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Thread: IEIs and being more open

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    Freya's Avatar
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    Default IEIs and being more open

    Now I'm not talking about an actual Big5 openness scale, even though it might play some role in this too. I don't know if other IEIs are like this too, but I have noticed that I get easily stuck in my ways. Not because I wouldn't like to try out new things, simply because I lack the motivation to actually go out and seek them. I like to imagine myself in this position of a strong person who takes an advantage of a situation and goes out into the world, trying out different things with different people. I have always been very attracted to this idea of a very free spirited no rules lifestyle, where anything can happen at any moment. Traveling, learning different languages, getting to know new foreign cultures, changing jobs, being on the go, on the move all the time, hell even trying out drugs, partying etc...

    The issue is, I live out most of this in my dreams only and those dreams are vivid, vibrant, they make me feel alive, but I need more than that. Stability is something that horrifies me, and I more than often feel like I am stuck and unfree. I believe that I could find my own personal freedom to be who I am want to be and do what I want to do, but it's getting harder and harder for me to get out of my comfort zone and get out, function outside of my circle of friends, a boyfriend, work place.

    I know I give up too easily. I am not a fighter, I like to victimize myself, see myself probably weaker than I really am. That's party the reason I find it hard to take an advantage of my environment and actually get myself more out there.

    I just wish I could be more outside of myself. I mean... I'm just so drown in my own sense of self, my fantasies, my feelings, that I miss on every exciting thing that is happening around me and I need that sort of an excitement in my life. I see people around me who actually travel, do sports, try out new crazy things every weekend, but I just do the same old over and over and it's killing me inside.

    How can an IEI become more open to new experiences in the real physical world? And don't say find a dual, I don't want a dual. I want to find this within me.
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    Master of Space and Reality Viktor's Avatar
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    I think it's a mixture of being brave enough to act on your impulse, but also just being tired of not getting what you want. I feel like years go quicker the older I get, and the thought of living an unfulfilled life because I frel like I gotta be a certain way for people makes me really angry. You just gotta say no to that and live in your own bubble in a way, be happy for yourself at any cost. I've tried living life properly but I just keep fucking up, and nothing fucking works the way I want it to, so I just cut out all the unnecessary stuff. Lets say I felt like I fucked up so bad I can't turn my life around, well, then I might as well make my life into a joke, fuck it, lets try something

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    I've seen this often: IEIs seem to need to latch onto social groups that try new things; socially, they seem to need a tow. If left on their own, they usually get into ruts and when they realize they're in one, they become very discontent with everything (a tailspin) and sometimes blame others for their unhappiness. I think the key is expanding their circles of friends.......

    a.k.a. I/O
    Last edited by Rebelondeck; 10-13-2018 at 06:26 PM.

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    WAKE UP!!!!!!


    Last edited by karas; 10-14-2018 at 12:06 AM.

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    of the sun Karatos's Avatar
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    Openness, as it's currently defined in BIG 5, includes openness to direct experience and intellectual openness. Therefore, someone high in openness will be open to explore new ideas and/or new physical activities. Given how inclusive this concept is, I don't think it necessarily helps to improve in this metric, since you seem to want more direct engagement with life specifically.

    However, I recommend just setting goals for yourself and the experience will happen naturally. What are your biggest dreams? What are your aspirations? Where do you want to be? What compels you?

    Focus on those things. Figure out what you have to do to fulfill those aspirations. Figuring out what you need to do to fulfill goals has a stronger overlap with Conscientiousness, if anything.

    I'm not sure if you're IEI, either. However, my advice still applies.
    "Talent hits a target no one else can hit; genius hits a target no one else can see." - Schopenhauer

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    Metaphysician thehotelambush's Avatar
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    Honestly, the only way is to just do it. If you take the first step, you can then see what works and what doesn't for you, and to some extent maybe even make it a habit.
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    Just do a little bit everyday, something newish. Times that by a couple years and you might not even recognize yourself.

    edit: you got to get out of your comfort zone..there is no other way. No other way what-so-ever.

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    I've been waiting for you Satan's Avatar
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    my brother left the country and decided to teach in another country. not sayin you gotta leave everything behind, but yeah, you just have to do it. start small if you have to

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    I don't think this has anything to do with being a victim, playing a victim, or seeing yourself as weak or strong or any of that. Well, IEIs stereotypically get called out for that a lot- but I think it has more to do with you're simply just not a sensor. Why should you feel pressured into being something you're not just because MOST of the world is a stupid common run-of-the-mill right handed STRAIGHT MAN sensor? =p

    I can really relate to what you're saying, doing sensor-ish things doesn't motivate me in the slightest. It's not that I'm too weak or too strong (in many ways you are very strong, four dimensional Ni is like downright psychic abilities lol) it's just... being a sensor gives you no satisfaction and even downright drains you. I can still feel a rush of adrenaline/endorphins when I do something physical or whatever, but I need underlying meaning or purpose behind when I'm doing something more or I will just stop exerting any kind of force.

    Sooo why do you think artists or authors exist, or any other job that isn't simply based on the senses? You could argue that you need to have good sensing abilities to be able to do those things well but nah, at their pure raw-ness- those things are based on intuition not sensing really. I don't think outside things can ever influence an NF type in this way, you're just not wired to find energy or pleasure in things like that. I think a lot of people will always find us 'too strange' for being this way but whatever, I'd rather have the few people who really understand me in my circle then be fully understood by the masses anyway.

    You can still be open to new experiences... in your own way. Idk I just went out and saw a movie today. I rarely do that, but I had fun. Even though the movie was really predictable and mostly boring, especially for somebody with four dimensional Ni lololol.

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    Plan for rest and recharge time because you mentioned that you are being held back by lacking energy right now. Then, just do it. Tell your friends and ask them to help motivate you if you need it, if you don’t want a dual. Believe in yourself (: I’ve seen your photos and videos. You look like a strong, determined person if you wanted to be one. You can do it!

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    You might not like my advice, but I think the problem is that you are avoiding constraints. You want to be free, so you don't get involved with anything, don't commit to any goals, don't discipline yourself, etc. But then you end up missing out on alot, because "life happns when you're busy doing stuff". In other words, life isn't going to happen to you when you're at home daydreaming, which you already know. But in order to be active in the world, you need to some kind of "business logic", not necessarily related to what we call business typically, but more like work on some organized project with a goal and a desired result.

    I find that I used to get into a similar pattern as you, I would just daydream and wait for things to happen, afraid that if I were to commit myself to something unfun like a project, I would just work my ass off and not get anything out of it. I still have that fear. And it's legitimate because there's no guarantee life will happen to you while you are working on a project in the outside world, you don't know if you will meet anyone interesting, get invited to try new things etc. But it's certainly not going to happen when you are sitting at home daydreaming, either.

    Basically, what I find works is have a project, and get involved with it, do stuff to make it happen. If you have a project but don't know how to make it into a reality, change projects. Don't waste your time. Find something you can be invloved with and commit to, it won't make you a less fun person, less unique, etc, I find it helps me be more open to life happening.

    Also, sometimes you gotta provoke something. If nothing is happening in terms of you getting what you want, you might have to tell people what it is you want, they can't get guess.


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    Skepteric's Avatar
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    As uncomfortable as it may seem, your biggest regret in life will be not doing the things your very Being needed to flourish. You don't have to go out often or do something crazy every weekend, but just getting up and going out to explore the world around you, to come across interesting people, to see and experience wonderful new things like foods, drinks, people and cultures, will all give nourishment to your soul, your Being. Once you are replenished, you can go back to your comfort zone until the needs arise again. Then you will find the energy replenished to do the things that you are strong and talented at.

    Friends can help draw you out. Trying to organize something with friends also adds flavor and variety. Something unexpected will inevitably occur

    Put yourself out there.

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    Skepteric's Avatar
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    I had a stepfather that really pushed me to Do Things, very aggressively pushed me. When I was a teenager, I hated it. I didn't want to have a crappy, low paying job. I wanted to do art, focus on my academics, etc. The relationship we had was tenuous at times. He called me a fairy when I was dancing to my Appetite for Destruction cassette. He did not understand me, but he looked out for me, wouldn't let anyone harm me, encouraged me to stick up for myself. He was a genuine badass. If duality exists at all, I would say he was as close to it as possible. Although, I do not know what on earth I have provided for him. I did make art for him to express my appreciation and my love. Maybe that was what I gave him. No one ever really did things like that for him. We never verbally expressed our feeling around one another. The only time he told me he loved me was when he was drunk and crying after one of the relationship ending fights my parents had when I was in college. In hindsight, all the pushing was exactly what I needed, even if it cause me undue stress, anxiety, and unhappiness at the time. I never would have made where I did today had he not. I didn't end up where I wanted to be, but it is better than the life of a starving artist living in poverty.

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    a two horned unicorn renegade Troll Nr 007's Avatar
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    Looks like my IEI sister really needs some heavy ass kicking reception. I have no idea how it will happen, though.

    I have carved out possible paths. I have searched for information etc... BUT... her ass seems to be stuck inside of some sort of invisible force field.
    Sol mb F type due to his inability to think alternatives.


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