Romancing an SLI

[Kim]

Back to basics darlings:

SLI meets IEE and they hit it off on the first date. What would be the most typical way for SLI to proceed?

[Adam Strange]

Back to basics darlings:

SLI meets IEE and they hit it off on the first date. What would be the most typical way for SLI to proceed?

SLI will ignore the IEE until the IEE presses for contact. Then, the SLI will ignore the IEE some more, until the IEE gets in the SLI's face. Then the SLI will grudgingly go out with the IEE, but only if the IEE shows the SLI a good time, like a party with a lot of people. (Especially good is if the SLI can show what a great person they are to the crowd. Family get-togethers might work for this.) Then the SLI will go back to the main task of conserving his time and resources, until the IEE presses for contact again.
Rinse, repeat.

What in the world does the IEE see in the SLI? Someone who is dependable, sensible, and is always able to bring the required resources to the task.
What does the SLI see in the IEE? Someone who finally appreciates and respects the SLI for the incredibly capable person they believe themselves to be.

[Olimpia]

SLI will ignore the IEE until the IEE presses for contact. Then, the SLI will ignore the IEE some more, until the IEE gets in the SLI's face. Then the SLI will grudgingly go out with the IEE, but only if the IEE shows the SLI a good time, like a party with a lot of people. (Especially good is if the SLI can show what a great person they are to the crowd. Family get-togethers might work for this.) Then the SLI will go back to the main task of conserving his time and resources, until the IEE presses for contact again.
Rinse, repeat.

What in the world does the IEE see in the SLI? Someone who is dependable, sensible, and is always able to bring the required resources to the task.
What does the SLI see in the IEE? Someone who finally appreciates and respects the SLI for the incredibly capable person they believe themselves to be.

This is SPOT ON.

[666]

Then, the SLI will ignore the IEE some more, until the IEE gets in the SLI's face. Then the SLI will grudgingly go out with the IEE, but only if the IEE shows the SLI a good time, like a party with a lot of people. (Especially good is if the SLI can show what a great person they are to the crowd.

I think you are confusing things again. IEE are a whirlwind, but they seldom directly get in your face.

Big parties aren't really the delta scene

And SLI may genuinely not give a fuck what others think

[SongOfSapphire]

SLI will ignore the IEE until the IEE presses for contact. Then, the SLI will ignore the IEE some more, until the IEE gets in the SLI's face. Then the SLI will grudgingly go out with the IEE, but only if the IEE shows the SLI a good time, like a party with a lot of people. (Especially good is if the SLI can show what a great person they are to the crowd. Family get-togethers might work for this.) Then the SLI will go back to the main task of conserving his time and resources, until the IEE presses for contact again.
Rinse, repeat.

This is not what my early experience dating my husband was like all, fwiw.

My dh and I went on a date (I initiated contact w him, and after a bit of conversation/exchanged emails [this was on a dating site] he asked me out)... he texted that night to say he had a good time and to ask me out again... we went out a week later (I was very busy at the time, and I was also wary of seeming too interested)... we went out a second time... on and on. But I didn't "get in his face" at all, and if I had I wonder if I would have emasculated him. When I asked him he said he wouldn't have minded, but it wouldn't have been my way (as a result of learning the hard way to let the guy chase). YMMV, but that's my experience.

[666]

Back to basics darlings:

SLI meets IEE and they hit it off on the first date. What would be the most typical way for SLI to proceed?

