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Thread: What is this for exchange in terms of socionics?

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    Moderator Reficulris's Avatar
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    Default What is this for exchange in terms of socionics?

    I'm wondering what intertype exchange you see between me and my parents. The situation is a common one. It's translated from my memory in dutch so it's not wordly correct but the exchange might still be clear.


    Me: "Hey, look, I'm just calling because I will come tomorrow and help you out!"
    Mom: "Oh that's nice"

    Next day 09.00:

    Dad "good morning, where are you?"
    Me: "In bed, why?"
    Dad: "oh I thought you'd be here by now"
    Me: "no, i'll be there middayish"


    13.00

    Me: "Hi so good seeing you" (cheerfully clapping hands)
    Dad: "Hi good to see you, nice sleeping in?"
    Me: "errr.. 09.00 isnt' exactly sleeping in for me....." (anoyed) ((don't focus on the 09.00, i've never woken up before 10.00 without being sick so it's a know fact)
    Dad: "ofcourse it is...."


    13.15:

    Me: "Hiiiiii so nice to see you"
    Mom: "hiii... I had thought you'd be here at 09.00"
    Me : "Eh where did I say i'd be there at 09.00 and since when do i EVER be somewhere at 09.00??"
    Mom: "Just thought you would be"
    Me: "ehh.. so I come to help and the first 10 minutes you guys are blaming me for being late?!"
    Mom "noo... we're not blaming, just thinking that you'd be there earlier"


    -------------

    edit: one more:

    Mom: "So, who did you rent your appartment to? Is it a couple or a single or?"
    Me: "Huh? I guess they're a couple, from X and X but the guy is mostly in X.....wait...Really?, you care about my renter? Why? Do you plan on meeting them?"
    Mom: "Oh ok, what do they do? I'm just curious"
    Me: Seriously... you did this also when I had airbnb guests.... THEY'D LEAVE IN 3 DAYS.. WHO CARES?!.... do you really find it interesting?
    Mom: "Yeah i'm curious that way"
    me:"......."


    30 minutes later:

    Dad: "so.... did you have any contact with your renters?"
    me: "Seriously? yes I had contact... let me tell you all about it... i went there and dropped off the keys, then emailed her about...... WHO CARES??!?!?!?!?!?!?"




    Sooooooo besides me being a lazy fucker.... talk information elements and intertype relations!

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    Humanist Maritsa's Avatar
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    Who are we typing?
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Moderator Reficulris's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    Who are we typing?
    It's in the roles: ME, and my parents.

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    وزير‎‎ lungs's Avatar
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    All i get from this is your epness and insufferableness.

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    Humanist Maritsa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Reficulris View Post
    It's in the roles: ME, and my parents.
    Socionically Ne is apparent on your side which is "whatever time" and your parents not asking about what specific time and only assuming according to when they want you there doesn't indicate Te base
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Humanist Maritsa's Avatar
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    Your dad actually maybe T type he says "I thought you'd be here by now" because he looks at patterns and assessment of likelihood based on how things went which is an indication of dynamic.

    Your moms a static type. Things are fixed and blocks of perception for her.

    Here's my Fi. I'm assuming that based on the interaction you have smoother relationship with your father
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Moderator Reficulris's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    Your dad actually maybe T type he says "I thought you'd be here by now" because he looks at patterns and assessment of likelihood based on how things went which is an indication of dynamic.

    Your moms a static type. Things are fixed and blocks of perception for her.

    Here's my Fi. I'm assuming that based on the interaction you have smoother relationship with your father

    I think you are spot on that my dad is T and dynamic. He runs through his days whenever he calls me and tells me literally all the steps where i'm just looking for how he is feeling.

    Mom might be static, she's harder to type for me. I've typed her LIE and LSE in the past and think both are wrong.

