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Thread: Dating Your Identical

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    unrealistic dreamer turd mrrrmaid's Avatar
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    Default Dating Your Identical

    Thoughts? Experiences?

    Does it challenge you to use your inferior functions more or do you just end up ignoring them and living in a fantasy land of your shared main functions?
    i.e. do you become more well rounded as an individual instead of getting that stuff from your dual? Or do you become one of those couples that look like each other and never see anyone else and never confront your weaknesses? Or worse, fall into a bickering mess because the other one can't help you with your pain points?

    How much worse does this get if they are the same enneagram type (mb even the same tritype) as you?

    asking for a friend
    "I take back like half of the exclamation points.....they make me look....eager to please. Which I AM....but I don't want anyone to KNOW that"
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    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    I haven't exactly dated my female LIE identicals, but I have spent time with two of them over a period of years. One of them was a woman who used to run a division of GE, and was going back to school to get a PhD in Optical Sciences. We worked on a project together, and we were so sympatico it was amazing. She was on her second marriage and I was newly divorced, so we didn't exactly look at each other as prospective partners, but we gave each other a lot of support and made a powerful team.
    The only points of friction between us were political. She was a strong conservative who believed in conspiracy theories, and I'm a liberal who doesn't. As long as we avoided talking about that, we got along great. Other people would comment that they could not believe that either she or I could sit next to the other for hours at a time, for months on end, and not kill each other. I'm not sure why they thought we would kill each other, but we got along great.

    The other LIE female whom I know is 36 and newly separated from her ex. I find her to be smart and a lot of fun and we talk at least once a week. We have been getting along great for about five years now. We are easily able to teach each other what we each know, but we can't really help the other person because our approach to problem-solving is identical. She has the luxury (as do I) of working with a same-sex dual, and so we are both able to compare how we relate to each other to how we relate to our duals. And frankly, while I understand her perfectly (and vice-versa), and while we have both admitted to each other that we've given some thought to just jumping into bed with the other just for the hell of it, we both came to the same conclusion (independently) that that would be a bad idea. Basically, talking to her is like talking to myself, except she's better looking.

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    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
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    It's good. Go for it! All quadra relations should be considered good. You feel at home, and you can discover new things about yourself with the help of your identical. Lots of people marry their identical. The downside of identity is that in the long run it can be a little boring and there is a lack of real chemistry on type level, and also the lack of support.

    I've dated Harmonizing and Creative SEI.

    Subtype matters as always. All fruitful identical relations I know are either D+N or H+C.

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Basically, talking to her is like talking to myself, except she's better looking.
    Same for me with the female LIE I know best. She's the best friend of my wife ftr. In her case, we're also the same age.

    I have a lot of LIE friends, male and female, but I can't see how we could date successfully over the long term. They're great friends though. It's obviously the 2nd best relationship after duality.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    unrealistic dreamer turd mrrrmaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Basically, talking to her is like talking to myself, except she's better looking.
    haha this is exactly my situation! Male mrrrmaid but a much fitter body and a dreamy bone structure (though I have seen a picture of him from when he was 14/15 when he still had a softer, boyish face and then he looks exactly like a male mrrrmaid ).


    Quote Originally Posted by Tallmo View Post
    It's good. Go for it! All quadra relations should be considered good. You feel at home, and you can discover new things about yourself with the help of your identical. Lots of people marry their identical. The downside of identity is that in the long run it can be a little boring and there is a lack of real chemistry on type level, and also the lack of support.

    I've dated Harmonizing and Creative SEI.

    Subtype matters as always. All fruitful identical relations I know are either D+N or H+C.
    yeah a combination of this and what Adam said are what I thought. That there would be a problem with support and problem solving. I figured if I did just go for it I'd have to not expect any of that from him and then either seek it from dual / activity friends or from within myself. I always thought (even before socionics - though this gave me language for what I'd theorised) that the lack of complimenting difference would make for a terrible relationship but I started thinking recently that it might be doable to supplement this elsewhere. Did you find that was the case with you?
    "I take back like half of the exclamation points.....they make me look....eager to please. Which I AM....but I don't want anyone to KNOW that"
    - Carrie Fisher

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    Skepteric's Avatar
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    I would. I think duals are better left for long term, non-romantic relations.

