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Thread: Asking ISTp personal questions and evasiveness

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    Default Asking ISTp personal questions and evasiveness

    I've noticed that when interacting with my dual, ISTP, things are very natural. However, when asked about a question about himself, or something that requires him to let his guard down, I've noticed that he abruptly turns away and looks into the distance and becomes evasive. Is this "normal" ISTP behavior? What are the signs that one can use to detect possible emotions that an ISTP hides?

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    That's a text-book example of ISTp behavior.

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    Is that a good sign? A bad sign? A sign that my ENFP'ness is starting to get inside his private world? Please, enlighten me. This is sooo fascinating. I love prodding people out of their shell.

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    He never, ever, talks about his private life or family, unless it's for a humorous anecodote. Even still, that's extremely rare. When he's done this "classic ISTP" behavior, he stops all speech, and thinks...I've "saved" him from having to answer any of these candid questions immediately, especially in a group...I don't want him to feel like he's being emotionally attacked, and so I think he's grateful for that. Any other insight o Wise One?

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    Now just a minute...Assuming that when asking an ISTP a question like "So who exactly are you romantically interested in?" shouldn't one expect this "turning away" action? If one receives another reaction, such as "No one." is this really the truth?

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    Your last post made me crack up. Those "womenspeak" questions that a guy usually doesn't clearly understand are questions I've asked him. LMAO. So what questions should I ask an ISTP? "HEY! YOU WANNA GO OUT?" Should I really be upfront? In what manner should I do this?

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    The reason I keep saying we need moderators on this forum...

    Looks like a bot yea.

    I agree with Pedro....



    This is typical ISTP behaviour, look into the distance and avoid eye contact so you cannot peer into our soul, even though the ENFP still can.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ;7780
    I've noticed that when interacting with my dual, ISTP, things are very natural. However, when asked about a question about himself, or something that requires him to let his guard down, I've noticed that he abruptly turns away and looks into the distance and becomes evasive. Is this "normal" ISTP behavior? What are the signs that one can use to detect possible emotions that an ISTP hides?
    OMG I am going thru this same exact thing right now with an ISTP! It has to be 'normal' for them. Drives me freakin nuts! From what I gather, they are intimidated by our 'E' to some extent but who the hell knows how to get them over that. I've just backed off...I think letting them come to you is the answer. Yeah, its driving me off the deep end waiting for him to get off his ass and just do it already but I dont think they are very fond of change either so the thought of contemplating 'changes' that might come with a new relationship might scare them too. Now let me say I am new here so I dont know if the 'scared of change' is ISTP or just my ISTP guy but this rings so true to my situation too. I keep thinking he is just textbook "He's Just Not That Into You" but the more I read about ISTP maybe he is but its just his ISTP'ness getting in the way. But he's such a sweet, gentlemanly, adorable, kind, romantic, sensual, sexy, sweetheart that I will just wait let him lead if thats what it takes. (at least for a while...lol)
    Teddybeanz

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    Hmm, an old one. I wish more SLI's spoke of their behavior instead of just me it seems. Maybe it's that whole 'privacy' thing. But yeah, in real life, it takes an extremely long time to get to know me but I don't think that'd surprise anyone. I really feel bad for people who try. I've said it before but a few times i'd be in relationships with people and i'd step back after a few months and realize that hey, wtf, I've only told them my name and how many family members I have and they've told me their entire life story, dreams, goals, etc. Then I question what I'm doing with them if they're okay with knowing so little...?

    One of the worst things in the entire world is someone asking me about myself. I hate it. I can be honest on here but it's really tough face to face. I'm not put off by extraversion...not at all. I think it's the whole Fe thing that freezes me up like an ice cube No thanks. It's good that you can at least notice and appreciate he has good qualities.

    And might I just say this whole "He's Just Not That Into You" phenomenon irritates the hell out of me. Relationships and their problems cannot be explained away by some stupid "rules". Go with what feels right, that's all you gotta do.

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    I had that same dillema w/ an ISTP I dated a long time ago. He seemed extremely interested in person, but then days or even a week might pass in between texts (and usually text not phone). I figured it was the ISTP thing, and when I'd ask him about it, he even said that was what it was.

    It turned out he did really like me but was still getting over his last relationship, so I moved along. So it ended up not being the ISTP thing at all, but more confusion over whether he really wanted to be w/ me or not (i.e. I was not "the one").

    But the thing about him was, he was so closed off seeming that I had so much fun diving in and throwing all of this Fi everywhere and I think (especially back then) I really was trusting and not at all concerned w/ getting hurt, so I think he did open up pretty quickly. I made it so ridiculously obvious that I liked him, and I think I even told him that.

