I am at a total loss when it comes to this. It also does not help that my own worldview isn't as bright either so, any ideas how to help one feel better without lying with rose-coloured glasses they would probably already see through?
How does one even motivate an IEI when depressed
I am at a total loss when it comes to this. It also does not help that my own worldview isn't as bright either so, any ideas how to help one feel better without lying with rose-coloured glasses they would probably already see through?
AsPoLR it's going to be difficult, that's probably the root of the problem!
Remedy: Send the IEI a SLE meme.
You, on the other hand, need ESE cheering.
You can't even motivate an IEI even when they are already motivated! Not even SLEs can motivate them. It's something they have to decide for themselves when they finally pull their hands out of their pants.
(If you couldn't already tell, LSIs have a much worse time attempting to motivate IEIs than SLEs do...)
LSI-Se 836 Sp/Sx
What exactly are you trying to get motivated into doing?Originally Posted by ApeironStella
General droopiness: Demonstrate a general zest for acting on life. Kick them up the ass. Hire someone to kick them up the ass. (Disclaimer: it's all socionics and thus doubtful by definition.) Alternatively, get thee a good book and out-wait them.
Medical condition of depression: More science!... drugs?
Have they seen a doctor, considered meds, gotten meds adjusted if they take them, etc.? Are they managing basic self-care like showers and nutritious food, or any food at all?
Reason is a whore.
Why are they depressed, any objective cause for it in their current life circumstances?
1. Break their emotional state. You can't reason with someone with depression. Try getting them out of that negative state via humor, reverse psychology, re-frames. Here's a video featuring Tony Robbins explaining this:
https://youtu.be/uMbUa0nfzk8
2. Pace his/her reality and try to really understand their reality, find common ground, then lead him/her to a better place.
When you want a kid to share a toy with another kid you don't say "don't be stupid, quit hogging the toy you fuck-head," instead you pace their reality and lead them to a better place like "I know you're having fun, but wouldn't you like to share so Jimmy can have fun too?"
So don't be like "why are you depressed? stop being depressed!!! its OKAY!!!" but instead try to understand their situation, then work from there.
Help him find new ways to appreciate the world/whatever he's going through despite it's faults and help him learn to accept reality for what it is; flawed and imperfect but filled with good things if you look for them.
Just doing this and being there for them will help short-term.
Long term he has to get to the root of his depression and tackle that.
It's frustrating but many times you'll learn that people won't truly change their view of the world and their actions to their core until they hit absolute rock bottom. Until we hit rock bottom we will always be clinging with a death-grip with the tips of our fingers if we have to, to our old, safe, comfortable beliefs and identity. So understand too there's only so much you can do to help, and it's mostly on them to take action and get a handle on this.
In addition, other stuff that help/cope with depression:
-Exercise (increased neurotransmitter)
-Omega 3s (decreased inflammation)
-Sunlight (increased vitamin D levels which helps hormonal levels and helps with sleep)
-Proper healthy sleep (encourage good sleep hygiene, not staying up late)
-Stop thinking about the past/Spending time alone, spend time in engaging activities
-Social connection (get off the computer/phone and leave the house and interact)
-Prayer (or meditation)
-Cold showers (increased energy, alertness, etc)
-Pharmaceuticals/Medication
So as a friend basically get them laughing, break their negative state, then help them get out of the house, maybe hit the gym (change your physiology, change your state) just anything to get the ball rolling. The more little wins/progress/growth he sees, the more he'll realize it's his decisions, not his events that determines his quality of life. Overtime it should snowball and they'll be back on their feet. It takes time but it can be done. We all need to realize that a lot of problems we can proactively manage, instead of reactively stewing in misery and being a victim. But it's not easy, especially that first step, that's the hardest so help them take action. Being IEI, they can really get stuck in their heads.
Here's another vid on depression that talks about the points above.
https://youtu.be/chE00kGtg48
Last edited by Computer Loser; 06-15-2017 at 01:54 PM.
