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Thread: ESE-SLI supervision relations (ESFj & ISTp)

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    Default ESE-SLI supervision relations (ESFj & ISTp)

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    Smilingeyes's Avatar
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    Yes, it's an incompatibility between socionics and MBTI theory.

    The socionics ESFj may find the ISTp a fun toy for a while, but rarely for long. Good luck.
    First eliminate every possible source of error. Thence success is inevitable.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Smilingeyes
    Yes, it's an incompatibility between socionics and MBTI theory.

    The socionics ESFj may find the ISTp a fun toy for a while, but rarely for long. Good luck.

    Blah.

    I guess I'll just walk away from this one then. It's not like I have a whole lot of other prospects though.

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    screw theorys... get with the girl and see what happens. If it's good stick with it- if not move on

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    I used to know a f ESFj - m ISTp couple very well.

    They stayed together for some 10 years, but with many episodes where the ISTp left and then came back, to the ESFj's bewilderment. In a dynamic typical of relationships of supervision, the ISTp complained about her "nagging" and the ESFj had no idea of what was going on.

    They got together, and remained together, due to lots of common interests, mutual attraction, and very close geographical proximity - that is, precisely the kind of relationship that, in non-Socionics terms, "had" to work. Only it didn't. The ISTp felt criticised and nagged by her, yet felt sort of guilty for feeling that, since he sort of realized that it wasn't her intention.

    It is a very similar dynamic to a f ESTj - m ISFp couple I also knew. In fact, exactly the same things happened.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    My mother-in-law is ESFj and my husband is ISTp. Not a romantic relationship but they are pretty close despite living a long distance apart at this point.

    She thinks he's lazy and is always trying to get him to be more ambitious. She thinks I'm lazy too. And to some extent we both are, but we've arranged our lives in a way that works for us. Everything is taken care of, all our needs are met, our daughter's needs are met. We don't need more so there's no reason to work harder - we'd rather relax and enjoy ourselves. She doesn't understand this.

    Also, when my in-laws come to visit us, they stay with us a large part of the time. My husband is picky - he likes things done his way. Well when they come my mother-in-law completely takes over and re-does everything. He won't say anything, he just fumes. So I get to be the bad guy and I (very very diplomatically) explain how and why we do things the way we do.
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    Hmmm, all very interested. Forgive me for asking what is probably a very mundane questions in everyone's eyes, but what exactly is the mechanism that causes this 'supervision' or feeling of being nagged? Seriously, I read the blurb on Relations of Supervision and I start fantasizing about doing quadratic equations to calm my spinning head.


    She seems to have a really strong nurturing side; always taking care of friends and family to the detriment of herself, and running around all flighty-like because she's got so much on her plate. I think I help her relax a little bit when I'm around...

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    Quote Originally Posted by napalm
    Hmmm, all very interested. Forgive me for asking what is probably a very mundane questions in everyone's eyes, but what exactly is the mechanism that causes this 'supervision' or feeling of being nagged? Seriously, I read the blurb on Relations of Supervision and I start fantasizing about doing quadratic equations to calm my spinning head.
    All the relationships are supposed to be between the functions. So "dominant" Fe is supposed to be looking over (supervising) a "weak" Fe function (you). That's pretty much the basis for all this stuff.

    Some of us believe in the relationships and some of us don't. Believe in what you want.
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    Quote Originally Posted by napalm
    Quote Originally Posted by Smilingeyes
    Yes, it's an incompatibility between socionics and MBTI theory.

    The socionics ESFj may find the ISTp a fun toy for a while, but rarely for long. Good luck.

    Blah.

    I guess I'll just walk away from this one then. It's not like I have a whole lot of other prospects though.
    Pfft, fuk that! Dont let some theory stop you.
    MBTI - INFJ
    Socionics - INFx

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    solely based on your apparent lack of discontent, it must be questioned whether you have typed yourself and/or your gf correctly.

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    Quote Originally Posted by napalm
    Hmmm, all very interested. Forgive me for asking what is probably a very mundane questions in everyone's eyes, but what exactly is the mechanism that causes this 'supervision' or feeling of being nagged? Seriously, I read the blurb on Relations of Supervision and I start fantasizing about doing quadratic equations to calm my spinning head.
    Well, first, if you're both Si subtypes, the supervision effect would be reduced. Your relationship would be like a supervision-mirror hybrid.

    Quote Originally Posted by napalm
    She seems to have a really strong nurturing side; always taking care of friends and family to the detriment of herself, and running around all flighty-like because she's got so much on her plate. I think I help her relax a little bit when I'm around...
    This may be an indication that she's Si subtype, but it's too little information.

    From what you just said, I do think you are ISTp. Be warned -- you may think that you "help her relax", but she may be thinking, "why doesn't he want to be more active"? It is this - the EJ - IP temperament difference, and the Fe interaction as Rocky said, that cause the problem.

    The nagging would be of the sort, "can't you behave according to the situation" or "remember to behave like this, or like that" and simply wanting you to get moving to do something when you actually want her to "relax".
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    you seem much more MBTI oriented, especially based on the ISTP-adventurous comment. many would probably agree that the stereotype in MBTI that ISTPs are adventurous does not really apply to socionics ISTp.

    you should further investigate the differentiations of socionics types with MBTIs, as they do not always correlate or make sense. and, simply because you identify with MBTI descriptions of ISTP does not mean that you will be a socionics ISTp, as socionics is really based much more on functional preferences and intertype dynamics than other tools which are prevalent in MBTI.

