISTps seem to love it when ENFps go "crazy" and run around but ESTjs are more likely to see it as a temporary disturbance to the otherwise harmonious relations. They seek stability and "normality".
    Hm, yes. I have not yet had an opportunity to go crazy and run around, so this remains to be seen. But I do think that he has a pretty good grasp on my personality already (soaking up the information ESTj-style). He does like silliness and he can keep up with my energy level although he does need his downtime and timeouts to hang out with his friends. And he absolutely seeks emotional stability. But that might also be because he has a very hard time with relationship troubles/separations.
    Wow, XoX is quite right. My ESTj is not too pleased when I go "crazy and
    run around". Even when I goof around occasionally, it seems to bother him. Not so much bother, but he'd say that I'm not serious about my work enough, or just basially not serious at all. Maybe ENFps gotta be serious around ESTjs once in awhile. Unfortunately, I'm rarely serious around him. And yes, stability is very important to him.

    He's not always serious though.

    Don't know if this is an ESTj thing, but he's pretty devoted once he's found someone he loves. And he puts on his attention on that one girl. His previous relationship with me lasted 5 years. After they broke up, he remained single for 7 years because he didn't find anyone he liked.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kim
    He doesn't like mating rituals and games such as "now I have to wait an x number of days before I call." He lived in Europe for a long time, which might have thrown him out of the loop as far as American dating culture is concerned. But he did say that when we first met, he liked that I was nice and (according to him) interesting and easy to talk to. I was not very flirtateous (I had had such a crappy day...) and he seemed to like that (plus we met at a grocery store, so it was not a setting that made for drunken hit-on lines although it was the wine section, hehe). Do ESTjs want to take the initiative? He is very much a gentleman in terms of opening car doors, flowers, etc. and he does not expect anything of that sort in return. He first of all wants me to be happy and make my life easier, which sounds very ESTj (especially from the descriptions that Expat posted).
    Ahh. Indeed. Such rituals like you've mentioned doesn't interest my ESTj boyfriend either. I remember when he first took interest in me, he wasn't afraid to hide it. And he was really nice and everything. And tried to make sure I was happy and healthy? I remember we used to talk through the night and I wasn't working then, but he had to go to work the next day. And I'd go to his shop to accompany him, when both of us didn't sleep the night before. It was pretty fun actually. But he didn't like the fact that I didn't sleep, so he'd carry me from his shop to his home and tuck me in bed. I felt like a kid then.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kim
    And with reference to the closed thread about ESTjs: I have been quite impressed with how accomplished he is in whatever profession he has worked in - also creatively. I don't quite understand why people think that is a bad thing (jack of all trades - yeah, and since they are such crazy workaholics, they are pretty damn good at them, too). This is probably one of the least boring people I have ever met. Certainly the one with the most interesting life. And part of the reason is probably that he does not waste his time with talk about what letter combination makes a person creative or intelligent. Good that he is not interested in Socionics ("oh no, here she goes again with her letters...).
    Yes! I think that it's their unique trait to be able to do many things AND put their heart in their work. Like the ESTj you know, my ESTj guy has absolutely no interest in Socionics either.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kim
    My mom, a close friend and this guy are the ESTjs I know best and they are amazing in terms of adapting to situations, expanding their horizons,
    and effectively (and creatively) utilizing knowledge. The creativity might not be obvious to some because they don't show it off. But because they are people of action rather than promises, you can rest assured that they don't talk empty talk about being someone or something.
    True.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kim
    Cracka, do you relate???? And don't you dare let alpha claim you! I don't allow it! Or to say it with Arwen: "If you want him, come and claim him!" I will let the watery delta horses run over any alpha nazgul that tries to drag you over to the fiery wasteland of alphdor! Back off, Gilly! [/geek mode]
    I think cracka is delta>alpha, and he does sound ESTj.

    I'm not ESTj, but as an ENFp being with an ESTj, I thought I'd share.
    INTp
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  34. #34
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    Some things are non-type-related though like opening doors/being committed/the like
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    I realized after writing, that this is a rather long post...oops. I guess this is what I get for being bored with nothing to do at work.

