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Thread: What is up with contrary relations?

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    Default What is up with contrary relations?

    Why does contrary relations have to be so weird?
    Please share any experiences you might have.
    In theory there should be a quiet understanding between these two relations- an unconscious awareness that you would think would feel ALMOST like duality...but no it is just so awkward.

    Please share!
    “Until he extends the circle of his compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace.”



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    Lol, I dunno if this is universal or not but when I feel pressure on my ignoring fx it's kinda like... I mean.. I guess if you really want... But I look like a goddamn fool... This is weird... Are you happy now?

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    Quote Originally Posted by lungs View Post
    Lol, I dunno if this is universal or not but when I feel pressure on my ignoring fx it's kinda like... I mean.. I guess if you really want... But I look like a goddamn fool... This is weird... Are you happy now?
    Yes! Thank you!
    “Until he extends the circle of his compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace.”



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    I feel like ISFjs are supervising me with their Fi.
    “Until he extends the circle of his compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace.”



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    GOLD Member Cuivienen's Avatar
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    OK so in contrary relations, the two partners have the inverse functions but in the same order (i.e. for LIE TeNi vs LII TiNe)

    This means that they're going to be focused on the same kind of problems, but will come to opposite conclusions. Therefore you will readily meet contrary partners, as they tend to have similar interests to you. Nonetheless time after time, you will find that it is very difficult to find common ground with them, or even understand what they are trying to say. Their reasoning seems superfluous, ignorant and irrelevant. The more time you spend around them, the more annoyed you get.

    Personally I think this is the type of relation where you are most likely to come into conflict over your worldview. With conflictors, conflict tends to be over lifestyle choices, more personal things. The conflicting partner has your leading function as their PoLR, while the contrary partner has your activating function as their PoLR.
    Last edited by Cuivienen; 10-05-2017 at 03:57 AM.

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    I place these relationships in the top half and not at the bottom; they can have common objectives even though they can have very different approaches. They really seem to have common opinions but argue over semantics. The externalized thinker can seem aggressive and or draining while the internalized one tends to be defensive and or non-communicative. However, I've seen many of these relationships work very well with the occasional flare-up. I found that paraphrasing by both partners seems to mitigate a lot of potential distrust.
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    IDK. EIE are really cool, but like, too cool for me. I am jealous of the attention they get. I'm a weird EII though. I like being the center of attention. Generally EIE are nice enough as casual friends, but I don't think I'm shiny enough to hold their attention for a deeper friendship/relationship.

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    The approach I take is not something ILI understands.

    They see me as ineffective while I'm improving towards a goal doing things using new approaches.

    I don't get how ILI ways are able to do produce something new.

    I'd say that they might appear bit dual like who won't use their ego in satisfactory ways (ie. superego generates false potential).
    Last edited by Troll Nr 007; 10-12-2017 at 05:05 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Economist View Post
    IDK. EIE are really cool, but like, too cool for me. I am jealous of the attention they get. I'm a weird EII though. I like being the center of attention. Generally EIE are nice enough as casual friends, but I don't think I'm shiny enough to hold their attention for a deeper friendship/relationship.
    This is about exactly how I feel about EIEs as well.
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    So I guess my contrary relationship would be with an IEE. Well to be honest... I don't find them irritating or undesireable. I actually find IEEs to be very interesting and I like to have them around as my friends, because they're so much lighter and easy-going than me. I envy how freely they seem they can express themselves and how at ease a lot of them are at social situations. They also have this bit of an emotional drama going on, but that is always hidden behind a joke or a light-harted smile. I can relate to them a lot and yet I know I'm different in a way that I'm less easy-going and more focused. I'm also far more serious and emotional than IEEs, but I love the fact that I can talk about how I feel with them and they are always open to listen to me and usually understand me quite well. I just sometimes need this easy-going approach in my life to remind me that not everything is a huge deal.

    What I don't like about them is that they seem to fall for every stupid idea without really thinking it through. I mean, I love their enthusiasm, but I'm often the one to break the illusions when I see they're throwing themselves in something really silly and short sighted. Sometimes I also don't like their lack of focus, mostly in a working enviroment. When I try to work on something that really matters to me, I just want to work and they keep on distracting me, but that's the issue with all the Ep types anyway. The bad thing about me is that, I'm not too hard to distract so even when I want to work, when I have an IEE around me wanting to have fun we usually end up playing around like little kids instead of actually working so we're definitely not a good working combo. Same with ILEs hah, I had an ILE coworker once and we spent most of our shifts fighting around like 5 years old haha .
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    We agree. Everything we say halts the others momentum. Conversations end up entirely superficial, and interesting.
    I would say that ethically you are still supposed to act as if you have unilateral responsibility; but simultaneously you have to be able to see the other as a fully autonomous, free, aware person.

    Medicalizing social problems has the additional benefit of rendering society not responsible for those social ills. If it’s a disease, it’s nobody’s fault. Yay empiricism.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sorrows View Post
    In theory there should be a quiet understanding between these two relations- an unconscious awareness that you would think would feel ALMOST like duality
    Understanding you'll meet with same values, while duality gives you support for weak functions.
    In contrary you'll get permanent "who is more right here" and the lack of friendly support.

    The mix of duality and contrary are semi-duality and mirrage. With semi-duality you may deal good, but prepare to get what you want not always like you want. In mirrage you'll notice a significant barrier, so they are not suitable for very close relations.
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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