Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 40 of 83

Thread: How can someone get your attention?

  1. #1
    back for the time being Chae's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    europe
    TIM
    ExFx 3 sx
    Posts
    9,183
    Mentioned
    720 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default How can someone get your attention?

    Trying to find out whether that may or may not be geared to one's dual

     
    If someone deliberately tries to get my attention, I will do the opposite of what they want me to do, aka notice them fully like a good senpai. So that, in any way, does not really work. A guy or gal could wave a huge hello flag in front of me, I wouldn't be interested. You want to come into my life? Behold the Beatles: Let it be. It has to be the other way around. I know when someone is showing off instantly, I renounce it. I mean, they can show what they got, but not in a way of dramatically strutting past my table cracking loud jokes or something Screaming around, fake laughter, practical jokes, also a no. Or, handling me physically out of nowhere, no no no. The latter has to happen out of request.
    Very well, the person can subtly get my attention by being their somewhat mysterious selves. If they ignore me here and there, all the better. As in, avoiding eye contact but I later catch them looking at me. Generally, they have to stay out of my business initially, I don't approve of someone interfering unless I ask for assistance. If they then can execute or explain something well, superb, I'll get back to them.
    When this person is silent, snarky, shy, insecure, cold-blooded, loner-ish, the senpai awakens In the past, I've largely dedicated attention to people of that kind who gave off a slightly condescending vibe for a long time, I just wanted to know what they are about. I need that to keep me on my toes because I am constantly figuring persons of interest out. When they get in my face, the entire "riddling" is spoiled. I need to go like, "What are you hiding... What are you like in private... Why are you like that..." as that keeps me focused. So if I don't know what they are up to, they are not an open book, I am intrigued. They could even be completely insensitive, I perceive people who are super nice to me as suspicious, I sense ulterior motives. A slightly ill-tempered person will always be honest and direct without concealing what they want, they get straight to the point. I find that very appealing.

    Talking about appeal, here's an important detail: I have a veeeery weird type of radar for well-dressed people. It's not their body I want to check out from head to toe, it's what they are wearing. I can tell from a mile away if someone has an outstanding style. I've fallen for people who wore very tasteful soft sweaters, for instance. I just imagine cuddling up to them, it's rather creepy but I can't help it. Large winter jackets with fake fur collars, some aesthetic print shirts, suits, stripes, ripped jeans, bomber jackets, all that stuff, I just have to look and wonder what such a stylish person is like. Especially, when I see some sophisticated or edgy shoes - instant attention. I've spent entire seminars stealing glances at the girl's black boots next to me, I got so excited because of how perfect it looked <3 On the other hand, when someone wears mismatched or overly flashy things (anything neon, yellow), I ignore them to spare my poor idealistic eyes If my attention wants to be actively seized - unlike through a subdued demeanour as described in the paragraphs above - the person has to pick out their outfit well, I /will/ notice.

    Long story short: an enigmatic staying-in-my-lane personality that leaves me constantly wondering is what catches my eye. Good taste in clothing is also an attention grabber.


    (NSFW for some later sections in the thread)
    Last edited by Chae; 11-28-2016 at 11:28 PM.

  2. #2
    c esi-se 6w7 spsx ashlesha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    the center of the universe
    Posts
    15,833
    Mentioned
    912 Post(s)
    Tagged
    4 Thread(s)

    Default

    ive never really thought about it. je ne sais quoi, I guess, but that's not a great answer.

    seeming quietly clued in to the pervasive bs in the environment (a snobby answer, and i don't know how to put it in a tangible way).
    mirroring me/appearing nonverbally receptive to my presence.
    and being a little um, quirky, if in a good way (imo).

  3. #3
    Anglas's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Lithuania
    TIM
    LIE-Ni 7w8 So/Sp
    Posts
    1,546
    Mentioned
    50 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    tits

  4. #4
    Darn Socks DirectorAbbie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Southwest USA
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    7,123
    Mentioned
    382 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    To get my attention, they need to be different. (That's probably obvious.) Not as in look different (though that's okay), and not stand out in a obvious way. I don't like to compete for attention, so if they get many people's attention, they're more likely to lose mine. Talking about dogs or clothes is kinda boring. Talking about sports is quite boring. Asking questions like, "How are you?" or "What's your name?" or "Where do you work?" or "How long have you been here?" also will make you look like a typical, uninteresting person. I want to hear things I haven't heard before. Therefore, I won't provide examples of what to say. Because there's not so much a way to be to get my attention as there is a way to not be.

