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Thread: What is it like to date your identical?

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    Default What is it like to date your identical?

    I think that's the term for someone who's the same type as you.

    Anyway, I just had this thought while having dinner the other day for some reason. And I remember someome saying that "It's like dating your best friend. But with sex. Good stuff."

    So what's your input on this situation? Let's fill the forum with some love.
    ''This is how it works
    Youíre young until youíre not
    You love until you donít
    You try until you canít
    You laugh until you cry
    You cry until you laugh
    And everyone must breathe
    Until their dying breath''

    ó Regina Spektor


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    Good but a little boring.

    If different subtype you might feel very different from each other.

    If same subtype you might feel really "identical".

    Ive dated H-SEI and C-SEI. But never same subtype or complementary.

    I think there might be a risk of projecting your weaknesses on your identical. They are an easy target for that because they fit the projections so well.

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    I've never really dated my Identical before, nor have I gotten truly close to it.

    But when I was new to Typology, I was oddly enamored by the idea of ending up with a guy who's got the same personality type as me.

    Blame the hype of introversion for that; tons of articles on how "similarity" is ideal, and how introverts do well with other introverts... And then my own negative experiences with certain extroverts in my life (ESxj people) made me think that extroverts kind of suck, introverts are the best... Add to that a general feeling of isolation and being misunderstood... So I thought, someone like me would be ideal, no? Finally someone who understands!

    So I went on the quest of meeting and getting to know guys with the same personality type as me (online) and oh boy, have I made some experiences, haha!

    Many of those guys turned out to be EII or xSI actually (and mentally disturbed, ha) and that didn't work, obviously. One of the Identical guys I could have been interested in ended up dating and marrying another Identical woman, ha! The other Identical guy was gay, haha. He was eerily similar to me. Same Enneagram type, same stacking, too. Getting to know him, I realized how annoying it can be to listen to the worries of your Identical, especially when they are also the same Enneagram type; you cannot help them! And they keep lamenting! I can sympathize but empathy can become tricky in that instance!

    So I basically realized, that at this point in my life, where things are not particularly stable and I need to establish myself and gain more independence, someone who complements my strengths and weaknesses is a much better match. (Learning about Socionics and gaining more experience made me also realize that certain Extroverts can be pretty dope actually, so to speak. )

    But if I was an old single cat lady
    with a rather stable life
    and no luck in dating
    and were looking for someone who understands me completely
    and gives me an easy time,
    I'd go for an Identical probably.
    (Make this a Socionics poem/slogan.)

    P.S: I have found that most happy Identity relations are between IxFx types with the exception of SEIs.
    ESI-ESI is one of the most common pairings in general, ime.
    Last edited by Olimpia; 02-13-2018 at 12:46 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Olimpia View Post
    I've never really dated my Identical before, nor have I gotten truly close to it.

    But when I was new to Typology, I was oddly enamored by the idea of ending up with a guy who's got the same personality type as me.

    Blame the hype of introversion for that; tons of articles on how "similarity" is ideal, and how introverts do well with other introverts... And then my own negative experiences with certain extroverts in my life (ESxj people) made me think that extroverts kind of suck, introverts are the best... Add to that a general feeling of isolation and being misunderstood... So I thought, someone like me would be ideal, no? Finally someone who understands!

    So I went on the quest of meeting and getting to know guys with the same personality type as me (online) and oh boy, have I made some experiences, haha!

    Many of those guys turned out to be EII or xSI actually (and mentally disturbed, ha) and that didn't work, obviously. One of the Identical guys I could have been interested in ended up dating and marrying another Identical woman, ha! The other Identical guy was gay, haha. He was eerily similar to me. Same Enneagram type, same stacking, too. Getting to know him, I realized how annoying it can be to listen to the worries of your Identical, especially when they are also the same Enneagram type; you cannot help them! And they keep lamenting! I can sympathize but empathy can become tricky in that instance!

