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Thread: Who You're Supposed to Romance

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    𝕱𝖔𝖓𝖙 𝕷𝖎𝖇𝖊𝖗𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖎𝖆𝖓 Verbrannte's Avatar
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    Default Who You're Supposed to Romance

    I've been trying to figure out, from actual type descriptions, which relations would be the best to romance, and whether that differs by type somehow. It seems like the relationships that seem the most intuitive for romancing (Victim/Aggressor and Caregiver/Infantile) actually tend to cause a lot of conflicts when you look at the types in a non-romantic context because they have opposite perceiving functions, although I imagine it would be less awkward for Judgers vs. Percievers. So, which relationships would maximize romance while minimalizing interpersonal conflict? Or is Socionics saying we should go court one person but settle down with another?

    (Hopefully not, that sounds really hard to make work. You want someone who you can get along with personally and romantically, really...)
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    Duality
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    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    You are supposed to romance someone you like above all no matter what granma Aushra invented about relationships. Because of you start to create scary excel charts of compatibility in your head and filter people according to hypothetical types you and they may be, it's sort of unnatural and doomed. So enjoy any wonderful person you feel you have mutual connection with.
    Sylvia Plath — 'I desire the things which will destroy me in the end.'
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    i'd think that relationships with other individuals of your quadra tend to be most fulfilling, duality most of all—though i've also heard that semi-duality can work too, if both partners are mutually understanding and communicative. it's better to be with a healthy semi-dual than an unhealthy dual. semi-duality relations may be more passionate than duality; "moth to a flame" kind of thing. semi-duals seem to draw you in, although there isn't an immediate connection and you don't understand them totally; subtle ~enigma~ effect. in fact, the in-synchronicity of non-dual relationships may be desirable for the sense of tension and mystery it brings.

    the only problem area i've noted with duality is that individuals tend to have dissimilar interests and political stances (opposite perceiving functions make for differing perspectives, as you've noted). for example, SLE likes physical activities, IEI is inclined to mental pursuits. where's the common ground? i think it is more likely to find a semi-dual in your area of interest than a dual. also, as semi-duals perceive the world in a similar fashion to oneself, there will be less chance for opposing political opinions.

    i don't think there is an objective "best type to date", it comes down to individual preference and one's own type. there are definitely "less romantic" types, though; probably those that don't value .

    i think it is possible for most intertype relationships to work (except for the obvious problematic ones) as long as both partners are developed enough, so i am not that concerned about meeting a dual as i am someone who is wholly embodied and understanding. i feel that we shouldn't let the theory of IR dictate our actual relationships—i would not drop a perfectly healthy friendship with an LII just because some crusty socionists hypothesize that it is not totally complimentary. if anything, IR should be an indicator to the dynamics of our relations, not directions to follow.

    Quote Originally Posted by Persephone View Post
    So enjoy any wonderful person you feel you have mutual connection with.
    ex-actly!
    Last edited by troubadour; 09-30-2016 at 09:28 AM.
    “As a general rule, people, even the wicked, are much more naïve and simple-hearted than we suppose. And we ourselves are, too.” — Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

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    Socionics says that you will generally have similar unconscious values / worldview as someone in the same quadra as you, and you will probably get along with them better, all other things being equal. This doesn't just suddenly stop being true in non-romantic relationships (or in romantic relationships), having "opposite Perceiving functions" is actually a good thing in socionics. Ni and Se complement each other.

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    per aspera ad astra Chae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hag View Post
    there are definitely "less romantic" types, though; probably those that don't value .
    You say probably, which means you don't actually know. Insider tip from a Fe polr person: we are closet romantics ʕ→ᴥ←ʔ Just ask.

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    There's no 'supposed to' when it comes to romance. The people that others tell you should date often you feel 0 attraction or chemistry. Part of the reason why bad boys your parents don't like are so sexy.

    I think romance is an inherently dangerous thing. Romance is for bad boys whose end game is something devastating. Because they are bad. But it's appealing because they are bad. So the bad must be redeemed to be good, or it will end in a tragic way. This is essentially the story of Romeo and Juliet.

    A healthy relationship that works is something that's kind of boring but good for you. Eat a salad, get a good job and go to school- be compassionate to puppies. Zzzzz God some boring beta male boy scout, how revolting. But you actually can rely on a good person... a truly bad person you can't. Of course it's more complicated than this but in the end if they are abusing you and making you feel like shit even if your heart is so much into them... it's not worth pursuing them. It's childish. The Illuminati encourages this, because the illuminati wants to kill you. But people learn. Also so many beta guys are attracted to psycho raver druggie chicks. The opposite but just the same of the woman being into the bad boy.
    Raver: You're misunderstood BnD, you present depth in a shallow way.

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    For one, you seem to be assuming that all conflict is a bad thing and that it can't serve a greater endgame purpose in the construction of relationships. The fear of conflict rarely does anything but close doors.


    Also romance is less about finding the "ideal" person and more about finding someone who can actually stand to be around you, at least from my experience.
    consistency is for the weak

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    You say probably, which means you don't actually know. Insider tip from a Fe polr person: we are closet romantics ʕ→ᴥ←ʔ Just ask.
    I completely agree.

