Results 1 to 16 of 16

Thread: Telling someone he's fat and needs to change his eating habits

  1. #1
    I'm a fruit Kiwi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    TIM
    delta
    Posts
    111
    Mentioned
    9 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Telling someone he's fat and needs to change his eating habits

    Currently I'm watching my father (SEI), who's in his fifties, gaining weight. He's fat and it's getting worse. He has severe back pain due to his enormous belly. He eats waffles with chocolate for breakfast (about 700 kcal), vow's that he eats "nothing" at work, eats a whole pizza at home instead of the cooked meal and then waffles or mozzarella sticks for dinner again. He's also a heavy smoker. I'm watching him dying slowly.

    He tried magic diet pills which didn't work. My mother (IEE) doesn't want to do anything about it. As if the problem is going so solve itself. Besides, she uses the teary eye method to avoid uncomfortable conversations. Or I'm just an ass. Either way I'm out of ideas.

    Last time I tried to talk to him about that I made him cry. Nothing has changed since then, so what can I do? I can't just wait for him having a stroke or a heart attack.


    edit: the more I think about it the more I see it's really a question of responsibility.
    @Troll Nr 007 waht's the ENTp point of view on this?
    Last edited by Kiwi; 02-25-2019 at 12:09 PM.



  2. #2
    Adam Strange's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Midwest, USA
    TIM
    ENTJ-1Te 8w7 sx/so
    Posts
    4,769
    Mentioned
    626 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    People put on weight when they are unhappy or frustrated. If he can change his circumstances, the weight should come off.

    In the meantime, you might encourage him to start taking walks and drinking a full glass of water before meals. Start slow with the walks. They can curb a person’s appetite before a meal, but go easy at first. Belly fat is the most dangerous kind for placing stress on a person’s heart.

    I’d insist he see a doctor before he starts exercising.

    But the core problems are his unhappiness and frustration.

  3. #3
    Adam Strange's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Midwest, USA
    TIM
    ENTJ-1Te 8w7 sx/so
    Posts
    4,769
    Mentioned
    626 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    @Kiwi, I should add that if your father succeeds in changing his frustrating or unhappy circumstances, it might have consequences beyond what you might expect.

    I gained a lot of weight in the last few years of my marriage. (So much so, that my mother, who doesn't see me that often, didn't recognize me in a picture taken from that time.) The weight came off when we divorced.
    On the other hand, I have an ESI buddy whose weight was fine for many years, but when his wife divorced him, his belly grew to enormous proportions. The guy presently eats everything that isn't nailed down, and I'm worried about him.

    The source of your father's frustration might be at home or it might be at work. Very often, when the kids are old enough, a marriage will break up, and this can be very hard on a person, especially if he can't "fix the problem".
    Alternately, by the time a guy is 50, he's either made it at work or he hasn't. If he hasn't achieved his dreams, or if he is questioning his whole life and it's coming up short, he might need to do something very different to restore his reason for living. You should support him in this, whatever form it might take.

    If he's eating what you say he is, he's probably pretty far along the path of arteriosclerosis, which is where the fat and animal proteins irritate the blood vessels and they build up a plaque coating as a defense. When it reaches a certain point, it adversely affects a guy's sex life, which just adds to the frustration and unhappiness. It is possible to partially reverse this buildup of plaque, but he'd have to cut out all animal products and most oils from his diet at this point. Which might be good for him in other ways.
    And, of course, he needs to stop smoking.

    His situation isn't really going to be solved by calling him irresponsible for not exercising more self-control. His problem stems from the fact that his circumstances are bad and he can't see a way to improve them.
    The source of the problem is his situation. The over-eating is just a symptom. If he can identify and remove the source of frustration, then he'll be back.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 02-25-2019 at 12:47 PM.

  4. #4
    a two horned unicorn renegade Troll Nr 007's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Playing with your head
    TIM
    Ne-ILE-C 7 LEFV
    Posts
    3,905
    Mentioned
    173 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Sounds also like bad habits. So the change of daily routine food and interests in mind should help.

    Overall frustration boils down to finding something new and it should improve state of mind.

    Cutting down from those morning habits should be easy. Just replace something with something else. Hard to go worse.
    Daytime stuff... Does he have a social circle that "enforces" him to go down that route?
    Has he tried e-cigarettes?
    Sol mb F type due to his inability to think alternatives.


  5. #5
    I'm a fruit Kiwi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    TIM
    delta
    Posts
    111
    Mentioned
    9 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Troll Nr 007 View Post
    Sounds also like bad habits. So the change of daily routine food and interests in mind should help.

