How do ESIs show love? (ISFjs)

[Adam Strange]

Thank you for sharing your story.

I wanted to ask you, your SLI shows the qualities of being rock-solid faithful and would always be on your side, and the qualities of being a good mother and a good taste of clothes and furnishings, does this not on it's own not say that these qualities are not exclusively Gamma and therefore not exclusively ESI?

I'm not wanting to go through a painful memory or situation for you, I just thought how it contradicted what Chae has been saying about loyalty and trust being Gamma/Ni traits.

It is obvious to me that Chae has more knowledge of Socionics than I do, so I can only say what I think she meant. Zloty, I get the impression that you are Delta, possibly ESTJ or INFP, and from my experience, I agree that Deltas do value trust. But I think Chae is saying that for Gamma's, trust is everything. For both Delta's and Gamma's, trust is important, but if trust is violated, Gamma's Ni (single possiblity) will cause them to walk away, while Delta's Ne (many possibilities) might cause them to try to perfect or improve things. But that is just a guess.

Incidentally, I don't mind if girls I am dating also date other guys. When there is no commitment, that's not a problem. But once a commitment is made, breaking that trust is a really bad thing. Not recoverable.

[GuavaDrunk]

I think this is what people tell themselves as many people have a focus on the rational rather than keeping it simple.

And AS does find her attractive, so why complicate it by maybe making it out to be some sort of equality issue? I dunno your question is probably too complex for me I'm a simple man and that's through trying haha. Sorry if that doesn't help much.

That does clarify your thought process, thanks.

[Beautiful sky]

Their emotions of attachment come out when someone they care about and have established an emotional connection tries to break from them

[Persephone]

Do what exactly?

It's weird you don't get what I meant but maybe I wasn't very explicit within my explanations. I was trying to say that trust issues are not exclusively related to Fi valuers only. Fi PoLR people are more than concerned with trust and still they are Fe valuers. I hope it was clearer now.

[blackburry]

I use words.
& I become a goof.

[Adam Strange]

I use words.
& I become a goof.

Does words ever object to being used?

[blackburry]

Does words ever object to being used?

*Do words

& also: your question does not bear answering because it asks nothing and thus means nothing.

[Exodus]

This whole "ESI gaze" thing is...just what? If there is such a thing, it's not the look in the OP.

This is something that is strongly affected by gender roles. Female ESIs are more likely to express their feelings directly, saying "I love you" and things like that. ESI guys often adopt a tough-guy persona because Se is a lot more masculine than Fi. But they are secretly softies on the inside. I would describe the way they show love as being there for you. It doesn't mean necessarily showing emotion externally (which is more Fe) but being someone you can rely on and talk to about your innermost feelings, and who will sympathize with your struggles while also pushing you / challenging you when you need it.

[Milo]

... She also seemed very eager to perfom tedious tasks for me, like this one time that I complained when the teacher gave me some handouts to distribute. I didn't feel like doing it because I was the one that always did it, since I sat in front of the teacher. She got up in an instant, and did it. During this time period, I did notice that something was going on with her, but she never approached me directly.

So in essence, ESI-Fi in my experience: very evasive and hard to handle. Not willing to take risks, and afraid of the unknown. Never admits feelings. Never forgives nor forgets. Btw this ESI is 2w3 sx/so

This is definitely one way that an ESI shows her care for those whom she loves: she performs the tasks and the chores that others would find too boring, tedious, and burdensome, and does it with much devotion.

When my family moved to a new place we were invited by another family over for dinner. Their hostess turned out to be an ESI woman in her late 30s. This ESI barely sat down the whole evening. She served us with so many dishes: it was the first course, the second, then the third one, and when everyone was full she mixed the drinks for us (she was an excellent bartender and knew her way around cocktails). After the dinner was over, ;lke the type descriptions say, she couldn't go rest until she cleaned the kitchen and the table and put away the dishes and utensils. I think an LIE with their inert sensing and vulnerable Si function, which wouldn't want to touch a pile of dirty dishes with leftover scraps, would appreciate having a person like this around. One of the other guests could have been LIE, because he praised this ESI woman for her tireless hosing and hard work.

