The effect of an SLI for an IEE (ISTp and ENFp)

[scio]

This person I know I THINK is an SLI but because I am highly sensitive to information being given out,
I will not use Ne humor if I think a person won't go with it.

BUT

Around him I start using a TON of Si and get very, very calm. I half hate it and half love it.
I've started to throw around Ne humor and he doesn't add to it. Which makes me fear (if I'm being honest, and I hate that it's something I'm even worried about) that he isn't my dual. He is a very silent type and corrects me a lot. He quickly gets on my nerves but I'm so drawn to him at the same time. He is hard to read and his playful side comes out when we are alone in a room.

He doesn't go along with my banter and he almost never displays how he feels. His idea of caring is doing household chores for me and as much as I appreciate that I do need words sometimes. I express often how much I admire/care for him. Is this typical behavior?

He makes me very serious and I'm wondering if that's a normal effect? He has already helped me a lot in my life (to take care of myself and be more health conscious) which is very obvious SLI to me.

However, because he gives nothing off externally I find myself getting lost with him. I often have nothing to say and get a complete blank in my head, which rarely happens. I don't know if I'm overanalyzing it but I completely lose my Ne. It scares me and I don't like it. I feel like I tone myself down SO much around him.

But he's very uptight and I don't like it. Either my dual repels me a lot or he is not my dual.
I wanna know and ~~ FACE THE TRUTH~~

I will write more later I'm late for something right now and procrastinating lol

[Raver]

How long have you known this person? If you have known this person for a short period of time then he could possibly be your dual since duals require time to get used to each other and fully dualize, it does not happen over night. If you have known this individual for a long period of time and they are still behaving this way then it could be possible that he is another type, he may even be LSI, your conflictor.

Of course, the length of time you have known him is only one aspect of it as other factors come into play. Keep in mind though that in the long term, you should be able to act like yourself around your dual and vice versa or they could possibly be another type. However, the short term is irrelevant, conflictor relations are usually positive in the short term and only become negative after long term interaction.

[Chae]

My chemistry radar tells me nah, this person is not an SLI. They are highly suggestive to absurd bs lmao

He is a very silent type and corrects me a lot. He quickly gets on my nerves but I'm so drawn to him at the same time. He is hard to read and his playful side comes out when we are alone in a room.

He doesn't go along with my banter and he almost never displays how he feels. His idea of caring is doing household chores for me and as much as I appreciate that I do need words sometimes.

@Raver seems to have a good hunch, could be LSI given that he corrects (Ti) and is not vocal about Si. Si demonstrative is deliberately subdued as not to piss of an EIE. An SLI will talk about what you mentioned all the time and may be responsive to "I care for you" due to his Fi HA.

Playful --> that's more of a Fe suggestive thing.

Duality automatically and smoothly encourages you to be yourself.

This is the exact opposite:

However, because he gives nothing off externally I find myself getting lost with him. I often have nothing to say and get a complete blank in my head, which rarely happens. I don't know if I'm overanalyzing it but I completely lose my Ne. It scares me and I don't like it. I feel like I tone myself down SO much around him.

Also, consider LII for him?

[nokomis]

Agree. He sounds like me. Ti base, unsure which one.

[applejacks]

It took awhile for me to understand and truly appreciate my SLI. At first, it annoyed me that he never spoke what was on his mind. He also would neglect to tell me that I looked nice for a date. In fact, he'd tell me days (weeks, or months) later how pretty I looked to him. I'd always throw up my hands, but he's learned that I need words of affirmation from him, and has since learned with time.

At the same time, he never says anything negative or hurtful, either. So it works both ways.

I guess what im trying to say is- my SLI took time for me to appreciate him. Now he's an absolute treasure, but I had to learn to see where he was showing love, loyalty, and faithfulness. I also loooove how he cleans the house and reorganizes things, and fixes things around the house.

Similar to yours, mine's playful side is usually only revealed when we are alone. Most people don't believe me when it comes to knowing how truly funny he is. He also pops my bubble sometimes, but it's usually because I'm way out in a cloud, and he's just trying to bring me back down to earth (out of love).

What kind of correcting is he doing?

This kind of dual definitely will have a calming effect. I'm more of a homebody since marrying an SLI.

[Beautiful sky]

LSEs feel the same way around me. They feel like they have to think about and watch what they say. That , believe it or not, is good for extroverts. And, it's good for them to ask me to talk about what's on my mind.

With my SLI ex I could read him better than an IEE can because of Fi activating function. I felt his moods more and could deduce what was going on. Try what I do. Slow down on scanning and using your eyes and focus more on how they express subtle emotions like coy smile, mischievous grin, ah maybe a sign of stress like outer tenseness.