    Another way to get my attention is to seek it in a subtle way. I'm usually willing to provide attention to those who want it, but attention-seeking behavior is generally uninteresting. Questions are a good method: ask me a question and/or suggest I ask you one. But again, it can't be one of the everyday questions I'm already sick of. And specific is always better than general, because vague questions tend to make me confused/uncomfortable, which could make my subconscious associate you with discomfort.

    And, of course, if you get yourself associated with something I already find interesting, that gives you bonus points for being able to keep my attention. For example: Be a gamer. Be a multilingual foreigner. Be a cat.

    LSE
    1-6-2 so/sx
    Johari Nohari

    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

  5. #5
    Adam Strange's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Midwest, USA
    TIM
    ENTJ-1Te 8w7 sx/so
    Posts
    16,229
    Mentioned
    1553 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Anglas View Post
    tits
    Yeah, definitely tits.

  6. #6
    Adam Strange's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Midwest, USA
    TIM
    ENTJ-1Te 8w7 sx/so
    Posts
    16,229
    Mentioned
    1553 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    I should clarify my statement.

    Show me your tits, and you have my undivided attention.

    Show everyone your tits, and I'm wondering if I paid the electric bill this month, and what did you say your name was?

  7. #7
    back for the time being Chae's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    europe
    TIM
    ExFx 3 sx
    Posts
    9,183
    Mentioned
    720 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Anglas View Post
    tits
    Same



    Now for real... you'd need a 24/7 attention spam, and all your achievements would be invalid because you were so distracted
    Last edited by Chae; 12-01-2016 at 10:55 PM.

  8. #8

    Default

    i'd say people who are are helpful, socially aware without productizing it (more like means to an end) and possibly have a certain brand of steadiness/level-headednes

    attention-seeking-ness can be endearing

  9. #9

    Default

    i'd say people who are are helpful , socially aware without productizing it (more like means to an end) and possibly have a certain brand of steadiness/level-headedness

    attention-seeking-ness can be endearing

  10. #10
    back for the time being Chae's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    europe
    TIM
    ExFx 3 sx
    Posts
    9,183
    Mentioned
    720 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    I should clarify my statement.

    Show me your tits, and you have my undivided attention.

    Show everyone your tits, and I'm wondering if I paid the electric bill this month, and what did you say your name was?
    Dilemma scenario aimed at #exposing you, what if a stripper does that when nobody else is around but you?

    Also, stay on topic next time for eleganza's sake, consider the question at hand about duals.

  11. #11
    Adam Strange's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Midwest, USA
    TIM
    ENTJ-1Te 8w7 sx/so
    Posts
    16,229
    Mentioned
    1553 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    Dilemma scenario aimed at #exposing you, what if a stripper does that when nobody else is around but you?
    Then that means the stripper likes me. Duh.
    Or maybe she just wants money, but let's give her the benefit of the doubt here, until proven otherwise.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    Also, stay on topic next time for eleganza's sake, consider the question at hand about duals.
    What do you mean? That is definitely geared for my duals.

    Remember, my duals are sexual aggressors, and I'm unsure about how much someone likes me. If she shows me her tits, then that answers that question. It's very simple.

    I'm not making this up, I'm serious. It is the first thing that came into my mind, and it is also the first thing that came into Anglas' mind. Two for two, batting 1000.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 11-28-2016 at 10:15 PM.

  12. #12
    Anglas's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Lithuania
    TIM
    LIE-Ni 7w8 So/Sp
    Posts
    1,546
    Mentioned
    50 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Idk tbh, I never thought about it. Generally I'm interested in people who show attention to me, like actually caring about me and so on. Ohh and I like people who get into conflicts easily so I gues they get my attention.
    One more thing, I absolutely hate getting help from someone if I don't ask for it.

  13. #13
    back for the time being Chae's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    europe
    TIM
    ExFx 3 sx
    Posts
    9,183
    Mentioned
    720 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    What do you mean? That is definitely geared for my duals.

