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Thread: Question about EIE-ESI illusionary relationships

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    Default Question about EIE-ESI illusionary relationships

    So, let's suppose for a second that I'm an EIE-Ni, and that my best friend is an ESI-Se. We have a pretty supporting and beneficial relationship, and although we manage to help each other on practical ways, I can't seem to help her with her self-esteem issues. From what I've read, only the LIE is able to make an impact on how the ESI feels about themselves on any meaningful way, and given the fact that Te is on my superego block, I can only do so much.

    That being said, I'd like to know which steps I should take in order to help her at least on a superficial level. I can use Te well enough, it's just that I don't know where to begin with it. I'm afraid of being too forceful and offending her, or annoying her from prying too much into her insecurities without providing any meaningful help, so yeah.

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    Metaphysician thehotelambush's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Penta View Post
    From what I've read, only the LIE is able to make an impact on how the ESI feels about themselves on any meaningful way, and given the fact that Te is on my superego block, I can only do so much.
    That's silly. You could, for example, encourage her and point out all the things she's good at. I don't know exactly what the issue is, but you could start there. You just have to strike a balance between your own natural self-expression and what is called for by the situation. Keep in mind also that ultimately the responsibility is on her to change how she sees things.
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    fka lungs ashlesha's Avatar
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    Gently challenge/encourage her in the things she's interested in that carry potential for growth and then cheer on her tangible accomplishments (if you can be genuine about it).

    But this won't work if she's too depressed and down on herself to take the bait.

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    Uh yeah I have seen this relationship, I think both types are a little bit negative about specific life events (not broadly), that´s what makes it a bit "uncomplementary", both LIEs and LSIs are among the most positive types in the socion.

    Regarding your question - I think genuine compliments always help. Changing the emotional atmosphere to a positive one is also helpful. Can help ESIs gain more perspective about themselves in an autnomous way.
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    Self-esteem issues are not type-related. Any type can have low self-esteem. And it is their job to improve it. Of course a suitable ITR can help them in some way with improving their self esteem (same Quadra mostly), because being around people who share your same IE values can be motivating and therapeutic. However, ultimately it is up to them.

    How would your Te help her? By giving practical advice on what to do? Girls often don't like that, haha, especially Ethical girls, they tend to prefer just to vent. Unless they specifically ask you for advice.

    The best you can do is being supportive.
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    fka lungs ashlesha's Avatar
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    People are ultimately responsible for themselves and you definitely shouldn't hold yourself accountable for someone else's self esteem but psychological health doesn't exist in some vacuum separate from the support (or lack thereof) in a person's relationships. What I cited is what my boyfriend (IEI) has done in my life - probably not planned out for this specific purpose though, and for that reason and others ofc ymmv.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Penta View Post
    So, let's suppose for a second that I'm an EIE-Ni, and that my best friend is an ESI-Se. We have a pretty supporting and beneficial relationship, and although we manage to help each other on practical ways, I can't seem to help her with her self-esteem issues.
    Mirage IR support one of ego functions what makes people to feel more asured in this region, helps with self-esteem there.
    It's mutual support, the both sides should feel this. Your IR mb other if you do not notice this.

    > From what I've read, only the LIE is able to make an impact on how the ESI feels about themselves on any meaningful way, and given the fact that Te is on my superego block, I can only do so much.

    It's better to pay more attention on the theory of IR, than strange opinions from random places.

    > That being said, I'd like to know which steps I should take in order to help her at least on a superficial level.

    The answer is better to seek in psychology works for this theme (how to trust in yourself or alike), but not in Socionics.
    Also the lack of selfesteem correlates with depressive disorders.

    From types point it's useful to develop superid regions (as this develops all weak functions), for what helps a friendship with people having good IR with supplementing of those functions. Duals, semiduals, activators, mirages. The effect will be stronger in good friendship, where people introject qualities of each other.
    Also help good communications, which is easier to have with own quadra and other types in regions valued for both.

    From general point - helps to solve the tasks. Such she'd saw her strenght and became more assured in general. The lesser predictable and harder tasks are - the more positive effect may be.

    > I can use Te well enough, it's just that I don't know where to begin with it.

    ask her about problems. offer her the ways solve. help her on these ways

    > I'm afraid of being too forceful and offending her

    EIE should feel good such things.
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    I've only had a little experience with female ESI's, but here's one example of me "helping" one, from my standpoint.

    An ESI whom I went out with complained that her car was making noises which seemed to be coming from the rear wheels, and could I take a look at them? She didn't know much about how cars work (low Te) and didn't know what the problem might be but was afraid it was something really expensive (low Ni). I drove her car and I thought the problem was in the wheel bearings. However, I have a similar car with similar mileage that also makes that noise, so I took my car in to the shop and they realigned the wheels (pretty cheap) and it works fine now. I texted her what I found (without suggesting that she do anything about it - she can decide for herself) and she seemed really grateful.

    My takeaway from that is to give ESI's concrete facts which can settle their fears, but don't tell them what to do.

    On another occasion, she told me that one of her customers was talking to one of her employees, and together they worked out a deal where the employee could get the job done without her having to be involved with it that particular day. Her company got the same amount of money from the customer.
    I said, "So? You still got paid the same."
    She complained that they weren't involving her.
    I said "Look. The customer is loyal to you, not to the employee, and the employee is still working for you, not him, and this rescheduling let you do something else that day and you still got the same pay. It looks to me like a win all around."
    "I still should have been involved."

    Low Ni, high Se.

    At this point, I said nothing, because she wouldn't listen and she probably hasn't gotten to the point where she can see that most employees are automatically loyal and you can make more income if you let them have some initiative to do their job their way, assuming their way doesn't screw up something else because you didn't tell them everything.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 12-06-2018 at 01:10 AM.

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