Difficulties with focusing on one thing, in Ne egos/Delta NFs

[Saoirse]

I feel like I am right on the border between being intermediate and advanced in many things, mainly my career and several hobbies, but it's like this is an incredibly painful point that I can't seem to get past in anything. I keep thinking "oh, maybe this just isn't my thing" and wanting to try something else. It's a difficult mental point because progress isn't as fast/noticeable as it was when I was a beginner/lower intermediate. I can't quite see the path to finally getting to the advanced level, and any improvements are so small as to be indiscernible on even long time horizons, like 2-6 months. Do you have any advice for overcoming this problem and being able to finally push deeply into one thing, whether in general or for EIIs specifically? I don't want to be a jack of all trades; I want to be a master of at least one.

[justalitnerdxx]

Maybe the things you've been doing and trying aren't really 'your things?' So you don't have the motivation to stick at them? A lot of hobbies for me anyways have been trial and error. I dropped out of ballet dance, the gym, water aerobics, but now I am doing Bollywood dancing and actually feel like it's an interest I want to be good at and keep on attempting. So maybe you need to find work and hobbies that are more in alignment with you? Easier said than done I know. Sorry for the wishy washy advice. I too feel similarly about not being focused and dedicated enough to be truly 'talented' at anything :/

Might be an age thing too and those who are older Ne types are better at being focused?

[Hope]

I also have problems with staying focused and I'm not Ne Ego. Maybe its an E9 thing more than Ne or Delta.


I don't have any tested advice, I'm going to prove physical things like using a timer (like tomato timer) for doing things that I need to do during the day and stuff like that. That's the only solution that I can get now.

[applejacks]

I feel like I am right on the border between being intermediate and advanced in many things, mainly my career and several hobbies, but it's like this is an incredibly painful point that I can't seem to get past in anything. I keep thinking "oh, maybe this just isn't my thing" and wanting to try something else. It's a difficult mental point because progress isn't as fast/noticeable as it was when I was a beginner/lower intermediate. I can't quite see the path to finally getting to the advanced level, and any improvements are so small as to be indiscernible on even long time horizons, like 2-6 months. Do you have any advice for overcoming this problem and being able to finally push deeply into one thing, whether in general or for EIIs specifically? I don't want to be a jack of all trades; I want to be a master of at least one.

Of all the qualities about me (and perhaps other NFs) that I wrestle with, it's this- the dreaded jack of all trades, master of none. Here are some thoughts-

1) My ENFj aunt once told me- "let the creative process happen and go with what sticks", meaning, "it's OK to try this, try that, try this and see what works best." Before I started by second career and became a music teacher, I entertained several ideas from food truck to coffee shop to counseling. Once I understood the importance of the creative process, it took much of the pressure off to pick something immediately. Instead, it became a fun experience of sorting the good fits from the best fit.

2) Life is about seasons. I've now had two very different but equally successful careers- both completely unrelated, mostly due to life circumstances. That's OK. Who knows, I may have a third. Or a fourth. Adaptability isn't always bad, neither is having a broad set of skills.

3) I've often tried to pinpoint where and when I learned this concept that you have to do ONE thing. Who told us this? Why does this have to be true? I never fit the mold of having one track, or rather one career. My SLI husband is a dentist. He knew he'd be a dentist, and he focused on that and became that. But he loves to do the exact same thing every day. He even tries to cast his fishing line in the same exact spot every time. I admire the mastery of that, but I'd be miserable doing the exact same thing every day. Instead, I've found that I've been able to wear multiple hats in my family, church, and community because of my broad set of skills. As a result, people always seem quite happy to have me on the team. It's like having a Wild Card in your hand. I do understand my weak points, however, and I try very hard to compensate with hard work and in producing quick results in whatever tasks that I can competently complete.

4) Some of the NF's best skills are hard to see. Our best skills are tied up in people, humanity, ethics, values... As a result, we're natural counselors, bridge builders between others, inspirers or listeners, encouragers, negotiators, mediators, problem solvers... many of those don't always show up as easily as tangible skills, and unfortunately many of those are side aspects of careers or jobs- not necessarily the core job description.