    Remember, my duals are sexual aggressors, and I'm unsure about how much someone likes me. If she show me her tits, then that answers that question. It's very simple.
    Your poor duals

  14. #14
    Adam Strange's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Midwest, USA
    TIM
    ENTJ-1Te 8w7 sx/so
    Posts
    16,229
    Mentioned
    1553 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    Your poor duals
    Maybe, but then my uncertainty is gone, she gets a big hug and a kiss and her uncertainty is gone because she can see that her guy knows where home is, and we go securely on to the next thing, which might be dinner or a movie.

    Now Chae, IF you are IEE, then I was married to your dual, and SLI operate very differently from ESI's. In their case you, as an IEE, need to be very clear with your SLI. As in, stand in front of them and ask them if they want to have sex, right now. They will either say yes, or no. And if no, then that answer might change in a bit, so be prepared to ask them again. A no from an SLI is not a rejection, they just aren't "hungry" at the moment.

  15. #15
    back for the time being Chae's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    europe
    TIM
    ExFx 3 sx
    Posts
    9,183
    Mentioned
    720 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Maybe, but then my uncertainty is gone, she gets a big hug and a kiss and her uncertainty is gone because she can see that her guy knows where home is, and we go securely on to the next thing, which might be dinner or a movie.


    Yasss now we're talking

  16. #16
    Exodus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    TIM
    LII
    Posts
    8,475
    Mentioned
    332 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    If someone is generally seeking attention, clowning around, being funny, acting ridiculous, etc. it will probably get my attention. Not necessarily though. For some reason the way Fe demonstrative types do this generally just irritates me rather than being amusing. (My general theory on this is that the demonstrative function is used selfishly, rather than for others.)

    Flashy clothing and any attempt to seek attention through one's physical appearance or displays of wealth and status are a definite turn-off -- but my idea of what is flashy probably includes way more than it does for many people (including @Chae).

    The other way is if someone starts dropping some interesting knowledge that I didn't know already...instant attention. But that's a lot more difficult to find.

  17. #17
    back for the time being Chae's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    europe
    TIM
    ExFx 3 sx
    Posts
    9,183
    Mentioned
    720 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Now Chae, IF you are IEE, then I was married to your dual, and SLI operate very differently from ESI's. In their case you, as an IEE, need to be very clear with your SLI. As in, stand in front of them and ask them if they want to have sex, right now. They will either say yes, or no. And if no, then that answer might change in a bit, so be prepared to ask them again. A no from an SLI is not a rejection, they just aren't "hungry" at the moment.
    [Adding NSFW in the OP] An interesting addendum, your 7-wing is showing. I doubt that you could transfer your experience to mine, but you got the dynamics down. Now, independent of my sociotype - come on, you're also SX first. You know that we just can't shut up when the thirst gets real. And in my case, you get self-pres as a cherry on top. If I am not straightforward about sex initiation, no one is. Yes or no is good, asking twice, thrice, no problem since it fosters my ambition. Although my instant timing is good, body language and stuff, no coercion needed Although generally I would say that there is a difference between the stereotypically female and male approach due to cultural norms, you witnessed the female one.

  18. #18
    back for the time being Chae's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    europe
    TIM
    ExFx 3 sx
    Posts
    9,183
    Mentioned
    720 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by thehotelambush View Post
    If someone is generally seeking attention, clowning around, being funny, acting ridiculous, etc. it will probably get my attention. Not necessarily though. For some reason the way Fe demonstrative types do this generally just irritates me rather than being amusing. (My general theory on this is that the demonstrative function is used selfishly, rather than for others.)

    Flashy clothing and any attempt to seek attention through one's physical appearance or displays of wealth and status are a definite turn-off -- but my idea of what is flashy probably includes way more than it does for many people (including @Chae).

    The other way is if someone starts dropping some knowledge that I didn't know already...instant attention. But that's a lot more difficult to find.
    OoohoooOOhhh I love the shade actually

    But I get the point, your theory about the demonstrative seems useful here. I was reading between the lines, you like someone who uses their Fe in an altruistic manner, which is always the case in any ESE. I experienced them as quite sacrificial so far in emotional regards, aka some "emotional labor" is going on. When I clown around and so on, it's usually acknowledgement-seeking instead of just for entertainment's sake. As in, wanting the mood to be good for everyone and helping them out with it. I care about the mood being good in my small influence zone so I won't get clapback, while I generously give advice on what has potential, what should be developed etc, I can pour a bucket of that over someone's head with no self-interest because it's so easy and gratifying to see that it helps the person.