Maybe he will think about you and not call. But SLI tend to be quite mentally independent, so it would probably depend on what their Si picks up in the ether, whether they wait and see or take further action

I think my longest relationship was with an SLI (4 years). I couldn't really tell if he was interested at first, but after a few dates I was giving some sort of pressure and he told me directly that he liked me. Nevertheless, I basically had to drive everything forward for the first couple months, and then an odd circumstance found us pooling resources and living together, so things got more familiar fast. I expect subsequent details will be unusual thus useless to you

He technically asked me out, but seemed more casual about it than he was—"do you want to get drinks..." /promptly sits at crowded bar when I was under 21. He didn't call it dating until after we started living together. Ips may be similar in expecting impetus to begin outside themselves, and I think Si bases want you to see something in them (I don't know if you're supposed to say this, but my ex responded positively when I told him we could stably continue a relationship for quite some time). He especially didn't rush to bed, but that may have been due to bad experiences in his past. He didn't like any restrictive or possessive behavior, which I occasionally exhibited, but he had a surprisingly positive response to being invited to spend 1:1 time—despite 'mean mugging' or whatever most of the time, he was very openly happy when I politely asked to decrease distance

One more thing.. he appreciated intelligence and good humor. When he told me he worked in audiovisual, I sneered and asked if he worked at Blockbuster. He found that tremendously amusing

[ashlesha]

My experience was similar to 666s. He played it cool for awhile, but not in a flaky way. Was unawkwardly straightforward about interest level when it was brought up but was not the type to forwardly propel the relationship progress. In a way, just kind of 'there' (not a bad thing at all)

[Kim]

Thank you - this is all very helpful. I think I am just in this awkward phase between a (very promising) first date and the agreement on a second date. He did on a few occasions during the first date hint at doing stuff together ("I have never been fishing" - "Oh, we need to change that"), so I think he is as interested as I am, but he does not communicate as much as I would like (but always responds to my texts). I don't mind initiating the contact at all, but I can get so over-excited and don't want to be a pest.

[applejacks]

Speaking from personal experience here, but my SLI made it clear about his intentions through regular daily phone calls. A week after we started dating, he then told me that he took his match.com profile offline, hinting at exclusivity. I told him that I would do the same. He mostly hinted at first, but I was able to decipher well enough judging from his actions and consistency. He would even write emails and say things such as, "I really *like* you", well before we ever uttered the L-O-V-E word to one another.

And as far as generic dating / love advice goes, I always tell my friends this: with the right one, neither of you will play games.


​Have fun

[Kim]

And as far as generic dating / love advice goes, I always tell my friends this: with the right one, neither of you will play games.


​Have fun

I am trying! But I like him too much for comfort.

[applejacks]

I am trying! But I like him too much for comfort.

Ohhhh the old Fi shield! It's a trusty mechanism, even if it's annoyingly guarded sometimes.

[epheme]

And as far as generic dating / love advice goes, I always tell my friends this: with the right one, neither of you will play games.

I like this and I find it to be true.

[Beautiful sky]

He should call you and ask you out to do things with him regularly

[Kim]

He should call you and ask you out to do things with him regularly

Do you mean that is what he should do as the man following a date or it is what an SLI would do?

Tbh, I am not into this gendered dating thing. I actually really appreciated, for example, that he let me pay for dinner. He drove over three hours roundtrip to meet me, so I told him that I want to pay for dinner a) because he made the effort to drive out and b) because I wanted to be able to comfortably order everything I want without having to worry about how much it will cost him. It was a great dinner because I turned it into the ultimate seafood feast and he went right along.

So yeah, I am not worried about who contacts whom first. But I already couldn't hide how absolutely mesmerized I was by him during the date, so I don't want to come across like a clingy stalker.

[wacey]

Do you mean that is what he should do as the man following a date or it is what an SLI would do?

Tbh, I am not into this gendered dating thing. I actually really appreciated, for example, that he let me pay for dinner. He drove over three hours roundtrip to meet me, so I told him that I want to pay for dinner a) because he made the effort to drive out and b) because I wanted to be able to comfortably order everything I want without having to worry about how much it will cost him. It was a great dinner because I turned it into the ultimate seafood feast and he went right along.

So yeah, I am not worried about who contacts whom first. But I already couldn't hide how absolutely mesmerized I was by him during the date, so I don't want to come across like a clingy stalker.

At the right time....you need help quick because________, and he is the only person you could think to call because _____________. Your _________ broke down, does he have any suggestions? Shower with praises.

[Kim]

At the right time....you need help quick because________, and he is the only person you could think to call because _____________. Your _________ broke down, does he have any suggestions? Shower with praises.

