Beta Drama

[vesstheastralsilky]

How do you get through to an overly emotional worrisome and escalating IEI that you don't want their wild emotional dramas anymore yet still salvage the relationship? How do you get them to chill and accept more of a live and let live attitude over areas they have no business making judgements and dramas over in your own life? I have had problems with some unnecessarily demonizing everything and "predicting" the worst at every chance toward achieving normal daily life happiness. I seriously can't handle it anymore but don't want to sever the relationship since they are close family.

[Aylen]

Just tell them what you posted. You can be nice about it of course.

[vesstheastralsilky]

Just tell them what you posted. You can be nice about it of course.

But they are not listening. The behavior strikes me as inconsiderate and completely irrational and fear mongering for emotional power. I don't like that.

This current person - and mind you not all IEIs are this bad - is advanced in years and has usually overreacted as if any ordinary thing I ever wanted to do as others commonly do is some kind of Indiana Jones forbidden taboo. Maybe if I was an SLE their responses would have merit but I am just a comfort and security loving SEI. It is weird how some of us learn how to look past our type tendencies and consider others yet some people are firmly entrenched in their ego modus operandi regardless of reality.

[ashlesha]

You can't change people. In my experience with dramatic family members the best I can do is refuse to feed into it and avoid them if necessary but it does lead to a more distant relationship. Especially if there are other family members who are willing to play along, there's no incentive for them to fix what works for them.

[Aylen]

But they are not listening. The behavior strikes me as inconsiderate and completely irrational and fear mongering for emotional power. I don't like that.

This current person - and mind you not all IEIs are this bad - is advanced in years and has usually overreacted as if any ordinary thing I ever wanted to do as others commonly do is some kind of Indiana Jones forbidden taboo. Maybe if I was an SLE their responses would have merit but I am just a comfort and security loving SEI. It is weird how some of us learn how to look past our type tendencies and consider others yet some people are firmly entrenched in their ego modus operandi regardless of reality.

I haven't really had this kind of experience with IEI so I'm sorry I can't be of help. In general most healthy people can honor boundaries in friendship when you speak to them calmly and don't match their energy and amp things up further. I have had my EII sister get overly concerned for me and also an ESI best friend but they were genuinely looking out for me even though there wasn't much cause for concern usually. I would rather they tell me their concerns (in some of those situations) even if I did what I wanted in the end I knew they had my back. You just have to choose what is more important to you personally. Your own inner peace, comfort etc.. or the friendship. Some friendships are worth it and some aren't. SLE don't always listen either. They may take a warning into account but still do what they want. You have to get more creative to get them to listen to a warning. lol

Without details of the situation there is really no way to know if their concerns are valid or not.

[Sisyphean]

This is reminding me of a former associate of mine who is an EII but also a Borderline personality. If something diverged from what she thought was proper she would get hysterical a lot like this.

[vesstheastralsilky]

Thank you everyone. Your posts are comforting in this uncomfortable situation.

I made contact with her again and she is not changing her tune so I will wait as time passes so she can see her drama was unfounded.

I think a topic I have not seen yet on this forum is how Beta NFs can overdo drama because they value the sheer force of Se. I hope others know that not everyone's constitutions can really handle much of this and it is an ineffective tactic as well. It only alienates people and makes them peg you as being too emotionally fussy and difficult to interact with. Thank God not all IEIs are this way. It is the kind of unhealthy behavior and lack of boundaries that can adversely affect those who come from abuse and start to think their reactions are normal. Then they wonder why they are so alone.