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    a two horned unicorn renegade Troll Nr 007's Avatar
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    They can be quite different from you. One ILE I know was into raising a family and stuff. Person went by the societal expectations. This has never been my story. However we seem to just look at stuff through similar lens and value the similar vagueness that might produce new avenues in stuff.

    I suppose I have quite mindset compared to the other. I'm much more of a common fool/have much more spontaneity and so on. Pick your poison.
    You can not really tell by type that you look the same as the contrast can be huge on the surface but very similar in terms of informational reactivity to certain stuff etc.
    Sol mb F type due to his inability to think alternatives.


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    I know LSE girl. I may respect and trust her, but I doubt in having emotional inspiration what I seek in romances the most. She've chosen F type for the marriage and I always prefered F types women.
    It should be boring without suggestive support. Closer to a cooperation, than to love.

    Quote Originally Posted by Troll Nr 007 View Post
    They can be quite different from you.
    especially when you mistype yourself and others
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sol View Post
    I know LSE girl. I may respect and trust her, but I doubt in having emotional inspiration what I seek in romances the most. She've chosen F type for the marriage and I always prefered F types women.
    It should be boring without suggestive support. Closer to a cooperation, than to love.



    especially when you mistype yourself and others
    I find your consultation service mb bit b0rked.
    Sol mb F type due to his inability to think alternatives.


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    Kids Turned Out Fine Chae's Avatar
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    Chae times two is some fucking chaos

    I say the whole thing won't be nowhere near as annoying if it's 2 integrating (!) types, not double extro ethics in particular.

    Double 4D is only less tolerable if they are both like Doctor Strange. Other than that... say LIE x LIE or ILE x ILE probably build a space ship and that's it, no drama. So yeah, the base functions will intensify

    Nevertheless, I can envision intro-identical couples, take EII x EII, really be a wholesome and durable experience, just with double issues but they won't see it. The only problem's gonna be that they would like the other to be like Te-Si, maybe without being able to explain it, and falling short either way.


    Enneagram— I remember reading that 3s don't like each other because we see through each other's impostor syndrome, can confirm.

    Put me together with Zac Efron, no couple around would be as shallow. We'd become more well-rounded in terms of refining our vanity and fake public image.



    Long story short, combining two similar negatives, things will get stronger anyways. Stay away from identicals if you have reasons to fix yourself, it only gets worse. If you like yourself, go for it.


    PS: Trying to think of well-known identical couples but it seems to be a rare deal among the rich and famous?

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    unrealistic dreamer turd mrrrmaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    Chae times two is some fucking chaos

    I say the whole thing won't be nowhere near as annoying if it's 2 integrating (!) types, not double extro ethics in particular.

    Double 4D is only less tolerable if they are both like Doctor Strange. Other than that... say LIE x LIE or ILE x ILE probably build a space ship and that's it, no drama. So yeah, the base functions will intensify

    Nevertheless, I can envision intro-identical couples, take EII x EII, really be a wholesome and durable experience, just with double issues but they won't see it. The only problem's gonna be that they would like the other to be like Te-Si, maybe without being able to explain it, and falling short either way.


    Enneagram— I remember reading that 3s don't like each other because we see through each other's impostor syndrome, can confirm.

    Put me together with Zac Efron, no couple around would be as shallow. We'd become more well-rounded in terms of refining our vanity and fake public image.



    Long story short, combining two similar negatives, things will get stronger anyways. Stay away from identicals if you have reasons to fix yourself, it only gets worse. If you like yourself, go for it.