    He does like silliness and he can keep up with my energy level although he does need his downtime and timeouts to hang out with his friends.
    I've always been able to be around people that are acting silly, bouncing off the walls, and just doing crazy things for short periods of time. After that it does get on my nerves a bit, especially if there's a lot of people around. It's wierd, I get embarassed when my friends do strange stuff and usually end up being the person that tries to calm everyone down.

    He doesn't like mating rituals and games such as "now I have to wait an x number of days before I call." He lived in Europe for a long time, which might have thrown him out of the loop as far as American dating culture is concerned.
    yeah, i don't care about the dating rituals myself. I'm the type that will send a text the day after a night out and just say, "last night was fun, can't wait to do it again." I've always thought it was all about the vibe I got from her when we went out, if so I'll try to set something up again. If not I'll ask her how she thought it went and let her know that it was fun but I wasn't feeling it and say if she wants to do it again that's cool, if not it was nice hanging with you... etc.

    But he did say that when we first met, he liked that I was nice and (according to him) interesting and easy to talk to. I was not very flirtateous (I had had such a crappy day...) and he seemed to like that (plus we met at a grocery store, so it was not a setting that made for drunken hit-on lines although it was the wine section, hehe). Do ESTjs want to take the initiative?
    Any person that comes across as easy to talk usually ends up being interesting to me, and then if they will actually sit and talk for a sec...their nice enough...lol I never really meet women that I think are worth a relationship when I'm out at bars and such, come to think of it, I can't think of one that's actually been more than a fling. I've always met women that I went out with at places like stores, work, and even driving down the road. I'll usually take the initiative but the world would be a better place if women did it, or so i believe...lol Since I know the bartenders well in the places I go to I can put this part of the situation on the women. Sometimes I'll buy a girl a drink and just tell the bartender, "hey, get that girl a drink on me and if she wants to say thanks, let me know... I'll be shooting pool over here. If not, she got a free drink." I am quite a shy person IRL when it comes to new people, although once talking, I'm good to go for days.

    He is very much a gentleman in terms of opening car doors, flowers, etc. and he does not expect anything of that sort in return. He first of all wants me to be happy and make my life easier, which sounds very ESTj (especially from the descriptions that Expat posted).
    I agree with wanting to make everyone happy and being overly nice to them. This has been known to backfire and run me right into the friend zone with women I may be interested in. I also pay for a lot of tabs when I'm out with others, usually more than I should just to feel good about it. And when it comes to tipping I always leave great tips, this is one of my many ways of networking...let people remember me and I get great service next time, it makes many things more pleasant, some people would be surprised. :wink:

    And with reference to the closed thread about ESTjs: I have been quite impressed with how accomplished he is in whatever profession he has worked in - also creatively. I don't quite understand why people think that is a bad thing (jack of all trades - yeah, and since they are such crazy workaholics, they are pretty damn good at them, too).
    I didn't comment on this in the other thread since it was locked but I do agree to a small extent, I can't do everything very well but I can usually do many things as good or better than most in a shorter amount of time than others, whether work or anything else. For example, me and my g/f were talking when i got home from my first round of golf that I'd ever played. I had only been to a driving range a few times and decided to go out to play my first round with a buddy who was a good golfer, compared to most others. By the 12th hole I was keeping it in the fairway and even hit one a few yards from the tee. I won't say I became really good at any point but I picked it up rather quickly and if I played anyone with the amount of experience I had by that point I would have won. So, when i get back home and me and the g/f are talking about it I said I picked it up rather quickly and was doing great by the time we finished. She gasped and said, "oh look Nick's good at something else, who would have though!" My expression of made me ask what she meant. Then she told me how everything I do I do well... sports, bowling, poker, pool, etc... I do them, I like them, and then I practice and practice until i'm above average at them and move onto something new. Of course she was being kinda sarcastic in what she said but after thinking about it I found it quite true.
    As far as jobs go, I've always become the best at anything I was doing compared to those I work with, whether it was flipping burgers at DQ, loading trucks for Averitt Express, or making chips here at Intel. I did them all long enough to figure out all the angles and do my jobs at a higher level than others.