    I didn't really ask him personal questions though. I would say stuff about my own life, and show some curiousity about his (maybe a facial expression) but I didn't want to back him into a corner w/ a question like "tell me about your family!!" So I would just talk about mine really honestly and figured he'd tell me what he wanted to. And he told me a lot. I liked that.

    Of course, I did end up getting hurt w/ that one though...I don't think ISTPs are at all timid when they know for sure they want something. They are pretty darn courageous I think and I do think if you have to wonder, it isn't his shyness.
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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    And might I just say this whole "He's Just Not That Into You" phenomenon irritates the hell out of me. Relationships and their problems cannot be explained away by some stupid "rules". Go with what feels right, that's all you gotta do.
    Isn't that generally the overall message of these types of movies?

    "His feeling that this world is not his Fatherland, and that it does not represent his proper condition, so to speak—his feeling that, basically, he 'comes from afar'—will remain a fundamental element which will not give rise to mystical escapism and spiritual weakness, but rather will enable him to minimise, to relativise, to refer to higher concepts of measure and limit, all that can seem important and definitive to others, starting with death itself, and will confer on him calm force and breadth of vision." — Julius Evola

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    Probobly. I refuse to watch those movies, though. I wasn't only talking about that new movie, I know a couple people who regard that dumb book as if it holds all the answers. Oh! He didn't return my text message after 5.5 minutes, he's just not that into me! Ben and Jerry's here I come!!!!11 It's sickening.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Teddybeanz View Post
    OMG I am going thru this same exact thing right now with an ISTP! It has to be 'normal' for them. Drives me freakin nuts! From what I gather, they are intimidated by our 'E' to some extent but who the hell knows how to get them over that. I've just backed off...I think letting them come to you is the answer. Yeah, its driving me off the deep end waiting for him to get off his ass and just do it already but I dont think they are very fond of change either so the thought of contemplating 'changes' that might come with a new relationship might scare them too. Now let me say I am new here so I dont know if the 'scared of change' is ISTP or just my ISTP guy but this rings so true to my situation too. I keep thinking he is just textbook "He's Just Not That Into You" but the more I read about ISTP maybe he is but its just his ISTP'ness getting in the way. But he's such a sweet, gentlemanly, adorable, kind, romantic, sensual, sexy, sweetheart that I will just wait let him lead if thats what it takes. (at least for a while...lol)
    Teddybeanz
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    if you are an ENFp and he is an ISTp then there is no use in trying to alter your behavior to fit something, because you're duals. Just be yourself. Since you are a female, he will either want to fuck you or not want to fuck you.
    Last edited by crazedrat; 01-28-2009 at 10:47 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    Hmm, an old one. I wish more SLI's spoke of their behavior instead of just me it seems. Maybe it's that whole 'privacy' thing.
    what do you want to know. (Ehh.. you talk about your behaviour?)
    But yeah, in real life, it takes an extremely long time to get to know me but I don't think that'd surprise anyone. I really feel bad for people who try. I've said it before but a few times i'd be in relationships with people and i'd step back after a few months and realize that hey, wtf, I've only told them my name and how many family members I have and they've told me their entire life story, dreams, goals, etc. Then I question what I'm doing with them if they're okay with knowing so little...?
    Well then it's their problem if they've been with you for months and they haven't managed to work out what you're about and if they lilke it.
    One of the worst things in the entire world is someone asking me about myself. I hate it. I can be honest on here but it's really tough face to face. I'm not put off by extraversion...not at all. I think it's the whole Fe thing that freezes me up like an ice cube No thanks. It's good that you can at least notice and appreciate he has good qualities.
    Tell them to fuck off.
    And might I just say this whole "He's Just Not That Into You" phenomenon irritates the hell out of me. Relationships and their problems cannot be explained away by some stupid "rules". Go with what feels right, that's all you gotta do.
    You just put a rule on saying it can't be explained by rules but fair enough.... Just don't tell too many people on a socioincs forums that relationships can't be explained by rules hahaha
    Last edited by Cyclops; 01-28-2009 at 10:42 AM.

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    The ISTp i know revealed all this shit about his personal life and about people we know etc. I didn't prompt it at all but you know things are going well when an ISTp does that lol. He seemed genuinely happy to get it off his chest. I was just very non-judgemental of his situation which he really really liked i think.
    Last edited by meatburger; 01-28-2009 at 11:10 AM.
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    i thought you were a male. are you gay?
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    Quote Originally Posted by crazedrat View Post
    i thought you were a male. are you gay?
    Only for you honey