    *ILI stepdad + ILI ex.

    "Something inexpressively lovely and wonderful advances through the crystal, nearer, nearer. And, oh, inexpressively terrifying. For if it were to touch you, if it were to seize you and engulf you, you'd die; all the regular, habitual daily part of you would die … one would have to begin living arduously in the quiet, arduously in some strange, unheard of manner."


     






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    It depends on the type of romance. I have not met a dual that was a romantic interest even though I really like them a lot. Romance is not easy to type or understand. I think it has to do with levels of health, our environment and culture growing up, parental role models and our relationship with ourselves and self-esteem.
    Last edited by sorrowsofyoungwerther; 10-01-2016 at 01:30 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sorrowsofyoungwerther View Post
    Romance is not easy to type or understand. I think it has to do with levels of health, our environment and culture growing up, parental role models and our relationship with ourselves and self-esteem.
    It is easy to understand, at least from a psychological stance. SisOfNight has written about it here^^

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    𝕱𝖔𝖓𝖙 𝕷𝖎𝖇𝖊𝖗𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖎𝖆𝖓 Verbrannte's Avatar
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    By "opposite percieving functions" I meant Ni/Ne and Si/Se (for Victim/Aggressor and Infantile/Caretaker, which seemed like complementary pairs to me). I do think in any case meeting your activator sounds much more appealing than your dual, since due to the mutual correspondence between the lead and HA of the types, as well as the E/I value, you'll have similar interests and lifestyles even if you don't partake in similar activities as your life's focus. After that I would put your Mirror as more compatible than your Dual. Duals seem good but they're literally just the type that you have the least in common with who you'll get along with smoothly.
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    tmi
    Last edited by Aylen; 09-30-2016 at 10:18 PM.

    "Something inexpressively lovely and wonderful advances through the crystal, nearer, nearer. And, oh, inexpressively terrifying. For if it were to touch you, if it were to seize you and engulf you, you'd die; all the regular, habitual daily part of you would die … one would have to begin living arduously in the quiet, arduously in some strange, unheard of manner."


     






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    𝕱𝖔𝖓𝖙 𝕷𝖎𝖇𝖊𝖗𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖎𝖆𝖓 Verbrannte's Avatar
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    I'm not saying you should use socionics to choose your partner. I'm just trying to figure out what the theory says.
    'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all
    Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.'

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    Quote Originally Posted by Schildmaid View Post
    I'm not saying you should use socionics to choose your partner. I'm just trying to figure out what the theory says.
    I think the theory needs an overhaul. It is outdated and incomplete as is.

    I still find some value in it though or I would be long gone.

    "Something inexpressively lovely and wonderful advances through the crystal, nearer, nearer. And, oh, inexpressively terrifying. For if it were to touch you, if it were to seize you and engulf you, you'd die; all the regular, habitual daily part of you would die … one would have to begin living arduously in the quiet, arduously in some strange, unheard of manner."


     






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    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    It is easy to understand, at least from a psychological stance. SisOfNight has written about it here^^
    I read the article and I think it is great. What I mean by easy to understand is some individual traits and styles of communication are more appealing than others for reasons that are difficult to explain.

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    The short answer to the OP's question: According to the current Socionics theory, the best romance would occur between Aggressor-Victim and Caretaker-Childlike.

    Other than that, it really depends on a bunch of other factors as well – sexual/romantic attraction probably counting the most.
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    I'm supposed to romance @Jessica123 but I've missed my opportunity
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Long answer:

    As other people have pointed out before, it can be a mistake to fixate too much on a specific personality type to date. You don't date a type, you date a person. However, if you did look at the types and wanted to decide which ones you'd rather focus on for romance and/or long term dating, you'd have to consider what you value the most.


    I've roughly grouped the most common values for relationships into Lust, Heart, Mind, and Interests.

    Gulenko's Romance Style matches fulfill the Lust aspect the best, aka have the best sexual connection.

    Types who have your preferred (valued) Ethical IE in their Ego fulfill the Heart aspect the best, aka you have the best emotional connection with them.

    Types who have your preferred (valued) Logical IE in their Ego make the best Mind companions; they are the most intellectually stimulating.

    At last, types who are in the same Club as you, and your Look-a-like* or Kindred partner** will be the ones who share the most common interests with you, aka you have the best platonic connection with them.


    Based on the above, I have discovered that your Dual does not actually match all of these 4 categories, but only 2.
    People of the same Quadra all fit into 2 of the categories, and interestingly people of the same Quadra are considered to be the best matches for you.
    This shows that you cannot get "everything" from only one person. Realistically, not even your Dual can fulfill all your relationship needs. That should be kept in mind.

    Either way, decide what you value the most, and go from there. If that means you value the person before their type, so be it. (That's probably a good idea, but still, just stay away from your Conflictor, okay? ) Personally, I've found that most people are able to feel whether they are on a good wavelength with someone and compatible, without the help of Socionics.It is those people who do not have this ability – mostly men with weak IME, or victims of abuse – who likely benefit from Socionics's IR theory the most.

