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Thread: ESI in a Crisis

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    Question ESI in a Crisis

    Hello all,

    How to best help an ESI in a crisis? An ESI I know is in a position of no economic independence and weak health. The ESI is being supported financially by someone who does not respect their needs or boundaries. The ESI has no where to go that will be more safe or healthy at the moment.

    Currently I am trying to get into a position of financial means to aid this ESI. I am not very healthy either, so this may take a while.

    What would best comfort, uplift...or...spiritually support an ESI in this situation? Or maybe, what give them confidence, optimism, something productive to work on so they don't feel so helpless...any ideas you may have?...It makes them so angry that the person financially supporting them does not respect or obey their requirements (Of course anyone would be angered by this, but it seems like this kind of thing may be even more painful for ESI), they cannot stand that this other person does not behave ethically. Sometimes the ESI holds it in with seething anger and depression underneath, other times they half-explode.

    It's obvious this ESI is in so much pain...they are a really good person, and they do not deserve this. I want to help, but I am their dual's conflictor....I'm not good at providing this type what they need, this has become pretty obvious I can tell that sometimes, my Fe just pisses the ESI off (how could you be happy or try to make me happy, when there's this injustice going on?!!) and my Si is as good as dead around them.

    But maybe other people can enlighten me with a better approach to helping this person..Thanks in advance for any feedback, and thank you for reading.

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    <3
    Sounds like a noble endeavour. I know what it is like when "the blind is leading the blind". It takes a lot of presence for the tiniest breakthough. Are you sure they have nowhere to go and that you have an accurate idea of the other person?
    Last edited by kalinoche; 12-24-2018 at 09:01 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by kalinoche View Post
    <3
    Sounds like a noble endeavour. I know what it is like when "the blind is leading the blind". It takes a lot of presence for the tiniest breakthough. Are you sure they have nowhere to go and that you have an accurate idea of the other person?
    Thanks, @kalinoche. I know of some places that might be better, just no long-term solutions yet...But there are others besides me who want to help in any way they can, so there's that at least! I'm trying not to go into too many details of the person's life. Yes, I know this ESI's situation

    I guess, I'm looking for advice on how to raise an ESI's spirits, or just help them psychologically in any other way...while I work on increasing finances and finding other people who can help.

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    Maybe you both can make a plan for ESI with timelines and everything, it can show her/him that there is a way out. I think ESI may feel better if s/he is able to perform things or take action in order to achieve his/her goal, break himself/herself free. I think ESI or any sociotype would feel better if it is possible for them to spend less time with a boundary breaker. Besides that, there are different methods that a person can use to protect their boundaries even they are bound to live with a boundary breaker, but I don't know the specifics of this situation, so my solutions could be useless, if you know better, maybe you can google it. ESI also may feel better, if s/he has other things going on, it could take her/his mind off this situation, s/he can do productive things like learning a new language and so on.
    Last edited by myresearch; 12-24-2018 at 09:51 PM.

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    Thank you @myresearch, this is so good. I can at least help this person spend less time around the boundary breaker, and encourage them with other productive activities. The idea of giving them a plan with a timeline and everything is a really good idea, I'm thinking about how to do that!

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    IQ over 150 vesstheastralsilky's Avatar
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    Help them socially network and encourage them to get in touch with people they know to get a good job. Even being out among strangers can potentially help.
    ~* astralsilky

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    Quote Originally Posted by Xaiviay View Post
    The idea of giving them a plan with a timeline and everything is a really good idea, I'm thinking about how to do that!
    You can search for a new place that is affordable, you can calculate how much it takes to afford it for 5 months by including rent, home expenses, ESI's necessary personal expenses. Then, ESI would have a goal to reach. I don't know how are you trying to get into a position of financial means to aid this ESI. I also don't know ESI's skill set,health conditions and the opportunities in ESI's environment. I am assuming that ESI isn't working at the moment and that ESI isn't able to work in a business environment. ESI still can search and apply for jobs that s/he can do it at home. Apart from that, ESI can cook and sell it, ESI can be self employed as a translator, programmer, blogger etc. If ESI doesn't have any skill set, ESI can start to learn it, even it takes time, it could benefit her/him. Because ESI would be focusing on other things (learning, developing skills) and ESI's confidence and mood can be alleviated since ESI would be taking action toward his/her goal. You can approximately calculate how much time each part takes, then ESI can see that there is a way out and it wouldn't sound like a story to ESI.

    PS: One ESI is amazingly good at drawing and painting, I love her art, the other ESI likes to draw and painting online, maybe this ESI also would be interested in painting.