You did not specify what kind of situation your IEI is in so I'll just start writing and hope that you'll find something useful.
When I came home one day I saw my mother (IEI) crying with a rejected job application portfolio in her hands. I stamped over to her, took it away from her and told her (angry voice) that she can have it back when she gets her shit together. That is (and she knows that) teapot-language for "I care about you and I demand that you get better soon".
I used all my lame acting skills to make a bit deal out of it. Be bold and noisy (as LII you will find this behavior probably obnoxious lol - so be a voice of reason and rationalize the situation).
You must know, when IEI are depressed they retreat into their heads and hide there with negative thoughts as their companions. The best way to get them back into the real world is to shake them up emotional and physically with activities and most importantly your own example.
I gave her a monologue on how it's not her fault and that the current state of economy does not favor workers like her and that she needs to keep trying and trying and eventually it will work out. I made clear that our economy values her work force but that this kind of value has nothing to do with her as a human being and that being depressed about it won't change. Do something for her. I cooked and she had to help me. Get things done. Keep her in the present and engaged. Talk shit about the mean people who made her depressed.
Eventually she will start to think for herself again and grow from the experience.
Vortical synergist thinkers (not just iei even ese-s) work on the principle - the more i am doing well, the more i do well - the less i am doing well, the less i do well, until depression - so you should find a way to make them "keep going" again in activities that provide a positive feedback to their abilities, i think. It seems to be especially helpful if you surround them of a group of people who value their abilities.
Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit
When an individual has a problem it is common to offer a solution. At the point valid solutions are offered not taken and the problem persists. The individual is making excuses.
When an individual is making excuses it is common to offer to be understanding. At the point one is understanding and the excuses persist. The individual is looking for attention.
When an individual is looking for attention it is common to offer to give attention. At the point attention is given and the attention seeking continues. The individual has a pattern of attention seeking.
Pervasive patterns of attention seeking are not type related. At the point the pervasive patterns of attention seeking negatively affect the individuals life and the lives of those around the individual to sufficient degree. The individual is displaying traits of the Cluster B personality disorders.
It is important to recognize the degree and prevalence of these things. To separate situation and normal behavior from an overarching disorder. Attempting to help an individual with minor and situational instances of these things is a good thing. Attempting to help an individual with a disorder is not a good thing. Neither for ones own self nor for the individual in question.
Long time lurker. First time poster.
*waves*
I've never been active here before though apparently had this account for a few years and never logged in to engage in socionics stuff. So I guess this is a miracle that I stumbled across this thread (I'm a habitual lurker, though forgot my log in until now! Call me motivated to go through signing in to comment here? I suppose that fits...)
Anyways, in answer to your question, from experience, all you can really do to help an IEI in particular out of a deep depressive episode is to let them know in no uncertain terms that you don't judge them for their lack of enthusiasm and activity, that you are open to listening to their often self defeatist concerns and show unwavering faith that they are worth more than they believe and aren't truly defeated yet (they'll bounce back! But only when they've been in their own hell and back journey inside their mind!)
i cant speak for all IEIs, or even confidently state I am definitely one. I just know that depression is very hard to crawl up from, and I have mostly done it solo. It's been easier for me to not burden others; I know my own demons better than others can presume to and deep down always knew the small gradual steps I needed to take personally to rise above my glitches brain chemistry. Plus, my parents never really reacted to my depression and anxiety issues aside from being frustrated at me for ruining the mood and not being able to be cheered up at the snap of the fingers and blink of a smile. And my closest friend called me out a lot of being 'selfish', mopey, cowardly.
So, *smiles* I guess having just someone be around who is not giving me judgement or bitching at me for how I'm feeling, who can handle my low moments without getting annoyed or emotional theirselves...I think the security of knowing someone has our back, it does help though may not seem that way.