    Nah im not gay, Im just very happy to have good friends. This guys quite the ladies man ISTp hes very popular so its just cool that he likes me
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyclops
    what do you want to know. (Ehh.. you talk about your behaviour?)
    I feel like that's all i go on and on about. It's probobly going to stop.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    Probobly. I refuse to watch those movies, though. I wasn't only talking about that new movie, I know a couple people who regard that dumb book as if it holds all the answers. Oh! He didn't return my text message after 5.5 minutes, he's just not that into me! Ben and Jerry's here I come!!!!11 It's sickening.
    Hallelujah, another female who hates romantic comedies. Gag. The only thing they're good for is making fun of the previews. Remember Fool's Gold? When I saw the preview, I turned to my SO with the most earnest look I could contrive and stage-whispered for the whole theatre to hear "Oh my god, do you think they find the treasure?!!!"
    Quote Originally Posted by Charles Bukowski
    We're all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn't. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.
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    Quote Originally Posted by iAnnAu View Post
    Hallelujah, another female who hates romantic comedies. Gag. The only thing they're good for is making fun of the previews. Remember Fool's Gold? When I saw the preview, I turned to my SO with the most earnest look I could contrive and stage-whispered for the whole theatre to hear "Oh my god, do you think they find the treasure?!!!"
    Thanks, for this I started laughing out loud in the office .
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    lol I don't like romantic movies either. It very heavily depends on the plot. One of my old roommates used to drag me to awful movies.. God, what was the one with Sarah Michelle Gellar .. Simply Irresistible. UGH I cringed through the entire thing.

    If romance is a component of something larger going on I like it a lot more, i.e. Casablanca, Notorious, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.. but there's nothing more deadly than the combination of unrealistic romance and shitty dialog.
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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    I feel like that's all i go on and on about. It's probobly going to stop.
    I think you should have a stickied thread just to get it all out your system

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    I feel like that's all i go on and on about. It's probobly going to stop.
    Eh, I wouldn't worry about it. If you've noticed, I have a tendency to anecdotalize a lot of my past 'round here. There does seem to be something about forum participation that's different than IRL.

    Although I don't put a lot of effort towards projecting some kind of social demeanor when I first meet a person, I feel like it takes people a long time to get to know me, too. Like I've said before, I'm probably too self-contained in public; I make people around me do all the work of cracking my shell even though I may not even be in the mood to let them. I'm usually out with the people I already know (e.g., who already know me) and/or merely in observer mode ...

    ... but I want to emphasize, to the non-SLIs reading this, that I'm not sitting there thinking I'm "better than." It's not that I'm daring you to impress me, or trying to impress you. It just takes a certain set of conditions for me to be socially outgoing, and if not everything is in place then I'm still probably having a good time - you just might not be able to tell it so easily.
    Quote Originally Posted by Charles Bukowski
    We're all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn't. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.
    SLI

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    ROMANTIC COMEDIES? I LOVE THOSE
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

    - Voltaire

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    Quote Originally Posted by crazedrat View Post
    if you are an ENFp and he is an ISTp then there is no use in trying to alter your behavior to fit something, because you're duals. Just be yourself. Since you are a female, he will either want to fuck you or not want to fuck you.
    Wanted to...and did... now he is 'fucking me' in the other way. I say to him 'fine go be with that ex-wife bitch...I for one am going to CHOOSE to be happy..with or without him!' So basically I say F-you back to him...lol
    Teddybeanz

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    Quote Originally Posted by Teddybeanz View Post
    Wanted to...and did... now he is 'fucking me' in the other way. I say to him 'fine go be with that ex-wife bitch...I for one am going to CHOOSE to be happy..with or without him!' So basically I say F-you back to him...lol
    Teddybeanz
    I don't like that kind of fucking.
    "Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."

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    Well you don't know your type yet so i can't really give any insight into the issue; other then that you obviously aren't ENFp so that advice that I gave you is crap
    INTp

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    I would say that describes me pretty well. Even my closest friends would probably say they know very little about my personal life and past, but that they still "know" me as a person in that I'm trustworthy, loyal, etc.

    Why do I tend to hold back personal information? Well I'm trying to figure that out myself thus my interest in personality types.

    When it comes to strangers, acquaintances, people I don't know well, asking personal questions my answers are short and to the point. I guess I feel that they don't need to know this information so I don't need to share it. I hate feeling like people are trying to dig something out of me.

    When it comes to close friends they already know not to ask me about those things because I usually don't have anything to share when put on the spot. I will openly share if I have something to share. I would say my friends learn the most about me spending time doing some sort of activity.

    I would say that I'm naturally very open with Fe types though I don't have any close Fe friends. These are people who openly share everything without any inhibition. It seems to me that in order to do that you have to be very trusting with the person you're conversing with, and in turn that makes me very trusting to reciprocate. Usually this Fe person leads the conversation, just thinking out loud while I'm listening, they don't ask me anything directly but if I have something to share during the conversation I do so. They are very intriguing people and make it easy for me to bring out my feeling side.

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