I (ENFj) find INFp's more interesting/attractive than my dual (LSI)

[ruined]

Is this meant to happen? Does this mean I could just be a really emotionally volatile SLE? I find myself seeking Ti within myself though, I like to have closure, rules, and guidelines, and having a clear head would be really great... but I find IEI's just so great and lovable, they seem to be just like myself and I definitely find myself to be the most interesting person I know I have an LSI friend I tend to tease a lot about his mannerisms and we share a cute rivalry which I love to have because not only is it engaging but it only adds another chapter into my life to reflect on. Onto the story, I have fallen into love with an IEI I know and they are so dreamy, so soft, I have had many fantasies about this person but not about my LSI friend who, according to the theory, I should much more interested in.

[Tallmo]

This sounds normal. I don't think that socionics says that you are supposed to find your dual interesting. I don't know where people get that from.

What happens is that duals often seem neutral to you. You don't expect much, but it's nice to hang out with them. Then if you for some reason start to spend more time together things may happen. Duality kindof grows from the inside. Your own reactions get more natural and you feel more and more like yourself around this person. Then, at some point you discover that you simply want to spend all your time with this person.

This may happen, provided you have found the right dual.

I had the same experience as you when I first found socionics. I was very surprised to read that ILE was supposed to be my best match.

[The Reality Denialist]

Ti-Fe, Ni-Se seeking are pretty clear to me

as for Te-Fi and Ne-Si I think pretty iffy. Si and Fi are kind of low for me. All I can say that pain is not welcomed and huge amount of discomfort. As for Fi I kind of fail to see how a person can be a driver with subjective ethics and especially it's true aim in dualization process other than grasping it intellectually but it evades me every time when I try to just get gist of it.

So, a dual. What do I get? Nothing immediately to which I could put a finger around it. It just fills an empty place somewhere. You'll definitely get something activated by activation. This is very true for me.

[Computer Loser]

Yeah, EIEs suck, God.

[Pookie]

That's because IEI's are the most interesting and attractive. Obviously.

[Hermit Soul]

Yeah, EIEs suck, God.

EIEs don't know what they have until they start losing them, they never realize how important their dual is to them until they end up losing their dual from their life someday and then they started noticing how empty their life feels without their dual around, oh the curse of having ignoring Fi.

[Muddy]

Intertype relationship are just one of many factors in how much you will like one person over the next, and probably not even the single most important. Some people are simply more attractive/desirable then others on a universal level regardless of type, and duality won't always make a shitty dual more better then a non-dual. That's just simple reality.

[Tallmo]

Duality is like an empty field. You see nothing and there is nothing. Then you realize that you should fill this field with yourself. Duality has great potential and thats why you see nothing in the beginning

Anyway duality is great and i recommend everybody to experience it. Can be friends or lovers

[Rebelondeck]

There can be quite a gap between finding someone interesting and establishing a strong, long lasting, mutually-beneficial relationship with them. Animalistic instincts will likely override cognition especially when one is young, but I'm sure that there have been successful parings of all type combinations. However, the rivalry and teasing, no matter how cute they may now appear, may start to become persistent and annoying; there have been many partnerships where one partner develops distaste for the other over time - even dual pairs. The proof could be the more than 50% divorce rate - so be sure to look deep....

a.k.a. I/O

[Sol]

mb other types are there
anyway, you need several people for every type to compare your impressions from those types. as nontypes factors influence on you too

[Bastard]

my LSI friend who, according to the theory, I should much more interested in.

Nope. Duality is the complimentary and fulfilling intertype relation. Nothing to do with interest or attraction.

Chances are you miss many duals and they miss you. Due to differing interests (i.e. clubs) and because people use the role function around new acquaintances.

[Desert Financial]

As for Fi I kind of fail to see how a person can be a driver with subjective ethics and especially it's true aim in dualization process other than grasping it intellectually but it evades me every time when I try to just get gist of it.

As the bulldozer (Te lead) devours the rainforest, the blood of small woodland creatures (Fi leads) greases the wheels.