  19. #19
    Adam Strange's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Midwest, USA
    TIM
    ENTJ-1Te 8w7 sx/so
    Posts
    16,229
    Mentioned
    1553 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    [Adding NSFW in the OP] An interesting addendum, your 7-wing is showing. I doubt that you could transfer your experience to mine, but you got the dynamics down. Now, independent of my sociotype - come on, you're also SX first. You know that we just can't shut up when the thirst gets real. And in my case, you get self-pres as a cherry on top. If I am not straightforward about sex initiation, no one is. Yes or no is good, asking twice, thrice, no problem since it fosters my ambition. Although my instant timing is good, body language and stuff, no coercion needed
    Yes, being SX first does mean that I am highly interested in initiating. As in, highly interested. This has caused an LSI GF to tell me that I'm the Aggressor, not her. But the "showing me her tits" thing (or something equivalent) is an essential part of the dance for me. It gives me a clear "green light", without which I, as a Victim, can't proceed. The LSI was surprised to learn that she could completely stop my fairly forceful advances just by saying no.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    Although generally I would say that there is a difference between the stereotypically female and male approach due to cultural norms, you witnessed the female one.
    I did witness the female SLI approach to sex, and it consisted of me initiating about 99.4% of the time. I think she was SP/SO. She completely enjoyed sex, she just almost never initiated. Well, if I delve deeper and include the times I "read the signs", maybe I could say she initiated about 20% of the time.

    However, I also witnessed my parent's marriage, a female LSE and a male SLI, and they never talked about sex at all. Like, it didn't exist in their universe. They had three kids, so it happened, but an anthropologist would have had a hard time discovering that.

    Furthermore, at work I've seen a male SLI talk to his wife on the phone, and I've seen where he interacts with a female IEE at work, and in both cases, the female is like, all smiles and direct eye contact and "Hey, Big Guy. Here I am!" and the male SLI is like "Uh, what's up? I'm kind of doing something right now. Is this something that can wait?"

    Also, when I first started talking to my SLI son about girlfriends (specifically, about how he should act toward her, some basic do's and don'ts), I described an IEE to him and asked him what he'd do if the IEE came on to him, and without looking up from his iPhone, he said he'd tell her to get lost.

    So, I have actually witnessed the male SLI part of the equation, too, and Chae, you have your work cut out for you. I can completely understand your motives for starting this thread.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 11-29-2016 at 07:25 PM. Reason: corrected mixup between IEE and EII.

  20. #20
    back for the time being Chae's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    europe
    TIM
    ExFx 3 sx
    Posts
    9,183
    Mentioned
    720 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Yes, being SX first does mean that I am highly interested in initiating. As in, highly
    interested. This has caused an LSI GF to tell me that I'm the Aggressor, not her. But the "showing me her tits" thing (or something equivalent) is an essential part of the dance for me. It gives me a clear "green light", without which I, as a Victim, can't proceed. The LSI was surprised to learn that she could completely stop my fairly forceful advances just by saying no.
    That means she felt that she had no chance against your pressure, initially. Jesus take the wheel! You must have a strong aura. I relate, SX is often mistaken for ego, it's quite a feat but only when "packaged" carefully with the secondary instinct. The green light should be a given, so your show-me-what-u-got-approach is actually an A+ consent negotiation (and it's arousing so it kills two birds with one stone ). I am sure that your enneagram is responsible for what you describe as fairly forceful, e8 comes across as uncompromising and go-getterish even if they are at their most insecure, yes, especially then. Which all links neatly to your victim stance of uncertainty in partnership, moderated by pseudo-aggressiveness that Gamma NTs display.

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    I did witness the female SLI approach to sex, and it consisted of me initiating about 99.4% of the time. I think she was SP/SO. She completely enjoyed sex, she just almost never initiated. Well, if I delve deeper and include the times I "read the signs", maybe I could say she initiated about 20% of the time.

