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Thread: The way SLEs treat IEIs (INFp-ESTp)

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    Default The way SLEs treat IEIs (INFp-ESTp)

    I'm pretty confused about the relation between ESTp (generally speaking Se1) and INFp. I think that I'm quite tolerant to people's behavior only if it's not contrary to my system of values. I observed that SLE feels comfortable and even relaxed in my company, because I'm not judgemental. They even share with me their private matters and don't afraid to show when they feel stressed or unsure. I like when they open up and say how important I'm to them

    On the other side I'm not sure what to think when they seem to be more polite to other people. They use to tease me and for instance look intensively into my eyes like they wanted to test me which make me feel awkward sometimes. I don't know what to think when they are so sincere and they don't take an effort to be less offensive. Sometimes when they think it gone too far they cover behind innocent smile and say that it's just the way they are and I should know it already

    Share with your thoughts and experiences. Thx.

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    They do not understand complex relationships and seek ESE's coz that is easier for them.

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    back for the time being Chae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZombieGirl View Post
    I'm pretty confused about the relation between ESTp (generally speaking Se1) and INFp. I think that I'm quite tolerant to people's behavior only if it's not contrary to my system of values. I observed that SLE feels comfortable and even relaxed in my company, because I'm not judgemental. They even share with me their private matters and don't afraid to show when they feel stressed or unsure. I like when they open up and say how important I'm to them

    On the other side I'm not sure what to think when they seem to be more polite to other people. They use to tease me and for instance look intensively into my eyes like they wanted to test me which make me feel awkward sometimes. I don't know what to think when they are so sincere and they don't take an effort to be less offensive. Sometimes when they think it gone too far they cover behind innocent smile and say that it's just the way they are and I should know it already

    Share with your thoughts and experiences. Thx.
    Ok, some honest thoughts. My Fi just got a really wary feeling while reading this Different levels of politeness, testing, offensiveness, going too far and being entitled and "innocent" about it, but then saying you are important to them and opening up... not a person you'd want to be with when they give pseudo-abusive vibes like that. People who behave that way are very insecure about relationships, a secure person does not have to overly affront nor test or justify anything. This is a description of someone who cannot estimate reciprocity. If you can't back that up properly and see through their weakness, let it be. If you want a challenge, do it. Your decision.

    I'm just wondering, do you talk about a specific person there, or many SLE experiences in general? I need more input about the circumstances.

    Socionics-wise: My impression is that you're with a very Fi-PoLR person, i.e. SLE-Ti. I'd go for the Se-subtype(s), they don't rely on your demonstrative that much.

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    Hah, this all sounds really familiar.

    Quote Originally Posted by ZombieGirl View Post
    I observed that SLE feels comfortable and even relaxed in my company, because I'm not judgemental.
    Yes.

    They even share with me their private matters and don't afraid to show when they feel stressed or unsure. I like when they open up and say how important I'm to them
    Yes. Lots of IEIs give off this vibe that makes me wanna talk about my feeeeeeeeeelings
    I don't usually want to do that in most other circumstances. Why? Who knows!

    On the other side I'm not sure what to think when they seem to be more polite to other people.
    Usually when I'm polite with someone, it's because I want to keep him/her at a distance, but not too much of a distance.

    They use to tease me and for instance look intensively into my eyes like they wanted to test me which make me feel awkward sometimes. I don't know what to think when they are so sincere and they don't take an effort to be less offensive.
    That behavior is actually a good thing. That is, assuming you like the SLE in question.

    Sometimes when they think it gone too far they cover behind innocent smile and say that it's just the way they are and I should know it already
    Yes. You should know it already!
    SLE
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    Different levels of politeness, testing, offensiveness, going too far and being entitled and "innocent" about it, but then saying you are important to them and opening up... not a person you'd want to be with when they give pseudo-abusive vibes like that.
    Pseudo-abusive vibes??? When I'm like that with intimates, it's my way of playing. Love it or leave it, I guess.
    SLE
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    >le sado-masochist beta irrational duality meme this forum can't stop circlejerking over

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    back for the time being Chae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by H 2 View Post
    Pseudo-abusive vibes??? When I'm like that with intimates, it's my way of playing. Love it or leave it, I guess.
    Ditto, Fe overpowers Fi creating the PoLR effect.