    Overall frustration boils down to finding something new and it should improve state of mind.

    Cutting down from those morning habits should be easy. Just replace something with something else. Hard to go worse.
    Daytime stuff... (1)Does he have a social circle that "enforces" him to go down that route?
    (2)Has he tried e-cigarettes?
    (1)Yes somehow. His colleagues and his work environment. He does not have much alternatives as of now and has a dead end job.
    (2) I will try to suggest that
    thanks



  6. #6
    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Finland
    TIM
    SEI
    Posts
    1,764
    Mentioned
    126 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I don't think there is much you can do other than encourage him to seek professional help. Even if you could make him change some habits temporarily it needs to be permanent and that's need long term changes and support.

    What is his job? It is quite common for SEIs to have bad jobs.

  7. #7
    I'm a fruit Kiwi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    TIM
    delta
    Posts
    111
    Mentioned
    9 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallmo View Post
    I don't think there is much you can do other than encourage him to seek professional help. Even if you could make him change some habits temporarily it needs to be permanent and that's need long term changes and support.

    What is his job? It is quite common for SEIs to have bad jobs.
    Thank you for your reply.
    he's a trained electrician but is currently a construction worker. He's skilled, patient, knowledgeable and precise. He endures the terrible working conditions without ever complaining. The kind of guy people give work they don't want to do.

    I think he'd do better if he learned the local language and apply somewhere else but I can't make him learn anything new.

    Same with my SEI brother. I can't motivate them to educate themselves. They try at first but as soon as it becomes difficult they drop everything. I know that they can learn but why won't they put in any effort? What learning condicions would they need?
    Last edited by Kiwi; 02-26-2019 at 03:59 PM. Reason: you-> your



  8. #8
    YXPR's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    TIM
    INFp-Fe-D
    Posts
    118
    Mentioned
    5 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    This is very tricky and I feel for you.

    Maybe you can try to make some more balanced meals for him that are also very tasty. If he likes cheese then some baked vegetables with mozzarella on top can be a good idea. If you managed to make him try that sort of meals he might start consider adding them to his diet.

    It's hard for somebody to admit that they are doing something wrong diet wise (especially if they have high Si I think). But if you can just show him that it is possible to get whatever he is getting from junk food from healthier options, then he might slowly consider changing his eating habits. Don't expect him to just tell you that you're right and to everything right the way. It's a very slow process.

    Also, him not eating anything at work is actually very believable. And it would explain why he eats so much and so bad once he gets home. So preparing something for him to eat on the go at work could be a nice first step.

    From my experience, a common factor between people that suffer from obesity is a big lack of knowledge. Even when they try something to change the situation, it's worthless and it was never going to work in the first place. Maybe your dad needs to hear the logic behind weight loss (especially if he is Ti HA?). Because there is one, and it's actually simpler than most people makes it sound. For me when I started working out, learning that simply counting my calories would allow me to have much better results really helped me. It even became kind of a game.

    From what you are saying your dad actually seems to want to loose weight. And if his job is very physical than it should be even easier for him. He just need to have a different approach to food (which is hard I know).

    Also it sounds cliché but maybe encourage him take on a hobby or to participate to more social gatherings. Keeping busy is a good way not to overeat (which might explain why he is able not eat at work). And the more activities he will to outside of work the more he will realize how his weight restricts his freedom (freedom of movements, freedom of doing what he like to do)/

    I'm just throwing some ideas and I hope that I was able to help. Good luck anyway.

  9. #9

    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    143
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Does he want to change? Otherwise it's just a waste of your energy. The first heart attack might be what he needs to wake up.

  10. #10
    Muddy's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    TIM
    National Bolshevik
    Posts
    2,224
    Mentioned
    122 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    I've experienced exactly this with my father only he descended into alcoholism instead of overeating and it indeed ended up leading to his eventual death.

    Ultimately I think this sort of hedonism results from being in a long chain of unfortunate events and the realization that lack any means of achieving your long desires. My dad lived his in youth in the 60s, 70s, and 80s when life was generally great in America, due to the ruling classes fearing a socialist uprising with the presence of the USSR and the concessions they were making to the working and middle classes as a response. His parents owned 100 acres of land at one point and he was basically living the dream. However as time went on, his parents began to gamble all their wealth away eventually reducing them to living in a trailer, while at the same time society as a whole was also transitioning further into austerity with the fall of the Soviet Union. On top of that he ended contracting Hep C due to bad blood a hospital gave him and later got diabetes as well. So with all that plus other things I could keep adding, he eventually just reached the point of completely not giving a fuck and settling for alcohol.