    So I basically realized, that at this point in my life, where things are not particularly stable and I need to establish myself and gain more independence, someone who complements my strengths and weaknesses is a much better match. (Learning about Socionics and gaining more experience made me also realize that certain Extroverts can be pretty dope actually, so to speak. )

    But if I was an old single cat lady
    with a rather stable life
    and no luck in dating
    and were looking for someone who understands me completely
    and gives me an easy time,
    I'd go for an Identical probably.
    (Make this a Socionics poem/slogan.)

    P.S: I have found that most happy Identity relations are between IxFx types with the exception of SEIs.
    ESI-ESI is one of the most common pairings in general, ime.
    You'd get bored soon enough though, so there's that

    C-EII-INFj 4w3 Sx/sp 479

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    Shouldn't friendship be the base of love in the first place? To me that's something good, common sense, and not necessarily socionics-relevant.
    I need some things that I want in my life now. I own so much but I have even more to lose. Big house, supercar, money, honor. Yeah... a superstar
    Art fills the walls in my room, my house is a gallery. Feel free to visit comfortably anytime. Iím just living like I used to
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    Quote Originally Posted by Penny Dreadful View Post
    I think that's the term for someone who's the same type as you.

    Anyway, I just had this thought while having dinner the other day for some reason. And I remember someome saying that "It's like dating your best friend. But with sex. Good stuff."

    So what's your input on this situation? Let's fill the forum with some love.
    u have dinner with socionics fanatics?
    It's hard to light a candle, easy to curse the dark instead

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    Quote Originally Posted by Number 9 large View Post
    u have dinner with socionics fanatics?
    You don't?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Olimpia View Post
    You don't?
    sometimes
    It's hard to light a candle, easy to curse the dark instead

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    Quote Originally Posted by Number 9 large View Post
    sometimes
    Same
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    Shouldn't friendship be the base of love in the first place? To me that's something good, common sense, and not necessarily socionics-relevant.
    It truly should be.
    But being intimate with someone who is just like you would give a whole new meaning to the phrase 'Go fuck yourself'.
    That being said, you can perfectly be friends with someone who's not a 3D-printer-copy of yourself.
    ''This is how it works
    Youíre young until youíre not
    You love until you donít
    You try until you canít
    You laugh until you cry
    You cry until you laugh
    And everyone must breathe
    Until their dying breath''

    ó Regina Spektor


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    Quote Originally Posted by Penny Dreadful View Post
    It truly should be.
    But being intimate with someone who is just like you would give a whole new meaning to the phrase 'Go fuck yourself'.
    That being said, you can perfectly be friends with someone who's not a 3D-printer-copy of yourself.
    I wouldn't say they'd be similar to yourself, we still have the variety of instincts, enneatype. Put me next to a self-pres six of the same type and the difference is staggering, no twin effect whatsoever.
    Of course
    I need some things that I want in my life now. I own so much but I have even more to lose. Big house, supercar, money, honor. Yeah... a superstar
    Art fills the walls in my room, my house is a gallery. Feel free to visit comfortably anytime. Iím just living like I used to
    Like my childhood wish, like the people on TV. Iím living it up but Iím still sad and lonely. A corner of my heart is empty. I need somebody, I ain't got nobody
    Petrus, Latour, Margaux, Conti, Jayer. I obsess over 1988 vintage, but (I need some) friends who are the same age as me. Instead I pour my own glass and drink by myself
    I'm tired. Today, tomorrow, every day is filled with work. But if there wasn't anything tomorrow it'd be strange. Hello? Is there anyone there?
    "Youíre so admirable."
    Softly, softly come on over here. Donít cry, why are you crying? Why are we both crying? Ask the stars, ask them.
    I need somebody, I ain't got nobody