    I'm much closer to my mom actually, she's a very strong influence on my personality. It doesn't show in these conversations though. In a day as today I kinda help her manage our company while I speak only with my dad during dinner and when he picks me up from the ferry.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Reficulris View Post
    Mom: "hiii... I had thought you'd be here at 09.00"
    Me : "Eh where did I say i'd be there at 09.00 and since when do i EVER be somewhere at 09.00??"
    Mom: "Just thought you would be"
    Me: "ehh.. so I come to help and the first 10 minutes you guys are blaming me for being late?!"
    Mom "noo... we're not blaming, just thinking that you'd be there earlier"

    ...
    Mom: "Oh ok, what do they do? I'm just curious"
    Me: Seriously... you did this also when I had airbnb guests.... THEY'D LEAVE IN 3 DAYS.. WHO CARES?!.... do you really find it interesting?
    Mom: "Yeah i'm curious that way"
    I have no socionics insight here but UGH parents.
    Yo Diggity Dogs Have Some Motherf**ckin' Regards!!!,



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    sounds like a run of the mill convo with family
    salmon

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    Wow, parents want to find out what kind of people are renting their child's flat. How fucking evil.

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    Quote Originally Posted by totalize View Post
    Wow, parents want to find out what kind of people are renting their child's flat. How fucking evil.
    Lol, nah they're sweet just odd from my perspective.

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    Arete GuavaDrunk's Avatar
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    Just sounds being irrationally (colloquially so) miffed at your parents tbh. The questions are standard-issue "The next generation sucks *throws dentures at kids on lawn*" and "I want to connect, but with what?"

    What kinds of questions *should* they ask you?

    But you asked for SOCIONICS, so... you be some sort of irrational, your dad can be Tx-dom, your mom a feeler and you a thought-er, your airbnb renters can be Betas.
    Reason is a whore.

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    Hint: conflicts usually come from quadra values (not temperaments)

    Mom: "So, who did you rent your appartment to? Is it a couple or a single or?"
    Me: "Huh? I guess they're a couple, from X and X but the guy is mostly in X.....wait...Really?, you care about my renter? Why? Do you plan on meeting them?"
    Mom: "Oh ok, what do they do? I'm just curious"
    Me: Seriously... you did this also when I had airbnb guests.... THEY'D LEAVE IN 3 DAYS.. WHO CARES?!.... do you really find it interesting?
    Mom: "Yeah i'm curious that way"
    me:"......."


    30 minutes later:

    Dad: "so.... did you have any contact with your renters?"
    me: "Seriously? yes I had contact... let me tell you all about it... i went there and dropped off the keys, then emailed her about...... WHO CARES??!?!?!?!?!?!?"
    It sounds like what is (irrationally) bothering you is a mix of curiosity (Ne) and smalltalk (Fe), and in particular the latter. Conclude what you like from that. Many people find these things innocuous.
    Last edited by thehotelambush; 09-22-2016 at 02:28 PM.

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    يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ إِنَّا خَلَقْنَاكُم مِّن ذَكَرٍ وَأُنثَىٰ وَجَعَلْنَاكُمْ شُعُوبًا وَقَبَائِلَ لِتَعَارَفُوا

    O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another.

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    𝕱𝖔𝖓𝖙 𝕷𝖎𝖇𝖊𝖗𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖎𝖆𝖓 Verbrannte's Avatar
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    It sounds like what is (rationally) bothering Refi is that his/her parents made a bunch of assumptions, and then got mad over things that were never said and should not have been expected to be true. I can't tell the subtypes of either of the parents from this, since this literally seems like the kind of situation that could happen to any type and there isn't much said by either parent as compared to Refi just ranting.

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    Moderator Reficulris's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GuavaDrunk View Post
    Just sounds being irrationally (colloquially so) miffed at your parents tbh. The questions are standard-issue "The next generation sucks *throws dentures at kids on lawn*" and "I want to connect, but with what?"

    What kinds of questions *should* they ask you?

    But you asked for SOCIONICS, so... you be some sort of irrational, your dad can be Tx-dom, your mom a feeler and you a thought-er, your airbnb renters can be Betas.
    The thing is, we have an extremely deep bond and have fine conversations about anything from the company that we run togheter to politcs, religion, personal relations/feelings etc. There is literally NO need to also ask/call me about the specific details of my days....

    Also, it's not about the questions, it's about priorities/judgement.. see my answer to others below also. However, I'd prefer they'd accept that IF i have a cool story to tell i WILL (I'm a very sociable person and I usually tell stories when they're entertaining or usefull, but I hate relating just useless details from my life (as I also don't really remember them and thus become confused digging for things like "what did i eat yesterday"?


