Whenever I speak in classes, I like to think and plan out what I say because often my mind sorta goes blank because I'm nervous or just haven't gathered my thoughts yet. I do that a lot, gather my thoughts together so I don't stammer or whatever. So then I either get called on or I raise my hand and I'd say whatever was on my mind and if someone stop me, it'd take me a few seconds to notice and stop. I'm slow like that. So I say everything and then I sorta lose interest like I accomplished my own thing, I can drift now so then I begin to notice the pretty design on the wall above my peer's head. Overall, I want to say that my attention span is pretty short but I can be focused when I want too, usually when it's something interesting or one of the people I care about is speaking.
Also, I have a short recollection of events, the most I remember is usually when it's highly emotional, climatic or like...the end and the beginning of something. I forget most of the details till someone reminds me and then I think back and say, oh yea. When I focus on something, I forget the other things. Like I now really wants to go to Atlanta but before I really wanted to go to Boston for college but I totally forgot.
My friend: You told me before that YOU REALLY WANTED TO GO TO BOSTON, ALWAYS WANTED TO GO THERE, LOVED BOSTON ETC, then you come home and you're like I DON'T WANNA GO TO BOSTON AND COMPLETELY DISREGARD WHAT YOU SAID BEFORE.
Me: Oh YEAH. I did say those things, didn't I?
I do the same thing with people. Perhaps this is like stringing together events/memories for logic/rationality? It's like I just don't remember everything that happened and I don't know how to react or think of something because I forgot what happened. I don't have the whole picture, only little pieces.
And I really hate the feeling of being trapped down by obligations and things I should do because my parents or my friends think I should. It drives me insane and I'd rebel given the chance. I just want to be free from everything, start over and do anything I want. I just want to be selfish. It'd be tragic if I look back and regard my life as meaningless to me.
Dumb parents. They make me feel so guility btw. They wouldn't let me fly away from the nest.
Anyone else feel the same way?
Also, I don't like it when people tell me what to do but when i get an idea, I need people's approval and support in order for me to feel good about carrying it out.
from toronto with love
Oh man ... that is SO me.