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Thread: My sister

  1. #1
    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    Default My sister

    She's a lot more emotionally outgoing and volatile than me. She often comes across as shy and often says she feels it. But she can be very loud and playful, with people she knows and doesn't know alike. While I think I tend to have a calming, rationalizing effect on her, she still tends to act crazier than I do even when I'm around. You know, running through stores with shopping carts, pretending to be secret agents, climbing objects like fences and the random sculptures we have around town.

    She's a little more health-conscious than me, with regard to diet and exercise. She does more working out and calorie watching than I do. However, I'm a lot more germ-phobic than her. And I tend to turn to natural remedies more often (e.g. chiropractors, naturopaths).

    She doesn't like to be tied down or feel controlled. She likes to do things differently than the rest of the family. For example, all four of us siblings have spent at least one summer volunteering at a camp. I and my brothers worked at the camp that we grew up going to; my sister worked at a completely different camp. Same job type, same mission, same goals, different place. She wanted to be different and “not have to rely on her family.”

    She's pretty and has a sweet, girly, innocently flirty way about her that has led to more than a few broken boy-child hearts. However, recently, she's commented to me that sometimes she wishes she could wear a paper bag over her head when she goes to work so she doesn't have to worry about all the attention that her looks get. She's a genuinely sweet girl who wants to do the right thing, just (in my mind) doesn't always go about it in a rational manner.

    She likes to talk on the phone way more than I do. Her social circle is much wider than mine. Well, perhaps I should qualify that. I know just as many, if not more, people than she does. It's just that the people that she does know interact with her on a very regular basis, so it looks like she has more friends. She gets fulfilled by all that interaction; I get exhausted just watching her.

    We've gotten along pretty well for the majority of her life. When we were kids, she was a good doll-playing partner and sidekick for when we had adventures with our cousins. When she got to middle school and early high school, things got a little rough. I realized during that period that I had to be very careful not to come across as trying to control her. Before, she would listen to me as her older sister. Now I have to be careful to come across more as an older friend.

    She can be a lot more practical than me. While I'm still thinking through a solution to a (usually simple) problem, she's already halfway done taking care of it.

    When we fight, it's usually over little things and we never stay mad for long. Neither of us likes to maintain conflict.

    We're both people pleasers, but in slightly different ways. She tends to follow along with people's ideas, whereas I tend to follow along with what people are doing. She's usually sweet and complying with people, but she doesn't like it when her immediate family takes advantage of that too much.

    We ask for each other's opinions on different things, too. Like I've said before, I'll get her advice on fashion. I'll also ask her opinion on how to treat people and her interpretation of people's actions. She in turn will often ask my opinion on theories or ideas. For example, she'll ask me what I think about evolution as it compares with creationism. Sometimes she'll respond with something she's heard, occasionally she'll give me an original thought. Those conversations never go very long, though, because she generally just asks what I think then clams up to mull it over. She also likes to ask me how to spell words.

    When we're together we can be very cuddly. Especially when we're in the presence of other people. It sort of establishes that extra bond between us.

    That's all I can think of at the moment. As more comes to me I might add it on. So, what do y'all think?
    INFj / EII / FiNe
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    "Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." - G.K. Chesterton

    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    IEE/ENFp
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Creepy-Diana

    Default Re: My sister

    .

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    Expat's Avatar
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    I agree with Gilligan, ENFp.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

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    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    Oh, yeah, I forgot to say - why do you think what you do? Why do you guys say ENFp?

    @ Diana - I'll often get the same impulses that she does, just keep them in for fear of... I don't know what. Bothering people, mostly. But when we're together it's easier to let go and do something crazy or fun that I wouldn't normally do on my own.
    INFj / EII / FiNe
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    "Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." - G.K. Chesterton

    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

  6. #6
    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Default Re: My sister

    Quote Originally Posted by Minde
    She's a lot more emotionally outgoing and volatile than me.
    This sounds like something an IJ would say of an EP.

    She often comes across as shy and often says she feels it. But she can be very loud and playful, with people she knows and doesn't know alike.
    ENFps are said to have these exact tendencies.

    While I think I tend to have a calming, rationalizing effect on her, she still tends to act crazier than I do even when I'm around. You know, running through stores with shopping carts, pretending to be secret agents, climbing objects like fences and the random sculptures we have around town.
    Typical ENFp

    She's a little more health-conscious than me, with regard to diet and exercise. She does more working out and calorie watching than I do. However, I'm a lot more germ-phobic than her. And I tend to turn to natural remedies more often (e.g. chiropractors, naturopaths).
    This does nothing to support ENFp. However, it makes me think that you are probably the Intuitive subtype of INFj, while your sister is more likely the Ethical subtype of ENFp.

    She doesn't like to be tied down or feel controlled.
    While this could be true of any type, ENFps are notorious for their need for independence and self-sufficience.

    She's pretty and has a sweet, girly, innocently flirty way about her that has led to more than a few broken boy-child hearts.
    Typical female EF behavior.