    This is probably one of the least boring people I have ever met. Certainly the one with the most interesting life.
    Deep down I know I can be a boring person, I'm not spontaneous at all so that's a lot of it...lol I like to go to the same places, do the same things, etc... If something different comes up, i'm usually ok with doing it...trying new things/places is always fun, it just doesn't happen when it's me making the decision. As far as interesting life, now that I would say I have had. :wink:

    And part of the reason is probably that he does not waste his time with talk about what letter combination makes a person creative or intelligent. Good that he is not interested in Socionics ("oh no, here she goes again with her letters...).
    This is a funny thing for me though. People say ESTJ's are not really into socionics, this is very true as we can see from the large amount on this forum. As far as I'm concerned, I really don't care about it much myself... I'm just here because I like the atmosphere of this forum more than most. I gave up learning the theory long before I ever really started, I found it neat to know that it's out there but I didn't want to get into it too much at all because then I figured it would mess with the way I see people and start unconsciously stereotyping those that I meet or have known in the past, so I just don't go any farther than what I've read here.

    Cracka, do you relate???? And don't you dare let alpha claim you! I don't allow it! Or to say it with Arwen: "If you want him, come and claim him!" I will let the watery delta horses run over any alpha nazgul that tries to drag you over to the fiery wasteland of alphdor! Back off, Gilly!
    I really don't think I could be anything but an ESTJ, whether I sound like it on this forum or not.

    Don't know if this is an ESTj thing, but he's pretty devoted once he's found someone he loves. And he puts on his attention on that one girl. His previous relationship with me lasted 5 years. After they broke up, he remained single for 7 years because he didn't find anyone he liked.
    I also don't know if it's an ESTJ thing or not, but I've been pretty much the same way. I've stayed in some unhealthy relationships for way to long because of it. haha, I've been single for close to 2 years now but it's just because the only women I tend to meet are women that I just want a physical relationship with, or I still haven't got over the last g/f yet.

    the end.

  36. #36
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    Mea, I had hoped you would post! Thanks!
    I can totally see the tucking into bed, etc. Today he cleaned up my apartment while I was reading type descriptions to him. I am a bit "under the weather" currently and he does everything to help me cope and feel better. While I realize that that is not necessarily type-related, I do think that ESTjs have a certain way of doing that: "that is what there is to do. Don't mention it. I care about you and that's that." Does that make sense? They don't even really think about why they do it. It just comes natural for them.

    As for manners and commitment, I agree that that also might no be type-related, but there is a certain old-fashionedness that I see in every ESTj I know. And all of them would always stick to a partner no matter what. This guy did not even blink when I him that I would understand if he didn't want to deal with my situation and just told me to come over and that was that - no drama of any sort. I am absolutely certain that no matter of what happens to me, he would stay (and I haven't even known him that long) and the same is true for my ESTj friend and my mom (and their partners). I do think that loyalty IS characteristic for ESTjs.

    Cracka, thanks! I am very certain you are ESTj! My guy actually said he could relate to the ENFj description, but I am just so sure he is ESTj...I have to figure out how this happened. He did, however, read this thread and the descriptions of other people about ESTj and was impressed. He also said I described him accurately. I just can't help but think he is delta.
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kim
    While I realize that that is not necessarily type-related, I do think that ESTjs have a certain way of doing that: "that is what there is to do. Don't mention it. I care about you and that's that." Does that make sense? They don't even really think about why they do it. It just comes natural for them.
    Yes! that is so true! I've realized that. When they're helping the person they love, they do stuff out of the ordinary, and they might not even realize it. It just comes so naturally for them. I remember something similar to what you've described, and he didn't even expect me to thank him cuz he didn't think it was anything much.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kim
    As for manners and commitment, I agree that that also might no be type-related, but there is a certain old-fashionedness that I see in every ESTj I know. And all of them would always stick to a partner no matter what. This guy did not even blink when I him that I would understand if he didn't want to deal with my situation and just told me to come over and that was that - no drama of any sort. I am absolutely certain that no matter of what happens to me, he would stay (and I haven't even known him that long) and the same is true for my ESTj friend and my mom (and their partners). I do think that loyalty IS characteristic for ESTjs.
    Yup. My ESTj boyfriend has pretty traditional views. That "old-fashionedness". And when he wants to see me, he'd just give a call and ask to meet. period. Exactly like how you put it, no drama of any sort.
    I'm not sure if loyalty is an ESTj characteristic, but it does describe my boyfriend. He'd be with the girl he likes no matter what, almost nothing can change his mind (stubborn. )
    INTp
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mea
    When they're helping the person they love, they do stuff out of the ordinary, and they might not even realize it. It just comes so naturally for them. I remember something similar to what you've described, and he didn't even expect me to thank him cuz he didn't think it was anything much.
    Yes, exactly!

