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Thread: How to romance series: LSI

  1. #81
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    Quote Originally Posted by Myst View Post
    Again the directness theme. I again have to agree.

    How do you mean it's disrespectful -where you mention this issue- or what is it exactly that's disrespectful?
    I'm not sure how to articulate this. I don't assume that what I see with someone is what I get. There are many ways I cannot fully know another person. For example, I can get only a wistful inkling of what an adult was like as a child and as an infant, even if I have photos and video of them to look at. That version of the person has been superseded by the adult version. And even in the present moment, I feel that there's more to a person than they can make fully manifest, and also that they do not owe it to me to reveal everything about themselves, and I wouldn't press for them to say or show more than they feel confident expressing.

    I find it would be disrespectful to expect someone to cough up more of their inner life than they do. I'm interested in the feelings that arise from someone else's world, but I don't demand that they give me details. That can almost be a form of interpersonal violence. I just try to get a feeling for what might be there and don't dig or poke into it much.

    ETA: I think part of what seems disrespectful is that putting all your wounds on display is also a way of showing all your vulnerabilities, and those can be used against a person, so why in the hell would I expect someone to trot out their weaknesses for me? Sometimes what is kept inside is in there for a reason.

    Enveloping, can you describe this a bit more too?
    I guess if I care about someone, or even if I'm just in a position where I am supposed to pay them some attention, the metaphor I've given in the past is that I put a quiet bubble of awareness around the person. I attune to them and kind of shut out other information. This came up in chat once and a coupla people observed it sounded like enneagram SX instinct, but I really don't know bc I find the instincts dumb so far.

    Er. Done with the questions.
    *wipes sweat from brow*

  2. #82

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    Quote Originally Posted by golden View Post
    I'm not sure how to articulate this. I don't assume that what I see with someone is what I get. There are many ways I cannot fully know another person. For example, I can get only a wistful inkling of what an adult was like as a child and as an infant, even if I have photos and video of them to look at. That version of the person has been superseded by the adult version. And even in the present moment, I feel that there's more to a person than they can make fully manifest, and also that they do not owe it to me to reveal everything about themselves, and I wouldn't press for them to say or show more than they feel confident expressing.

    I find it would be disrespectful to expect someone to cough up more of the inner life than they do. That can almost be a form of interpersonal violence. I just try to get a feeling for what might be there and don't dig or poke into it much.
    OK, I see.


    I guess if I care about someone, or even if I'm just in a position where I am supposed to pay them some attention, the metaphor I've given in the past is that I put a quiet bubble of awareness around the person. I attune to them and kind of shut out other information. This came up in chat once and a coupla people observed it sounded like enneagram SX instinct, but I really don't know bc I find the instincts dumb so far.
    That sounds umm, interesting. I don't know if it's an EIE thing or sx thing, or whatever in the specific form of this that I'm thinking of. I've seen this before though.


    *wipes sweat from brow*
    End of Inquisition for now.

  3. #83
    Arete GuavaDrunk's Avatar
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    @golden : N-thed to the Nth power re: disrespectful. etc.
    Reason is a whore.

  4. #84
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pole Ninja View Post
    Idunno. I'm like Shrek now because I want my space, I'm not liked, and I'm very difficult to get to know. I'm burnt out and let down and already wasted invested time on the wrong men and developed trust issues. It would be hard to romance me at this point because I'm so paranoid about men's ulterior motives. I don't even know anymore what would work on me as an LSI.
    Dancing naked from a pole for money probably hasn't helped make you feel any better about men's motives.
    "So if you do not acknowledge in your heart the values that surpass yourself, you are in a psychological state where your sole existence is meaningless."

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    Quote Originally Posted by wacey View Post
    Dancing naked from a pole for money probably hasn't helped make you feel any better about men's motives.
    That's an extremely rude comment. It's also quite off-base. What made me lose faith in humanity, especially the male half, was doing the ostensible opposite, being a "good wife" and "good mother" and getting chewed up and spat out all the same.

