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Thread: ISTPs and privacy

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    Default ISTPs and privacy

    ---
    ISTp

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    My ISTp husband is VERY MUCH like this. There are unwritten rules about what I'm allowed to talk about. I'm sure if he read what I've written about him here I'd be in trouble. Well no probably not because no one here actually knows him. But like to family, friends, neighbors, etc.? He would be upset if I chatted about him much beyond his racing or car work or whatever. My family likes to have kind of personal discussions when they get together, which bothers me too - I hate it when they want to talk about kind of personal things - but it drives him UP THE WALL. And when I say personal things I don't mean like sex or anything, but health, things we've been thinking about doing like vacations we're considering, etc. He didn't want me telling people I was pregnant when I was! "It's none of their business." Uh, yeah, they're going to be grandparents so that kind of makes it their business!

    I also tend to be private about personal stuff and I wonder if that is a Delta thing. But he is even more than I am.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    jessica129's Avatar
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    I've been on Facebook for a little over a year now and I don't have a single friend. There's something unsettling about people randomly viewing my profile..I just don't like it. I see a lot of members with a couple hundred friends..how is that possible? I don't even talk to that many people in any given week.

    As for real life encounters, I don't have any close relationships with anyone. Some would call this 'sad' but I just can't seem to let anyone really in. My boyfriend thinks he knows everything about me, but I dont feel like anyone could ever truely know the real me. Sometimes I dont even feel like I know myself. To me it's almost easier to remain at a safe distance...you're never really committed to anyone or anything.

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    I have a few people from my school who have contacted me on myspace which is cool.

    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    To me it's almost easier to remain at a safe distance...you're never really committed to anyone or anything.
    No one really knows anyone to a total extent but people can come to an understanding. It might seem easier but if you go into the right relationship Jessica, im sure it would be a much happier life than being alone
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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    Jessica,
    Well, I hope you do meet people who can understand the real you, and not just the surface. And once you know yourself better, you can tell more easily who really gets you and who doesn't.

    But I admire your independance. I wish I could be more like that! The idea of not needing anyone sounds so freeing! I don't know if it's possible for anyone to truly need no one, but I like the idea of it. When I don't have enough close people around, no matter how great everything is going, I'm not happy, and I wither and die inside. So I always rely on other people in that way, which kinda sucks. I wish I could just not need anyone.


    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    I've been on Facebook for a little over a year now and I don't have a single friend. There's something unsettling about people randomly viewing my profile..I just don't like it. I see a lot of members with a couple hundred friends..how is that possible? I don't even talk to that many people in any given week.

    As for real life encounters, I don't have any close relationships with anyone. Some would call this 'sad' but I just can't seem to let anyone really in. My boyfriend thinks he knows everything about me, but I dont feel like anyone could ever truely know the real me. Sometimes I dont even feel like I know myself. To me it's almost easier to remain at a safe distance...you're never really committed to anyone or anything.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    heath's Avatar
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    I relate a bit. I don't like to talk about things related to me. Here is a good example: I recently purchased a new truck, and all my co-workers are trying to talk to me about the purchase. I usually respond with, "yeah it's functional and i almost have it paid off." They really want to know about all the great features that no one needs ever, but really! i'm not going to glorify my extremely dangerous(goddamn cars!) point a to point b automobile. I dunno, i usually respond sarcastically, and i hope they know i'm not being a jerk. but between you and me-- i could give a shit less. One co-worker(jesus christ, co-workers are my only social associates) recently told me, "yeah, i saw you driving around last night." I responded, "oh was I making a 'vroom vroom' face, or was I making a 'oh my god!!! i hope i don't crash this extremely dangerous vechile into another person's extremely dangerous vechicle, or a piece of city funded landscape@!#!$' face." He kind of laughed, but I felt really good inside, really really good.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    I've been on Facebook for a little over a year now and I don't have a single friend. There's something unsettling about people randomly viewing my profile..I just don't like it. I see a lot of members with a couple hundred friends..how is that possible? I don't even talk to that many people in any given week.

    As for real life encounters, I don't have any close relationships with anyone. Some would call this 'sad' but I just can't seem to let anyone really in. My boyfriend thinks he knows everything about me, but I dont feel like anyone could ever truely know the real me. Sometimes I dont even feel like I know myself. To me it's almost easier to remain at a safe distance...you're never really committed to anyone or anything.
    whoa yr fucked up! jk u rock and your bf's a fucking stud!

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    Default Re: ISTPs and privacy

    .........

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    schrödinger's cat's Avatar
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    My IS(T)p brother is exactly like Slacker Mom's husband - very private. If people haven't seen him for a while and ask me for news about him, it's a bit embarassing, because chances are I don't have any news either. My I(S)TP husband, on the other hand, isn't quite as private.