    However, I also witnessed my parent's marriage, a female LSE and a male SLI, and they never talked about sex at all. Like, it didn't exist in their universe. They had three kids, so it happened, but an anthropologist would have had a hard time discovering that.

    Furthermore, at work I've seen a male SLI talk to his wife on the phone, and I've seen where he interacts with a female EII at work, and in both cases, the female is like, all smiles and direct eye contact and "Hey, Big Guy. Here I am!" and the male SLI is like "Uh, what's up? I'm kind of doing something right now. Is this something that can wait?"

    Also, when I first started talking to my SLI son about girlfriends (specifically, about how he should act toward her, some basic do's and don'ts), I described an EII to him and asked him what he'd do if the EII came on to him, and without looking up from his iPhone, he said he'd tell her to get lost.

    So, I have actually witnessed the male SLI part of the equation, too, and Chae, you have your work cut out for you. I can completely understand your motives for starting this thread.
    Ahh, SX-last. That's quite another league, and not contraflow like you. Hm... initiation is sort of a mutual game in Si quadras, it matters a lot more to be in sync than to engage in a push/pull scenario. I bet your parents were SX-last as well. Lol at the anthropologist and cute SLI avoidance tactics I gotta ask, why did you describe an EII and not an IEE? Well technically, you witnessed it in theory/rudiments and not actual practice. What I've read, SLI/IEE "obstinate" dualization - sexual activities of all kind included - takes the longest in the socion, that's no surprise.

  21. #21
    Aramas's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    2,263
    Mentioned
    127 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    That means she felt that she had no chance against your pressure, initially. Jesus take the wheel! You must have a strong aura. I relate, SX is often mistaken for ego, it's quite a feat but only when "packaged" carefully with the secondary instinct. The green light should be a given, so your show-me-what-u-got-approach is actually an A+ consent negotiation (and it's arousing so it kills two birds with one stone ). I am sure that your enneagram is responsible for what you describe as fairly forceful, e8 comes across as uncompromising and go-getterish even if they are at their most insecure, yes, especially then. Which all links neatly to your victim stance of uncertainty in partnership, moderated by pseudo-aggressiveness that Gamma NTs display.



    Ahh, SX-last. That's quite another league, and not contraflow like you. Hm... initiation is sort of a mutual game in Si quadras, it matters a lot more to be in sync than to engage in a push/pull scenario. I bet your parents were SX-last as well. Lol at the anthropologist and cute SLI avoidance tactics I gotta ask, why did you describe an EII and not an IEE? Well technically, you witnessed it in theory/rudiments and not actual practice. What I've read, SLI/IEE "obstinate" dualization - sexual activities of all kind included - takes the longest in the socion, that's no surprise.
    Why does it take the longest in the Socion? I'm curious and I've heard this but never read the original statement, if there is one.

  22. #22

    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Posts
    2,204
    Mentioned
    159 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Like with anything else, you ask for it.

  23. #23
    Adam Strange's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Midwest, USA
    TIM
    ENTJ-1Te 8w7 sx/so
    Posts
    16,229
    Mentioned
    1553 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    That means she felt that she had no chance against your pressure, initially. Jesus take the wheel!
    After writing that, I realized that your statement is one way of interpreting her reaction, and I started wondering if that could be how she actually feels. I'm not that intimidating, by any means. However, I have met her father, and he is pretty clearly an LSI, and I think her mother was an introvert, because she describes her mother as retreating before her father and spending most of her time on the couch. My LSI GF, being the oldest of eight children, had to take care of her sisters and brothers because her mother was too ill and basically gave up. She also said her father insisted on continuing to have children, despite her mother's frail condition, until he got a couple of boys. So, maybe she does think the woman has little choice in the matter. IDK. This is very different from my own expectations.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    Ahh, SX-last. That's quite another league, and not contraflow like you. Hm... initiation is sort of a mutual game in Si quadras, it matters a lot more to be in sync than to engage in a push/pull scenario. I bet your parents were SX-last as well. Lol at the anthropologist and cute SLI avoidance tactics
    My parents probably are SX-last and SP-first, just like my ex-wife. The LSI is not SX-last, and the difference is amazing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    I gotta ask, why did you describe an EII and not an IEE?
    That was an error of my writing. I actually just now mixed up EII and IEE, and have corrected it in my post. In reality, I described an IEE to my son.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 11-30-2016 at 12:46 AM.

