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Thread: questions about dual interactions

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    Joy's Avatar
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    Default questions about dual interactions

    Do you feel like you have to slow down your thoughts and explain your lead to your dual? If so, do you mind doing it? Is it beneficial to you in any way (perhaps their lead input in return helps make your lead more effective)? Or does it just hinder you in that area?

    Do you ever feel when you're talking to your dual that you're having a conversation with their unconscious functions/mind that their conscious functions/mind doesn't seem to be entirely aware of?

    Bonus question: What in your experience are the drawbacks of duality in romantic relationships? Contrast to other types of relationships with duals and/or or romantic relationships with other types.

    Thanks!
    Last edited by Joy; 01-08-2017 at 01:05 AM.
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    I've never had a romantic relationship with a dual. That said I don't have to slow down when I am with the LII, but I do naturally.
    Normally I am pretty energetic but I feel calmer (more relaxed and understood).

    I tend to smile a lot more around duals...the LIIs I know are hilarious often making funny observations and commentaries. I find them to be funny and kind of grumpy at the exact same time. The interactions are just "smooth" and there is an understanding. My dual seems like a kind person to me, and kindness is very important so we tend to get along.

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    i noticed two types of communication style with SLEs which probably depends on subtypes. maybe there are more than that, but these are the only ones i'm currently aware of.

    the first one is more flowy, associative, where one thought leads to the other until your conversation ends up somewhere else. it's more spontaneous with lots of sudden additional thoughts.

    whereas the second type is more ... "oh, why is it like this?" "it's because of this and that" "yes! this makes sense." (and then you have to think of something else or the conversation stops)

    i find the first type of interaction more interesting, even though the second type is probably my matching subtype.

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    Successful communication with a dual, especially in the first stages of dualization, is one the hardest challenges in establishing a working relationship. Many attemps at dualization fail at this stage. In fact, it is usually easier to communicate with conflictor than with a dual. However, with a dual there is also an understanding without words, so perhaps talking is not really a necessity. Duals, just by being near each other, can begin a sort of healing process in each other where their repressed hangups are brought to the forefront, and can be addressed.

    Like lynn has observed, same subtype duality (not the "big time duality") actually has a much easier time comunicating than the different subtype duality.

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    I guess I find it hard to do autopilot-style communication sometimes with duals. Communication can be "complete," but it doesn't work if I don't give the dual meaningful attention. This sometimes does require me to slow down.

    In part, though, I think my duals are just slower than I am, or at least, they do slowly some of the things I want to do quickly. This applies to many things, not just communication, but to various tasks. I really like to do things fast, or devise ways to improve my efficiency. My duals seem pretty uninterested in this.

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    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    Do you feel like you have to slow down your thoughts and explain your lead to your dual? If so, do you mind doing it? Is it beneficial to you in any way (perhaps their lead input in return helps make your lead more effective)? Or does it just hinder you in that area?
    I don't slow down my thoughts or go out of my way to explain Te with either sub-type, and since talking to my duals seems entirely natural, I don't mind doing it. I think my Te comes out by default, and I get the sense that my duals appreciate it, as I appreciate their Fi. As for whether it hinders me in any way, see the discussion below.

    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    Do you ever feel when you're talking to your dual that you're having a conversation with their unconscious functions/mind that their conscious functions/mind doesn't seem to be entirely aware of?
    Yes. Or perhaps I should say that my unconscious mind is having a conversation with their conscious mind. And it is finally getting some attention, which it doesn't get from me. It gets all excited and stupid, like a puppy.

    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    Bonus question: What in your experience are the drawbacks of duality in romantic relationships? Contrast to other types of relationships with duals and/or or romantic relationships with other types.

    Thanks!
    I have no experience with duals in romantic relationships. The closest I've come to that is having romantic relations with mirage partners, who are in a way semi-duals, and if the relationship with duals is as much better over semi-duals as the relationship of semi-duals is over supervision, I say bring it on.

    The recent discussion in this thread of the compatibility differences of subtypes caused me to re-read Meged's article on compatible subtypes: http://ru.laser.ru/authors/meged_ovcharov/85.htm (for the latest Google Translate version, because GT is getting better.)

    I have to admit that I'm not at all clear on what she is saying in her article. I need a better translation than Google provides.


    From Meged's article:
    The following subtypes complement each other:

    1. The Intuitive subtype combined with:
    a) the ethical subtype
    b) the logical subtype

    2. The Touch subtype combined with
    a) the ethical subtype
    b) the logical subtype

    3. The Logical subtype combined with:
    a) an intuitive subtype
    b) a touch subtype

    4. The Ethical subtype combined with:
    a) an intuitive subtype
    b) a touch subtype

    The following subtypes oppose each other:
    1. The logical subtype is opposed to the ethical subtype;
    2. The Intuitive subtype is opposed to the touch subtype.



    My own experience with ESI subtypes is based on platonic relations with both sexes, and are as follows:

    Male ESI-Fi: Maybe a few dozen hours of interaction. A very reliable guy, quiet, good sense of humor.

    Male ESI-Se: Probably hundreds of hours of interaction over three people. I like these guys. Working with them is a great experience. We almost never argue and projects get done very well.

    Female ESI-Fi: Maybe sixty hours of real life experience with one person. She was quiet, deep, very emotionally complex, wanted what she wanted, and when I pointed out our age difference, she cut off contact like a light going out. She did, however, want to close the distance prior to that. We tried to work together, but it didn't go very well. No conflict, just nothing got done. I found her to be the most compatible match from a steady, zero-drama standpoint. Which seems strange when I write that, because we didn't agree on much and we argued a fair amount, but she stuck around, would do anything to help her friends, and was extremely faithful and reliable.

    Female ESI-Se: Maybe fifty hours of real life experience with two people. I found these women to be extremely attractive (sexy-desirable, in an off-hand, quiet, respectable way that is exactly right for me). With one of them, I was saying to myself, Yes, I could get used to this. We were able to work together, to agree on goals, and we got stuff done that was to our mutual benefit. I'd actually consider a long term exclusive relationship with one of them, but they both seem to be a bit unstable. Unstable itself doesn't bother me, but it seems to manifest in a desire to PANIC and RUN AWAY, which makes closing the distance almost impossible.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 01-12-2017 at 03:21 AM.

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    @Adam Strange : So according to Meged each type can have 4 different subtypes now? :S
    fatti non foste a viver come bruti ma per seguir virtute e canoscenza

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