[Adam Strange]

This is definitely one way that an ESI shows her care for those whom she loves: she performs the tasks and the chores that others would find too boring, tedious, and burdensome, and does it with much devotion.

When my family moved to a new place we were invited by another family over for dinner. Their hostess turned out to be an ESI woman in her late 30s. This ESI barely sat down the whole evening. She served us with so many dishes: it was the first course, the second, then the third one, and when everyone was full she mixed the drinks for us (she was an excellent bartender and knew her way around cocktails). After the dinner was over, ;lke the type descriptions say, she couldn't go rest until she cleaned the kitchen and the table and put away the dishes and utensils. I think an LIE with their inert sensing and vulnerable Si function, which wouldn't want to touch a pile of dirty dishes with leftover scraps, would appreciate having a person like this around. One of the other guests could have been LIE, because he praised this ESI woman for her tireless hosing and hard work.

I agree with the idea that ESI's are very hard workers. The few whom I have known focus on the tasks in front of them and get them done. I visited a small restaurant where an ESI worked, with half my purpose to get lunch and the other half to talk to her, and even though she enjoyed talking to me, she always finished every bit of her work and waited until there were no other customers before she would sit down and have lunch herself. This was fairly frustrating to me, but it is what she wanted to do, and I wasn't going to try to change that.
On the other hand, Milo, I am LIE, and I have no problem cleaning a pile of dirty dishes with leftover scraps. I clear and clean everything immediately after every meal. (My father always did this when I was growing up, so I always assumed that this is what men do. Kids learn what it means to be an adult by example.)
The rest of my house, though, is presently in disarray.... When I was married to an Si-dom SLI and we both worked, she insisted that we have a maid service come in and clean the house, and that worked well. Now, however, the place is torn up for remodeling. Once the remodeling is done, I plan to combat my inert sensing and vulnerable Si function by simply having very little stuff to get out of place.

[ashlesha]

Fearful daisies whose best quality is keeping their duals house clean. The present manifestation of esi stereotypes makes me want to die.

[Adam Strange]

Fearful daisies whose best quality is keeping their duals house clean. The present manifestation of esi stereotypes makes me want to die.

Here is an expansion on the theme.
This link might be useful, if you haven't already seen it: http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...read.php/42518

Particularly good advice is the first sentence of the Preface.

[ashlesha]

Here is an expansion on the theme.
This link might be useful, if you haven't already seen it: http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...read.php/42518

Particularly good advice is the first sentence of the Preface.

I don't understand the point you're trying to make.

[wasp]

Fearful daisies whose best quality is keeping their duals house clean. The present manifestation of esi stereotypes makes me want to die.

lmao I know, right?

This is definitely one way that an ESI shows her care for those whom she loves: she performs the tasks and the chores that others would find too boring, tedious, and burdensome, and does it with much devotion.

lmao what

When my family moved to a new place we were invited by another family over for dinner. Their hostess turned out to be an ESI woman in her late 30s. This ESI barely sat down the whole evening. She served us with so many dishes: it was the first course, the second, then the third one, and when everyone was full she mixed the drinks for us (she was an excellent bartender and knew her way around cocktails). After the dinner was over, ;lke the type descriptions say, she couldn't go rest until she cleaned the kitchen and the table and put away the dishes and utensils. I think an LIE with their inert sensing and vulnerable Si function, which wouldn't want to touch a pile of dirty dishes with leftover scraps, would appreciate having a person like this around. One of the other guests could have been LIE, because he praised this ESI woman for her tireless hosing and hard work.

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=cheap+maids+in+my+area

or

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=cheap+slaves+in+my+area

take your pick!

One very strong factor in deciding to marry my SLI ex-wife was the sense I got that she was rock-solid faithful, and would always be on my side. (That, plus the fact that I could tell she would be a good mother and had good taste in clothes and furnishings - I can see now that I was subconsciously looking for ESI traits.) And she has been. Even though we are divorced, she still stops by briefly every couple of weeks to say hi, and to ask how I'm doing. We're not getting back together (Adam shudders - the last couple years were not great), but she does still show loyalty and support. It helps that we actually like each other and are friends. Too bad she can't stand living with me. Or maybe it's not too bad, since we both now have a chance to find better partners. She replaced me with a cat, I'm still looking.