LOVE IT! I think my car has been making strange noises lately...

[Kim]

I didn't think about type during the date, but in retrospect it's so endearing how much I learned about distilling whiskey and fly fishing...I never thought either topic could be so entirely mesmerizing...

[Beautiful sky]

Do you mean that is what he should do as the man following a date or it is what an SLI would do?

Tbh, I am not into this gendered dating thing. I actually really appreciated, for example, that he let me pay for dinner. He drove over three hours roundtrip to meet me, so I told him that I want to pay for dinner a) because he made the effort to drive out and b) because I wanted to be able to comfortably order everything I want without having to worry about how much it will cost him. It was a great dinner because I turned it into the ultimate seafood feast and he went right along.

So yeah, I am not worried about who contacts whom first. But I already couldn't hide how absolutely mesmerized I was by him during the date, so I don't want to come across like a clingy stalker.

here's something that you will enjoy reading...brought to you by R*euben

http://www.thebolde.com/future-husba...8-differences/

You’re seeing this guy. And you can’t tell if he’s the one or just a waste of your time, aka an asshole. We’re here to help:


1. Your future husband brings out the best in you. An asshole brings out the crazy, stalker bitch in you.

2. Your future husband values commitment and partnership. An asshole is just trying to hang out.

3. Your future husband sees your success as his success. An asshole needs to take you down a notch.

4. Your future husband thinks you’re the most beautiful woman in the world. An asshole’s eyes keep wandering.

5. Your future husband makes you feel secure. An asshole makes you want to check his phone.

6. Your future husband prioritizes your happiness. An asshole prioritizes his own happiness.

7. Your future husband enjoys conversation with you. An asshole just wants you to be quiet.

8. Your future husband makes plans with you in advance. An asshole always pops up out of nowhere the same day.

9. Your future husband creates a feeling of forward momentum in the relationship. An asshole wants to keep things exactly as they are.

10. Your future husband makes it clear he’s into you. An asshole keeps you wondering.

11. Your future husband makes you feel chased. An asshole is someone you’re always struggling to pin down.


12. Your future husband consistently reaches out to you. An asshole goes radio silent for days.

13. Your future husband texts you just to check in. An asshole texts you when he wants something.

14. Your future husband asks about you and your life. An asshole couldn’t care less.

15. Your future husband is great in real life. An asshole looks good only on paper, if that.

16. Your future husband treats you like a priority. An asshole makes you feel like a backup plan.

17. Your future husband does nice little things for you, just because. An asshole doesn’t.

18. Your future husband wants to show you off to his friends and family. An asshole hides you from them.

[Mr inappropriate]

Get physical. lol. man are simple, SLI or not. most of the time.

[Kim]

Over it (but thanks all).

[SongOfSapphire]

Over it (but thanks all).

Oh, just saw this. Well, he must have been lame then... on to the next

[wacey]

"Well alright then you dont like texts so why don't we spend more actuall time together?"

Is how I would feel and probably say.

[Kim]

"Well alright then you dont like texts so why don't we spend more actuall time together?"

Is how I would feel and probably say.

I did tell him I would like to see him again. I am not exactly subtle when it comes to expressing what I would like to do.

[Kim]

It's fine. Live and learn. I would rather put myself out there and be disappointed than staying at home moping about being single. I am getting exceptionally good at the dusting off thing.

[SongOfSapphire]

Yeah, I get that. I was like that until I became slightly jaded by dating...then started holding back a bit... and then things worked out. The irony....

Fwiw, I have asked my husband, and asked him again today, whether he would have liked for me to pursue him more, and he said he would probably have liked it more bc he didn't like having to take the risk and "do all the dating b.s." So who knows. I have my theory described above, but I recognize I could be wrong

[Kim]

Yeah, I get that. I was like that until I became slightly jaded...then stepped back...and then things worked out. The irony....