5) Finally- I've come to fully accept who God made me to be- God "created my inmost being; [He] knit me together in my mother's womb." (Psalm 139:13) I recognize that I am who I am, and that God has a plan for everyone He makes, and His design is not random, nor is it without thought and purpose. So I find myself content to explore, find the best fit for the season that I'm in, and put my heart into whatever I'm doing in that season. And regardless of my career, I find people along the way that tend to draw out some of my more favorite and intangible skills in the process. And as long as people are involved, I'm able to activate those NF skills on the side of my core responsibilities.

Hopefully some of this was helpful. Please know- I understand your frustration all too well, and recently had a long discussion about all of this with a fellow EII- one whom is trying to start a media business, while also running a coffee shop. She, too, admits that she feels scattered in her projects at times. But take heart. While it frustrates us NFs, I truly believe there is a plan and purpose in our design. So try to enjoy those other wonderful qualities, and don't be too hard on yourself.

P.S. 10,000 hour rule. Have you heard of it? Apparently that's what it takes to be a master in something, although I do believe some people are more naturally gifted in some fields, skills, and hobbies than others, and required work levels may vary as a result.

[ouronis]

In my experience, when you hit intermediate, you hit the point on the curve where the slope slows the most dramatically. I think part of becoming advanced is coming to terms with this and realizing it's the detail and paying attention to your idle speculative thoughts you have about the subject, especially when you're performing it, that will allow you to make leaps. Plus your ability to learn has also probably subsequently increased for that particular subject, so you get less of a dopamine hit and thus less of a realization of the strides you're making.

[epheme]

I think both Applejacks and ouronis gave good perspectives/advice. Also, this part of your post is interesting to me as this seems like such an incredibly short amount of time.

I can't quite see the path to finally getting to the advanced level, and any improvements are so small as to be indiscernible on even long time horizons, like 2-6 months.

[GuavaDrunk]

What @ouronis said. I say give it time and make sure to enjoy at least some parts of the process (even if you have to jury-rig them in eg: "In two months I will draw this many images. Are they improving? Dunno, but I drew as many as I set out to! Time for [big reward]!").

There's a reason mastery is not common: it's a long long slog to achieve. Be one of the few who makes it.

[anndelise]

The first 20 hours of intentional study/practice of the subject's basics yields the fastest learning rate and takes you through the beginner stage.
From there you expand on the basics, connect the basics to another subject, etc.
From there you refine your understandings/skills. This is a slower process and where most people quit. Most people compare themselves from where they're at to someone who's specialized in it, and find themselves dramatically lacking. This is where the 10k hour rule for mastery kicks in.

But most people don't particularly want mastery, they mostly want the understandings/skills from the first 20 hours and the expansion/connection process. It's enough to get you by, in the subject. But that first 20 hours has to be especially focused on the absolute basics. There's a book about the first 20 hours.

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There's also different types of goal commitments...I can't find my notes for it though. But from what I recall from one read, think of your goals as falling within the dating range. First your checking something out, seeing what some of its attributes are and if you want to maybe "date" it. If you decide to date it, you take it out a few times, kind of get a sense of how it might fit into your life. If it fits into your current life, you might commit to it for a specified amount of time...a month, 6 months, a year, etc. Here you get what you want out of it, but you know it'll end at some point, leaving you free to use that energy/time/money elsewhere. And finally, there's the "marriage" phase...where you commit to it for the rest of your life.

Many people mistake the dating phase as needing to jump into the marriage phase. And then get frustrated when they discover that the marriage just isn't working out for them. So they divorce the goal and jump into another marriage. Or try marrying multiple goals at once, particularly without dating it first.

Each phase requires different amounts of commitment of energy, time, money, etc. If one is merely dating a goal, then mastery won't ever happen in it. However, if one marries a goal, mastery isn't guaranteed to happen, but because so much time, focus, commitment, etc is devoted to the goal and working out solutions to problems/obstacles that may come up, you'll definitely be getting more intentional practice which leads to better mastery.