  24. #24

    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    918
    Mentioned
    54 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I first met my husband at a youth group type meeting where he was a helper. Afterwards he offered my friend and I who had arrived via bicycles a ride home to which she said yes and I said no.

    We next saw one another in town where I tried to depart before he reached my location....I didn't quite make it due to his enthusiastic catching up to me.

    Next he visited the church I attended and asked me afterwards if I would go sailing with him...I said no and my sister said yes.

    Then departing a supermarket one day he appeared before me so I said a casual hi only to find he had been to my home and asked for my whereabouts.

    Husband however truly caught my attention when he climbed over every row of seats from the picture theatre entrance to what must have been the last row to give me an awesome 'hello' in front of the group I was with....all the while leaving his current girlfriend down the front with friends viewing what was taking place.

    Also I must say he was very confident with his body :-)

  25. #25
    LuckyOne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    NEXT LEVEL
    TIM
    Who knows
    Posts
    350
    Mentioned
    52 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    By demonstrating the traits I find attractive in anyone, regardless of any external factors: gentleness, softness, vulnerability and a caring and accepting nature.

  26. #26
    malna's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Poland
    TIM
    Ne EII
    Posts
    334
    Mentioned
    22 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    @Chae, we share the clothes fetish
    I call myself batyote and I fight crime at night.

  27. #27
    Hot Scalding Gayser's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    The evolved form of Warm Soapy Water
    TIM
    IEI-Ni
    Posts
    14,902
    Mentioned
    661 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

  28. #28
    Arete GuavaDrunk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Now in stores near you.
    TIM
    IEI-Fe (9)62 sx/?
    Posts
    1,586
    Mentioned
    108 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    I notice different people for different reasons, and sometimes really cool people (ie: awesome on paper and in conversation content) just don't... stick. So it's frankly pretty erratic.
    Reason is a whore.

  29. #29
    back for the time being Chae's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    europe
    TIM
    ExFx 3 sx
    Posts
    9,183
    Mentioned
    720 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Aramas View Post
    Why does it take the longest in the Socion? I'm curious and I've heard this but never read the original statement, if there is one.
    Yes, it's super interesting: From what I remember (it was on Wikisocion, by Bukalov I think?) the combination of obstinacy, irrationality, aristocracy and the Don Juan-like quality of both types (esp. IEE, who is difficult to pin down) causes a prolonged process of dualization. As Adam said, the SLI is also difficult to get close to. They put a large psychological distance between them and people they interact with, while the IEE is the exact opposite, always on the run, up to chase the next opportunity. It's apparent that it's veeery difficult to reconcile these opposite drives, compromise is needed first which is actually easy as they are duals but they won't consider it due to their stubborn mindset.

    The benefit, that's what was pointed out in the text as well, is that this dual couple has the potential to last the longest. The reason is that both types are prone to never exit the comfort zone - compared to SeNi duals, there's quite an inertia present. And! On top of that, they really avoid destroying the harmony, but that's obv since it's Delta we're talking about

  30. #30
    back for the time being Chae's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    europe
    TIM
    ExFx 3 sx
    Posts
    9,183
    Mentioned
    720 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by malna View Post
    @Chae, we share the clothes fetish
    Oh! It's an infantile thing (insert Karl Lagerfeld winking here)? I just realized how severe it is in my case, did you see my quadra wardrobe threads? I need help

    What kind of clothes do you enjoy the most? I prefer something that's... there's a haptic quality, it makes you want to touch it so bad.

    Theory: Ne ego types are the quintessential sweater stealers.

  31. #31
    back for the time being Chae's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    europe
    TIM
    ExFx 3 sx
    Posts
    9,183
    Mentioned
    720 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    After writing that, I realized that your statement is one way of interpreting her reaction, and I started wondering if that could be how she actually feels. I'm not that intimidating, by any means. However, I have met her father, and he is pretty clearly an LSI, and I think her mother was an introvert, because she describes her mother as retreating before her father and spending most of her time on the couch. My LSI GF, being the oldest of eight children, had to take care of her sisters and brothers because her mother was too ill and basically gave up. She also said her father insisted on continuing to have children, despite her mother's frail condition, until he got a couple of boys. So, maybe she does think the woman has little choice in the matter. IDK. This is very different from my own expectations.
    Ah, well it's interpreting for sure. But you expanded on that well, you're up to something. What I mean is, her natural family disposition could've quite influenced her attitude in that regard. Hm... you didn't ask her how he feels about it so we can only make guesses -_-


    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    My parents probably are SX-last and SP-first, just like my ex-wife. The LSI is not SX-last, and the difference is amazing.


