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Thread: IEE perceived as "cold"

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    Moderator Reficulris's Avatar
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    Default IEE perceived as "cold"

    I'm doubting my self typing again.

    main reasons:


    - I get the feedback of "often being disliked" (by groups)
    - people tell me I'm "cold"


    Is this invalidating IEE totally?


    p.s. I'm extremely influenced by stuff that is non mentionable right now.........

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    (much) (facepalm not required)
    Reason is a whore.

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    I can come off as cold in certain situations, though once I start talking I think that impression usually melts away (unless I want or need to seem cold in a certain situation). Perceived coldness may or may not be type-related imo.
    "In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is." - Yogi Berra

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    You understand me.

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    both sides, now wacey's Avatar
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    Well to add fuel to this IEE are also described as being flaky romantically, they have questionable hygiene, and are hippies.
    "An enlightened man had but one duty - to seek the way to himself, to reach inner certainty, to grope his way forward, no matter where it led."

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    you may get opinions about your type
    http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...=1#post1096450

    Ethical types are not cold.

    Quote Originally Posted by wacey View Post
    they have questionable hygiene
    it's more about Si non-valuing types

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sol View Post
    Ethical types are not cold.
    I am. If a random person asks me "how are you" I just say "good". =)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ghost View Post
    I am. If a random person asks me "how are you" I just say "good". =)
    It's about emotions. If you have "poker face" - you'll be thought as cold.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sol View Post
    It's about emotions. If you have "poker face" - you'll be thought as cold.
    Yes i have a stone face and people ask me why im angry when im not =)

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    @Reficulris, it is usually Fe valuers who perceive us as cold. But then it's also usually extroverts who perceive introverts as cold. And ethical types who perceive 'logical' types as cold. So, if you tend to do more thinking and analyzing, and less talking and/or emoting than someone, that person will likely perceive you as cold. Regardless of your actual type.
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    I can be perceived as cold or quiet among strangers because I don't feel comfortable around them because I don't know them well. I think what reflects your type more is how you interact with individuals you know well and around small groups that you know well. How people perceive you around large groups that you don't know well or that you don't feel comfortable around won't reflect your true personality IMO.
    Last edited by Raver; 09-10-2016 at 07:03 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sol View Post

    Ethical types are not cold.
    Why wouldn't they be?
    "An enlightened man had but one duty - to seek the way to himself, to reach inner certainty, to grope his way forward, no matter where it led."

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    Moderator Reficulris's Avatar
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    Thank you guys/girls for the feedback I was pretty drugged yesterday so I don't even remember what spawned the question but still very valuable responses!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Reficulris View Post
    Thank you guys/girls for the feedback I was pretty drugged yesterday so I don't even remember what spawned the question but still very valuable responses!
    You can use intertype relationships to 'triangulate' your typefurther. If you sure your dual is SLI, and that what SLI's got is something that you are regularly in need of, they calm you down but at the same time energize you and keep you on your toes, then IEE it is . Same with other intertype relationships: LIIs should be your supervisors, ESIs supervisees, ESEs benefactors, etc. If something doesn't work then look into other types.

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    Are you being cold refi...? I mean if you were honestly looking at yourself? And if so (not saying) ... Why might that be? Can it be adjusted? Why and why not? Don't bother answering here if its to personal or whatever, just ask yourself though if you haven't already.

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    well, fwiw... you dont come across as cold at all via the forum. Also I think you have an amazing intuitive insight into people.
    If you appear less emotional IRL, it could simply be because you are not Fe-valuing and dont feel like demonstrative Fe at present
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    The lack of warmth is not only Fi over Fe demonstrative, it's also caused by aristocracy as Raver mentioned.

    When you have assessed that a person is closely affiliated in a way you don't approve of (like/dislike of Fi), distance is created. Especially when they have annoyed you before, this person is sorted out by Te's experience and bias: "interaction is useless" unless Ne sees new potential or the fact that this person has changed.

    From what I've read (by my beloved Strati), an IEE can regulate their psychological closeness at will since they are attuned to SLI. The latter paradoxically does not like intrusion and a person without affect alike. So the IEE will go back and forth constantly which naturally meets the SLI's standard. Sometimes, this effect comes into being simply because the IEE is terribly moody or negatively predisposed in a certain environment Being NF and extrotims, regulating their temperament and therefore psychological temperature is one of their easiest exercises. Being intuitive and not ethical lead, that effect is amplified.

    From personal experience: It really depends on environment. I have always been called ice-cold by people who have competed with me or made me collectively ignore them, or those whose privilege and authority I've undermined. Those who have tried to devalue me experienced the same, my warm feelings book a flight to Australia when that happens, the cp 6 integration steps up the game. Loved ones/family know me as multifaceted, affectionate and much more lively, even if I feel spiritually empty on some days. In my case, social circles combined with E3 make the difference. It wouldn't be unusual to see me walking around with a deadpan if I feel so inclined.
    Wut /squints/ Need to metabolize this.

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    Not sure why this was bumped but anyways...Fi ego types can sometimes appear cold. But Fi creatives / Fe demonstratives are some of the most likeable types generally.

    (To be more specific: Fi usage can be either cold or warm depending on whether it is about liking or disliking. Fe is more about "louder" emotions like anger and joy.)

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    I have not had an IEE act coldly toward me irl. I have seen them upset with me but they were always kind when addressing the issue. I think about those I know and the word "cold" would not be on the list of adjectives I would use to describe them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by thehotelambush View Post
    Not sure why this was bumped but anyways...Fi ego types can sometimes appear cold. But Fi creatives / Fe demonstratives are some of the most likeable types generally.