Umm otherwise he sounds like SLI and maybe you are just in the early stages of dualizing. You'll get used to it

[applejacks]

I re read your post now that I have a little more time. Can you update us on his behavior, specific examples?

Im inclined to encourage you to give it time, and keep asking questions.

My SLI seems uptight, but then he confides in me how that hurts his feelings when people think so. He and I met online, but had we not, I often wonder if I would have thought him arrogant. It would have been a terrible accusation, especially knowing him now. He doesn't want to seem that way. His sister agrees with me that he's one of the most misunderstood individuals. I often call him my tootsie pop- rugged exterior, soft center. He's sensitive about things, but there's an inner world that he will only open to trusted individuals. And it's beautiful when they pick you to trust *hearts and rainbows*

SLIs can be so wonderfully complex. And I think that's what keeps an IEE on their toes.

But truly, once you get to know their quirks, you see how beautifully they fit together with IEE. It just takes a little time.

[Hope]

He sounds SLI to me. Raver and applejacks are right on the spot, time is needed for you to know that he is your dual. The initial stages on dual relationships tends to be not so cool.

[Suz]

My SLI seems uptight, but then he confides in me how that hurts his feelings when people think so. He and I met online, but had we not, I often wonder if I would have thought him arrogant.

This is very interesting to me.
I often think about how I pass over tons of guys online that, perhaps had we met in person, I might have liked them.
Like, if I had seen the profile of any of the guys I've crushed on in the past, on an online dating site first, I don't know that it would have attracted me.


@ the OP, I'm not sure if you're describing duality. Duals are supposed to bring out one another's ego functions more, not make you feel intimidated about using them. Also, being health conscious doesn't necessarily equate to Si. It can actually be Si-POLR in some ways. The super restrictive dieters, soylent meal types, super regimented fitness freaks can be Si-POLRs.

[applejacks]

This is very interesting to me.
I often think about how I pass over tons of guys online that, perhaps had we met in person, I might have liked them.
Like, if I had seen the profile of any of the guys I've crushed on in the past, on an online dating site first, I don't know that it would have attracted me.

The profile of my SLI wasn't arrogant. I think it was just posture and air about him in person. But since I saw his profile (which was heartfelt, not overly trite, and thorough), I saw FIRST that there was a deeper side to him before we met. We also exchanged emails for a week, so our conversation went to a greater depth beyond surface questions quickly. Plus, attraction and sparks and chemistry and all that wonderful. But my point is mostly that the profile and emails are what helped me see past what I might have perceived as arrogance, had I only met him in person through work or from a distance or something.

Example: on our second date, we met at a frozen yoghurt place. It was summer, and there was a street musician on the sidewalk. He walked very confidently toward me, stopped briefly to put money in the guitar case, and continued to stride towards me. Had I not known that he is often giving money to street musicians or homeless people, I might've thought- "show off..." because his posture was displaying confidence and he knew I saw him, which leads me to think arrogance. But turns out he often gives money out, and he was just feeling confident because we had kissed each other good night the night before. And a year later, he confessed that he thought I was out of his league when he saw my profile, so his confidence was boosted after our kiss.

Anyways.. it's just easy to misunderstand SLI. They can be so very wonderful when you get to know them.

EDIT: also... hi!!!!

EDIT 2: my hubby's profile - both the writing and photos- was very attractive. I knew he was something special when I saw it. So go with your gut!

[scio]

@Raver @Chae I've known him for about a year and a half. For a lot of the time, our egos got in the way and we were very guarded towards the beginning of knowing each other. This is what I've been so afraid of. And I usually have a decent gut sense about these things so I'd be very surprised if I ended up wanting to be with someone who's completely wrong for me; but then again, people like their conflictors all the time.

Here's the thing, the more I know him, the more I understand things about him. He's a very complicated person and I admire a lot about him. He and I are both very guarded and not transparent, which is something that I love because he's not too easy for me to figure out. It is also true that the more I know him the more I like him.

I have a hunch he is my dual but I'm also afraid that I want to believe he is more than anything. I should be open to the reality of him not being it.

[scio]

Okay, story time!!
His health is his priority. He lives his life by it. He is very eccentric about things but nobody knows that about him because he hides basically all of his neurotic habits until you know him well.