[Desert Financial]

As the bulldozer (Te lead) devours the rainforest, the blood of small woodland creatures (Fi leads) greases the wheels.

But seriously, the Te leads I know tend to have fixed value systems working in the background.

The value systems provide the basis for action; they justify agendas. Te works in service of the agenda.

So, I assume that Fi leads amplify and embellish ethical justifications for the value systems, clarifying the scope of the agenda and "selling" the agenda, increasing the likelihood goals are met.

In theory.

The biggest hangup I see is that not all values are equal, so people with fixed value systems need to look for those specific values in others to get optimal relations. But I guess Fi has universal properties, regardless of relative factors. And I'm just looking at this through my own lens.

[Desert Financial]

but I find IEI's just so great and lovable, they seem to be just like myself and I definitely find myself to be the most interesting person I know

The funny thing is that you'd probably find likeness in dual relations where you wouldn't in mirror relations because dual relations have symmetrical function placement where mirror relations do not.

[Hope]

I'd think is due narcissistic tendencies (no offense). Narcissus was in love with his own image and he died trying to kiss it. I think duality obeys survival instincts. As the myth, the fact that you like your mirror could be that you are in a phase were you are partially blind to your own potential weaknesses therefore blind to the potential benefits of the partner with opposite qualities.
The other is not attractive unless you are able to recognize what they have that you don't but desperately need, and knowing that you are unable to create it for youself.

Which I don't agree with the forum conception of duality is that it will start easily and would be perfect without a single effort nor sacrifice from both sides. Thats unrealistic and fantastic in every human relation. I think attraction for duals comes depending on levels of health and maturity.

[Adam Strange]

I’ve heard other people say that duality starts easily and proceeds smoothly. IME, it does neither.

[Computer Loser]

EIEs don't know what they have until they start losing them, they never realize how important their dual is to them until they end up losing their dual from their life someday and then they started noticing how empty their life feels without their dual around, oh the curse of having ignoring Fi.

lol right?

[Rebelondeck]

I’ve heard other people say that duality starts easily and proceeds smoothly. IME, it does neither.

I agree. I would attribute your description more to superego partners and they seem to start quickly although they can sometimes end suddenly. Duality seems to start better very gradually (tenuously) and develop into a sort of mutual dependence; if it starts fast, they seem to disbelieve each other's potential benefit and if no codependency develops, the partners tend to stay in the friend zone......

a.k.a. I/O

[sbbds]

IEIs are Ni leads. They are fairies IRL. Meanwhile LSIs are Ti lead and Ne polr.

You are comparing a type that is fantastical and interesting, perhaps the most interesting type by definition, to a type that is by definition supposed to be systematic and boring. Perhaps you’re also subconsciously idenfying them using those definitions in the first place. That is why.

[ruined]

IEIs are Ni leads. They are fairies IRL. Meanwhile LSIs are Ti lead and Ne polr.

You are comparing a type that is fantastical and interesting, perhaps the most interesting type by definition, to a type that is by definition supposed to be systematic and boring. Perhaps you’re also subconsciously idenfying them using those definitions in the first place. That is why.

I don't subconsciously identify them in this way, I was interested in the IEI before I found out they were IEI and the LSI friend had just become my friend after we had clashed for a while.

[Rebelondeck]

......the LSI friend had just become my friend after we had clashed for a while.

Dual types seem to contrast more than clash but all out wars can happen; these relationships often have a sibling-like feel to them where there's an innate understanding of each other's quirks but they're only able to coexist when both accept each other's differences. They seem to draw closer when both are able to provide some measure of security for the other, which isn't that common.

a.k.a. I/O

[ruined]

Dual types seem to contrast more than clash but all out wars can happen; these relationships often have a sibling-like feel to them where there's an innate understanding of each other's quirks but they're only able to coexist when both accept each other's differences. They seem to draw closer when both are able to provide some measure of security for the other, which isn't that common.

a.k.a. I/O

That is true, we contrast a lot but still get each others quirks, he's told me things about myself that I wasn't willing to even embrace or admit and I usually know how he will respond to things before he even does them and I've also done the former. We clashed mostly because I got too emotional about the things he's said, it was more like I was clashing and he didn't really move lol

[Breather]

I don't subconsciously identify them in this way, I was interested in the IEI before I found out they were IEI and the LSI friend had just become my friend after we had clashed for a while.