I see she upgraded!


I won't even clean my own bedroom, so what on earth makes these 18th century fools think I'll clean their whole goddamn house?

anyway. I show my love through saying cute and romantic things, occasionally I'll shoot a few lovey-dovey texts their way. I wrote my last ex a love letter. I have a knack for making people laugh when they're upset, and I giggle a helluva lot, even when I'm not in a relationship, but it multiplies tenfold once you put in a room with my current squeeze. my last ex told me I have a penchant for making really bad jokes, fake-laughing at myself, then laughing at myself for real. I'm big on expressing affection via touch, and I actually scored really high on "acts of service" on the 5 love languages test, which means that it's most likely going to be you who cleans my house, not the other way around. smh.

[niffer]

It seems like ESIs are completely either hot or cold with me. If they are feeling good or feeling affectionate or like they want to get closer to me (it seems), they will give me stuff, or try to do stuff for me and care for my physical wellbeing. I don't like being babied, so my reaction to this is usually to try to make them stop or go away even if I otherwise like them, and this seems to frustrate them. I spent most of my younger life outside of school being raised by my ESI grandma, and this babying behaviour was more ok at that time I guess. I appreciated her emotional stability, and she's always been the best cook in the family. It seemed like she'd also always been wise in a sense and that had nothing to do with her age. She added a grounding sensibility that offset my LIE grandpa well.

[FDG]

Fearful daisies whose best quality is keeping their duals house clean. The present manifestation of esi stereotypes makes me want to die.

I think this thread is about how ESIs show love and I think they (actually like all ISxx types) seem to do a lot of acts of service. How they handle their professional life or hobbies is another matter. They may be ski world champions but they may still cook dinner for their husband? (I have a real example in mind, a woman who lives near to my parents)
I know another one who is a famous engineer but still spends many sundays taking care of his garden all by himself...

If I may add, I admire these people because they show how you can be successful in your endeavors while keeping true to yourself, your real personality (with its weaknesses) and interests.

[Suzaku]

I do acts of service! Though if I give gifts I give them because I want to, not with the expectation it will be returned. I know a lot of people are weary about giving gifts because then they feel like they need to give back. I will also find information and stuff if I know someone is interested in certain things. I will listen to people if they randomly start venting to me but I will not involve myself in others problems. If someone comes to me and says look I need to talk that's cool I will listen, but I don't go around asking people if they are okay excessively. I really do my best to just mind my own business and keep engaged with things that are meaningful to me

[Beautiful sky]

I have a tiny circle so even as much as opening up to you and going out of my way to maintain regular contact means a lot from me. I'll think about you at random times and text and let you know maybe something reminded me of you, etc. I offer help when it looks like you could use it. I show an interest in details of your life maybe to the point of nosiness and be fascinated and accepting to a degree I'm not with others.

Meals, maybe..I cook for my boyfriend but not for other adults usually. Lacking emotional boundaries? If somebody is upset sometimes I get tense from the radiating energy and wanting to help if that's what cb meant.

I think that esi gaze is just esi gaze lol. When I communicate love with my eyes it's softer and more straight on, more obviously catching eye contact.

I initiate but people here say that's atypical for esis. I've usually said the L word first.

Well Fi is love

[Rebelondeck]

With ESIs, love felt very sudden. Initially, the relationships felt formal; then out of the blue, they seem to come to a snap decision and get physically close - almost as if they were trying to fuse; it was always unexpected. When they fell out of love, I became aware of the cold-front simply by touching them. For me, ESI cues and clues weren't verbal........

a.k.a. I/O

[FellowRebel]

Fassbender - INFJ

> ESI as a sensory type is the one who initiates romantic/sexual interest

initiate relations is more about exrtaverts

I think there is some truth in this. Let me expand upon it. As an ESI, I wait for others to show interest and then I maintain that interest by initiating contact.

[Pole]

.... and I thought it was funny that she named her dog "outlaw" because that is how most people think of LIE's....

Really? I thought they were thought of as nerds or business tycoons. How do people consider LIEs to be outlaws?