    So, is it related to subtype? Wasn't there this subtype thread that said if you're a creative-function subtype it means your PoLR is even more ouch than it would usually be? I think the reason given was, you only have so much energy (or sth) for your 2nd and 4th function, and if you take what little there is and bung it all on your 2nd function, then nothing is left for the 4th.

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    Quote Originally Posted by schrödinger's cat
    My IS(T)p brother is exactly like Slacker Mom's husband - very private. If people haven't seen him for a while and ask me for news about him, it's a bit embarassing, because chances are I don't have any news either. My I(S)TP husband, on the other hand, isn't quite as private.

    So, is it related to subtype? Wasn't there this subtype thread that said if you're a creative-function subtype it means your PoLR is even more ouch than it would usually be? I think the reason given was, you only have so much energy (or sth) for your 2nd and 4th function, and if you take what little there is and bung it all on your 2nd function, then nothing is left for the 4th.
    I know two ISTPs with the same corresponding subtypes and the same corresponding reactions so there might be something to that. Good work SC.

    Topaz
    The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

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    Quote Originally Posted by enjio
    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    As for real life encounters, I don't have any close relationships with anyone. Some would call this 'sad' but I just can't seem to let anyone really in. My boyfriend thinks he knows everything about me, but I dont feel like anyone could ever truely know the real me. Sometimes I dont even feel like I know myself. To me it's almost easier to remain at a safe distance...you're never really committed to anyone or anything.
    I can relate to this. I have this underlying feeling that the more people know about me, the more they can use against me. I hate social niceties, everyone's politeness just feels fake. I'd rather have people get to the point or just leave me alone. but then after a period of time I get bored and reengage other people.. just to ignore them and withdraw again. is it wrong to not have a soul? hahaha
    One ISTP I know does just that. He is friendly and talkative one day, aloof and critical the next. When he is in his bad mood he can be rather crule in pushing people away. When he's ready to talk again I smile and put on a friendly business tone to irritate him. I make him put forth some effort before I open up. I think some ISTPs become spoiled in their dealings with others. They expect open arms from others when they feel like it and then for them to just disappear when thier mood shifts.

    Topaz
    The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

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    cunnilingus epilepsy inducer
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    ...

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    Quote Originally Posted by electric
    When he is in his bad mood he can be rather crule in pushing people away.
    How cruel?
    Hmm lets see.... OK,
    Person A: Hey ISTP, would you like to go to the movies with us?
    ISTP: NO.
    Person A: .... whats the matter? Cmon, its the one you said you wanted to see
    ISTP: I SAID NO AND I MEAN NO. THAT SHOULD BE GOOD ENOUGH .
    Person A: ... ok, ok, sheesh.... (note to self never to invite ISTP anywhere again)
    Person A doesnt hear from ISTP for a week or two then he shows up, rather quiet and ackward waiting to be accepted back without any hurt feelings.
    Funny, I never do the mood shift disappear thing and I never expect anyone to do anything special for me.
    Dont sweat it Electric. Maybe its just this one guy.

    Topaz
    The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

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    I think ISTps can just be hard to read. My husband is often deep in thought, and I'll think he's upset with me. I'll ask him something and he'll just gruffly say, "NO" or something along those lines. Then I'll needle him a bit and find out, no, he isn't upset with me and wasn't thinking about me at all. He was thinking about some project he's working on or something and just concentrating on that.

    Supposedly that's what makes us not tire of ISTps. The fact that we can't read them well. But I do understand what you're seeing Topaz.

    He always seems to be bewildered that I would think he was angry with me. Maybe that's why your friend is quiet and awkward -he doesn't know why you're upset or why you thought he was upset?
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    cunnilingus epilepsy inducer
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    ...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom
    I think ISTps can just be hard to read. My husband is often deep in thought, and I'll think he's upset with me. I'll ask him something and he'll just gruffly say, "NO" or something along those lines. Then I'll needle him a bit and find out, no, he isn't upset with me and wasn't thinking about me at all. He was thinking about some project he's working on or something and just concentrating on that.

    Supposedly that's what makes us not tire of ISTps. The fact that we can't read them well. But I do understand what you're seeing Topaz.

    He always seems to be bewildered that I would think he was angry with me. Maybe that's why your friend is quiet and awkward -he doesn't know why you're upset or why you thought he was upset?
    yes, yes! exactly!

