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Thread: Duality When Unhealthy

  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by bulletsanddoves View Post
    "Unhealthy" in terms of psychology needs to be better defined as during my life some people thought I was a perfectly acceptable member of society whereas other people thought I deserved to be locked up forever while being tortured by ms ratchet types. Just some sorta bs subjective Fi reading on another person or something with not enough basis in logic or fact, so if this could be further defined it would help kthxbye.

    Like obviously it's 'unhealthy' if you cut up people like a serial killer but I mean shades of gray are needed too.
    There's no such thing as healthy or unhealthy in this context. It's always defined by powerful people to be whatever they want it to be. The only possibility I can think of would be whether or not a person engages in self-defeating behaviors. And I mean "self-defeating" very literally, as if there were a true self that defines who a person really is inside. I think I have to define it that way, because what people often mean by "self-defeating" is "acts that get social disapproval." If we define self-defeating as acts or thoughts that are injurious to a person's essential self or internal integrity, without regard for the social acceptability of such, then we can maybe have a good definition for what healthy and unhealthy are that isn't subject to changing norms or personal opinions.

    In this scenario, the problem then becomes, "How do you know who someone really is?" I think Socionics is one of the better answers we have to that question.
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  2. #42
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    What is unhealthy?
    Would dual help to overcome the obstacles?
    Enneagram 3 blindspot. Visual deficits in 4, 8. Triple instinctual blindspot.

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    I really enjoy the mutual helping that emerges from base Fe + base Ti bonding, but only if it meets certain healthy conditions.

    In my experience, unhealthy duals (ESE) and semi-duals (EIE) become overwhelming, irritating, emotionally debilitating for me and finally I end up cutting them out of my life because I need healthy Fe bonding and growth. If their Fe has absorbed multiple longterm negative patterns, then I not only have to deal with my Fe seeking needs but also their persistent unhealthy ones (violating boundaries, rapid and intense emotional ups and downs, feeling entitled to my secrets, lack of healthy give and take, living vicariously through my life, expecting me to reassure them endlessly). There are healthier ways to use Ti than to try to resolve someone else's never ending drama just because they feel entitled to my time, energy and friendship/love.

    I suspect it would be the same way for ExE if an unhealthy LxI creates a framework for their life based on some bizarre or twisted perspective.

    Edit: If my duals are using their stronger functions (1) in an unhealthy way in their own life or (2) using them against me to gain an advantage, then it's repulsive because it emphasizes our differences in a bad way. But if they're struggling with their lower dimension functions in some way, then it's easier for me (and quite enjoyable) to step in and fix the issue or help them learn how to do it themselves. I wouldn't consider that unhealthy, just ill-equipped to handle certain things
    Last edited by Audacious; 11-09-2017 at 06:02 AM.

  4. #44

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    Quote Originally Posted by scio View Post
    The more I read up on duality the less I believe in it because of how "unnatural" it appears to a lot of types.

    My question simply is....
    When one or both types are unhealthy, can duality become as bad as a conflictor relationship?
    It is hard to tell your dual partner if you are unhealthy?
    How can you tell the difference immediately between dual/conflictor? I've also seen people confused on that and I feel like if it really were valid, wouldn't it be extremely easy to tell the difference?
    1. Not in my experience.

    2. When an individual is "unhealthy" doesn't that individual hold beliefs and preoccupations that essentially prevent them from fully being their natural selves, like theirs something dimming the light of their personality so to speak... and your duals are attracted to your authentic persona. it doesn't matter if that person is my dual or not, but it is easier. I know myself when I'm unhealthy, it's still always smoother interacting with my duals than a conflictor.

    3. A lot of people may be mistyping themselves and others so.. in my experience I can usually tell my dual and conflictor apart after having a couple of interactions. Their is a sense on my side when talking with a conflictor, that you can't really open up to them or talk about your interests at length without them looking at you like your strange or being shut down. They are similarily perplexed by you. Where as you sense your dual can really see and hear you when you are interacting.

    Edit: I'm not implying however that an unhealthy abusive dual is going to be good for you either though.. like the ESE-borderline subtype Audacious is describing above me, some duals can really harm your health and make it impossible to have a relationship with them.

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