    Quote Originally Posted by Mea
    I'm not sure if loyalty is an ESTj characteristic, but it does describe my boyfriend. He'd be with the girl he likes no matter what, almost nothing can change his mind (stubborn. )
    Hehe, they stubbornly stand by their partners even in crisis (or especially then) :wink: That's cute!

    Ok, the problem is now that Gilly VIed him as definitely ExTx with the order ENTp>ESTp>ENTj>ESTj and is sure that he is ENTp. Now that I have spent more time with him, I can provide more information (some of it is probably repetitive, sorry):

    As for work discipline, it turned out it is not consistent, but effective. He goes through phases as a true workaholic, but then takes time off and puts work aside. He is self-employed currently, so he is on his own schedule. So instead of working consistently to finish a project, he will work on and off, but when he does work, he goes into the zone and there is nothing else. He is responsible about getting things done, but is rather last minute sometimes.

    About socializing he told me today that he does not need to go out all the time necessarily, but that he feels he needs to to counter the fact that he works from home and could just stay there and do his thing. So he feels it is necessary for him to leave the house and be around people. Usually he meets a friend to play pool or listens to local bands. He has roommates and wouldn't like living alone. He very much enjoys small groups and one-on-one. He does not necessary love parties, but when he is there, he interacts and communicates with a variety of people and can be the center of attention. He is very friendly, casual, energetic, somewhat loud, smiles a lot, is very animated with lots of facial expression and gestures. Sometimes he can be dramatic. When he goes to a club, he is more likely to remain on the sidelines. He has quite the presence and very many people really like him (and everyone knows him - you can't go anywhere without people greeting him) while others really dislike him. He is extremely protective of his loved ones. He likes to mentor people and help them get back on track (and he is good at it). He seems very loyal.

    During business calls, he is assertive and, depending on the context, appropriately formal or casual. He can be rather aggressive in his tone when things aren't going his way, but he is never out of line.

    He does not like to talk about personal problems and issues, but will definitely listen and be there. He will talk about what he has done and experienced in life, but does not want to "burden" me or himself with talking about problems and such. I have to be a bit careful when I tease him because he is pretty sensitive and does not always catch the sarcasm. He himself is a lot of fun and can be very silly.

    He was unsure of where we were with our relationship in the beginning and repeatedly asked for confirmation. He didn't want it to progress as quickly as it did, but he is fine with it now. It seems as if he did not have a clear idea about where we were, where this is going, but was afraid to clarify.

    He is fluent in three languages and knows the basics of at least 3 other ones. He is great at imitating accents and doing impersonations. He will work out and watch his health to look better (but is naturally in good shape) and stay healthy, but if he does not see a need, he won't do it. He is educated, well-mannered, and interested in many things, especially different cultures and customs. I would describe him as a free spirit.

    I have a few ideas, but I will share later. Oh, and he is a bit freaked out by my constant questions to figure out his type because he does not like to be figured out. Yesterday he said: "I feel like a science project."
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

  39. #39
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    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Oh, and I seem to remember you being "confident" that I, too, was Delta at some point. Just something to think on. :wink:
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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