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Thread: ENFps/IEEs and friendship

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    Default ENFps/IEEs and friendship

    I have an IEE E7 friend, and am generally confused as to how to interact with her.

    The friendship started 10 years ago as we were both part of a larger social circle/network.
    Typically we would go to different shops and markets together and have dinner or lunch and generally catch up. It was not a terribly deep friendship but we both went through some harder times together.

    Where it gets confusing is that I will go very long stretches of time without talking to her and she isn't consistent in responding to my texts so I don't bother and figure the friendship fizzled out. Then after months I will hear from her and she will want to make grand plans so we do and then the same thing happens. Last year I didn't wish her a happy anniversary with her new husband. She commented that a friend would have done that. It was a little jarring....sometimes we don't talk for 9-10 month so I didn't think it was so important.

    Generally I just find this pattern confusing.

    How do IEEs view friendship?
    “Until he extends the circle of his compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace.”



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    Friendship... random interesting interactions. It's difficult for things to be linear since IEEs are very scattered. E7 multiplies that, always on the hunt for possibilities while forgetting the here and now.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    Friendship... random interesting interactions. It's difficult for things to be linear since IEEs are very scattered. E7 multiplies that, always on the hunt for possibilities while forgetting the here and now.
    Yeah this IEE just moved to Paris at one point. She announced it on Facebook once she got there. She will move a lot, change jobs frequently which is quite fun and charming. But utterly confusing as I don't know what continent she is on when trying to make plans.
    “Until he extends the circle of his compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace.”



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    Interesting. I'd had a lot in common with an IEE friend ( who still remains somewhat of a friend simply because i've known her for so long), like we'd also moved about a lot, but I noticed it was for very different reasons: like she seemed to move if she got restless and bored, or just because the option of doing so existed, or she didn't like the sense of humour in the general populace at the place she was at; can't comment much on the rest though some degree of recognition in some things you say.

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    I have actually, come to think of it, been let down by her more than a couple of times, to the point LIE i know suggested to just quit the friendship for it didn't sound like one; I still enjoy her company sometimes bar the strange sense of humour.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sorrowsofyoungwerther View Post
    I have an IEE E7 friend, and am generally confused as to how to interact with her.

    The friendship started 10 years ago as we were both part of a larger social circle/network.
    Typically we would go to different shops and markets together and have dinner or lunch and generally catch up. It was not a terribly deep friendship but we both went through some harder times together.

    Where it gets confusing is that I will go very long stretches of time without talking to her and she isn't consistent in responding to my texts so I don't bother and figure the friendship fizzled out. Then after months I will hear from her and she will want to make grand plans so we do and then the same thing happens. Last year I didn't wish her a happy anniversary with her new husband. She commented that a friend would have done that. It was a little jarring....sometimes we don't talk for 9-10 month so I didn't think it was so important.

    Generally I just find this pattern confusing.

    How do IEEs view friendship?
    For me friendship exists independent of how often I interact. Someone is a friend or not, it doesn't grow or fizzle. The people I call friends rather then aquintances are those that after months of not talking I can pick up with as if no time has passed.

    In general I would intend to respond to contact initiation from a friend, in practice I might see a ball and forget about it completely.

    the only thing that doesn't seem "typical" IEE behavior is the nagging about the anniversary; I would feel maybe a little sad of EVERYONE forgot about one, but I'd definitely don't bother noticing who did or didn't congratulate me (also I don't feel the importance of "dates" / "holidays" anyway) and nagging about it might invite conflict or damage the relationship so I wouldn't..

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    my IEE best friend rarely flat-out doesn't answer my texts, but she goes thru periods where she's got some project going on or is excited about some guy and she's not really available. i'll just periodically invite her out to dinner to maintain contact and she'll either be busy or she won't. we're very close so it's easier to have faith in the underlying groundwork of the relationship enough to just life happen, knowing she'll be around. and also seems more worth it to make the effort to stay in touch with her than it would be if she were a casual friend...it's definitely more confusing when you're not exactly sure where you stand with somebody. the anniversary thing makes me think she sees you as relatively close, though (but its not something my friend would ever care about either...)

    what ref said about 'friend or not, independent of time' is right on.

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    I find this kind of pattern confusing too. It helps me to get some sort of 'friendship declaration': "We are friends? Right, we are. And you come and go? Yup. *notes* Mkay." Then the coming and going becomes a predictable fact, and not an unplanned bump in the road.

    If you feel like investing the effort (IF), it may help to go about it The Rational Way and set up a list of Events To Remember for both of you (feel free to get heavy on the "I value this friendship and want to treat you right" etc.), and the rest of the time pretend she is an eccentric great-grand-aunt living 3000km away: "So how IS Aunt Edna?", "-Who knows. Her last news mentioned Patagonia. *drinks tea* ...She's probably not dead."

    Based on a good IEE friend of mine though, if she wants to keep up with people she's perfectly capable of it. Just allow for the occasional busy week/avalanche of work/explosion of exciting events.
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    I relate quite a bit to your friend as I've become somewhat of an hermit lately. I only attend the most basic necessities of life such as work, spend time with the most inner circle of mine and the rest of the time I advance my projects (writing a book among other things), which have been running for nearly a decade now. I've not spoken to my closest friends in months and some others in years.

