Hello, I've been reading about socionics for a while but I'm kind of stuck right now. There's just so much information to take in and it would take me a long time to fully understand it. I've had some ideas about my type but the more I read about it the more confused I get and I'm back to square one so I could really use some external input right now and then go from there. if anyone could skim through this and tell me their general impression, it would be greatly appreciated.
What is beauty? What is love?
Beauty is the projection of a person's subjective worldview. What I see as beautiful is influenced by so many things and is constantly changing.
Love is a mental connection between two people fueled by unconscious attraction. I've never been in love so I kind of have an idealized view of it and tend to be critical towards what other people consider "love". For example when I observe people who claim to be "in love" I have a hard time believing it because I can see all the potential problems they may encounter or how fundamentally wrong they are for each other, predicting how or when they are going to break up.
What are your most important values?
Honesty. If a person can't be honest with me or themselves I refuse to have anything to do with them.
Goodness. I don't want to associate with "bad" people. With goodness I don't mean people who can do no wrong, but people who are "good" on a core level. I can sense that when I first meet someone.
Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place?
I'm an atheist because god does not exist and I have a hard time taking religious people seriously even if I force myself to be more tolerant.
Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you?
I think that war comes as a natural evolution of world events, there have been wars in the past and there will be in the future, even if the methods change.
Never really thought about power, can't give it a definition as of right now.
What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why?
I don't have a fixed set of topics that I only like to talk about. I'm usually open to any topic of discussion (sans small talk and gossip) if the person I'm conversing with is willing to dig deep. Some people find off putting how I have to google everything either to find out more about a topic or to confirm someone's claims.
Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body?
No and I hate people who are obsessed with it. I'm not in tune with my body but it's not really an issue I'm concerned about. I have a hard time realizing when I'm sick and I also tend to overeat out of habit because I can't really tell when I'm hungry or don't really pay attention to it.
What do you think of daily chores?
I don't like them but I force myself to do them regularly and I feel a strange satisfaction seeing everything in order.
Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome.
I'm currently watching Tarkovsky's filmography and quite like it. Partly because of the cinematography, it's aesthetically pleasing and I'd like to recreate a similar vibe in the photos I take and partly because his movies make me feel emotional even if I don't relate to the themes. At the same time I feel like I lack the ability to criticise them from a filmmaking point of view, which makes me feel inferior to people who can even without a background in cinema or whatever.
I haven't read anything recently. If I do read, I stick to classics and some non-fiction. I don't really like fantasy/sci fi/etc.
What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why?
As a teen I used to cry a lot, I was very sensitive and I still am but it's more repressed now so I don't cry as much. I cry when someone is trying to hurt me on purpose and they hit the right spot. In that moment I pretend not to care and have a ready reply too but then I have to hide in a bathroom to cry it out and reprimand myself for being so weak/sensitive. I also get randomly emotional when I'm alone contemplating the nature around me and i cry a lot at sad moments in movies and books too.
I don't smile much. I feel like I have slow reactions and before I can bring myself to smile, the moment has already passed. I also don't see the point in smiling because it feels forced most of the time.
Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging?
I feel like I only belong in my head. Most of the time I feel like I'm floating above the world, observing other people without including myself in the context of things.
What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself?
I'm too quiet and shy. That's the only thing people tell me directly. If they dig a bit deeper they'd say I'm passive and indecisive, maybe boring and serious too. And if they go further they'll say that I'm too stuck on my opinions and that I always have to have the last word in arguments, even if I'm wrong.
I dislike all of the above but at the same time I know those are all parts of me that I won't be able to really change completely.
A weakness I have and that really frustrates me is my inability to formulate my ideas and arguments well.
What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
People only give me credit for my apparent "intelligence" which is kinda sad. Especially because it's just apparent intelligence. I feel like I don't know anything at all and just fool people and myself into thinking that I'm smart. When people ask my opinion on something I'd put together information I've read from here and there and present it in my own way. It works but it makes me realize that I'll never master anything because I don't have the patience to stick to one thing for long enough to be considered actually good at it.
I'm not sure what I like about myself. I have a sort of superiority complex, thinking I'm above everything and everyone but at the same time I'm deeply insecure and have low self-confidence.
In what areas of your life would you like help?
Taking charge, having more of a presence, being more decisive, being less reflective.
Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.
Yes, constantly. It would actually feel weird if I was content and knew where I was going with my life because I've accepted it as my inevitable condition.
What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with?
I like people who are decisive, open minded, intelligent, sane, have their own opinions and are not judgemental.
I don't like people who conform to society just to fit in, have wrong beliefs, are manipulative and pessimistic.
How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner?
I want someone who is decisive, assertive but also sensitive and deep. A well balanced person.
If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
I don't want kids but if I were to have one I feel like I'd end up being too controlling. I'd start with the intention of being a good parent who lets their kid experience life and make their own mistakes. I'd read a lot of books about child development and the best approach to take, I'd think about the kids personality and act accordingly and I'd try not to make the mistakes my parents did. At the end of it though I feel like I'd become an overly present parent, trying to control their every move and decisions in a subtle way, directing them to the right path.
A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction?
If it's a stranger I'd feel irritated but probably stay silent, unless it was something I really cared about.
But since it's a friend, I don't hold back. If I don't agree I say it and I don't try to be nice or patient about it. I realise some people find that annoying though.
Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.
I feel like I can't really judge, there are obviously things I dislike but what I dislike is what other people like and vice versa. When I hear people criticising an aspect of society it just seems so... biased I guess. If every person fixates on a different thing, that basically means that there's nothing objectively wrong with society as a whole.
What I can say I dislike about society though is that it makes even the most individualistic person play by the rules.
How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?
I don't choose my friends. Sometimes there are people I'd want to befriend but I don't because I'm too shy and insecure. The friends I have weren't made by choice but by circumstance. I'm a very detached friend and not the type of person people go to confide in because I don't try to comfort people. Instead if someone comes to me with a problem (rarely), I'm honest and try to analyze how they'd come to that and how to solve it, which seems to be appreciated as it's a different approach from what most people try to do. I need a lot of personal space and I rarely miss people. I keep things to myself and I can't say I've ever confided in anyone.
How do you behave around strangers?
I'm quiet around strangers if I know I'm going to be seeing them again in the future, mostly because I have to get a feel of what kind of person they are before I expose myself even a little bit. This strategy backfires because people tend to get the wrong impression of me. On the other hand if it's random people I'll never see again, I can be uncharacteristically outgoing.