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Thread: Mirror Relations: Stories and Experiences

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    Yeah, I agree with Singularity. My dad is an INFp and I get annoyed with him for not being more strict with my brother. My dad doesn't have a backbone, so my brother takes advantage of him. My brother can get away with anything; he's supposed to go to his AA meetings but instead my dad allows him to use his car to go pick up heroin. It's so annoying that he can be that afraid of conflict.
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    Default Mirror Love

    Is it a good idea? I'm dating an INFp guy and sometimes it's uncomfortable or feels pretty stagnant. I often feel like we have nothing to offer each other in terms of functions. What are some things that can make a mirror relationship more passionate? Are mirrors simply better as friends?
    Last edited by Pierreuse; 01-12-2013 at 08:27 PM.

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    it's not uncommon

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    My knowledge is limited to Socionics theory (i.e. no life experience, hence):

    Mirror Relationships
    There are no obvious zones of the conflict here. The only drawback of the mirror relationships is that partners may consider each other boring. One partner says: “We need to … and it would be good to … ”; the other says: “ It would be good to … and we need to …”, and both feel like their partner is talking about obvious things that should not even be mentioned. “Why talk so much?!” It is possible that the partner has not even said a word, but is simply working on improving something in the area of my first function. And what is there to do? What needs improving? What for? Everything is just fine! These accusations are absolutely mutual. “He is a good guy, but really boring! What is there to discuss, everything is plain and clear! ”

    From - uh - Reinin's Book, I believe.
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    Expectations are not met quite often; say SEE with ESI; ESI wants enterpriser, SEE wants a critic; how will they find it in each other if they are not that way?

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    Quote Originally Posted by ClownsandEntropy View Post
    My knowledge is limited to Socionics theory (i.e. no life experience, hence):

    Mirror Relationships
    There are no obvious zones of the conflict here. The only drawback of the mirror relationships is that partners may consider each other boring. One partner says: “We need to … and it would be good to … ”; the other says: “ It would be good to … and we need to …”, and both feel like their partner is talking about obvious things that should not even be mentioned. “Why talk so much?!” It is possible that the partner has not even said a word, but is simply working on improving something in the area of my first function. And what is there to do? What needs improving? What for? Everything is just fine! These accusations are absolutely mutual. “He is a good guy, but really boring! What is there to discuss, everything is plain and clear! ”

    From - uh - Reinin's Book, I believe.
    Wow. We've had this exact fight pretty much. Again and again. The weird part is he doesn't get as irritated about this as I do. I don't really know what his long-term expectations are.

    I only know of three mirror relationships and they all ended badly though I think everyone's still friends.

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    Come on mirror love, just last the year. Pour a little salt, we were never here. E-I-E-I-E-I-E-I-E-I.

    Maybe being an extrovert (especially Fe-dominant) that's to be expected? For the IEI, they'd be more willing to unplug and drift off somewhere else; or they just don't reveal how they're feeling.
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    Non-dual relationships are all shit. They're not worth having. They are soul killing. The end.
    "[Scapegrace,] I don't know how anyone can stand such a sinister and mean individual as you." - Maritsa Darmandzhyan

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    Quote Originally Posted by Scapegrace View Post
    Non-dual relationships are all shit. They're not worth having. They are soul killing. The end.
    My brother is my dual and he's a fucking retard. I have a few duals as friends and they're nice, but obviously I didn't choose them.

    More on mirrors plz.

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    I see a lot of mirror relationships with mixed results. My mom and dad are ISFp and ESFj respectively, and their relationship has seemingly kinda plateaued into "we live in the same house". My aunt/uncle on my mom's side are also ESFj/ISFp but their relationship has been much smoother, at least as it appears to me on the surface.
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    I see a lot of mirror relationships with mixed results. My mom and dad are ISFp and ESFj respectively, and their relationship has seemingly kinda plateaued into "we live in the same house". My aunt/uncle on my mom's side are also ESFj/ISFp but their relationship has been much smoother, at least as it appears to me on the surface.

    If you're uncomfortable around the INFp, then stop dating him. People will always be more than their sociotype.
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    yeah LSI's are pretty dull. That girl in the hunger games movie? Yeah she's pretty, and she checks the "xena warrior princess" box. But still pretty lame to me. They make great room mates, friends, and business partners though, and we share a similar sense of humor which is refreshing.

    I know a lot of my friends in this pairing who've gotten married. Maybe because they get along so well?

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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    yeah LSI's are pretty dull. That girl in the hunger games movie? Yeah she's pretty, and she checks the "xena warrior princess" box. But still pretty lame to me. They make great room mates, friends, and business partners though, and we share a similar sense of humor which is refreshing.

    I know a lot of my friends in this pairing who've gotten married. Maybe because they get along so well?