When we are in stores he is obsessed with reading ingredient labels in things. He wants to know what is in everything before letting it touch his body. He is very self confident in his body. He also makes a ton of silly pun jokes and has a very "bouncy" vibe to him, but he also makes crude jokes. He corrects me when I move things in his room it doesn't follow his "order". He is very terse and can be short tempered after a long time but overall he is a very patient and calm person. He definitely is always telling people to relax and "calm down". This is something that frustrates me because I'm stubborn and don't like being calm, so I fight it. He can be super prissy which I think is so amusing because I buy thrift store clothing and he wants new, nice quality clothing. He can be materialistic but it's more like he wants the best quality of everything. He is very intellectual and loves science. He wants to know how the world works all the time but applies it to real life. When we go shopping he likes to approve what I buy and make sure it is the best option. He likes saving money and gets excited about savings when shopping. He's VERY sensitive, and allows himself to be vulnerable when he cares. He comes across as the girl in our relationship (I hate putting gender roles but that's definitely how it seems). He lets me know he cares a lot and I fight it tooth and nail.

I've been paranoid I'm not his dual and I think it makes me overreact when he criticizes me because I'm scared he wants another type even though he reassures me in his own ways all of the time. He is a wonderful person overall, I am just more scared of the idea that he seeks qualities in someone that I can't give him.

Thanks for your replies everyone!!


Hi!! @applejacks

[scio]

@Maritsa can you explain further? that's really interesting. maybe this is common for delta duality

[scio]

@Slugabed have you had a duality relationship? can you explain your experience with it?

[scio]

@Suz @applejacks arrogance is definitely a way to put it. this is how I'm pretty sure he has Te creative.. because he likes to think he right about how people run things and think of ideas for improvement, even if it isn't welcome. It took awhile for me to see it but it's definitely how he shows he cares about people

[scio]

@applejacks also referring to your post in my other thread, he dresses the same as me!! We often match. We have extremely similar styles and it is something we both noticed when we met each other (which brought initial attraction). Not sure why on his side, but for me it was because I thought we were like-minded and it was a sign

-__- lol i hate how corny i am


also @Suz I could see Si PolR maybe but he is too confident in his body and he laughs at my stereotypical "intuitiveness". He is definitely an S type and hates frilly fanciful things. He always wants to bring me down to reality.

[scio]

He also just told me he loves when I try to banter w him so...................))))))))))))) YSDGFUSYDFGUSDfusdyf

[Beautiful sky]

@Maritsa can you explain further? that's really interesting. maybe this is common for delta duality

Hi yes.

The dual pairs are different. For my dual pair it's centered around LSEs who want to be told what they should be feeling and what they should do, guidance; to do the right and correct actions despite their reactive emotions. LSE, "I want to walk away now but I don't know. I'm so indecisive" EII, "the right thing to do is to write a letter "

Every dual pair gets something out of the pair.

[Suz]

also @Suz I could see Si PolR maybe but he is too confident in his body and he laughs at my stereotypical "intuitiveness". He is definitely an S type and hates frilly fanciful things. He always wants to bring me down to reality.

Se types can be like that too actually. SLE, LSI.

[scio]

@Suz I know. So I'm trying to figure out the distinction now

[scio]

@Maritsa Got it. Makes a lot of sense. Hmm

[GuavaDrunk]

In the kindest way possible (LAWD KNOWS I do the same thing), are you quite sure you're not just overthinking something good? He can decide for himself whether you have the "right" qualities, and so far you certainly seem to. ^_^

Otherwise, I'm not sure why a 1D Ne type would "add to the Ne part of things" for a 4D Ne type. Might be worth hearing from @applejacks & others on this. Do you think you 'should' add to his Si-fitness-freakery?

[applejacks]

Okay, story time!!
His health is his priority. He lives his life by it. He is very eccentric about things but nobody knows that about him because he hides basically all of his neurotic habits until you know him well.

When we are in stores he is obsessed with reading ingredient labels in things. He wants to know what is in everything before letting it touch his body. He is very self confident in his body. He also makes a ton of silly pun jokes and has a very "bouncy" vibe to him, but he also makes crude jokes. He corrects me when I move things in his room it doesn't follow his "order". He is very terse and can be short tempered after a long time but overall he is a very patient and calm person. He definitely is always telling people to relax and "calm down". This is something that frustrates me because I'm stubborn and don't like being calm, so I fight it. He can be super prissy which I think is so amusing because I buy thrift store clothing and he wants new, nice quality clothing. He can be materialistic but it's more like he wants the best quality of everything. He is very intellectual and loves science. He wants to know how the world works all the time but applies it to real life. When we go shopping he likes to approve what I buy and make sure it is the best option. He likes saving money and gets excited about savings when shopping. He's VERY sensitive, and allows himself to be vulnerable when he cares. He comes across as the girl in our relationship (I hate putting gender roles but that's definitely how it seems). He lets me know he cares a lot and I fight it tooth and nail.