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    In my experience female SLE and male IEI relations are very different. Theyre usually super nice, polite, and attentive to me, and im the one whos morbid, testing boundaries and affectionate.
    Projection is ordinary. Person A projects at person B, hoping tovalidate something about person A by the response of person B. However, person B, not wanting to be an obejct of someone elses ego and guarding against existential terror constructs a personality which protects his ego and maintain a certain sense of a robust and real self that is different and separate from person A. Sadly, this robust and real self, cut off by defenses of character from the rest of the world, is quite vulnerable and fragile given that it is imaginary and propped up through external feed back. Person B is dimly aware of this and defends against it all the more, even desperately projecting his anxieties back onto person A, with the hope of shoring up his ego with salubrious validation. All of this happens without A or B acknowledging it, of course. Because to face up to it consciously is shocking, in that this is all anybody is doing or can do and it seems absurd when you realize how pathetic it is.

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    back for the time being Chae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alioth View Post
    >le sado-masochist beta irrational duality meme this forum can't stop circlejerking over
    You even made it green This post itself is a meme.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    I'm just wondering, do you talk about a specific person there, or many SLE experiences in general? I need more input about the circumstances.
    Actually my experiences are focused mainly at one very good known example of SLE and a few mostly superficial relations. In a case mentioned above I've never been so close with SLE. For a long time I've thought he is an abusive asshole, because he behaved cocky and bossy in my opinion. He didn't even try to smile back to me! It was difficult to comprehend, because most people I have contact with react on me possitive.
    At one day this person attitude changed. He was confused after conversation with someone who point out his inappropriate treatment of other people, especially me (!). Then he said to me he is sorry and that he didn't want to hurt me. Our relations dramatically changed. I felt that he seeks contact with me (not without my participation ) and he likes my company. He showed me that he also can be carring, sharing (with chocolate and cookies ) and fun. He also strongly reacted on my moods. When I was angry and sad he seemed to be concerned and didn't give up until I didn't say what is going on.
    But in a long-term contact I think there is only more question marks than answers. For instance he ignores me for most of the day and then at the end he unexpectetly tell me that he can't wait to see me again O.o For now due to some unpleasant circumstances we briefly see eachother, so probably I won't figure out where the dual relation can lead to

    Oh, it's not romantic type of relation, he's only my friend!

    That behavior is actually a good thing.
    Hi! Can you say something more about this?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    Ok, some honest thoughts. My Fi just got a really wary feeling while reading this Different levels of politeness, testing, offensiveness, going too far and being entitled and "innocent" about it, but then saying you are important to them and opening up... not a person you'd want to be with when they give pseudo-abusive vibes like that. People who behave that way are very insecure about relationships, a secure person does not have to overly affront nor test or justify anything. This is a description of someone who cannot estimate reciprocity. If you can't back that up properly and see through their weakness, let it be. If you want a challenge, do it. Your decision.
    Not a single thing the OP said in their post would indicate your response. What are you talking about?

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    Quote Originally Posted by ZombieGirl View Post

    Hi! Can you say something more about this?
    It means they like you and want to trap you with their eyes. You are literally an object of their affection they are looking at with their eyes. Seeing the world through Se.

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    I don't think a lot of guy SLEs have as much experience dealing with emotional/interpersonal matters as girls usually, because of gender expectations in socializing.

    Fe norms aren't automatic and extant without being learned. They have to be trained. Take it as an opportunity to give him a stoic glare if he crosses any lines, or just leave if you feel uncomfortable. I can tease people a lot too when I like them and feel comfortable around them. It means I want the other person to "be themselves" around me too.

    Anyway don't worry about this too much. We just aren't as natural at expressing ourselves smoothly as you. If he's truly being abusive and weird then stay away. Otherwise explore this relation more and enjoy yourself. : )
    [Today 07:57 AM] Raver: Life is a ride that lasts very long, but still a ride. It is a dream that we have yet to awaken from.

    It's hard to find a love through every shade of grey.

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