    PS: Trying to think of well-known identical couples but it seems to be a rare deal among the rich and famous?

    yes! one thing I thought about was probably I shouldn't date him / any identical right now since we're both in our mid-twenties and have a lot of developing to do. So we would be combining our very obvious negatives (both overly sensitive, anxious and reactive or, in other words, both have 4 & 6 in our tritype). Both yearning for some sort of stability and not going to find it in each other. But also there is that Introverted Ethical wholesomeness of "wow! the world is scary and no one gets me but you." Whether it's good to have that worldview reinforced is probably the bigger question haha.
    "I take back like half of the exclamation points.....they make me look....eager to please. Which I AM....but I don't want anyone to KNOW that"
    - Carrie Fisher

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    I think kindred is more exciting.

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    Skepteric's Avatar
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    When you 69 with an identical, they become your quasi-identical.

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    My two possible types (hopefully) are ILI and LII. While two LIIs might not be terrible in theory, two ILIs seems like it'd be doomed.
    ----- FarDraft, 2019 | 5w6 538 sp/sx

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    Chae times two is some fucking chaos

    I say the whole thing won't be nowhere near as annoying if it's 2 integrating (!) types, not double extro ethics in particular.

    Double 4D is only less tolerable if they are both like Doctor Strange. Other than that... say LIE x LIE or ILE x ILE probably build a space ship and that's it, no drama. So yeah, the base functions will intensify
    Close, @Chae. The other LIE and I built a system for identifying spy satellites from multiple ground stations. And no drama. We designed it, had it built, tested it and it worked. Exactly as planned.

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    The LIIs (also EIIs) that I've met have all had sibling-like feels to them, and for the occasions when there might have been initial attractions, the feelings seemed to grow platonic quite quickly......

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    The LIIs (also EIIs) that I've met have all had sibling-like feels to them, and for the occasions when there might have been initial attractions, the feelings seemed to grow platonic quite quickly......

    a.k.a. I/O
    I know an LII who just met a woman (he's been married and divorced and has had multiple GF's, none of whom lasted longer that two years) and he told me a month ago that he and she were at a stage in their relationship after one week that the others had not reached after a couple months. I wonder if he's met an identical? (I haven't met her.)

    I've seen LII's fall for SLI's, LSE's, and ILI's, but only once for an ESE (and that didn't last). I need to ask him if he has a picture of her.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    I think kindred is more exciting.
    Sounds like endlessly polishing debate over useless things while you agree with the foundation... at least to me.
    Sol mb F type due to his inability to think alternatives.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Troll Nr 007 View Post
    Sounds like endlessly polishing debate over useless things while you agree with the foundation... at least to me.
    I was in one and yup pretty much. We understand each other so well but feel like "Wow we are different."

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    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrrrmaid View Post
    I always thought (even before socionics - though this gave me language for what I'd theorised) that the lack of complimenting difference would make for a terrible relationship but I started thinking recently that it might be doable to supplement this elsewhere. Did you find that was the case with you?
    I just think it's a matter of adapting to your partner. That always happens. So I don't see it as a problem. I am not that much for engineering these things. But I do think that complementary subtype is important (also for identicals), but otherwise I'd say all quadra relations (+ semidual) are compatible. But duality is the most romantic and interesting, in my experience.

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    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallmo View Post
    I just think it's a matter of adapting to your partner. That always happens. So I don't see it as a problem. I am not that much for engineering these things. But I do think that complementary subtype is important (also for identicals), but otherwise I'd say all quadra relations (+ semidual) are compatible. But duality is the most romantic and interesting, in my experience.
    @Tallmo, Which subtypes do you consider to be complementary?

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    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    @Tallmo, Which subtypes do you consider to be complementary?
    The same old DCNH thing: D+N and C+H. But people tend to go for these combinations anyway, so knowledge of DCNH is not really necessary. The world is full of D+N couples, I see them every day.

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    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallmo View Post
    The same old DCNH thing: D+N and C+H. But people tend to go for these combinations anyway, so knowledge of DCNH is not really necessary. The world is full of D+N couples, I see them every day.
    I see. Thanks.

    I'm not looking for any type (even in-quadra) other than ESI's, and I think ESI's are mostly N-types, so I should be fine.
    (I'm just trying to narrow it down to either ESI-Se or ESI-Fi, and possibly enneatype compatibility.)

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