Listen when I say this I'm only trying to help you not go against you but the way you write is very different from an Ni ego. I don't want to hurt you or anything because that's how you perceive it but the truth needs to be reached out in order for you to grow. Are you seeking self-development and growth to becoming a better person of yourself or are you using typology for other purposes?

[Xaiviay]

I'd think is due narcissistic tendencies (no offense). Narcissus was in love with his own image and he died trying to kiss it. I think duality obeys survival instincts. As the myth, the fact that you like your mirror could be that you are in a phase were you are partially blind to your own potential weaknesses therefore blind to the potential benefits of the partner with opposite qualities.
The other is not attractive unless you are able to recognize what they have that you don't but desperately need, and knowing that you are unable to create it for youself.

Which I don't agree with the forum conception of duality is that it will start easily and would be perfect without a single effort nor sacrifice from both sides. Thats unrealistic and fantastic in every human relation. I think attraction for duals comes depending on levels of health and maturity.

Agreed, that has been my experience with duality at first. I found them to be really threatening to my self-concept. It's like you see someone else with all of the talents you wanted to believe you were already good at. Then they prove to you just how much better those things can be done. And you can either let insecurity take over and avoid them, or accept your "inferior" position in relation to them. Only you're not really inferior, and soon you see how much they need your abilities that you've already taken for granted. You never thought someone else could appreciate those talents of yours so much.

And then someone is filling your life with the things you had to work for so hard on your own - mostly unsuccessfully - and they are supportive of you just doing the things you most naturally want to do. It doesn't feel like a sacrifice at all, after that point. But I do remember the first time I started realizing how I felt around ENTPs (knowing only MBTI at the time) and how unsettling it was to realize how badly I craved the company of a type so entirely different from myself.
@switchblades, No I don't think being attracted to IEIs would make you SLE necessarily. I find mirrors quite attractive as well. They reflect your own values back to you, but they use them in a way that you wouldn't have thought to beforehand, or wouldn't normally be able to. Like, this one ESE I've known loves artwork and playing the same games I like, he tries to create a pleasant and harmonious atmosphere, but he's more active and charismatic than I am, and he adjusts aesthetics in ways that wouldn't normally occur to me. So, he's easy to admire.

Also, there's Enneagram instinct stackings...subtypes....other personality typing systems that may have an influence on you....I do think that duals tend to be more attractive than most other sociotypes, but that's not everyone else's experience on this site. And it's not the only factor in what could make you attracted to someone. Also, according to this, usually the extraverted dual finds the introverted dual to be simple and boring, before they've had enough contact to realize the benefit this type can give them. You might be experiencing this~

[ruined]

It could be that the IEI is the same ennea as me (4w3) and my LSI friend is probably E1.

[Danali]

This sounds normal. I don't think that socionics says that you are supposed to find your dual interesting. I don't know where people get that from.

What happens is that duals often seem neutral to you. You don't expect much, but it's nice to hang out with them. Then if you for some reason start to spend more time together things may happen. Duality kindof grows from the inside. Your own reactions get more natural and you feel more and more like yourself around this person. Then, at some point you discover that you simply want to spend all your time with this person.

This may happen, provided you have found the right dual.

I had the same experience as you when I first found socionics. I was very surprised to read that ILE was supposed to be my best match.

Duality is like an empty field. You see nothing and there is nothing. Then you realize that you should fill this field with yourself. Duality has great potential and thats why you see nothing in the beginning

Anyway duality is great and i recommend everybody to experience it. Can be friends or lovers

Where did you get this theory from?

[Tallmo]

Where did you get this theory from?

Mostly personal experience

[Danali]

I don't understand how you wouldn't find your dual interesting ... they have everything that you didn't even realise you needed.

[The Reality Denialist]

Lots of people really like and get accustomed to a routine. Kind of hard to comprehend it personally but it seems to be a case even among teenagers.