    https://soundcloud.com/pj-flexir/g-dragon-superstar-audio-hq

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    I think relationship wise in the long term in terms of quality, it is second only to duality. If you have the same subtype, enneatype and instinctual stacking then there would be a lot of mutual respect and you would have a lot in common, but it might get boring. If you have a different subtype, enneatype and instinctual stacking then you would strike a good balance and have just enough in common and enough mutual respect, but also have enough differences to keep it from getting boring.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Raver View Post
    I think relationship wise in the long term in terms of quality, it is second only to duality. If you have the same subtype, enneatype and instinctual stacking then there would be a lot of mutual respect and you would have a lot in common, but it might get boring. If you have a different subtype, enneatype and instinctual stacking then you would strike a good balance and have just enough in common and enough mutual respect, but also have enough differences to keep it from getting boring.
    I don't see how identical would be better than activity. Activity is unbalanced, too much leading and mobilizing, not enough creative and suggestive, and wrong temperaments rational vs irrational but there is still synergy. Identical doesn't provide any synergy so there will be no value add or depth from the relationship. I remember one time I met a group of people with an identical and activity pair in the group. I talked almost exclusively with the activity pair. It was more interesting and felt closer to duality.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Penny Dreadful View Post
    And I remember someome saying that "It's like dating your best friend. But with sex. Good stuff."
    in case that person was too narcistic

    women identicals are boring for romance
    I had no romance with them, but had a familiar LSE girl. women are softer than me for sure, so it's not like to look in the mirror. but you'll not get good suggestive support. and you don't see that she needs you much - she wants same emotional support from you and you both stay hungry in this
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    I know two LIE females. In a sense we understand each other much better than with duals. But I think we would get each other into trouble during a long term relationship.
    They are also both big spenders and i think we would also get each other in financial troublen
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    I know two LIE females. In a sense we understand each other much better than with duals. But I think we would get each other into trouble during a long term relationship.
    They are also both big spenders and i think we would also get each other in financial troublen
    Interesting. Why would you get in trouble?
    I need some things that I want in my life now. I own so much but I have even more to lose. Big house, supercar, money, honor. Yeah... a superstar
    Art fills the walls in my room, my house is a gallery. Feel free to visit comfortably anytime. Iím just living like I used to
    Like my childhood wish, like the people on TV. Iím living it up but Iím still sad and lonely. A corner of my heart is empty. I need somebody, I ain't got nobody
    Petrus, Latour, Margaux, Conti, Jayer. I obsess over 1988 vintage, but (I need some) friends who are the same age as me. Instead I pour my own glass and drink by myself
    I'm tired. Today, tomorrow, every day is filled with work. But if there wasn't anything tomorrow it'd be strange. Hello? Is there anyone there?
    "Youíre so admirable."
    Softly, softly come on over here. Donít cry, why are you crying? Why are we both crying? Ask the stars, ask them.
    I need somebody, I ain't got nobody

    https://soundcloud.com/pj-flexir/g-dragon-superstar-audio-hq

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    Quote Originally Posted by Raver View Post
    I think relationship wise in the long term in terms of quality, it is second only to duality.
    3 good IR for marriages and alike: duality, semi-duality and activation
    nothing else. except you agree to deal with the lack of friendship, boredom and hard relations which need a lot of your personal efforts and compromises to keep them ok

    > If you have the same subtype, enneatype and instinctual stacking then there would be a lot of mutual respect

    Same E-type is not good for similar reasons. You'll meet not many such pairs, mostly people are attracted to different than they are - to those who may complement them and compensate their psyche. The last two cases I seems prefered E-9 women, while being E-1 myself - not the easy to start relations, but such women are interesting and I see what "new" they may give me, - the other point to view the world, to understand what I have redundant in myself. Though mb there are better matches for E-1, but to deal with E-1 girl... I doubt such even exist among EII.

    > If you have a different subtype, enneatype and instinctual stacking then you would strike a good balance

    I doubt this would help much.
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    For me, dating would never happen. I've known many LII and I've always recognized their characteristics immediately. Like no other type, I seem to focus on flaws that I see duplicated in myself. Because I tend to be overly self-critical, I prefer not to be chummy with other examples of LII shortcomings. Also, I seem to be able to converse far better than work with them; we seem to disagree a lot on whose plan is better.........

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    From an overall perspective identity can be pretty good. There is lots of support and acceptance because you like to do things the similar way. They introduce you to potential hobbies and activities that you might like. Understanding is great. I feel identity can be very therapeutic.