    *For: EIE, LIE, EII, LII, LSI, ESI, SEI, SLI, ESE, LSE
    ** For: IEI, ILI, IEE, ILE
    Last edited by Cassandra; 09-30-2016 at 10:06 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by sorrowsofyoungwerther View Post
    I read the article and I think it is great. What I mean by easy to understand is some individual traits and styles of communication are more appealing than others for reasons that are difficult to explain.
    Ahh that's what you meant. Gotcha

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    Quote Originally Posted by SisOfNight View Post

    Gulenko's Romance Style matches fulfill the Lust aspect the best, aka have the best sexual connection.

    Types who have your preferred (valued) Ethical IE in their Ego fulfill the Heart aspect the best, aka you have the best emotional connection with them.

    Types who have your preferred (valued) Logical IE in their Ego make the best Mind companions; they are the most intellectually stimulating.

    At last, types who are in the same Club as you, and your Look-a-like* or Kindred partner** will be the ones who share the most common interests with you, aka you have the best platonic connection with them.


    *For: EIE, LIE, EII, LII, LSI, ESI, SEI, SLI, ESE, LSE
    ** For: IEI, ILI, IEE, ILE

    Okay, let's run with this and look at what all this means for the intertype relation matches.
    (Keep in mind: this is mostly just theory, backed up by some observations. Either way, real life experiences may differ.
    And yeah, I had a big HA moment when I came up with this... )

    Best Romance or Sexual encounter:
    Dual, Activity, Semi-Dual when Irrational, Mirage when Rational, Benefactor when Irrational, Beneficiary when Rational

    Best Emotional Connection:
    For Logical types: Dual, Activity, Semi-Dual when Rational, Mirage when Irrational, Benefactor when Rational, Beneficiary when Irrational
    For Ethical types: Identity, Mirror, Look-a-like when Irrational, Kindred when Rational, Supervisee when Irrational, Supervisor when Rational

    Best Intellectual Connection:
    For Ethical types: Dual, Activity, Semi-Dual when Rational, Mirage when Irrational, Benefactor when Rational, Beneficiary when Irrational
    For Logical types: Identity, Mirror, Look-a-like when Irrational, Kindred when Rational, Supervisee when Irrational, Supervisor when Rational

    Best Platonic Connection:
    Identity, Mirror, Quasi-Identical, Extinguishment, Look-a-like* or Kindred**
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    Quote Originally Posted by Schildmaid View Post
    I've been trying to figure out, from actual type descriptions, which relations would be the best to romance
    If you want good romance - duality, drama - conflictors, plain relations - same type.

    > It seems like the relationships that seem the most intuitive for romancing (Victim/Aggressor and Caregiver/Infantile) actually tend to cause a lot of conflicts when you look at the types in a non-romantic context because they have opposite perceiving functions

    supplementing. opposite are Te - Fe, Si - Ni, etc.

    > which relationships would maximize romance while minimalizing interpersonal conflict

    duality

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    Quote Originally Posted by Verbrannte View Post
    It seems like the relationships that seem the most intuitive for romancing (Victim/Aggressor and Caregiver/Infantile) actually tend to cause a lot of conflicts when you look at the types in a non-romantic context because they have opposite perceiving functions
    They have the exact opposite everything. That's why they're theoretically the perfect fit. Each opposite information element compliments the other. They're like two sides of the same coin. In fact, the only problem in duality is that there's a lot of not-type-related stuff that makes people less compatible.
    SEE-Se, 873 sx/so

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    Quote Originally Posted by Verbrannte View Post
    By "opposite percieving functions" I meant Ni/Ne and Si/Se (for Victim/Aggressor and Infantile/Caretaker, which seemed like complementary pairs to me). I do think in any case meeting your activator sounds much more appealing than your dual, since due to the mutual correspondence between the lead and HA of the types, as well as the E/I value, you'll have similar interests and lifestyles even if you don't partake in similar activities as your life's focus. After that I would put your Mirror as more compatible than your Dual. Duals seem good but they're literally just the type that you have the least in common with who you'll get along with smoothly.
    Quote Originally Posted by Verbrannte View Post
    I'm not saying you should use socionics to choose your partner. I'm just trying to figure out what the theory says.
    Maybe you should read more about socionics instead of coming up with your own theories first. True, activators are more *similar* but this leads to competition and less ability to help one another. One great thing about duality is that you don't get in each other's way; it's very easy to take responsibility for the different areas of life.

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    O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another.

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    Sensing ethic sounds hot. Dual is the answer.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    They have the exact opposite everything.
    values are same

    In fact, the only problem in duality is that there's a lot of not-type-related stuff that makes people less compatible.
    not-type-related is not duality problem
    The example problem of duality may appear if 2 need to do the work, where one can't (or not supposed) do all related to his strong functions and hence part of such work lays on weak functions of other. Such people may have friendly relations and such await it will be similarly good to work together, but it's not obligate. Imagine ESE and LII in small restaurant business. It will be nice if ESE will cook, while LII will get paper work (accountant, delivery, etc). But place that LII on kitchen and problems may appear.

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    Substitute romance with bromance, it's a lot easier.

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