Is Sx preference a usually result of attractiveness or trauma?

[Averroes]

Not trying to be flippant but it seems like most of the Sx-firsts that I’ve met with especially have been either super hot physically and probably been consistently validated and encouraged to express their creativity and sensuality throughout their lives or alternatively been through something traumatic early in their lives that shaped them into who they are. They rarely have a bland backstory and conventionally attractive women are also some of the most “intense”, relationship focused, and quick to become infatuated with someone (or toss them aside) in my limited experience

[necrosebud]

Maybe it’s just me sx-firsts/seconds that I’ve met have been either super hot or been through something traumatic

Why would would you say these two things are exclusive?

as far as what I have learned from enneagram 'experts' I think the claim is usually temperament+environment, which might be...a pretty typical answer in psychology (biopsychosocial) but I can see merit in it

[Squirrel]

Not trying to be flippant but it seems like most of the Sx-firsts that I’ve met with especially have been either super hot physically or been through something traumatic early in their lives that shaped them into who they are

90% of typology systems consider this as the reason of why everybody as they are

[Squirrel]

I once read that in childhood stage Sp doms suffered from poverty or lack of resources , So doms suffered from lack of love and attention from society, Sx doms suffered from lack of love from the parents

[Poptart]

Does Sx stand for sexxxy?

[Sol]

Does Sx stand for sexxxy?

It seems to be about personal connection, than just sex:
"They often look for relationships and friendships that are intense and meaningful; deep and energetic at the same time."
In this case the term is incorrect and such sitation points that the approach with those 3 additional accentuations is practically doubtful.

> alternatively been through something traumatic early in their lives that shaped them into who they are

Same as for disorders generally, personal accentuations develop by match of reasons: 1) inborn weak place, 2) experience which activates weak place. Experience can be any which loads the mind, not obligately something rare and very negative. It can be also physical influence: illness, environment, exhaustion, toxins.

[Rohan89]

Neither

[spacious]

https://www.reddit.com/r/Enneagram/c...hy_do_so_many/ this was quite interesting (imo)

[necrosebud]

Coming back to this, if we can even agree on whether the intangible “it” exists, personality temperament (such as “sx preference”) I wouldn’t think as being the RESULT of attractiveness. It might amplify your desire to be so, and anyways attractiveness not the same as “beauty” I think

I could say “it’s not about attractiveness” but that might get misinterpreted

anyways to me, at this point, it seems more of an intense desire (with higher tolerance for negative/positive qualities in the ‘other’) to get so close to something or someone you’re practically one

ie a human thing, but perhaps more accentuated in some than others, at times I wonder if it has to do with attachment related wounding

[VewyScawwyNawcissist]

some traumatised ppl are attractive
if u want to stay attractive u may become more traumatised
being ugly can be a result of trauma due to miswiring, and having to choose what to keep. there can be a fight for being attractive vs being functional in some kind of way.
intense traumatic experiences do affect the brain and can be factor where someone becomes bored, uninspired and unmotivated by mundane stuff. uve been through so much just to work a shitty normal job have fake shallow friendships make bornig jokes eat chips and paly video games. some ppl are so comfy in their slave live they dont even want to do that.
ugly ppl may give up on sx desires and get depressed. alternatively being unable to get sx desires can make someone depressed and distort their body. and again someone can stay depressed by refusing to distort tyheir body because distorting it is what it would take to become more sx.

then having sex and intense sex can make someone more attractive maybe (related to kundalini but i dont involve it in a setenic way)

sx firsts are usually dumb selfish lazy and impulsive, not talking about actual intelligence. adam strange is LIE sx/so but he focused most of his early life on work. and sx firsts are usually quick to discard people, have a lot of arrogance to themselves in that regard. ppl who arent sx first may be more insecure in themelsves or their choice of relationships, and make themselves stay in less intense relationships they dont like for much longer. sx firsts tend to be more fiery and clash with other people more when they dont need to be. theres an association with sx first related to doing what u really want/desire. ppl who dont do what they want get messed up and distorted mentally and physically. however doing what u want can get u killed and harmed, and can make u kill or harm someone unintenaionally without realizing. so yeah again sx firsts can be dumb selfish and impulsive. even if they realize and regret they did something wrong intensely harming themselves about it wont fix it.

maybe not everyone was meant to have the most intense life. i wanted to satisfy my sx desires but it wasnt possible bc of things like i was too ugly, unhealthy physically and mentally and in environment that wouldnt permit it or would potentially risk my life too much and i was afraid of risking someone else's life so its just not gonna happen. again my problem with sx firstsi s they are actually cowards more often bc they dont even perceive the dangers they are facing, or if N types thewn they are just healthy enough for their brain to be able to perceive it without effort, and are often judgemental and domineering of others bc they think if its so easy to them as it is an impulse and they just follow it and get away w ith bullshit bc they have intuition, and the sensors bc their bodies can just withstand much more and have more ppl supporting them in their bad choices, if its easy for them then it should be easy for others. then again maybe if ur healthy, then u can satisfy ur sx desires, and if ur healthy u will be more attractive generally.