    Much of this happens to me also. I’m very private in the “real” world. When people ask me what’s up with my life I usually say –not much- even if there is something big going on. For some reason I don’t want to tell people. Also some days I’m really open and friendly, and then other days I shut down on people; though its not related to mood shifts. It just happens, and folks think there’s something wrong when there isn’t. Even if I insist everything is fine some still don’t believe me. This happens even with people who do know me well. When I say everything is ok, they’re like.... -oh but you look so mad…-

    Usually, if I don’t put a grin on my face. People think either that there’s something wrong or that I don’t like them. Though both are usually not the case.
    - DEEP THOUGHT OF THE DAY -

    Just remember... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
    -Trevor Myers

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    I tend to look for all kinds of reasons to let people off the hook but after a while you begin to see a pattern emerging that you can no longer excuse. Some people are just jerks. Even the ones you care about. So I cant really say its all type related and just a misunderstanding. I think people will often express their jerkiness in a way characteristic of their type though. Its really not an excuse. I cant rightly act irresponsibly all the time and then say "Well what do you expect? Im ENFP."

    Topaz
    The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Topaz
    I tend to look for all kinds of reasons to let people off the hook but after a while you begin to see a pattern emerging that you can no longer excuse. Some people are just jerks. Even the ones you care about. So I cant really say its all type related and just a misunderstanding. I think people will often express their jerkiness in a way characteristic of their type though. Its really not an excuse. I cant rightly act irresponsibly all the time and then say "Well what do you expect? Im ENFP."
    Good point.
    - DEEP THOUGHT OF THE DAY -

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    bye

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    Quote Originally Posted by mustachio
    fame is overrated.

    it feels good to be able to move about without being known too intimately. it would be awful if one had to say hi and talk to people they barely know or used to know only superficially. i often ignore people i used to know in college because my life has totally changed and i don't want to waste my time embarrased talking about nothing.
    Even though I enjoy people very much I do understand what youre saying here and I actually can relate. The day after tomorrow Im flying to NY and I will see a bunch of people I was aquainted with or friends with once. Some I look forward to seeing and others I have mixed emotions about seeing again. Its just too ackward. I really dont want to explain my life to people I havent seen in years. I know so many people that to a dyed in the wool introvert it would seem like I was famous.

    Topaz
    The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

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    It's like looking in the mirror here!

    I think I am most of the things described here. I am sometimes open and talkative and then become closed, I just don't feel like talking. Then people think that I am mad, pissed, annoyed or that I don't like them, which usually leaves a load of people who don't like me

    I also can feel like talking to a certain person at one moment and then completely ignore him. For example I can go to a club get a phone number and really wish to call the person, then the next day I feel different and just throw the number away.

    And I also hate it when people start discussing my life!

    And don't even get me started on fake politeness, get to the point or leave me alone, that's why I can't get a job. Because everybody expects me to be nice and smile and laugh etc....god it's annoying!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Away
    And I also hate it when people start discussing my life!
    Yes me too.

    Quote Originally Posted by Away
    And don't even get me started on fake politeness, get to the point or leave me alone, that's why I can't get a job. Because everybody expects me to be nice and smile and laugh etc....god it's annoying!
    I don’t like fake politeness either. Much less fake niceness.
    - DEEP THOUGHT OF THE DAY -

    Just remember... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
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    For me, being polite has less to do with my personal feelings and more to do with principle. I like to treat others the way I'd like to be treated regardless of who they are. It just works out better for everyone .

    Topaz
    The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

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    schrödinger's cat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Topaz
    ...I like to treat others the way I'd like to be treated regardless of who they are. ....
    But there's the problem, sometimes. What about people who don't expect others to be "nice" to them? Expl.: some people take it well if someone else doesn't really react to what they say (taking ages to come up with a reply; not giving any feedback like nods and smiles and "uh-huh"s;...).

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    Quote Originally Posted by schrödinger's cat
    Quote Originally Posted by Topaz
    ...I like to treat others the way I'd like to be treated regardless of who they are. ....
    But there's the problem, sometimes. What about people who don't expect others to be "nice" to them? Expl.: some people take it well if someone else doesn't really react to what they say (taking ages to come up with a reply; not giving any feedback like nods and smiles and "uh-huh"s;...).
    Hmmm I think I see what you mean. People may not expect consideration or kindness but they sure appreciate it when it comes their way. Who likes to be treated unkindly? Who likes to be treated unjustly? Who doesnt like a word or nod of appreciation when you have done something good? Even the crustiest among us do (even if they pretend they are fine without it.)

    Topaz
    The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

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    There's also the way you define "kindness". Example. If I'm listening to someone I look at them. My ISTp wanders about the room, occasionally straightening a picture or killing a flie. An INTj friend used to stare at the wall and let her eyes glaze over. All of which I perceived as "not listening". Yet they don't expect eye contact of anyone else. For them, it wasn't essential. All the encouragement they themselves need is... oh, don't know... the fact that their listener voluntarily remains in the same room and doesn't tell them to shut up. What you don't need, you don't give to others.

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