    Could it be that we sort of roll our eyes at mirrors sometimes because they seem to care too damn much about their creative function (our base) while by our standards they're slacking at it?

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    I could see the initial appeal in a mirror relationship..there's that sort of common thought process going on but if I had to sum this relationship up in a couple words it'd be boring as hell.

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    Mirrors make great best friends and generally give good relatable advice. That I can say for sure. Though, I could see how that spark or fire could be absent from romantic relationships.

    Btw, EIEs are generally not dull by any means... But I could see how they could view IEIs as dull.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fireyed View Post
    Btw, EIEs are generally not dull by any means... But I could see how they could view IEIs as dull.
    I am always amused/appalled when ScarlettLux says "IEIS, WHY WON'T YOU OPEN UP AND ALLOW ME TO FEAST UPON YOUR SOULZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ SDFJHDSFKHSRT9M8SE7C9P;78WE459WE4759P87S4C5P9SE4N7 4UY". The fucking temerity of some people.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fireyed View Post
    Mirrors make great best friends and generally give good relatable advice. That I can say for sure. Though, I could see how that spark or fire could be absent from romantic relationships.

    Btw, EIEs are generally not dull by any means... But I could see how they could view IEIs as dull.
    IEIs are actually really fun when they're amused. I notice they come out of their shells a lot around extroverts. When we were with an SLE and ILE mine was just as active as they were. -I- was the quiet one then, lol, and he basically forced me to get away from my tablet and "join the group." Pretty cute.
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    Default Mirror relations and lack of passion

    Mirror relations are said to have a "lack of passion." What does this mean?

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    You know when you've got passion? It's when that doesn't happen.

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    So this is all sexual? Flirty?

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    Like the ability to connect on an intellectual/social level but no real romantic feelings for?
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    passion isn't necessarily sexual. you can be intellectually or socially passionate. i think lack of passion would be apathy or boredom.

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    I get pretty intellectually passionate with my ILE mirror. We design board games in our mind. Weeeeeee!
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    i suppose if its taken from a russian translation it could have very well been referring to sexual passion. who knows. i wouldn't describe my mirrors as boring but they're sees.

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    I could see that. Not the same passion that you'd get from a dual or semi dual... if that would make sense. Mirrors make really good friends, though.
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    I have a good INFj friend, we get along quite well. I think mirror relationships are great for friendships. INFjs are particularly trustworthy and honest people. I get somewhat lethargic and pulled into a vortex of "serious emotions" if I'm around them too long, though, but I can't help but like them in general.

    Compared to duals? No contest. The dual relationship is far more exciting, interesting and balanced. Mirror relationships kind of flatline.

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    Default How do you find mirror relations?

    I know of several mirror couples that seem very happy.
    Overall, I think mirror are good relations but can be a bit weird as I find the ISFp thinking I am a little careless or rushed.
    No ISFp has ever said this to me but I suspect they are thinking: "calm down", "plan better", "you are late".
    Also the slow methodical nature of the ISFp seems unnecessary. In my case with the ISFp its an issue of how to use Si.

    How do you find Mirror Relations?

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    I think they are very good, easily the 3rd or 2nd best relationship. Many of my good friends have been ILEs. They can also be a bit frustrating since partners' long-term, deeper goals are somewhat different. So in the best case they are good but in the worst case (which is more rare) you can have some nasty conflicts, probably more so than any other in-quadra relationship.

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    Very relaxing actually, mutual strengthening of each other's views.

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    I was friends with an ESFp for seven years (we know each other for 12 years).


    I liked her a lot when she was quiet and really kind. I needed someone who was more confident than me, but when I stopped to behave like a doormat our friendship fell apart really quickly.


    I'm not an ILI who is ok with a secondary position under the wing of the SEE.
    When a think that I'm being treated unfairly or with blatant disrespect I show resistance but because ESI are ok with winning from a moral perspective, the SEE need their opponent to back down completely (and to apologise for not accepting SEE's authority!).


    They don't stop until they've won and would act in ways that I would never permit myself. As soon as all conflicts are over SEE usually try to reconcile by being charming, giving much attention or making everything into a cruel joke


    Also the ESFp I know love to brag. They love attention and while I don't see anything wrong with that I'm tired of it.
    From an Fi-leading perspective they only think about themselves and how they can get more attention and influence. They make others accomplishments seem small, are prone to jealousy and drama when they feel that their own moral-standards (which I find childish and underdeveloped) are not met. They allow themselves everything and never admit ethical mistakes. They are only fair when it suits them.


    Obviously not all ESFp are like that and my own leading function makes me biased.


    But I find Fi-creative scary; It bends "the rules" (my own standards) and draws quick conclusions about things I would think over in detail.
    Like considering multiple perspectives; my own feelings, others intentions,... , and if I have the right to judge.

    SEE don't do that but they are more forgiving and have more people who like them because of that (and their optimistic and lively nature).