    That was an error of my writing. I actually just now mixed up EII and IEE, and have corrected it in my post. In reality, I described an IEE to my son.
    YES! The discrepancy between an SX-last stacking and SX first/sec (combined with Se ego, that is) ones is striking. Could you elaborate on that, sounds good!

    Ah, gotcha

  32. #32
    malna's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Poland
    TIM
    Ne EII
    Posts
    334
    Mentioned
    22 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    Oh! It's an infantile thing (insert Karl Lagerfeld winking here)?
    It very well may be! I mean, it could be Si-seeking, given how Si-ego types are mostly good with picking & combining clothes that are both comfortable and aesthetically pleasing, also work well with their bodies.
    The other thing I love is when people move like they're comfortable in their bodies - fluidly yet firmly. Suppose it's just another Si-seeking feature.
    Just give me a really well-dressed person who can move like they know their way around their body, their personal space (and possibly my body, too) - I'm done for.

    What kind of clothes do you enjoy the most?
    I'm not sure, I know when I see them.
    I definitely prefer natural, often thin and good quality fabrics. The kind that sort of glides over skin, but doesn't cling to the body at all. Does that make sense?
    I also sometimes like long sleeves (again, natural fibers) wide at cuffs, partly covering hands. I like pretty hands and I like them emphasized that way. In general, it's best when clothes go well with the body type. It's strange but I tend to find well dressed people way sexier than naked people.
    I check out people for their clothes too. Helps me avoid awkwardness when I stare at women - they're usually exceptionally well dressed so it goes without saying that this is why I can't take my eyes off them. Which is of course partly true. ;>

    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    Theory: Ne ego types are the quintessential sweater stealers.
    Like whoa!
    I call myself batyote and I fight crime at night.

  33. #33
    back for the time being Chae's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    europe
    TIM
    ExFx 3 sx
    Posts
    9,183
    Mentioned
    720 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by malna View Post
    It very well may be! I mean, it could be Si-seeking, given how Si-ego types are mostly good with picking & combining clothes that are both comfortable and aesthetically pleasing, also work well with their bodies.
    The other thing I love is when people move like they're comfortable in their bodies - fluidly yet firmly. Suppose it's just another Si-seeking feature.
    Just give me a really well-dressed person who can move like they know their way around their body, their personal space (and possibly my body, too) - I'm done for.
    Yes yes yes and yes, comfy x tasteful In the same way, I noticed, my attention drifts off people who torture themselves with the oddest shoes, and wardrobe malfunctions make me want to cry. Si-seeking is also looking for someone who creates comfort for others so a person who knows how to select pragmatically (---> Te) and beautifully is also A+.

    Indeed, when someone carries themselves assuredly The two of us should date high class models, seriously? Or wait, dancers are a better choice. Most choreographers also tend to have a good sense of dressing so that's the ultimate combination. Do you dig ballet? I think it's a Delta ST thing. High levels of discipline and aesthetic standards.

    Quote Originally Posted by malna View Post
    I'm not sure, I know when I see them.
    I definitely prefer natural, often thin and good quality fabrics. The kind that sort of glides over skin, but doesn't cling to the body at all. Does that make sense?
    I also sometimes like long sleeves (again, natural fibers) wide at cuffs, partly covering hands. I like pretty hands and I like them emphasized that way. In general, it's best when clothes go well with the body type. It's strange but I tend to find well dressed people way sexier than naked people.
    I check out people for their clothes too. Helps me avoid awkwardness when I stare at women - they're usually exceptionally well dressed so it goes without saying that this is why I can't take my eyes off them. Which is of course partly true. ;>