    What you need to do is raise his fighting spirit. Remind him that if he doesn't straighten up, he will die a loser who gave in to hedonism while the capitalist and shitty members of society continue to rob people of meaningful lives.

  11. #11
    Skepteric's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    TIM
    ILI-Ni
    Posts
    3,308
    Mentioned
    107 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Have you told him how important he is to you? Somethings seems wrong with him. Maybe some dissatisfaction with life and relationships. Does he talk to you about what has been bothering him? How open is he with his feelings?

    Suggest maybe going on walks with him on a regular basis, if you live close, or encourage him to walk with someone. Moderate exercise will help control his appetite, get his mind away food, and benefit him psychologically. I would then slowly work in changes to eating habits: Smaller portions, less processed food, more fruits and vegetables, etc.

  12. #12
    a two horned unicorn renegade Troll Nr 007's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Playing with your head
    TIM
    Ne-ILE-C 7 LEFV
    Posts
    3,905
    Mentioned
    173 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    I have seen SEI improving (not getting totally on a track) himself in similar condition and circumstances. It has been a slow change and bunch of warnings. He has his own house and garden and has some projects there and it keeps him going.
    Sol mb F type due to his inability to think alternatives.


  13. #13
    queentiger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    TIM
    ILE-Ne 3w4 sx/so
    Posts
    124
    Mentioned
    8 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Not wanting to do anything about it... wow that's fucked
    When we really think about it, it could lead to someone's death - so is it really any better than murder?
    ILE-Ne
    3w4-7w8-8w7 Sx/So
    Choleric/Sanguine
    Slytherin

    "You're just like me, you're out your mind
    I know it's strange, we're both the crazy kind
    You're tellin' me that I'm insane
    Boy, don't pretend that you don't love the pain"

  14. #14
    sullutac's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    23
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Have you tried bringing him to a doctor or a nutritionist who could scare him into losing weight? He should be aware of the consequences of his actions. They might also be able to give him a meal plan- maybe he's thinking that dieting's tougher than it really is. But about the crying thing- do you know why he cried? Because he felt attacked, or because it was overwhelming, or... depending on this, you could figure out how to talk to him again.

    Quote Originally Posted by queentiger View Post
    Not wanting to do anything about it... wow that's fucked
    When we really think about it, it could lead to someone's death - so is it really any better than murder?
    Yeah, I agree. by avoiding the problem the mom's only denying the facts, backing out because it's "too stressful" or "she's scared" etc. the fact that it can be solved seems to not occur to her, or maybe she's lying to herself and thinking that it'll be fine.

  15. #15
    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Freiburg im Breisgau
    TIM
    ENTj
    Posts
    16,256
    Mentioned
    210 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Social life usually helps in those cases.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

  16. #16
    Metaphysician thehotelambush's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    TIM
    LII
    Posts
    7,876
    Mentioned
    270 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Muddy View Post
    I've experienced exactly this with my father only he descended into alcoholism instead of overeating and it indeed ended up leading to his eventual death.

    Ultimately I think this sort of hedonism results from being in a long chain of unfortunate events and the realization that lack any means of achieving your long desires. My dad lived his in youth in the 60s, 70s, and 80s when life was generally great in America, due to the ruling classes fearing a socialist uprising with the presence of the USSR and the concessions they were making to the working and middle classes as a response. His parents owned 100 acres of land at one point and he was basically living the dream. However as time went on, his parents began to gamble all their wealth away eventually reducing them to living in a trailer, while at the same time society as a whole was also transitioning further into austerity with the fall of the Soviet Union. On top of that he ended contracting Hep C due to bad blood a hospital gave him and later got diabetes as well. So with all that plus other things I could keep adding, he eventually just reached the point of completely not giving a fuck and settling for alcohol.

    What you need to do is raise his fighting spirit. Remind him that if he doesn't straighten up, he will die a loser who gave in to hedonism while the capitalist and shitty members of society continue to rob people of meaningful lives.
    While you have a point about the basic psychology, this is the exact opposite of how I would approach an SEI about it.

    Yes, he has to want to change at some level. It helps to consider why he overeats, what need he's trying to fill, and if you could help make healthier options more attractive somehow.
    The higher, the fewer

    Articles - Questionnaire - Typology Network - Blog

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •