EIIs-IEEs and heightened interpersonal sensitivity towards everyone

[flower]

Hello people, I met a new person from work a couple of months ago, and I am 99.99% sure he is INFj. He constantly sais to people, "whats wrong", "are you ok", "your a bit quiet", "why arn't you taking to me". I have had that a bit personally every now and again being ISTp of course, but he sais it to everyone, quiet a lot. It's funny because to me it always seems like everyone is ok and happy, can he see something I can't? Is this something other INFj's do sometimes?

[cracka]

I seriously hope not...lol

[vague]

Sounds like , albeit annoying use of it.

[Angel von Himmel]

INFjs place their own ethical priorities before other peoples ethical priorities. Constantly asking "what's wrong?" just is not something someone who uses Fi would do ...

[CuriousSoul]

Hello people, I met a new person from work a couple of months ago, and I am 99.99% sure he is INFj. He constantly sais to people, "whats wrong", "are you ok", "your a bit quiet", "why arn't you taking to me". I have had that a bit personally every now and again being ISTp of course, but he sais it to everyone, quiet a lot. It's funny because to me it always seems like everyone is ok and happy, can he see something I can't? Is this something other INFj's do sometimes?

Funny enough, I have found myself behaving like this at times...
Sounds to me that he could be a bit nervous and uncertain with regard to how others relate to him. Kind of desperately trying to be nice to everyone and fitting in - and going rather overboard... INFJs are typically afraid of boring people with long rants, etc. As an INFj I like talking to people, but would usually prefer the other person to keep the discussion going, so he is probably just trying to get others to do the talking.

You could try to tell him that you are fine, but he does not need to worry about it. Not the easiest thing to do for an ISTP, of course.

[Gilly]

Sounds more like an Alpha SF tendency. Could he be an ESFj sensory, perhaps? I don't see INFjs babying people like that.

[CuriousSoul]

In my experience Alpha SF types tend to do it more naturally, and would not create an awkward impression like this guy seems to have done.

[Typeless Wonder]

Could be expressing his polr or another weak function? He seems insecure about how others relate to him and seems to be seeking affirmation that he isn't somekind of outcast.

[CuriousSoul]

Often times what matters more is how things are said and done rather than what actually happens. If you are not there to witness "the real thing" it is awfully hard to say what the guy's type is - or what he actually wants to achieve with his questioning.

I have seen ESFJs constantly asking "how are you feeling?", but usually it indicates that someone is sending the wrong signals and they get confused.

[Mea]

This sounds more than .
Where is more concerned about the emotional state of a person.
Umm, just my $.02

[oyburger]

Sounds more like an Alpha SF tendency. Could he be an ESFj sensory, perhaps? I don't see INFjs babying people like that.

My INFj mother sometimes acts like that albeit, not quite that bad. Depending on her mood (and the circumstances) she is the Queen Baby-er.

[Minde]

Hello people, I met a new person from work a couple of months ago, and I am 99.99% sure he is INFj. He constantly sais to people, "whats wrong", "are you ok", "your a bit quiet", "why arn't you taking to me". I have had that a bit personally every now and again being ISTp of course, but he sais it to everyone, quiet a lot. It's funny because to me it always seems like everyone is ok and happy, can he see something I can't? Is this something other INFj's do sometimes?

.
Umm... I don't really make a habit of it. Usually when I do ask those types of questions, it's not really to gain more information but to make them feel better. I can already tell they're feeling bad, and I can usually figure out whether or not it's directed at me. I guess maybe I do it more than some people, but not all the time.

[Gilly]

Now that I think about it, I can see an INFj friend of mine doing this. It seems, however, that they would only take on this role if they felt directly responsible for the person or whatever may be "wrong;" INFjs aren't really obtrusive like this, at least in my experience.

[flower]

Thanks for the replies
Maybe he is a little nervous and overly keen for people to like him, although he does seem quite confident and strong minded. He has strong ideas and opinions about things, a lot of passion comes through when he talks about things he likes. A couple of you say it sounds like , he really feels like INFj but I have to agree, it does sound like , importantly though, when he says these things it dosent seem like he is saying it out of genuine concern, as in he really thinks something is wrong, more like a way of raising the energy level of the people around and making people more outwardly cheerfull, or as a conversation starter, its more passive instead of being a more direct "whats wrong".
Thinking about it though, other people dont seem to be too bothered by it or dont notice it like I do, it of course annoys the hell out of me . He is a nice person though, it probably feels worse to me than it does to other people.

[meatburger]

I realised lately that is a pet peeve of mine. I dislike people asking me how i am. I like to resolve problems myself if i needed help i would ask. I had a day a few weeks ago where everyone asked if i was ok. It made it SOOO much worse as it made me think more about my problems

This INFj's fav song would have to be Phats and Small - Turn around

http://www.last.fm/music/Phats%2B%25.../_/Turn+Around

[CuriousSoul]

Thanks for the replies
Maybe he is a little nervous and overly keen for people to like him, although he does seem quite confident and strong minded. He has strong ideas and opinions about things, a lot of passion comes through when he talks about things he likes. A couple of you say it sounds like , he really feels like INFj but I have to agree, it does sound like , importantly though, when he says these things it dosent seem like he is saying it out of genuine concern, as in he really thinks something is wrong, more like a way of raising the energy level of the people around and making people more outwardly cheerfull, or as a conversation starter, its more passive instead of being a more direct "whats wrong". Thinking about it though, other people dont seem to be too bothered by it or dont notice it like I do, it of course annoys the hell out of me . He is a nice person though, it probably feels worse to me than it does to other people.

I do not see anything that would contradict INFJ either. Often times people react negatively to displays of introverted feeling, and since males are generally expected to take a somewhat active role socially, this kind of "pseudo-caregiver" attitude may be a natural development. How people behave depends on many factors, type being just one of them. As a rule of thumb, INFJs would, though, like to have someone to take care of them and be concerned about their wellbeing, and would therefore instinctively tend to presume that deep down others have similar needs as well. Thus, for example, this old post by Baby/Scrummy seems quite insightful to me:


Pseudo-Caregivers/Students: ENFp, INFj
These are types who exhibit paternal/maternal tendencies towards others in their everyday lives and may thus carry over these notions and temperaments into their romantic life. These types habitually attempt to give their partner what he/she "needs" (or what they believe they need). As a result, they may become drained by lack of attendence to their own needs and desires. In a partner, they are searching for a combination of strength and gentleness.
http://the16types.no-ip.info/forums/...?p=81809#81809

[flower]

yay, I was talking to him yesterday and he mentioned how he was really quiet as a child, and is trying to be a bit more open now, because he really cares about people and wants to spend his life helping other people. I asked him about his weekend, and he said he was with his cousins and went on about how much he values his family etc, so I think he is definately INFj. So to all you INFj's, I warn you that your not immune to the "whats wrong"s lol
I think in a way it's kinda cute...although still annyoing

[implied]

i think that "how are you feeling? what's wrong?" thing all the time is kind of ESFj-ish, too. it's like an over-the-top caregiving thing, i think. you know how you hear that they are aggressive with making sure that you're comfortable and they'll ask you if you want food a lot? this is like the same thing, i think.

[science as magic]

i actually do sort of think it is . i was a wreck for a bit and but would go to large gatherings and i'd always be the loner sitting in the corner feeling sort of out of place and it was like a magnet for (especially from infjs). i think the way to be sure is to see whether or not they take it "personally" if you reject their "help." ixfjs don't seem to whereas isfps at least seem to.

[Esoteric Orange]

Hmm... probably not an INFj thing.

More likely an ENFj/ESFj thing.

They have dominant Fe, and are overly concerned with a lot of things other people do.

[science as magic]

i don't think the people i was talking about in particular were . sometimes they would come up to me and just sit down next to me like a comforting presence and we'd just look at the stars or soemthing for 40 minutes or so without talking. i'm pretty sure a lot were infjs. esfjs came up to me too but they would try to make me chirpy.

[Creepy-Diana]

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[science as magic]

these did both. i think infjs often have a bad connotation with that question though because a lot of people ask that of them. sometimes they asked "equivalents" like "are you doing ok?" with this meek look in their eyes. i don't think the person who wrote the first post meant it in a "what's the fuck is matter with you?" *frown* or "what's wrong now? " manner but more in a i don't know how to phrase it, almost "do you need assistance?" or something manner lol

[Creepy-Diana]

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[science as magic]

yeah but that can very easily be exfx too. when you said that i imagined someone like my entp friend with a big goofy grin on his face or his esfp sister with the same sort of dealio going on. ixfx is more... demure? it looks more intense or.. like a nun? (sometimes) or something. sometimes they can be negative too though like the first post mentioned. guess it just depends on their life experience

[Creepy-Diana]

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[Creepy-bg]

If I saw someone acting like Pedro describes I'd probably be drawn to them moreso for the peace they offered. I tend to seek out the quiet corners. As far as saying anything about how they feel I doubt I'd say anything besides a simple "sup?" as I sat down. Then I'd probably just sit there enjoying the stars and wait for them to talk if they wanted to. After awhile of nothing I'd test the waters by making up silly names for constillations, then gauge their mood by how they reacted or the names they came up with. If nothing I'd probably decide I was intruding and leave. Perhaps I'd direct a good looking, non-annoying, girl's attention to him, as that's probably what I'd be secretly wishing for in that situation :wink:

actually I rarely leave my house except to go to work or my best friends house (which is practicaly next door) so I'd probably never see him in the first place

[vigilante]

I don't think he is fair discussion because he is entering a new environment. People tend to behave differently when they enter new environments. It sounds like he is feeling insecure about .... so it is probably one of his 3rd or 4th function. Generally speaking, I don't think anyone in their right mind will beeline for their dual-seeking or hidden agenda functions when they are new at a job ... that's just irresponsible. (unless they really don't care about the job at all, and just wanna play around for the heck of it.)

Further speculating... you also mentioned that he is probably introverted, so must be his role function then. In this case, he'd be an LSI or LII.