    Like whoa!
    Something like silk? Taffeta? I imagine something like that to fit your definition. A tunic with sweater paws!
    Well. It's only sexy if it's hidden. Seduction always works after that principle. Personally, I have no priority. I mean, skin is just the most wonderful thing there is. So robust and soft at the same time. Hence I don't mind skin being shown, but a golden mean is always good. Sweaty clothing that sticks to skin, that's... poetry ~.~
    There is no awkwardness in staring if the person wants to be adored, you just don't know in advance :') I often pull a Delta move, just complimenting Yes yes, them girls <3 Can men be socialized into that as well? We need more beauty.
    My reason for complimenting, this person got up in the morning and bothered investing time in changing themselves up, why not praise it (my second theory: clothing fetish and praise kink = Ne). And with sweater stealing I refer to the girlfriends that strip their boyfriends off their entire apparel

  34. #34
    malna's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Poland
    TIM
    Ne EII
    Posts
    334
    Mentioned
    22 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    The two of us should date high class models, seriously?
    Well, duh!
    We should plan for double dates.

    Or wait, dancers are a better choice. Most choreographers also tend to have a good sense of dressing so that's the ultimate combination. Do you dig ballet? I think it's a Delta ST thing. High levels of discipline and aesthetic standards.
    Dancers are fine. Some sportsmen, too.
    I do enjoy ballet (classical) but strictly aesthetically and not with my girl parts. For that, I need more natural moves.
    I call myself batyote and I fight crime at night.

  35. #35
    Attis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    TIM
    RLOEI 6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    389
    Mentioned
    32 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I'm not sure what it takes to get my attention. I never think about this. I guess show interest in me, be direct, and be sincere. If I can't detect that someone is sincerely interested in me, I'll probably think that they're judging me negatively and avoid them. I'll never initiate contact, as I rarely talk to anyone in person.

  36. #36
    it's ok, everything will be fine totalize's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Location
    Great Britain
    TIM
    NAPOLEON
    Posts
    662
    Mentioned
    98 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    People get my attention by being hot.
    CETERUM AUTEM CENSEO WASHINGTON D.C. ESSE DELENDAM

  37. #37
    Pookie's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    TIM
    IEI-Ni 6w5-9-2 So/Sx
    Posts
    2,372
    Mentioned
    112 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Say my name, or approach me. Really, I dont withhold attention towards anyone.
    Projection is ordinary. Person A projects at person B, hoping tovalidate something about person A by the response of person B. However, person B, not wanting to be an obejct of someone elses ego and guarding against existential terror constructs a personality which protects his ego and maintain a certain sense of a robust and real self that is different and separate from person A. Sadly, this robust and real self, cut off by defenses of character from the rest of the world, is quite vulnerable and fragile given that it is imaginary and propped up through external feed back. Person B is dimly aware of this and defends against it all the more, even desperately projecting his anxieties back onto person A, with the hope of shoring up his ego with salubrious validation. All of this happens without A or B acknowledging it, of course. Because to face up to it consciously is shocking, in that this is all anybody is doing or can do and it seems absurd when you realize how pathetic it is.

  38. #38
    it's ok, everything will be fine totalize's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Location
    Great Britain
    TIM
    NAPOLEON
    Posts
    662
    Mentioned
    98 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    I qualify my previous answer.

    The important point for me to "notice" someone is that they do not give too much. They do not immediately tell everything about themselves, then completely submit in the struggle.

    There must be some resistance -- some disinclination to give everything at once, coyness, a slight withdrawnness. When I find that upon pushing a person, the door does not completely open, it makes me want to open the door more. This is in direct contrast to my own personality as my door swings pretty easily so to speak.

    I like this kind of mystery. I think it's appealing, sexually. And I notice in people by how they interact with their environment and so on. Typically, these people are introverted.
    CETERUM AUTEM CENSEO WASHINGTON D.C. ESSE DELENDAM

  39. #39
    Hot Scalding Gayser's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    The evolved form of Warm Soapy Water
    TIM
    IEI-Ni
    Posts
    14,902
    Mentioned
    661 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Uh-oh @totalize. While I over-share on the internet, I behave exactly that way in real life.

  40. #40
    playful sushi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    TIM
    ile
    Posts
    85
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    @Chae how do you feel about SEEs now?

    enneagram 946/947

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •