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Thread: my own experience with duals and conflicts

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    Default my own experience with duals and conflicts

    My dual use to do the following: he activated me, help me look outside the box, show me how the connections between people worked, comfort me in perfect timing. But on the other hand, he would also completely bewilder me briefly but never permanently, or mind blow me with his overuse of Ne which is very hard for a Si at times, who is maybe hungry or cold, or tired.

    Duals are not the fairy-tale relationships Socionics make it out to be, and I would hope that people are not just waiting around for duals to experience a relationship. I believe that all relationships serve it’s purpose in life and the timings of these relationships are also very important. Growth is important.

    Me and my sister are Conflicting relations, but yet at different points in our lives I have felt the benefits of our interactions. She has been a ‘guidance counsellor’ at times when I have needed it at most. The only problem is that the help provided does not usual sit right on me, so I will naturally tweak the help which let’s say is in the form of an advise and will always for some reason unknown to me, do the opposite to this advice. Strange no? It is by far not a terrible relationship. Confusing at times, sure, but we both want the best for each other.

    With regards to timing, I have found that the dual relationships only work well if they are within each others vicinity. What I mean by this is that they work better side by side, not apart. I have never had a dual relation that worked when I moved the country, or when I moved jobs. Mirror partners and Semi-Duals seem to work much much better with distance, but with your dual it looks like the times you lose reception on your phone - you know its gone, but it will come back on, in the right place and time.

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    Bertrand's Avatar
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    yes I would attribute this to sensing/intuition complimentariness but also with the drawback that space messes with things. for example many social types (SFs), tend to create relationships with people in the nearest proximity, they almost can't fail to do so, thus it tends to naturally fall apart and be replaced if the spatial component isn't there. you can see this play out with in how SFs will subtly "change sides" toward the person who is more involved in their life in space, regardless of how that person actually treats them... 2 intuitives tend to be able to handle LDR's better, but it concomitantly relies on someone not coming into their space and improving it in such a way that obsoletes the distant partner. so there is this dynamic but its something like, intuitives do better if they're both required to be spaced out and are not coming into contact with people regularly. and sensors tend to gravitate toward whoever is around, thus duals are a good balance, but conditions can pull them apart and create all sorts of weird dynamics between non dual pairs. i would also say every dyad has their own unique dynamic, for example a push pull space/time relationship is better for some pairs than others, and certain sort of dynamics where SFs will actually prefer an otherwise inferior partner if only they are within proximity is viewed with suspicion from outside. both might label one or the other partners in such relationships as either being "not-committed" or a "harasser" from the outside, and yet from inside they will defend that person and cultivate the dynamic

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    I totally agree. Every dyad is unique and requires different things to the next dyad.

    From what I have read it appears SLI-IEE duals seems to be the most 'independent' of duals. It makes the stereotype 'fairy-tale' relationship non existent in this this relationship, and to be fair, I think we'd both enjoy that fact

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    yeah I think it is how certain mate-seeking behavior I used to find repugnant is just the particular siren song of that dyad, and it can't help but appeal to the dual partner despite themselves in many ways (although it is no guarantor of anything). I used to wonder why that behavior just seemed to be symptomatic of the people involved just not bettering themselves and thus relying on tactics that kept them "low", i.e.: creepy old men hitting on low self esteem women, seemed like it would just create a vicious cycle wherein they both, if they got what they wanted, just had the wrong lessons reinforced. And then I realized this may be the only way these people ever reproduce and that a lot of my disdain was a complex of looking down, when I should have appreciated better what they stand to gain by remaining on precisely that level. I was expecting them to elevate themselves on a more Ne level and that's not their mode of existence and the world needs precisely these types of people at certain times in order to facilitate the development of the species and so forth. Otherwise certain situations would double bind these people and they wouldn't be able to achieve anything at all, and thats unfair of me to expect them to just "die" in that sense. The thing is this expectation just makes oneself bitter, because they don't really understand how the world works, because you end up hating people instead of loving them, despite thinking you want "the best" for them. One is only imposing one's personal definition of the best, and then becoming jaded when no one is following suit, and that bitterness transforms itself into hate for the world, when the goal was always to love it and want good for them. It is in some sense the problem of over idealism leading to the best being the enemy of good, and its the judger is primarily the one who loses out...

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    yup.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bertrand View Post
    yeah I think it is how certain mate-seeking behavior I used to find repugnant is just the particular siren song of that dyad, and it can't help but appeal to the dual partner despite themselves in many ways (although it is no guarantor of anything). I used to wonder why that behavior just seemed to be symptomatic of the people involved just not bettering themselves and thus relying on tactics that kept them "low", i.e.: creepy old men hitting on low self esteem women, seemed like it would just create a vicious cycle wherein they both, if they got what they wanted, just had the wrong lessons reinforced. And then I realized this may be the only way these people ever reproduce and that a lot of my disdain was a complex of looking down, when I should have appreciated better what they stand to gain by remaining on precisely that level. I was expecting them to elevate themselves on a more Ne level and that's not their mode of existence and the world needs precisely these types of people at certain times in order to facilitate the development of the species and so forth. Otherwise certain situations would double bind these people and they wouldn't be able to achieve anything at all, and thats unfair of me to expect them to just "die" in that sense. The thing is this expectation just makes oneself bitter, because they don't really understand how the world works, because you end up hating people instead of loving them, despite thinking you want "the best" for them. One is only imposing one's personal definition of the best, and then becoming jaded when no one is following suit, and that bitterness transforms itself into hate for the world, when the goal was always to love it and want good for them. It is in some sense the problem of over idealism leading to the best being the enemy of good, and its the judger is primarily the one who loses out...

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    i called you a snob and i feel vindicated. i mean that with love.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 17types View Post
    From what I have read it appears SLI-IEE duals seems to be the most 'independent' of duals.
    it would be possibly only in case some type needed lesser of the support, what is nonsense

    also your "dual" mb any IR, as typing skills of anyone are far from perfect. especially of the novices

    > Duals are not the fairy-tale relationships Socionics make it out to be, and I would hope that people are not just waiting around for duals to experience a relationship.

    Socionics only says them as potentially the best IR for romances and friendship. Duals are easiest to be loved.
    People need efforts for any relations to be good - you need to care about your dual so he would feel good with you. You need to love, to be tuned on him, on his interests, wishes. Though even seeing your loving feelings would make him to feel better. There are also nontypes problems in any relations.

    You may to have relatively good romances with semiduals and activators. With any other IR you get significant and permanent problems what ruin the sense in such relations, if you can find the pair among the mentioned 3 IR. All people can this, technically.

    > I believe that all relationships serve it’s purpose in life

    in case your puprose is different from to feel good and to be strong, having good support and help in the pair

    P.S. use normal theory, instead of baseless heresies
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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