When your dual is your parent...

[ApeironStella]

...well, opposite gender parent in my case. An ESE father and LSI mother. I am kind of curious if anyone else had their first impression of their dual as their parent? And if so how it went for them?

[Pallas]

Sounds like it'd be pretty good more often than not to be honest.

[Tigerfadder]

Id like to know how it is for you!

[ApeironStella]

Sounds like it'd be pretty good more often than not to be honest.

Id like to know how it is for you!

Eh, it depends I suppose? In my case, there was likely other factors than simply being duals, so that's why I tried not to give my own example. It wasn't exactly that good, really? I often found him awesome as a child and would love to spend more time with him as he was working during week while my mother stayed at home (by her own choice, she is normally a nurse and returned back to working when I grew up old enough and when it was financially necessary). But there was a constant misunderstanding at some unconsinous point- He would always flare fast and verbally hit where it would hurt most, and then would apologize. I only recently realized that for him, having such reactions are not a big issue- which was extremely problematic at the one time I blew up to him real bad and he brushed it off as nothing.

Also there is the fact that I always felt like there was an expectation that I should be as good at and as he was and if it wasn't for my mother saying that it wasn't a good idea to be so obsessed with how other people views you and 'traditions' that might not make any sense, I would be a lot more insecure in my , I believe. Though, there were times he encouraged my as well, from a more "I-don't-really-get-what-you-do-and-it-does-not-interest-me" way. There is also financial matters too, which was a major issue so I don't think that part would have something to do with duality or typing.

So it was so-so. It was good to have semi-duals in a home when it came to learning being used to seeing different points of views (I could relate to both of their view to some point and -without knowing they had a name as functions- I could see - and - differences in communication as well as and often times trying to bridge the conversation between them. (aka 9ness)

(Also, there was having him think of me as almost his psychologist at some point and I am only bringing this up because I wonder if it was sense of duality that made him feel like I could understand him/that I was trying to understand him. Ultimately, telling a 10 years old your regrets from 20 years ago and waiting them to not cry/be angry and just emphatize probably wasn't best parenting anyway.)

[Chae]

My dad is a SLI-Te SP/SO, phobic 6w5 3w2 9w1. Overall a very good experience.

- I can be as weird as I like
- I can be as feely as I like
- I get offered food all the time, like o.O I'm very grateful
- I cover up for his antisocial jokes
- We exchange memes
- He puts up with all my weird habits, don't know how anyone could handle that
- We watch movies together, same taste in genre
- Dad informs me about things and explains stuff
- I enlighten him about human behavior, which he otherwise doesn't understand
- He drags me outdoors (I need it)
- Won't reject cuddles... like most other people
- We discuss sports and pop culture
- We discuss paranormal phenomena and watch the X files
- I ask him about his books that nobody else is interested in :/
- He is less grumpy around me
- Helps me with legal documents etc
- We dig up his photographies often
- Knocks on my door regularly asking what I need, saying goodnight (wtf. I'm too blessed)
- I crack jokes or cheer him up
- I don't mind that he is very closed off emotionally and won't say what bothers him
- Sometimes I miss him because he works so much </3
- My bs meets a dead end
- I encourage/kickstart him in conversations because he has problems involving himself
- We eat ice cream together.

[Beautiful sky]

No but my dual cousin might as well be.

She is 8 years older than I am. When I was born she gravitated towards me naturally. As a child she would run over to take care of me to kiss me.
As I grew up she became an older sister looking after my esthetics by dressing me in the style that she likes, taking me out to the beach, camping etc
My cousin is blunt, and she makes observations and says it like it is which strains her relationships and sometimes she pushes people into embarrassing zones which causes people to distance themselves from her.

She loves relationships and values her friendships but ultimately isn't good at being sentimentality expressive which I understand. I really enjoy her private and hard working nature so her being course and harsh doesn't bother me. Her bitc** moods don't bother me either as I'm patient and those things pass easily as they flair up. When she's at a dinner she'll point out certain mannerisms that she doesn't like but instead of saying them in a friendly and appropriate ways she'll say them harshly and other times she won't even notice.

