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Thread: Since the Introverted Dual is so Often Passed Over by the Extraverted Dual~

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    killer wolf lemontrees's Avatar
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    Lol.

    So I've experienced ppl who I thought were "too good for me" but them actually being nice and emotionally available didn't make me think less of them. If anything, it made me feel like they were even more too good for me. I didn't like too much of the brash energy b/c it made it harder for me to take up space.

    Not an IEI, just my perspective as an IxFx.

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    @Viktor thanks so much for your feedback! It's good to hear an Exxp type's perspective on this, and know that it's not only we introverts who sometimes feel a little intimidated by our duals

    And your last post made me think - What ages were the IEIs you were talking about (that lost interest in you once you opened up emotionally)?

    That's something that I might have done as a teenager when I was more unhealthy and anxious. But not anymore, now I feel even more drawn in by a guy who opens up his heart to me. I don't know why it sometimes turned me off when I was younger, maybe I just already felt too vulnerable and insecure, and dealing with any more emotional softness on top of that just made me uncomfortable D:

    But at any rate, I'd think you should be able to be your whole self, eventually (including emotional vulnerabilities) with your dual - it doesn't seem healthy or fulfilling otherwise. I'm not IEI, but my heart softens when Fi-PoLR types seek help with their Fi and Fe from me - I feel like it's a privilege when a normally closed-off logical sort of person decides to trust me with their feelings. IEIs have demonstrative Fi too, so it seems like they should feel similarly.

    If any IEIs would like to confirm/contradict this, go right ahead~

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    SEI back peddling classics.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post

    Objectively, yeah, I am too good for them. I can do a lot of useful things that they're just clueless about. Yet then there's something subtle they can do that others can't. And they often have a wit of their own.
    Translation : " Here's all the things I can do, and then there's your....thing.....that you do....what do you do again?


    As far as any success attracting the extroverted dual, I just used my creative function Ne and it works out.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    Translation : " Here's all the things I can do, and then there's your....thing.....that you do....what do you do again?


    As far as any success attracting the extroverted dual, I just used my creative function Ne and it works out.
    The prime skill of the EII: the cosmic accident (and the comic accident). Everything was going as planned, and then...Ne!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aramas View Post
    The prime skill of the EII: the cosmic accident (and the comic accident). Everything was going as planned, and then...Ne!
    I don't know what you mean but.......thanks?

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    Master of Space and Reality Viktor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xaiviay View Post
    @Viktor thanks so much for your feedback! It's good to hear an Exxp type's perspective on this, and know that it's not only we introverts who sometimes feel a little intimidated by our duals

    And your last post made me think - What ages were the IEIs you were talking about (that lost interest in you once you opened up emotionally)?

    That's something that I might have done as a teenager when I was more unhealthy and anxious. But not anymore, now I feel even more drawn in by a guy who opens up his heart to me. I don't know why it sometimes turned me off when I was younger, maybe I just already felt too vulnerable and insecure, and dealing with any more emotional softness on top of that just made me uncomfortable D:

    But at any rate, I'd think you should be able to be your whole self, eventually (including emotional vulnerabilities) with your dual - it doesn't seem healthy or fulfilling otherwise. I'm not IEI, but my heart softens when Fi-PoLR types seek help with their Fi and Fe from me - I feel like it's a privilege when a normally closed-off logical sort of person decides to trust me with their feelings. IEIs have demonstrative Fi too, so it seems like they should feel similarly.

    If any IEIs would like to confirm/contradict this, go right ahead~
    One of them was like 15, so that might have been immaturity, I'm pretty sure she was SEI but they are similar, but I've had it happen with women in their mid 20s as well. They were never rude or direct about it or anything, IxFp women are always very open to talking about feelings etc, it's just that the attraction felt like it disappeared. I've been told they find Fi polr endearing, and I've also been told they like listening to my angry rants. I think they do appreciate it, but I guess maybe only after a while or something. I think you shouldn't get feely with them until you've won them over, and even then you gotta be careful, because I do think they need us to be a hero, which is fine by me because I prefer not to get feely in the first place. Them believing in me actually makes me feel more powerful, so it's almost better if I just keep being amazing and they can reinforce the belief, idk. I don't really understand people or feelings at all so I might be wrong, I'm just throwing ideas out there to see if it sticks

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    I think you shouldn't get feely with them until you've won them over, and even then you gotta be careful, because I do think they need us to be a hero, which is fine by me because I prefer not to get feely in the first place. Them believing in me actually makes me feel more powerful, so it's almost better if I just keep being amazing and they can reinforce the belief, idk.
    @Viktor Ohhh that's interesting, it would have really bothered me if my partner wanted me to be more stoic, or if my partner never ended up feeling like he could open up to me about his feelings 100%. But if you're happy with keeping up the hero character and holding back your feelings, then more power to you. It seems like you and these IEI girls you mentioned compliment each other.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Minde View Post
    I'm happy you found it helpful!

    One thing I think is important is that when you do venture outside of your comfort zone that it's something you genuinely want to do independent of if you find a dual who sticks around. Like my hike up the mountain was something I decided I wanted to do for myself because I felt it would be good for me.