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    i thought i was ISTp not long ago. turns out i'm just a shy ESTp (and i'm pretty sure about this one).

    i used to know a couple of guys who were ESFj and ISTp. they were really good friends. they had a really good bond. they hung out together a lot. ESFj would help ISTp get off his butt by getting him jobs or just stuff to do. he was also more social and it rubbed off perfectly on ISTp. they were both bouncers when i knew them. ISTp would drive ESFj around while they smoked ganja listening to gangsta rap; they were living the "high" life.

    the ESFj was kinda nagging though. they sorta reminded me of Laurel and Hardy. whatever ISTp did was never exactly right or good enough in the eyes of ESFj. the ISTp always stuck by him though, loyal to a fault. at one point, ESFj broke a bone in his leg and was pinned to a bed for weeks. during that time, all his friends let him down (the nagging and gossiping got worse). the ISTp got all the bouncer gigs and never called him. i'm sure they're still friends seeing as they're so close but it will never be the same...

    anyways, just an anecdote. this ESFj wasn't really healthy. go ahead get the girl!
    IEI - the nasty kind...

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    I'm an ISTp and there's an ESFj girl at work that I'm absolutely smitten with right now.
    No ISTp in their right mind uses the word smitten!
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    I don't pay much attention to these 'intertype relations' theories or whatever you people go on about. I will say, however, I find ESFJ's to be quite possibly the worst form of a human being and being in a relationship with one would probobly be about as enjoyable as being in a relationship with my grandmother.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    I don't pay much attention to these 'intertype relations' theories or whatever you people go on about. I will say, however, I find ESFJ's to be quite possibly the worst form of a human being and being in a relationship with one would probobly be about as enjoyable as being in a relationship with my grandmother.
    May I know why if you don't mind sharing?

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    Think of your grandma. Good chance she’s boring, uptight, old fashioned and nit-picky.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    Think of your grandma. Good chance she’s boring, uptight, old fashioned and nit-picky.
    Unfortunately, I don't need to. My mom's ESFj. I'm ENFp.
    And things are getting worse all the time.
    She's horrible at understanding concepts, yet wants me to explain them to her, yet she still doesn't get it. I lost my patience over time.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mea
    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    Think of your grandma. Good chance she’s boring, uptight, old fashioned and nit-picky.
    Unfortunately, I don't need to. My mom's ESFj. I'm ENFp.
    And things are getting worse all the time.
    She's horrible at understanding concepts, yet wants me to explain them to her, yet she still doesn't get it. I lost my patience over time.
    Yeah, I know this : ). It's almost like whatever you say is useless to her until she comes to see it herself. Perhaps they are seeking another form of explanation, something more structural.

    @jessica129: Maybe nit-picky or neurotic will be the most negative trait I'll pick for the ESFjs I ever worked with. Hyper + neurotic at their most busy state .

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    Quote Originally Posted by stefana
    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    I don't pay much attention to these 'intertype relations' theories or whatever you people go on about. I will say, however, I find ESFJ's to be quite possibly the worst form of a human being and being in a relationship with one would probobly be about as enjoyable as being in a relationship with my grandmother.
    May I know why if you don't mind sharing?
    yeah, not just that. i think maybe supervision in general can come off as parental as hell. like jessica said, it would be like dating your grandma/mom/dad/other person who "knows what's best" for you. like how do you get a flame going there, eh?
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    -"knows what's best" for you.-

    Yea. They give me advice on things, and it’s not usually very well welcomed. It’s so annoying. They think they know all about me and they don’t really. I know they’re intentions are good but if I really wanted advice on something I’d just ask.
    I got in an argument with an ESFj friend over this many years ago. My friend was all disappointed and saying things like “ I thought I knew you”, and “ I’m so shocked”, etc etc. I said I was sorry after I calmed down, but that didn’t make much difference. I think I really hurt feelings that day. I had to go over their house and apologize and all.
    I’m so insensitive sometimes.
    9w1

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    Default ESE/SLI

    I have an SLI friend in a relationship with an ESE. They've been together for almost a year now, I'm pretty surprised. I didn't think it would work out. The first time I saw them together, they were also with an IEE and to me he seemed to get much more joy out of talking to her than the ESE in question. I realize how bad it would make me look if I told him that she should be my girlfriend instead, so I'm not even going to go there.

    Another case is this ESE friend of mine who is quite good friends with an SLI. They hang out and play video games a lot.

    Is anyone else surprised by how well these two types get along? They're both fairly gentle personalities, but where does the supervisory conflict come in to play? I'm not really seeing it here.
    The saddest ESFj

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    I know an ESE f - SLI m - couple who's been together for several years, and they are happy as far as I know.

    On the other hand, my ESE ex totally disliked the SLI bf of an IEE friend of hers.

    I think the ESE-SLI supervision works mainly by the ESE seeing the SLI as coming across as unfriendly, rude, impolite etc to others (that was the complaint my ESE ex had about the SLI). But in that case, it was because she didn't really know her very well. In the ESE-SLI couple I know, I think the ESE finds the SLI crude sometimes in his jokes, and a bit lazy, but she thinks he's a good guy, husband, and father, and in the end that prevails
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Click the link if you want to cut straight to the supervision sequence.

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    yup.

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    OMG!!! she was like assaulting him!!
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

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    lol get the heck away!
    “No psychologist should pretend to understand what he does not understand... Only fools and charlatans know everything and understand nothing.” -Anton Chekhov

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    Ha! So true. The only saving grace is that SLI's are slow runners.
    ISTp
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