For example during dinner I got a plate of steak and mashed potatoes and proceeded to eat the mash first. She saw me do that and said "you're just like your mother. Why don't you just finish the mash and not eat any of the steak!" I looked at my plate and noticed that she was concerned that I wasn't getting to eat the protein (which she sees as very valuable) and I asked her in my delicate manner "are you concerned that I will get full before getting to the meat?" She said "WELL YEAH? DO you think????" In this course demanding way. So I obeyed and started to eat the steak as she monitored my actions

I love that she is funny and helps me see the lighter side of life.


LSE get more controlling and demanding the closer you are in a relationship with them so their loved one gets the worst of their attitude.
Duality works.

[Eliza Thomason]

My Dad was my Dual, SLI... he died 8 years ago.. He was always the easier parent. Mom (died last month) was ESI, and ESI's don't warm up to strangers too quick, so, people upon meeting my parents also thought my Dad was the easier, nicer parent. I didn't know about Socionics or Duality. I always sort of suspected that my Mom liked my 3 brothers better than me. And if I clashed with a parent, it was always her - I think it was never my Dad. (Except Dad always backed Mom, so its not like I got away with much.) So when I only recently discovered Socionics, and found she was my Supervisor, I realized that it wasn't less love for me, it was simply her finding that relating to each of my brothers a lot easier! So I had a lot more sympathy for the difficult moments I'd had with her. Dad was just - always easy. My middle brother is also SLI, and he was the one I was closest to growing up.

So you would think I would have sought a guy like dear old Dad, but, I did not. I was shy growing up (I think besides IEE being the most introverted extrovert, that was influenced by growing up in an "Introvert-valuing" family, with two introvert parents, and both of them reinforcing quiet behavior, restraint, and quiet activities. It was a peaceful family. I was drawn to my ESE ex-husband's very outgoing, very confident personality. He just would shine in a group, commanding attention. He "made up" for my lack of social confidence. I had worked hard to overcome that in college, and I did become far more outgoing and social, for me, but I think "shy" was still my inner identity, so, I found his confidence attractive, and he seemed, at the time, to find my reserve or shyness appealing. (Well, a guy often needs a few hurdles to jump over, so my reserve did supply that). I also think that because I had unresolved issues with my mother, I was looking to marry a person who personified the unresolved issues, and my ex was certainly way more like my Mom than my Dad, in a number of key ways.

Well, that was a bust. Funny thing is, years later, I realized that in college years I had had two boyfriends that were SLI! They were both very comfortable, very happy relationships that were promising, compelling, but just getting started, and in both cases circumstances (like circumstantial separation) ended them before they deepened. I just didn't know how valuable that was; I took it for granted. Otherwise I'd have put in a bit of effort to keep them. But I just let them go and moved on. In one case, we came to a particular crossroads that I thought called for a clearer, stronger declaration/demonstration of undying love, and when it did not happen, he sort of failed the "test", and I withdrew for good. Which is too bad, because SLI's need their own time to give that. And I did feel that for true love I needed to feel pursued, that a guy's love was so strong that he would not give up. And that stipulation turned out badly for me, because a Narcissist really knows how to play the pursuit game. And my ex (a Narcissist) won me over with that. Sadly, as SOON as a Narcissist "wins" you, when he is sure he has you, he loses ALL interest. So it was very confusing to me at the time, when I was only just-married and suddenly NO more demonstrations of love again, ever. And I did not understand it til years later when we divorced and I learned that this was the typical pattern for a Narcissist.

End of this story is several years after that bad marriage ended, after I recovered (God healed me) from the damage of that, I met my wonderful SLI husband. I fell for him, and then while researching our MBTI types I discovered Socionics and Duality, which perfectly explained why I felt so strongly. We have been married 3 years now and are very happy.

[The Reality Denialist]

All I know that SEIs dragged me around when I was a child. It is kind of hard to find motivation with semi duals.
I once worked in lab with older SEI. She watched my scattered ways and said: Let me be your mom for a while. Yeah, I didn't mind.
Probably this is not the kind of relatedness we are looking for.

[Exodus]

My father and sister are duals. They got along famously when she was younger, maybe less so when she got older but was still living at the house. It was clear that she was the favorite for sure.

[niffer]

smash them

[The Reality Denialist]

NO... tickle them with feathers.