    This is good on a number of levels including 1) if it doesn't "work out" you still have had fun and 2) you become a more well-rounded person.
    Ohh thank you, yes this is encouraging in a way It's better to meet doing something that you both genuinely want to participate in, anyways. Then you relate over a mutually shared interest. And also, you'd have more fun either way & all the reasons you mentioned.
    I think it's less that you become an identical and more that you visibly demonstrate your value for their values. Like you may not be "good" at doing the things they do naturally, but if you practice striving for the same goals you do gain some proficiency at least in bursts, and I think that's appealing to a dual.
    Demonstrating appreciation for their values - yes I like this.
    For example, kindness is a huge deal for me in terms of people I like. I could be around the most efficient, comfort-making person and yet if they are unkind it's a huge turn off. (In fact, I might even sabotage them...) One of the big things that drew me to my LSE was his thoughtfulness and consideration toward everyone around him. He's not always "good" at it, and he even has said multiple times that he feels it's a weakness of his, that he has to consciously think about how his actions and words affect others' feelings, but he values people's well-being a lot and so he tries. And I can see that and it draws me to him.
    Yes I've seen some LSEs who are quite rude, and others who try very hard to be kind and considerate, whether or not they are good at it. It's definitely better to be around the one who is trying > the one who doesn't seem to care. I'd imagine it'd be an even bigger difference to an EII. It's nice to see your dual try to uphold your own values, definitely.
    As someone mentioned earlier, a lot of people have an idea in their minds of the type of person they want, and often it's a very similar version of themselves (only more perfect, lol). But it's not what's best, or even better. Once you're around someone who values the same things you do and yet has complementary strengths the ideal can shift a bit.
    Ironically this is actually how I learned to value ILEs romantically, by seeing one who tried to use Si and Fe well on his own, as well as his naturally strong Ne and Ti. It felt like "yes, that's the kind of person I want. How did I never see this before?!?"

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    I don't know what you mean but.......thanks?
    It means EIIs are great at breaking situational continuity. Ne is all about accidents. Unconscious intent and belief. It works through forgetfulness and seeming mistakes.

    Woops. Hey, look what I found!

    Unconsciously, they are the best predictors of the future. So they don't really have to think about it.
    Last edited by Aramas; 12-10-2018 at 07:08 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aramas View Post
    Ne is all about accidents. Unconscious intent and belief. It works through forgetfulness and seeming mistakes.

    Woops. Hey, look what I found!
    Could you explain more what you mean by that? I am curious about your point of view.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aramas View Post
    It means EIIs are great at breaking situational continuity. Ne is all about accidents. Unconscious intent and belief. It works through forgetfulness and seeming mistakes.

    Woops. Hey, look what I found!

    Unconsciously, they are the best predictors of the future. So they don't really have to think about it.
    That sounds more like Demonstrative Ne than Ne Ego in this one example, in my experiences with others.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Delilah View Post
    Careful, I knew a LIE who was - maybe subconsciously - looking for a girl who has keen to say "no" and ended up with an alpha SF who would say "no" often because of her upbringing/NTR stuff.
    Well, I can testify to that with my personal experience... dated an alpha SF E6w7 (I am 7w8) probably ESE and I have to say, we just have very different life philosophies. Forget the relentless Fe (emotionally pressuring me to adopt her values) and ignoring Fi (insulting without restraint, which has led to several fallouts) with pretty much no Ni (inability to predict what would happen if she does or says something). I bet I was as much of a pain to her as well: not being there on holidays, forgetting birthdays, being unromantic, eating like a peasant, the list goes on. I think we were mistakenly drawn to each other
    Last edited by 1gneous1; 12-11-2018 at 10:26 PM. Reason: adding details.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 1gneous1 View Post
    Well, I can testify to that with my personal experience... dated an alpha SF E6w7 (I am 7w8) probably ESE and I have to say, we just have very different life philosophies. Forget the relentless Fe (emotionally pressuring me to adopt her values) and ignoring Fi (insulting without restraint, which has led to several fallouts) with pretty much no Ni (inability to predict what would happen if she does or says something). I bet I was as much of a pain to her as well: not being there on holidays, forgetting birthdays, being unromantic, eating like a peasant, the list goes on. I think we were mistakenly drawn to each other
    Oh that's what that is. EIE friend makes sense to me now.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aramas View Post
    It means EIIs are great at breaking situational continuity. Ne is all about accidents. Unconscious intent and belief. It works through forgetfulness and seeming mistakes.

    Woops. Hey, look what I found!

    Unconsciously, they are the best predictors of the future. So they don't really have to think about it.
    Whaaaaa?

    I thought Ne was about possibilities. That's how mine works. And sometimes happy accidents occur, as well as distractions.

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    Metaphysician thehotelambush's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    Whaaaaa?

    I thought Ne was about possibilities. That's how mine works. And sometimes happy accidents occur, as well as distractions.
    More generally Ne is about the unknown. A possibility is something where you don't know which one it is. An "accident" is something whose purpose or intent you don't know. In this sense what @Aramas is saying has some truth to it.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    Oh that's what that is. EIE friend makes sense to me now.

    Yep, that is why EIEs are called Hamlet, advocates of ideologies and values with pretty vulnerable souls and bodies TBH. Know a lot of them from acting.

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    I think that, if we stopped acting important and started being more sincere and friendly, you wouldn't be interested in us.


    In my view, it's incredibly attractive when a person is more sincere and friendly AND self-important arrogant bad-assy at the same time. They don't have to be fighting with each other. SEEs are our semi-duals for that reason, right? Kindness is not weakness, but being mentally insecure about it (like some ILEs I know, sorry ILEs) would be off-putting. I am drawn to those that can be compassionate and fight-y at the same time.

    Only wanting some evil narcissist dictator is a phase I think mainly teenager IEIs go through and we can grow out of it. True some never do. I know a few IEIs pushing 40 that haven't really grown out of the 16-year-old want a psychopath thing.

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