    I would still make friends with ESFps though. They're fun to be around and most of the time their intentions are good. They express themselves differently and I think that helps me to not claim the moral high ground everytime.

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    Quote Originally Posted by thehotelambush View Post
    I think they are very good, easily the 3rd or 2nd best relationship. Many of my good friends have been ILEs. They can also be a bit frustrating since partners' long-term, deeper goals are somewhat different. So in the best case they are good but in the worst case (which is more rare) you can have some nasty conflicts, probably more so than any other in-quadra relationship.
    thehotelambush- does the ILE's lack of Fi or reduced Fe bother you?

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    Quote Originally Posted by sorrowsofyoungwerther View Post
    thehotelambush- does the ILE's lack of Fi or reduced Fe bother you?
    Depends on the ILE. Sometimes they are just obviously trying way too hard with Fe and end up looking foolish. In other cases the Ni ignoring bothers me more actually.

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    Casual conversations with mirrors have been pleasant but I've not met many outside of a work environment. I have not ever been able to work with them on the same project because we differed on priorities, methodology and objectives even though we may have had similar perceptions of the situation. It's a lot like having a common closet and fighting over how it should be used or arranged. We seem to know each other well but refuse to accept what the other is doing, and we certainly know how to hurt one another. I think of it as the Mexican-standoff relationship, which is the worst for both parties.

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    It´s good except when we have to do something together for a prolonged period of time - in that case many ILIs can quickly and suddenly change their mind, or being noncommittal about specific projects.

    If/when we happen to agree on something we can be unstoppable in argumenting in our favor and obtain the maximum advantage from an external situation. Too bad it doesn´t happen that often.
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    It depends on the person. The one I had the longest experience with was LOTS of fun and got me to do things I probably would have never done without him. At first it was really just a good time...lots of laughing, while exploring some really out there theories. He had me meeting up with groups of people interested in the same things that we were and encouraging me to express myself more because he thought I had excellent intuition. He would also try to override my intuition with his own, so we did clash on that.

    I think he liked to think of himself as a teacher to me, and everyone else, which used to irritate me because I thought he was not taking the time to listen to what I (or others) was saying. He constantly tried to tell me what I "really felt" or what something "really meant" even though many times he was reading me wrong. I retaliated by telling him he was wrong even when he was right to knock him down a peg.

    He was overconfident in his ability to read everything and everyone correctly. He considered himself to have real superpowers and superior to most humans. Sometimes it turned into a battle of egos. Neither of us wanted to give in when it came to things we thought we really knew best, so we dug our heels in. He could even get others to take his side on things by playing on their emotions. That didn't bother me so much as I got to cut some totally unnecessary people from my life that way. I kind of liked that he got them to reveal themselves to me that way. When we eventually split he took them with him and I took those who saw through it with me.

    He also didn't like when I got too much attention and as I have mentioned before, he had a tendency to "push me off the stage" (metaphorically) when he thought I was getting too much attention. After awhile he would exhaust me and I would want to be alone but he constantly tried to keep me engaged. When I would take time to myself he would take it personal. I guess that led to hurt feelings after a while. I probably didn't handle it in the best way. We ended up splitting but now and then we keep in touch. I can't look at his FB without gagging because it is all about how great he is. I still care about him though. The narcissism was a real turn off. I know other EIE who don't have the narc thing and it is easier to just have fun with them but I do it in short bursts.

    I kind of hate sharing about this particular person so much but he is my best example, of a lot of things, when it comes to sharing intertype experiences on this forum. I am really not complaining because I do accept that is how he is and probably won't change much. It did not make for a good long term romantic relationship. Too much ego between him and I. I wonder if this is the most positive post I have made about him.

    p.s. He really is talented but too many people told him he was extra special throughout his life. He let it all go to his head.
    Last edited by Aylen; 01-11-2017 at 01:55 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by thehotelambush View Post
    Depends on the ILE. Sometimes they are just obviously trying way too hard with Fe and end up looking foolish. In other cases the Ni ignoring bothers me more actually.
    if ignoring ni bothers you what are your thoughts on alpha ni polr??

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    Quote Originally Posted by sorrowsofyoungwerther View Post
    if ignoring ni bothers you what are your thoughts on alpha ni polr??
    The vulnerable function is different though because it is receptive to other people taking responsibility for it. The ignoring function is more like "I have already considered this and determined that it is a load of hooey."

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    .
    Last edited by sorrows; 01-11-2017 at 06:11 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by thehotelambush View Post
    Depends on the ILE. Sometimes they are just obviously trying way too hard with Fe and end up looking foolish. In other cases the Ni ignoring bothers me more actually.
    that is interesting...but why do you value Ni? Your Ni is like the ESE's Se. I dont think I even care about Se.

    Also...not sure why as I get older the ILE lack of Fi wears on me..

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