Anyways...I'll probably never post again. I felt inspired to share here for a time
I think you know deep down, OP what your IEI really requires. The fact you're here asking for advice about how to help is a great think and if they'd know, I think they'd cry with gratitude and relief at how caring you are. Depression makes us all feel like wicked abandoned souls. I hope they rise above it :3
What you wrote here about the IEI resonates somewhat with myself.
Especially when younger and down about something involving someone's mistreatment of myself all I really desired from friends/loved ones was a moment of what you called talking 'shit' about the hurtful person, thus giving support and acceptance in the situation. Just something as simple as calling them a 'bitch, cruel, fhead' or whatever comes to mind....it's not really serious stuff like any hate or anger is meant to be lasting, overly intense or anything, it's more like 'so and so is such a bitch for doing that to you.
I can in return do the same back for my friends and loved ones when needed if I think they were mistreated.
Maybe positive words also have a real impact on the IEI not that I know IEI is my socionics type...
Take yesterday for example:
I passed by the taxi driver stand and 3 were in a group.
One says quietly 'she's hot'.
Another said something like 'if she tastes like a lemon though she probable burns like hell'.
-Lol, what did that even mean...didn't really matter as it made me smile and laugh for the rest of the day and even this morning. The spirit of it lifted me...even though now I'm a little scared to walk past them again :-)
Long term depression requires more long term continuous support in the situation though...
It requires a lot of loving one through it.
Maybe try spraying some 'energizing' scented oils onto places that are near their face or that are around heat sources around where air will ventilate around them. This will work IMO.
Rose is supposed to be good for stabilizing emotions and citrus is energizing. Remember to use natural oils or they will break out in a rash.
Just the fact that someone is being invasive and weird towards them near them is bound to make them get energized, tbh. Give dat
Above all, don't give up. If you give up before them, what does that say about what they can do?
Last edited by niffer; 06-15-2017 at 10:58 AM.
Buy them the "33 Strategies of War" by Robert Greene.
It is sprinkled with such Beta quotes as:
"You are your own worst enemy. You waste precious time dreaming of the future instead of engaging in the present. Cut your ties to the past; enter unknown territory. Place yourself on "death ground," where your back is against the wall and you have to fight like hell to get out alive."
"What most often weighs you down and brings you misery is the past. You must consciously force yourself to react to the present moment. Be ruthless on yourself; do not repeat the same tired methods. Wage guerrilla war on your mind, allowing no static lines of defense - make everything fluid and mobile. "
Instant Beta NF activation
The first thing you should do is go on a Socionics forum to get Socionics-related advice.
And by first, I mean last.
First off it's a mistake to think IEIs look at life through rose colored glasses. We're just really Fe and gay and it has little to do with our cognitive outlook on anything.
Actually it's the opposite. We see exactly just how unfair and cruel and gray and unrainbowlike the world really is, lmao. That's why we often get so moody and depressed, duh. And we are ethical types, not logical types- so it can get to us. Just hammering our heads saying 'be more of a rational/logical type!' won't usually work.
But to answer your question, what has helped me is when people proved to me they weren't so bad, that not everybody was a bully or a nasty selfish and self-absorbed person. Maybe it came off as kind of fake and corny but I did actually appreciate the effort. And I don't want to feel like the loser that's always labelled the 'shy/kind' one at times, sometimes it's just nice to have that niceness directed back towards you. One of my ILE friends did this for me once and I greatly appreciated it.
Environment helps too. But if you're in a really bad funk, it won't help - you'll just take your shit with you. Super de duper bad funks.... there is little anybody else can do. It is those times the poor little victim IEI has to truly spank their own inner moppet. For mild to medium typical negative introverted IEI depression.... it just helps if people are nice to me. You don't have to go overboard or be silly with it...that's um gay. Just be a decent human being. It's not that hard just to be nice. <3 Contrary to some stereotypes, we don't always just wanna be thrown down and given rough sex. We appreciate human kindness as well. Along with the hot rough sex.
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