adam said he as sx/so thinks sp/sx ESIs compliment him. im not sure hwat my instinctual variant is but i dont think its sx first. i wonder if the only ppl who should be with sx firsts are other sx firsts bc anyone eles is just gonna get destroyed.

there are ugly sx firsts too but some ppl are into that and its part of their sx allure or wahtever

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Idk, good question. I recently heard about an actor who played a gay teen on a soap opera that killed himself via suicide. I don't think he was gay irl, just played a gay. Said he had bipolar disorder. He is what I would consider 'narcissistically hot.' I have noticed on average narcissistically hot people having more issues. There was that guy in the media who was so attractive but he ended up killing his wife and kids or something right. There's also a female ex-forum member here who was narcissistically pretty, I won't say who it is - but I was friends with her on fakebook and my mean bitchy sister was like 'i can't believe somebody like you is friends with somebody that hot!'

I was actually more miserable when I had a nicer body. I felt like I wasn't allowed to ever be myself, just what ppl wanted me to be. Like hot people are hot because they know people like it, but also can be bad in bed because they have all these weird rules and limits and boundaries when a fat chick/fat ugly man will just gobble your dick happily until they cry. It's amazing when u find a hot person that's also effectively and appropriately carnal and sensual and also properly inimiate but I mean, it's usually just this shallow halographic thing of course. It makes Te products sell and that's about it.

It's an unhealthy addiction. There's also that gay porn star that llooks so horrible right now whereas he looked perfect before but perfect isn't ever good enough. You have to be more perfect- until you go the other way around and look like a roided out mentally ill obese down syndrome reject. And I feel bad for naturally hot ppl because people might have treated them poorly out of jealous or to try them teach them morals or to not be so shallow as if they could help their hot beauty- and wanted them to be fat and ugly and wal-mart like them so they could feel better about their own shitty life, so they hated themselves enough to be suicidal. That's why the hot drag queen that's arrogant in a funny way is theraputic.

"Emotions are for ugly people" lol <3

[WVBRY]

Not trying to be flippant but it seems like most of the Sx-firsts that I’ve met with especially have been either super hot physically and probably been consistently validated and encouraged to express their creativity and sensuality throughout their lives or alternatively been through something traumatic early in their lives that shaped them into who they are. They rarely have a bland backstory and conventionally attractive women are also some of the most “intense”, relationship focused, and quick to become infatuated with someone (or toss them aside) in my limited experience

It's probably that the attractiveness and trauma related to intense relations are a result of having SX.

[FDG]

No, it's because if you are sx first you are going to be focussed on being attractive and if you do it for years, yes, something will happen if you go to the gym every day, do hours of aerobic sports, obsess over having perfect abs, having money to attract others, being a great conversationalist, knowing all possible languages and being intellectually stimulating, etc etc

[Braingel]

What I have noticed by a pattern is that trauma usually shows up on the leading instinct, that fuels the core type..

[necrosebud]

my experience has been that I am repulsive in the sx realm and also in terms of love; have conflated both but I appreciate the difference a bit more now. For example, it cleared up the importance of self-love to me...

I was just thinking how the sort of classic sx 2 archetype is like I am loved because I am desirable and the 4 thing is sort of almost similar but inverted I am am unloved because I am undesirable. In that sense my experiences and self narrative has mirrored more the 4 idea...

[FreelancePoliceman]

my experience has been that I am repulsive in the sx realm and also in terms of love; have conflated both but I appreciate the difference a bit more now. For example, it cleared up the importance of self-love to me...

I was just thinking how the sort of classic sx 2 archetype is like I am loved because I am desirable and the 4 thing is sort of almost similar but inverted I am am unloved because I am undesirable. In that sense my experiences and self narrative has mirrored more the 4 idea...

You want to be desirable?

[necrosebud]

You want to be desirable?

rn I primarily want to work on self love... the rest I guess I don't feel like I have that much say over idk

[Braingel]

Not trying to be flippant but it seems like most of the Sx-firsts that I’ve met with especially have been either super hot physically and probably been consistently validated and encouraged to express their creativity and sensuality throughout their lives or alternatively been through something traumatic early in their lives that shaped them into who they are. They rarely have a bland backstory and conventionally attractive women are also some of the most “intense”, relationship focused, and quick to become infatuated with someone (or toss them aside) in my limited experience

I feel with SX being more impulsive, there may be a little bit more tendency to get traumatized as well

but sx just knows how seduce

[necrosebud]

I feel with SX being more impulsive, there may be a little bit more tendency to get traumatized as well

but sx just knows how seduce

they may not ex negatively identified sx types, or they may "repulse" due to neediness obsession and whatever other off putting neurotic sx qualities

also depends on what you mean by "impulsive" but if physical risk taking, I disagree

sx is pretty deep just as any other instinct, it's emotionally identified with, romantic/sexual desirability etc. can become a huge component of one's existence and self worth