I've been paranoid I'm not his dual and I think it makes me overreact when he criticizes me because I'm scared he wants another type even though he reassures me in his own ways all of the time. He is a wonderful person overall, I am just more scared of the idea that he seeks qualities in someone that I can't give him.

Thanks for your replies everyone!!


Hi!! @applejacks

My SLI is obsessed with the gym and physique. He also asks me what color dress I'm going to wear to a wedding so he can find a matching shirt. He's definitely into buying nice things (bose headphones, etc) but he also takes care of his things. He's funny though and often wears a bright yellow $2 Batman watch. And if it's any consolation, the LSIs I know always wear black and dark tone clothing. That may vary of course, but nothing so far sounds like he wouldn't be SLI

[Skepsis]

something like SLI/IEE duality...

[Chae]

My SLI is obsessed with the gym and physique. He also asks me what color dress I'm going to wear to a wedding so he can find a matching shirt. He's definitely into buying nice things (bose headphones, etc) but he also takes care of his things. He's funny though and often wears a bright yellow $2 Batman watch. And if it's any consolation, the LSIs I know always wear black and dark tone clothing. That may vary of course, but nothing so far sounds like he wouldn't be SLI

That's hella cute *3*

[applejacks]

something like SLI/IEE duality...

Hahahahahahaha!!! So he's not into Doritos but...




Ohhhhhh SLI *heart*

[Beautiful sky]

Ahahaha

[Beautiful sky]

He does not criticize you, severely, examine you and judge you cruely. Therefore he's SLI

[Chae]

What @applejacks said gave me an idea, how about love language compatibility?

[applejacks]

Sounds like there's some acts of service vs words of affirmation going on in the OP.

[scio]

That's hella cute *3*

Agreed:'))))

[scio]

@Maritsa yeah no doubt I couldn't put up with that. that's straight up abuse lol

[scio]

@Chae @applejacks

Yeah I'm thinking I just need to be vocal about the fact that I need vocals lol
He is very vocal about caring about my health and looking after me but it's all very protective and not frilly pp
TELL ME U LOVE ME ALL THE TIME DAMNIT
lol nah but something

we actually took the test when we first started talking to each other and weirdly enough we both scored first in acts of service but I'm thinking mine has definitely changed

[scio]

Hahahahahahaha!!! So he's not into Doritos but...




Ohhhhhh SLI *heart*

omg<3333

[scio]

Thank you guys so much for your answers<3 much love

[scio]

@GuavaDrunk you're so right. I just need to chill honestly lol. But I do feel better though now. We both are definitely insecurities to eachother but we don't criticize one another. I appreciate his differences and he does the same. I'm freaking out for no reason lol

[scio]

@nokomis What seems Ti base to you? Just curious

[Rebelondeck]

I've observed a few things from one particular heterosexual couple; it's not typical but it demonstrates something about this pairing. This SLI would have to metaphorically slap the IEE with doses of reality; as educated as the IEE was, distractibility, naivety and gullibility was omnipresent but there was also fair amount of selfishness below the bubbly, flirty exterior. Easily swayed by sweet talkers and potential for romance, the IEE would consistently stray and the SLI would always forgive, allow the IEE back and lick the IEE's wounds. The IEE seemed to hide a little self-flagellation with some substance abuse, but the SLI would try to protect the IEE from those that fed the IEE's dark side; luckily, those people seem to greatly fear the SLI. The SLI literally did every household chore while the IEE pursued the latest whim. There had to be more to the relationship because most would have kicked the IEE to the curb long ago. The SLI seems to provide nothing more than a temporary refuge; maybe some day, the IEE will see the light. In this extreme example, the healthier choice for the SLI would be that the IEE permanently leave, but not for the IEE......

a.k.a. I/O

[scio]

@Rebelondeck thank you so much for this post. this honestly solidified everything. it all rings true, even if it is extreme. without going into too much detail, this is why i've been doubting his type for so long and even doubting duality. i thought meeting your dual was supposed to, you know, make you feel good. these things may be not type related but I just keep getting lost in things and he really is just always there; wiser than me, more patient, and more confident than I will ever be. I feel so self involved about things and can't seem to shake this self pity I fall to around him sometimes because he is just SO great and I can be so selfish next to him. It is an excellent wake up call, but so very painful. He never criticizes me in any way but I criticize myself around him. He is so wise and just everything I am not. I am so grateful for him and how much I learn from him but I sometimes forget my value because I'm busy idealizing him. hdfiduhgidufhgdf. It is hard work to stay with something and work at it. Lol I sound like a baby I know

[scio]

Whateva chedda it's all good guys no reason to drag yall into my life haha. I just wish I were better with appreciating things. Thank you all so much for the feedback !!