    She likes to talk on the phone way more than I do. Her social circle is much wider than mine. Well, perhaps I should qualify that. I know just as many, if not more, people than she does. It's just that the people that she does know interact with her on a very regular basis, so it looks like she has more friends. She gets fulfilled by all that interaction; I get exhausted just watching her.
    Extrovert. You make a GREAT distinction between E/I in that you have just as many friends as she does, but are not as energized by the interaction as she is, and do not feel the need to do "maintenance work" in your relationships.

    I realized during that period that I had to be very careful not to come across as trying to control her. Before, she would listen to me as her older sister. Now I have to be careful to come across more as an older friend.
    Again, the stereotypical ENFp need for autonomy.

    She can be a lot more practical than me. While I'm still thinking through a solution to a (usually simple) problem, she's already halfway done taking care of it.
    Extrovert. Also, ENFps have more than INFjs, so it makes sense that she would appear this way to you.

    When we fight, it's usually over little things and we never stay mad for long. Neither of us likes to maintain conflict.
    This hints at your belonging to the same Quadra, and conflict avoidance points to a Quadra with as a value.

    We're both people pleasers,
    Ethical

    She's usually sweet and complying with people, but she doesn't like it when her immediate family takes advantage of that too much.
    Again we see EF traits coupled with the need for autonomy, which is most pronounced, at least in this subset, in ENFp.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

  7. #7
    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    Thank you, Gilligan! That's very helpful! Except, I don't understand how an ENFp has more than an INFj. Would you mind explaining that to me?


    Expat, did you have anything to add to Gilligan's analysis?
    INFj / EII / FiNe
    ()


    "Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." - G.K. Chesterton

    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

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    Expat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minde
    Thank you, Gilligan! That's very helpful! Except, I don't understand how an ENFp has more than an INFj. Would you mind explaining that to me?


    Expat, did you have anything to add to Gilligan's analysis?
    I think it was very good, although I would have put it a bit different. For instance, some of what he attributed to being "extrovert" and "ENFp" I would have attributed more broadly to EP temperament.

    As for the thingy -- INFjs and ENFps both have and in their super-id. However, the INFj has as dual-seeking and as hidden agenda; for the ENFp it's the opposite.

    That means that for you, the function where you appreciate, and expect, "help" the most is , and for your sister, it's . So, by implication, she is more confident in than you are.

    However, as Gilligan pointed out, this is how she appears to you -- for a ego type, you would both appear somewhat impractical and unrealistic.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

  9. #9
    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    So, why is it that she seems so much better at aesthetics (at least in the areas of dressing and decorating fashionably) than me? Isn't that related to stronger ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Expat
    ...you would both appear somewhat impractical and unrealistic.
    True, true...
    INFj / EII / FiNe
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    "Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." - G.K. Chesterton

    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

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    Quote Originally Posted by Minde
    So, why is it that she seems so much better at aesthetics (at least in the areas of dressing and decorating fashionably) than me? Isn't that related to stronger ?
    Uh -- it is related to , but whether it is a sign of necessarily a stronger function is another story.

    It could be explained by subtypes, like, if she is ENFp ethical, she has less focus on and therefore more on and then more confident on too, while if you are intuitive, you have more focus on and therefore less on and so are less confident on too -- however, when you reach the point of precise preferences in the super-id I think that individual characteristics may be more important than the type or subtype.
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

  11. #11
    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    I think I have it... maybe... let's see if this makes sense...

    She's more confident in her , right? More so than me, at least. So, with that in mind, she could be a little more in tune with what everyone else is doing as far as style. (In fact, I think in a thread in Delta awhile ago, there was a discussion about how ENFp's may actually be better at reading people, simply because they are stronger in - they pick up on things better.)

    We definitely have our own distinct styles. We each have our own preferences. But she can always tell me if it's in style, and what particular subset style it is (preppy, artsy, sporty, etc.). In addition, she can define the differences between our preferences and she has a good idea of what I'd prefer even before I see it, whereas I tend to be a bit more hit-and-miss when it comes to picking things out for her.

    So you'd be right in that it has more to do with than .

    Does that make any sense?
    INFj / EII / FiNe
    ()


    "Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." - G.K. Chesterton

    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

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    Yeah -- perhaps a minimalist way of explaining it would be this:

    She is ENFp ethical subtype - relatively "down to earth"
    You are INFj intuitive subtype - relatively "outworldly"
    , LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
    Quote Originally Posted by implied
    gah you're like the shittiest ENTj ever!

  13. #13
    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    That works for me, I guess.

    So, I have a subtype now...

    ------

    "outworldy" LOL

    ------


    Oh, and thank you, Expat!
    INFj / EII / FiNe
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    "Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." - G.K. Chesterton

    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

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    Hey. Sorry for a small Hijack but i just wanted to say thanks for all those explanations they were really interesting i never realised that was how it worked. I do definately have some i have always felt it.

    The strange question is then what happens with intertype relationships between different subtypes. Hmmm

    Minde, i can relate to everything about your sister except the playfullness. I kind of wish i liked that i couldn't let loose enough in public enough to do it. Thats more of a subtype thing i think
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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