    The quick explanation for it is that IEEs (like all Ep) are "utilitary" in their interactions with others, meaning they perceive life as a succession of goals (whatever they might be) and have a natural tendency to relate to others according to their degree of involvement in such goals. If an IEE doesn't find time for you, it's not because he's not interested in you: it's because he knows that, at the moment, he's engaged in something you're not part of.
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex View Post
    I relate quite a bit to your friend as I've become somewhat of an hermit lately. I only attend the most basic necessities of life such as work, spend time with the most inner circle of mine and the rest of the time I advance my projects (writing a book among other things), which have been running for nearly a decade now. I've not spoken to my closest friends in months and some others in years.

    The quick explanation for it is that IEEs (like all Ep) are "utilitary" in their interactions with others, meaning they perceive life as a succession of goals (whatever they might be) and have a natural tendency to relate to others according to their degree of involvement in such goals. If an IEE doesn't find time for you, it's not because he's not interested in you: it's because he knows that, at the moment, he's engaged in something you're not part of.
    I agree a lot with the above part about "you're not part of the current activity". That is, I have all these scattered activities and interests and some people fit with some of them and others not. So if i'm absorbed in one interest I naturally connect with the people that I associate with that subject and not with others. This used to be very pronounced as a kid/teenager where I would keep my friends artificially seperate (not inviting them to same parties) because I didn't like to have mixed interests, social perceptions, roles....

    Let's try to give an example:

    One friend is my business partner. While he knows that I like games he wouldn't understand that I can immerse myself in a MMO, reading about it, playing it, watching streams, for a complete week. When I'm in that mood I'll usually sparsely respond to his messages (doing workstuff as needed but not going into the socials, going out, networking with other startups).

    The other side are some friends that also play games. They have a negative image of business people and have little interest my businesses aside from that i'm doing ok. I will not contact them much while I'm in a productive streak. I will be in constant contact with them when i'm exploring a new game or when there's exciting game news etc etc.

    These are broad categories, but I do it kinda based on interest so I'd talk with certain friends about certain types of games, about certain business things, about brewing, MTG, socionics, philosophy, PUA, gender roles, politics, religion etc etc. This might be this way for everyone, but I think I'm extreme in that if i'm not completely in socionics mode I will not contact socionics people (not visit the forum at all), if i'm not thinking about politics there's a group of friends that i'll not even think of contacting... etc etc

    Nowadays I'm slightly better at it, mostly due to having kinda forced myself to expose multiple sides of myself to some people so there's a small group of people that I will at least weekly have contact with.

    In terms of socionics I always considered this the "aristocratic" part; some people fit the in-crowd for a certain activity, some people don't.

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    Obsession directed to certain objects (just to use the word in Jungian way)is pretty much . With it is probably about goals. It is very hard to finish something in polished level.
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    I have noted that IEEs don't attach importance to time and past memory is as vivid as present. They can delve into the past and go with it as if it were yesterday; unfortunately many have already moved on. Ne-memory is relativistic and not as lock-step with time as is Se-memory. Now, ESEs have more of a tendency to not look too deeply into the motivations of others and often jump to conclusions based on incomplete data; hence, the disconnect........

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    Last edited by Rebelondeck; 02-16-2017 at 02:38 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sorrowsofyoungwerther View Post
    Yeah this IEE just moved to Paris at one point. She announced it on Facebook once she got there. She will move a lot, change jobs frequently which is quite fun and charming. But utterly confusing as I don't know what continent she is on when trying to make plans.
    ej ej ej ej

    Quote Originally Posted by Reficulris View Post
    For me friendship exists independent of how often I interact. Someone is a friend or not, it doesn't grow or fizzle. The people I call friends rather then aquintances are those that after months of not talking I can pick up with as if no time has passed.

    In general I would intend to respond to contact initiation from a friend, in practice I might see a ball and forget about it completely.

    the only thing that doesn't seem "typical" IEE behavior is the nagging about the anniversary; I would feel maybe a little sad of EVERYONE forgot about one, but I'd definitely don't bother noticing who did or didn't congratulate me (also I don't feel the importance of "dates" / "holidays" anyway) and nagging about it might invite conflict or damage the relationship so I wouldn't..
    ESE feel the same way about relationships sometimes.

    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex View Post
    I relate quite a bit to your friend as I've become somewhat of an hermit lately. I only attend the most basic necessities of life such as work, spend time with the most inner circle of mine and the rest of the time I advance my projects (writing a book among other things), which have been running for nearly a decade now. I've not spoken to my closest friends in months and some others in years.

    The quick explanation for it is that IEEs (like all Ep) are "utilitary" in their interactions with others, meaning they perceive life as a succession of goals (whatever they might be) and have a natural tendency to relate to others according to their degree of involvement in such goals. If an IEE doesn't find time for you, it's not because he's not interested in you: it's because he knows that, at the moment, he's engaged in something you're not part of.
    Yeah, like the next big venture (that long distance race he's been working at for months lol).

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    Moderator Reficulris's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post



    ESE feel the same way about relationships sometimes.
    Op doesn't seem to feel that way, I felt it needed clarification.
    I've noticed this "time independant friendship" concept isn't super common nor always well understood.

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