I'm looking for insight into what my type is.
I've come out as lots of different types from lots of different places. Off and on for quite a long time.
When I originally became interested I came out as VERY high on P, and slightly N. Although at the time I was sleeping for four hours a night, drinking daily, and on a break from working.
From what I can tell, I seem to like to flip from P to J when working. And I get this massive surge of energy, as soon as I get a drop on stress.
I used to use time pressure a lot to motivate me. Constantly tried to do things faster, than I believed that I could. So as that I had something to strive towards.
I'm always looking at how I can improve. How things can be better, how I'm going get a kick out of life.
I tend to push myself to extremely stressed states, just by desiring things too strongly. And I get extremely moody, and angry at each and every thing that's in my way towards accomplishing what I've decided to do.
I've learned to moderate my desires for things, so that I slow down a little. I used to get pretty aggressive in pursuit of goals, to the point of spinning out, and not being able to socialise.
I believe in working harder, rather than better. I do everything fast, and when I'm on a serious mission, I get intense enough that I can't socialise with people. Until I "slow down" which I find solutions for, and stick to.
When I first started working full time, at the age of 18, I worked extremely hard, got really stressed out, and after work every day I'd drink three beers unless something exciting was happening. And then it was fine to get drunk, even though I had work the next day. I used to listen to Slayer at loud volumes until I got pissed off at it, and then I knew I was fine to socialise / be around other people. I'd find myself giving in after about half an hour or so.
Whenever I went to bed, if there were visitors around, I couldn't sleep and would feel like I was missing out. So I'd get back up again.
I used to think about work things when I was on my lunch break. And found that I could think clearer if I was outside, and moving.
I kept on drinking in evenings, and worked hard during the daytime. I found that as long as I ate meat, and chilli, at lunch time, I'd be able to keep my focus up. But I ended up drinking a single beer with my lunch in order to not get as pissed off at people.
I pretty much kept it up until I started getting "chest pains" which I've gotten since I was a kid. When I've been extremely stressed for weeks on end I get intense tension through my arms. And I suddenly realise that I've been holding onto lots of things, and I try and let go. I play with body postures trying to detense. And I move really slowly, and get sharp stabbing pains in my head, and there's this blue line that goes through me. And it feels like my body's all black, and gray, like there's some kind of dark force all over me.
After this happens, I realise that I haven't exactly been nice to people, and I start to remember things like people yelling at me, in desparate ways, when I've been misbehaving. (although I don't remember the circumstances before hand, because I get memory blackouts)
I get myself into quite a few spots with feeling types that try justifying things because of emotional issues. Like I expect that people should be able to carry on, through any emotional issues. Although once I didn't go to work, because I felt bad about punching a flatmate of mine. And I just sat still for ages. And to this day I still can't remember actually doing such.
I crave intensity a lot. And I'm always trying to increase other peoples intensity... If someone says that they feel bad for instance, and they're denying themselves because of it... I'll start asking them lots of questions, and try to get to the root of it, and change their perceptions. So that it doesn't limit them.
As long as I have plenty of money/resources I'm pretty generous. Although I learnt that this was frowned upon. And when I was 19 I questioned what else I could offer... and didn't really know.
I used to get angry at people who were in negative self-defeating moods.
When I'm angry, sometimes I get these impulses running through my mind of imagined actions.
It took me a long time to try and figure out whether I was introverted, or extroverted. The conclusion I came to was this:
* I like group situations
* I've got an internal sense of direction
* I expect others to also have an internal sense of direction
* I can apply my own values/beliefs to other people, but they often don't
like such. If I care strongly about people I can apply their values /
beliefs to them, and expect them to be followed at all times.
* I'm pretty aware of other people around me. But sometimes I just
pretend people don't exist because they have no point.
* I don't like being unsure of myself around other people so if something's
complicated, and I don't understand it properly, then I don't want to
be around other people, whilst I think it through.
* I talk a lot around other people. But I'm not very good at meshing
with group dynamics. Although I've got better at this.
* I'm somewhat guarded in social situations. But this can come down
when I know people better. But as soon as there are people that I don't
know, my guard goes back up again.
* If I drink alcohol I become more extroverted, and it's easier to endure
people I don't like.
When I was younger, I often socialised on coffee - it'd even me out more.
As far as intuition / sensing goes. I seem to find that alcohol screws with my intuition. And that intuition often seems to "kick in" when complexity rises - as long as I keep finding things to stump me, intuition will keep giving me answers. But I've got this desire to pretend that I'm not intuitive, as when I was younger I was often accussed of "cheating"
because I "knew too much". And it can seem somewhat dirty, because
no-one else seemed to openly admit to it. It felt somewhat magical; like
I'd get answers for free!
But when intuition is working properly, I just aim in a direction, decide on the context, and out comings poring lots of relevant information. So I come up with this ability to control scope, and receive data through it.
From there I end up drinking coffee in order to get it all out, into a more
solid form. IE - I don't rely on it.
As far as Thinking/Feeling goes, I adopt a value/belief system, similar to introverted feeling. But I think about it. And how to justify it. I find that
my introverted feeling is strong enough to get by. But I get lost if I'm
around people who feel lots of things. And yet at the same time I get
addicted to trying to improve!
I lean heavily towards Perceiving, in order to gain direction. To know
where I'm going, and what I'm going to do, in order to get there. I take
in a lot of things. And I have a strong future orientation, of both myself
and other people.
When I'm doing tasks, I often have a more Judging orientation, until they
are completed. And then I hit Perceiving again.
If I'm socialising Perceiving is much stronger. As that means that I can
get along with more people. Learn more, get further head etc. But when
I or other people are Perceiving too much I can get fustrated, and want
to do things more solidly.
Communication style is more informing when socialising. And directing
in response to difficulties. If I'm discussing something complicated, then
I'll hit an informing style. Although it doesn't mean anything. If I say
things in a directing style it means they're important, and must be
My style is pretty much...
Disorganised base line. Create projects/goals. Start working towards them. Get distracted. Start more projects/goals. Remember old projects/goals. Work towards them.
High confidence/low continuity Superficially high confidence, overcommit,
consistent. Low continuity, like to finish things in one go.
I had a bit of a meltdown, at one stage. And didn't really recover that
well from it. I've learnt to slow down after that. I hadn't been sleeping
enough, and suffered memory problems, and things started slipping from
my mind. From there I've decided to prioritise working a bit lower, and to
try and improve my general conduct.
Hangon... I get meltdowns reasonably often. I'm kind of up and down a
bit, and naturally seem to go towards extremes, and bounce back from
one extreme to the other.
The other thing I do, is that I get addicted to things very easily. And then
stop them suddenly. But I'm always replacing one addiction with another.
I can get addicted to nearly anything.
Oh, and if I single focus, my intensity seems to get really high. I can
spread my focus out a bit more, and reduce my intensity. Like if I'm
looking for something, and want it now, then I can get faster and faster
Under stress, I get an adrenaline rush. And I enjoy it.
Oh, and I'm hopeless with tests. I tend to answer 3 to 5 for all of them.
Yeah, I'm like that. Yeah, I'm more like that. Yeah, I'm really like that.
I also come out differently if I think about what I'm answering, rather than following gut impulse.
But it's hard to guage what I'm like in one compared to the others, and I
try to work on things I'm not good at, as well as things I'm good at.
Although, I've noticed that my Introverted Sensing is my lowest function;
but sometimes Extroverted Sensing comes out high. Go figure.
Oh yeah, the other weird thing is that I get periods of time where I can't
take in anything new. And can only do things that I already know how to
do; although I can present them differently.