    Quote Originally Posted by thehotelambush View Post
    Hint: conflicts usually come from quadra values (not temperaments)



    It sounds like what is (irrationally) bothering you is a mix of curiosity (Ne) and smalltalk (Fe), and in particular the latter. Conclude what you like from that. Many people find these things innocuous.
    I'm not sure it's Ne interest, there is no big picture interest involved, just asking for the where, when, what how rather then the why. I'd say it's rather Te based (not necessarily strong) then Ne.


    Quote Originally Posted by Schildmaid View Post
    It sounds like what is (rationally) bothering Refi is that his/her parents made a bunch of assumptions, and then got mad over things that were never said and should not have been expected to be true. I can't tell the subtypes of either of the parents from this, since this literally seems like the kind of situation that could happen to any type and there isn't much said by either parent as compared to Refi just ranting.

    The assumptions part is only part of the thing that surprises me.

    Let me try to explain what I'm seeing that apparently is not apparent from my post. I must have failed to convey what I thought was implied. ;-)

    First of all: I am offering to help them, there is no real obligation to do this particular thing but as I'm infinitely better at it I decided to call them spontaneously and take it out of their hands. I travel quite a distance to get there and make space in my otherwise extremely crowded agenda. These are all things that I do happily because I know it will help them. However, I will do this on my terms and in my timeframe.

    The interaction however centers around the "not being up at normal people time". Instead of expressing happiness that I'm there they focus on the part that is not like they wanted it. Instead of focussing on the fact that 4 hours later a task that would take them many more has been done they focus on the proces of getting there. (negativism? Process v.s. result?)

    Also:

    My parents have known me for 32 years now. I've in those years never woken up before 9.00. I've never even done something that is complex before 13.00. This is a known fact to them. Anyone can be judging that that's bad character, i have my reasons, but one thing it cannot be is "surprising to them". I'm surprised they know me so little as to expect different/better behaviour. (valued Fe v.s. Fi?)


    Again: This might sound like ranting or complaining. I love my parents dearly, this wasn't a big thing. This isn't a problem.

    This is something that I think might be explained by informational preference differences. This is something that reminds me that people literally "THINK" differently. This is something I cannot easily solve myself because I can't type people that I know intimately. It's a question out of interest.

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    𝕱𝖔𝖓𝖙 𝕷𝖎𝖇𝖊𝖗𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖎𝖆𝖓 Verbrannte's Avatar
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    Yeah, I think that could be explained that way if we had more information. To me now it just sounds like your parents were being really dumb.

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    Arete GuavaDrunk's Avatar
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    Interesting - I wonder now if people's answers in this thread mirror their perceptions of their own growing pains in parental relationships a little. Anywho.

    In that case it does just sound like personal quirks. You've described yourself as generally impatient with details, however I've no pull to call it type related, and it muddies the waters in typing other people based on whether they irritate you that way.
    Reason is a whore.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Reficulris View Post
    I'm not sure it's Ne interest, there is no big picture interest involved, just asking for the where, when, what how rather then the why. I'd say it's rather Te based (not necessarily strong) then Ne.
    Ne is not necessarily about the "big picture", it can be very simple and commonplace.

    Example: I read a word I've never heard of before -> I want to know what it means

    But like I said, there is a strong element of Fe in there too, since the curiosity is about what other people are doing.

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    O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another.

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    𝕱𝖔𝖓𝖙 𝕷𝖎𝖇𝖊𝖗𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖎𝖆𝖓 Verbrannte's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GuavaDrunk View Post
    Interesting - I wonder now if people's answers in this thread mirror their perceptions of their own growing pains in parental relationships a little. Anywho.

    In that case it does just sound like personal quirks. You've described yourself as generally impatient with details, however I've no pull to call it type related, and it muddies the waters in typing other people based on whether they irritate you that way.
    Well, being impatient with details is type-related. Having your parents irritate you isn't type-related IMO (well, it might mean that their types don't have great compatibility, but I think any of the types could be irritated by their parents).
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