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    Quote Originally Posted by myresearch View Post
    You can search for a new place that is affordable, you can calculate how much it takes to afford it for 5 months by including rent, home expenses, ESI's necessary personal expenses. Then, ESI would have a goal to reach. I don't know how are you trying to get into a position of financial means to aid this ESI. I also don't know ESI's skill set,health conditions and the opportunities in ESI's environment. I am assuming that ESI isn't working at the moment and that ESI isn't able to work in a business environment. ESI still can search and apply for jobs that s/he can do it at home. Apart from that, ESI can cook and sell it, ESI can be self employed as a translator, programmer, blogger etc. If ESI doesn't have any skill set, ESI can start to learn it, even it takes time, it could benefit her/him. Because ESI would be focusing on other things (learning, developing skills) and ESI's confidence and mood can be alleviated since ESI would be taking action toward his/her goal. You can approximately calculate how much time each part takes, then ESI can see that there is a way out and it wouldn't sound like a story to ESI.

    PS: One ESI is amazingly good at drawing and painting, I love her art, the other ESI likes to draw and painting online, maybe this ESI also would be interested in painting.
    polr Ne keep that in mind. All of this is pure Ne^

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    Quote Originally Posted by vesstheastralsilky View Post
    Help them socially network and encourage them to get in touch with people they know to get a good job. Even being out among strangers can potentially help.
    So in otherwords, be more Ne. “Just like, explore your options, man”
    Last edited by waddup; 12-26-2018 at 09:11 PM.

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    @waddup everybody needs their polr function sometimes. When you are in a position that is endurable, you have to change yourself or something in your environment. In order to do that, you have to consider some possibilities, and take action according to it. When I was in such situation, I consider to many possibilities, it was hard for me to choose one and take action (Se polr, Te ignoring). If ESI likes to do one singular thing, ofcourse it is fine, but I thought if it was the case, s/he was probably already doing it. LIE has strong Ne, we don't know this ESI enough to choose a singular path for him/her. I thought if ESI was exposed to some Ne, then s/he could choose what she wants more easily. Maybe it could be better if Xaiviayasks ESI what she wants to do and make an action plan according to it, but if she doesn't know what she wants, then, I am afraid some exposure to polr is necessary.

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    Quote Originally Posted by myresearch View Post
    @waddup everybody needs their polr function sometimes. When you are in a position that is endurable, you have to change yourself or something in your environment. In order to do that, you have to consider some possibilities, and take action according to it.
    With ESI its not really a problem to take action, its more about in what direction? A bit of hamsters spinning a wheel.

    When I was in such situation, I consider to many possibilities, it was hard for me to choose one and take action (Se polr, Te ignoring). If ESI likes to do one singular thing, ofcourse it is fine, but I thought if it was the case, s/he was probably already doing it.
    Cant remember if the OP was about this. OP sounded a bit like tied hands.

    LIE has strong Ne, we don't know this ESI enough to choose a singular path for him/her. I thought if ESI was exposed to some Ne, then s/he could choose what she wants more easily. Maybe it could be better if Xaiviayasks ESI what she wants to do and make an action plan according to it, but if she doesn't know what she wants, then, I am afraid some exposure to polr is necessary.
    Action plan is a bit counter indicated for Se. Its like asking a high schooler to plan their future down to the last detail. Some exsposure to different options is fine, then what? Do one?

    Wasnt the OP about spiritual struggles more so? And a relationship problem ?

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    It's important for ESIs to socialize and be in a kind of positive momentum before they take action.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    @Xaiviay Is this ESI dependent on the other person because of their weak health or for another reason?


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    Quote Originally Posted by waddup View Post
    With ESI its not really a problem to take action, its more about in what direction? A bit of hamsters spinning a wheel.


    Cant remember if the OP was about this. OP sounded a bit like tied hands.
    I mentioned about my struggles because I was struggling to choose an option from many possibilities and take action according to it. ESI probably wouldn't have similar problems, I thought ESI could easily take an action if ESI knows about his/her options.

    Action plan is a bit counter indicated for Se. Its like asking a high schooler to plan their future down to the last detail. Some exsposure to different options is fine, then what? Do one?
    I meant timeline plan by action plan, so that ESI can approximate the time that s/he can break free. I think anyone would feel better if they take an action to eliminate the problem or reduce its effects instead of doing nothing.

    Wasnt the OP about spiritual struggles more so? And a relationship problem ?
    ESI is unable to get out from this relationship or ESI is unable to act as s/he wants because of ESI is financially dependent on someone and has a weak health. As I understand from the first post, ESI could act freely if s/he wasn't financially dependent on other person.

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    Thanks everyone for your responses. You've given me many tips to try. I've found some more friends and we are going through the financial options this ESI has.
    Quote Originally Posted by Uncle Ave View Post
    @Xaiviay Is this ESI dependent on the other person because of their weak health or for another reason?
    Yes, the ESI's poor health makes most jobs impossible for them.

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