    It doesn't really matter what role you choose in the patriarchy, it will still fuck you over a lot of the time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by golden View Post
    That's an extremely rude comment.
    It's the truth and in no way did I indicate a moralistic attitude. If I danced naked for men then I might feel burned out as well. Nor is it a rude comment at all. Rude would be if I condemned her, which I don't.
    "So if you do not acknowledge in your heart the values that surpass yourself, you are in a psychological state where your sole existence is meaningless."

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    Quote Originally Posted by wacey View Post
    It's the truth and in no way did I indicate a moralistic attitude. If I danced naked for men then I might feel burned out as well. Nor is it a rude comment at all. Rude would be if I condemned her, which I don't.
    It sounds like finger-wagging to me. Or do you honestly think that the woman has no insight whatsoever into her own life and needs you to point out how her job might affect her, as if she cannot figure anything out?

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    Quote Originally Posted by golden View Post
    It sounds like finger-wagging to me. Or do you honestly think that the woman has no insight whatsoever into her own life and needs you to point out how her job might affect her, as if she cannot figure anything out?
    Is this a rhetorical question? Where did I ever imply what you just said? I just told you what I meant, why are you making this more complex then it needs to be?
    "So if you do not acknowledge in your heart the values that surpass yourself, you are in a psychological state where your sole existence is meaningless."

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    Quote Originally Posted by wacey View Post
    It's the truth and in no way did I indicate a moralistic attitude. If I danced naked for men then I might feel burned out as well. Nor is it a rude comment at all. Rude would be if I condemned her, which I don't.
    Afaik her problem with men came from elsewhere not from the tasks she was doing for her job. Based on what she posted on the forum about it earlier. But ask her if you really care and want to know more, I guess.

    Anyway. Why is it that a lot of people feel the need to comment on this kind of job... I get it that you may not have wanted to be judgy with it but comments on such topics are easily misunderstood.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Myst View Post
    Afaik her problem with men came from elsewhere not from the tasks she was doing for her job. Based on what she posted on the forum about it earlier. But ask her if you really care and want to know more, I guess.

    Anyway. Why is it that a lot of people feel the need to comment on this kind of job... I get it that you may not have wanted to be judgy with it but comments on such topics are easily misunderstood.
    Fair enough if you put it that way, then it makes sense.

    It doesn't matter to me what people do, if they want to do that then by all means. This is the same thing I would say to anyone btw, men, women, drug dealer SLEs, whatever. I'm burnt out too and everything has an end result. Some good some bad. I've never personally met a person, man or woman, who truly felt personally empowered by this job. If its working then great. Please don't tell me its not a factor in the overall picture here.
    "So if you do not acknowledge in your heart the values that surpass yourself, you are in a psychological state where your sole existence is meaningless."

  11. #91
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    Quote Originally Posted by wacey View Post
    Dancing naked from a pole for money probably hasn't helped make you feel any better about men's motives.
    My job dancing wasn't damaging, it was simply a job and I could choose the type of customer I wanted. I'm in retail now. I can't pick my customers anymore. Working in retail has destroyed my faith in humanity. I miss dancing.
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    Quote Originally Posted by wacey View Post
    Fair enough if you put it that way, then it makes sense.

    It doesn't matter to me what people do, if they want to do that then by all means. This is the same thing I would say to anyone btw, men, women, drug dealer SLEs, whatever. I'm burnt out too and everything has an end result. Some good some bad. I've never personally met a person, man or woman, who truly felt personally empowered by this job. If its working then great. Please don't tell me its not a factor in the overall picture here.
    OK. The last sentence btw, I don't want to make assumptions or analyze this any further.

  13. #93
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pole Ninja View Post
    My job dancing wasn't damaging, it was simply a job and I could choose the type of customer I wanted. I'm in retail now. I can't pick my customers anymore. Working in retail has destroyed my faith in humanity. I miss dancing.
    Lol, yeah retail will do that.
    "So if you do not acknowledge in your heart the values that surpass yourself, you are in a psychological state where your sole existence is meaningless."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Myst View Post
    OK. The last sentence btw, I don't want to make assumptions or analyze this any further.
    That's fine there does not seem much more to add anyway.
    "So if you do not acknowledge in your heart the values that surpass yourself, you are in a psychological state where your sole existence is meaningless."

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