Fwiw, I have asked my husband, and asked him again today, whether he would have liked for me to pursue him more, and he said he would probably have liked it more bc he didn't like having to take the risk. So who knows. I have my pet theory described above, but I could well be wrong

Thanks for sharing your experience. Right now he would have to do the pursuing anyway since I am done writing the first text. So I guess I am jaded, too.

We will see, but I do think it does not bode well when I am already frustrated after the first date. I will keep you posted.

[Park]

BTW, I think romance is an overrated (and overutilized) illusion. It's irrational and destructive, and people often fail to see how it actually destroys relationships and deters people from truly loving each other.


Also,



People...

[Kim]

BTW, I think romance is an overrated (and overutilized) illusion. It's irrational and destructive, and people often fail to see how it actually destroys relationships and deters people from truly loving each other.

Romance might be irrational, but it's only as destructive as people allow it to be. You have to nurture romance and be gentle with it and the person you are dealing with, just like with love. It's always a matter of respect, romance, love, or otherwise.

Also,



People...

And this is why I make it very clear during/after the date how I feel about the person. But of course I am an extroverted feeler and don't find it that hard.

[Beautiful sky]

Romance might be irrational, but it's only as destructive as people allow it to be. You have to nurture romance and be gentle with it and the person you are dealing with, just like with love. It's always a matter of respect, romance, love, or otherwise.




And this is why I make it very clear during/after the date how I feel about the person. But of course I am an extroverted feeler and don't find it that hard.

Tagged to watch

[Adam Strange]

BTW, I think romance is an overrated (and overutilized) illusion. It's irrational and destructive, and people often fail to see how it actually destroys relationships and deters people from truly loving each other.


Also,



People...

What a great video.

She: LSI
He: EIE

[Park]

What a great video.

She: LSI
He: EIE

I must be Beta then.

Seriously though, I think the video just attempts to portray how generic psychological vulnerabilities most people have can play out in a dating scenario.

[Rebelondeck]

.........What would be the most typical way for SLI to proceed?

SLIs proceed defensively and the older they get, the more defensive they become. They really do want to trust but the more that they've been burnt, the higher the castle walls. A person has to be judged trustworthy, and only then will the SLI lower the drawbridge but still may have a sword in the hand.......

a.k.a I/O

[Eliza Thomason]

SLIs proceed defensively and the older they get, the more defensive they become. They really do want to trust but the more that they've been burnt, the higher the castle walls. A person has to be judged trustworthy, and only then will the SLI lower the drawbridge but still may have a sword in the hand.......

a.k.a I/O

sounds right.

[Park]

@Kim Here's something experimental to try if you have someone who'd be up for it.

[inabox]

@Kim, I hear you. Don't know about you but I would much rather chase, direct, initiate etc ... I mean obviously I would like my partner to reciprocate but yeah, there are some things I prefer

[Kim]

@Kim, I hear you. Don't know about you but I would much rather chase, direct, initiate etc ... I mean obviously I would like my partner to reciprocate but yeah, there are some things I prefer

This makes me feel better.

I don't think I have a need to chase or direct or initiate though. It's more that I don't mind doing it if it means things then progress at a pace that I like. I am terribly excitable, enthusiastic and impatient, so sitting around waiting for someone to make the next move when I already know what I want is torturous. I also don't see why I should - it seems like they should know me as I am and that is part of me.

[Park]

@Kim, I hear you. Don't know about you but I would much rather chase, direct, initiate etc ... I mean obviously I would like my partner to reciprocate but yeah, there are some things I prefer

Hmm... and you're female, right?

[inabox]

Hmm... and you're female, right?

Yeah.

[Park]

Yeah.

And how many other females do you know who are forthcoming and unreserved in relationships like you are?

Also, what kind of places do you like to hang out at? Where do you meet people?

[inabox]

And how many other females do you know who are forthcoming and unreserved in relationships like you are?

Also, what kind of places do you like to hang out at? Where do you meet people?

Very few ladies are like me, some ESFPs and ENTJs. I'd be at work engagements, poetry clubs and idk that's how I usually meet people.