[Braingel]

they may not ex negatively identified sx types, or they may "repulse" due to neediness obsession and whatever other off putting neurotic sx qualities

also depends on what you mean by "impulsive" but if physical risk taking, I disagree

sx is pretty deep just as any other instinct, it's emotionally identified with, romantic/sexual desirability etc. can become a huge component of one's existence and self worth

I mean in that SX seeks out adrenaline rush experiences

[necrosebud]

I mean in that SX seeks out adrenaline rush experiences

so like physically stimulating experiences? Like a roller coaster etc.

idk if that's necessarily true of sx firsts in general, since not everyone enjoys an adrenaline rush I feel like

some may prefer not literally scary/adrenaline inducing "rush experiences"

on a more pervasive level I see it as laser focused intensity, on whatever or whoever

you could call that seeking some sort of rush or depth idk

[Braingel]

SP leads with 6 strong are most likely to not get traumatized from seeking out thrills, because they have their living preservation at core. This is a good thing, as if most of society weren’t based on these premises, it would be havoc,

[Braingel]

so like physically stimulating experiences? Like a roller coaster etc.

idk if that's necessarily true of sx firsts in general, since not everyone enjoys an adrenaline rush I feel like

on a more pervasive level I see it as laser focused intensity, on whatever or whoever

you could call that seeking some sort of rush or depth idk

Weaker Se unvalued maybe not, but those people would only be able be specific enneagram types to begin with.

[Braingel]

Like, you won’t ever see SX assertive core Se PolR types… It may occasionally happen in withdrawn if there’s a triple withdrawn effect

[necrosebud]

Weaker Se unvalued maybe not, but those people would only be able be specific enneagram types to begin with.

could it be what you say about sx might be deeply influenced by the idea of Se and not necessarily a more abstracted general pattern possible in many types, including Si valuing types

[Braingel]

could it be what you say about sx might be deeply influenced by the idea of Se and not necessarily a more abstracted general pattern possible in many types, including Si valuing types

I see SX able to show up in Si types, but a lot less significantly. SX really does fit with Se valuing in a lot more types.. Like half of the Si valuing types can’t fit any assertive core SX lead already… SX is genuinely more common in Se types.. I believe a type like EII and LII can be withdrawn types, with SX, other than probably not a Naranjo SX4 for EII.. But Naranjo doesn’t have fully complete ideas anyhow.

[Braingel]

I don’t care what gulenko thinks, I see Si egos as the most common types, that uphold the societal homeostasis, and most people have to be SP/SO or SO/SP for society to function on its inherent level..

[Braingel]

Withdrawn cores are the least adrenaline seeking of SX I would say.. Because there’s a simultaneous pull to isolate. Especially SX5 and SX9 which aren’t reactive..

[Braingel]

I don’t care what gulenko thinks, I see Si egos as the most common types, that uphold the societal homeostasis, and most people have to be SP/SO or SO/SP for society to function on its inherent level..

This is essentially “make a nest for a community”, or “bring the community to the nest”..

[FreelancePoliceman]

rn I primarily want to work on self love... the rest I guess I don't feel like I have that much say over idk

Isn't self-love another word for narcissism?

[Braingel]

I wouldn’t call self-love narcissism.. That would be self-adimation.. Self-love is caring inner talk, and loving your body to where you take care of its needs..

[necrosebud]

Isn't self-love another word for narcissism?

self-love

self-love

regard for one's own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic)

[FreelancePoliceman]

self-love

self-love

regard for one's own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic)

I'd think everyone would already have "regard" for their own well-being or happiness. I'm not sure how it'd be possible not to.

[VewyScawwyNawcissist]

i saw a discussion about some person who was conventionally unnattractive sx first except there's a market for them specifically so the people who are into them, their sx first works with them

[Expansion]

I'd think everyone would already have "regard" for their own well-being or happiness. I'm not sure how it'd be possible not to.

Anytime labels are created, it signifies pathology or out of the norm or mean. Self love is self love, not narcissism. When you love yourself here in narcissism, it is not healthy love, it is covering over insecurities by being more perfect than anyone else, and highlighting that pathologically.

Segue: Everyone is depressed at times but not pathologically depressed, no label here to apply.

[FreelancePoliceman]

Anytime labels are created, it signifies pathology or out of the norm or mean. Self love is self love, not narcissism. When you love yourself here in narcissism, it is not healthy love, it is covering over insecurities by being more perfect than anyone else, and highlighting that pathologically.

Segue: Everyone is depressed at times but not pathologically depressed, no label here to apply.

Narcissus was a dude who loved himself. How is that not "self-love?"

[Expansion]

Narcissus was a dude who loved himself. How is that not "self-love?"

By your declaration.

[necrosebud]

I'd think everyone would already have "regard" for their own well-being or happiness. I'm not sure how it'd be possible not to.

Thinking something is inherently wrong with you, hating yourself, self loathing, and personalizing destructive things towards the self that are not about the self but others