    (To be more specific: Fi usage can be either cold or warm depending on whether it is about liking or disliking. Fe is more about "louder" emotions like anger and joy.)
    Because the topic is cool and relevant! (I say that about nearly everything so this argument is invalid, please don't scold me too much hehe )

    Agreed w/ Fi being the more silent range of emotions and Fe delivering more bolder ones.
    Wut /squints/ Need to metabolize this.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aylen View Post
    I have not had an IEE act coldly toward me irl. I have seen them upset with me but they were always kind when addressing the issue. I think about those I know and the word "cold" would not be on the list of adjectives I would use to describe them.
    In which particular context did you interact with them? In some type of relations, IEEs will try to exude "the eternal optimist".
    Wut /squints/ Need to metabolize this.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    In which particular context did you interact with them? In some type of relations, IEEs will try to exude "the eternal optimist".
    Up close and personal long time friends.

    To be fair, most people don't treat me coldly. The ones who do are not likely to be long term friends. All types have issues they deal with but I feel I have been pretty good at choosing friends, at least those who end up being in my life long term.

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     






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    Quote Originally Posted by Aylen View Post
    Up close and personal long time friends.

    To be fair, most people don't treat me coldly. The ones who do are not likely to be long term friends. All types have issues they deal with but I feel I have been pretty good at choosing friends, at least those who end up being in my life long term.
    Ahh, I solved the riddle: You yourself are very amiable and hence immune to IEE's cold treatment It's not about them, it's you!
    Wut /squints/ Need to metabolize this.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    Ahh, I solved the riddle: You yourself are very amiable and hence immune to IEE's cold treatment It's not about them, it's you!
    That is possible but they are pretty great.



    http://crestcomleadership.com/2015/1...-to-recognize/


    ^probably true for me. I respond well to people approaching me this way.

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     






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    When free, most IEE that I have known seem to have had that happy, curious puppy dog persona. I have found that they become insular and reactive when under stress or forced to do something they don't want to do or find themselves no longer free. I know of two who violently lashed out when told they were doing something incorrectly. They sometimes create their own tailspin when their uncharacteristically defensive behaviour causes the group avoid them a little which creates more defensiveness which leads to more exclusion; it seemed such an uncomfortable space for one that he developed a deep self-loathing....

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    When free, most IEE that I have known seem to have had that happy, curious puppy dog persona. I have found that they become insular and reactive when under stress or forced to do something they don't want to do or find themselves no longer free. I know of two who violently lashed out when told they were doing something incorrectly. They sometimes create their own tailspin when their uncharacteristically defensive behaviour causes the group avoid them a little which creates more defensiveness which leads to more exclusion; it seemed such an uncomfortable space for one that he developed a deep self-loathing....

    a.k.a. I/O
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    I think IEE's might appear cold to some people maybe ISFj's?

    Most of all, maybe there's a part of you that likes to be cold and appreciate the fact that people are calling you cold and you are reinforced to behave in a similar fashion because you enjoy it.

    I read about our tendency to "want to appear logical" so we often explain things in a way that makes others perceive that we are thinkers instead of feelers. So it could be that.

    My 2 cents.

    Quote Originally Posted by Reficulris View Post
    I'm doubting my self typing again.

    main reasons:


    - I get the feedback of "often being disliked" (by groups)
    - people tell me I'm "cold"


    Is this invalidating IEE totally?


    p.s. I'm extremely influenced by stuff that is non mentionable right now.........
    I know I joined a while ago, but I'm really a newbie, so cut me some slack. I know the MBTI?

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    i'm way cold but i'm also waaay past type *duck and run*

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    When they don't want to be with someone they can become cold as to distance

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    Can be a symptom of PTSD. It causes numbing / emotional avoidance. Basically, the amygdala in the brain shrinks, reducing the emotional range of the person. For normal people, only negative stimulation causes anxiety, but for the PTSD person even positive experiences can trigger it too. For this very reason people with PTSD are known to avoid excessive stimulation of any kind and seek peaceful environments.

    While I don't think it's type related, I think ethical types in general are more vulnerable to some forms of stress and more likely to develop PTSD symptoms over time.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aylen View Post
    Up close and personal long time friends.

    To be fair, most people don't treat me coldly. The ones who do are not likely to be long term friends. All types have issues they deal with but I feel I have been pretty good at choosing friends, at least those who end up being in my life long term.
    On an off topic note, hearing you talk about your long term friends made me smile as it reminded me a little of myself and other sx/sps in general; sx/sps making and maintaining good relationships for the win <3 .

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    i think delta nfs can come off as cold particularly when they don't know what to say about a situation taht could be troublesome and they feel its important to say but they are guarding against their inclination to be very empathic about it

    sometimes my EII coworker will need to say something important and i can tell they are uncomfortable about interrupting a situation but they know they have to

    so it comes off as kind of awkward - uncomfortableness with "Se" to be stereotypical
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    also - in very heavy beta or Fe valuing or even high-Se valuing atmospheres - yes deltas of any kind can seem 'cold' or 'disengaged' because they are more driven by their sentiments than catering to the group

    probably the IEE is most flexible about it but even they have their limits



    In general though - 'being cold' shouldn't be seen as type related ; rather examining what triggers someone labeling someone else as such might be insightful etc
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex View Post
    .....While I don't think it's type related, I think ethical types in general are more vulnerable to some forms of stress and more likely to develop PTSD symptoms over time.
    I agree that PTSD isn't type related so I think that all types are equally vulnerable to it unless one perhaps has certain psychopathic tendencies. Stress is caused by an inability to cope with a seemingly overwhelming set of conditions. T-types may succumb to specific stresses that F-types could easily deal with, and vice versa. Now, how one reacts to the stress is type specific.

    a.k.a. I/O

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