    SEI girls have introduced me to doing things slowly and with no worries. Cooking, taking walks, plants and animals, getting drunk together, inefficient living. With Harmonizing SEI the sensuality was in the foreground all the time.

    I'm like that myself also, but with an identical partner it becomes accepted.

    The downside is also obvious: slightly boring despite of everything, no support in weak areas, no sense of "a new spirit", like duality can be.

    So I think that identity is one of the most important types for you. Maybe not as much as husband or wife, but as friends and lovers.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    Interesting. Why would you get in trouble?
    I'm referring to these two LIE females I know - we all tend to be a bit too optimistic with regard to career prospects, changing cities / lifestyle, spending money, finding someone who will help us when there's something that goes wrong, etc. etc. - I can see that we would be unbalanced from the point of view of "realistic sensing".
    Furthermore one of the two has a ESI husband, now they have a kid, and I can see how the LIE girl really appreciates that he takes care of the kid even from a physical POV; to make it short, duality seems better for LTRs and family life, but identical seems really good for friendship.
    At work, other LIEs are okay only if they cannot directly affect my work, or if we cooperate on something, otherwise, it's more difficult.
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    I'm referring to these two LIE females I know - we all tend to be a bit too optimistic with regard to career prospects, changing cities / lifestyle, spending money, finding someone who will help us when there's something that goes wrong, etc. etc. - I can see that we would be unbalanced from the point of view of "realistic sensing".
    Furthermore one of the two has a ESI husband, now they have a kid, and I can see how the LIE girl really appreciates that he takes care of the kid even from a physical POV; to make it short, duality seems better for LTRs and family life, but identical seems really good for friendship.
    At work, other LIEs are okay only if they cannot directly affect my work, or if we cooperate on something, otherwise, it's more difficult.
    Completely true for me, too, in my experience, LIE's who work together in the same company require completely separate spheres of influence.

    I know a couple of LIE females. We get along great. One is a much older woman who used to run a division of GE. She's no-nonsense and very direct and clear, and we have profitably worked together in the past. Unfortunately, she's religious and conservative, so we just never go there in our conversations, because we butt heads and neither of us will give an inch.

    The other one is in her mid-thirties and is separated from her SEE BF. I have to admit, I'm curious about what she's like in bed. She's hinted at considering that, too, but like me, she is resisting going there. I think it would be like having sex with a female version of myself, and who isn't curious about that? ("Hey, I'll bet you like THIS!") And even though she's quite attractive (especially considering she's LIE), I can't see us forming a permanent partnership. We've talked at length about how we deal with problems in relationships, and we deal with them identically and so can't really suggest good solutions to each other.

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    I'm usually not attracted to other IEIs that way unless they are in a much higher position of society than me, then it feels more alluring and sexy but people from different class groups don't really interact in that way so nothing ever happens. It's like even if I sense some chemistry and mutual interest, it still is always too friendzone-y.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Penny Dreadful View Post
    I think that's the term for someone who's the same type as you.

    Anyway, I just had this thought while having dinner the other day for some reason. And I remember someome saying that "It's like dating your best friend. But with sex. Good stuff."

    So what's your input on this situation? Let's fill the forum with some love.
    It's not really for me. I've had an attraction to an identical before, but it didn't go anywhere, perhaps if it did, that relationship would have had potential.

    Most of the identicals I know, they are OK, but I wouldn't want to date them. Really I want a partner to bring some feeling to the relationship, but, as long as we're not competing (identicals) on the same topics, then there's worse.

    To explain, this is the sort of thing where it could work, for me,

    In order for Identical relations to last, one partner has to take a role of the [/COLOR]Dual as if it was a Duality relationship. Usually it happens naturally. If the two are introverts, one often subconsciously attempts to take care of the extroverted side of things, if the two are thinking types, then one would try to fill the resulting emotional void etc. Different backgrounds and function developments of Identical partners could help in this case, however as with any other relationship there has to be a driving force behind it to keep it going.

    From http://www.socionics.com/rel/idn.htm

    I'm happy to share our responsibilites, but not compete for the same things.
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