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Thread: INFj (EII) relationship dilemmas

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    EKOT's Avatar
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    Default INFj (EII) relationship dilemmas

    So I was wondering if this is a thing of INFJ to form really close relationships with people but as soon as that individual's behavior or lifestyle is opposite of yours you completely withdraw abruptly without a trace? I have always had friends who I always wanted to cultivate as sisters but as soon as their morals or actions combatted with mine I coldly forgot them. In retrospect I feel bad but it was only because I wanted to protect myself. This happens in romantic relationships too

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    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    This is a well-known phenomenon, and it actually has a name. It is called the "INFJ door slam".

    You can look it up.

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    EKOT's Avatar
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    Smh I don't know how to explain myself without sounding mean lol I feel awful but I have my reasons

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    Systematically try to make close relations with those who have "behavior or lifestyle opposite of yours" would be strange for EII. They understand people good and establish close relations with more oppropriate choice.

    You may check your type
    http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...=1#post1096450
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    EKOT's Avatar
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    No i dont intentionally seek out those who are opposite but i always find people who are then when i realize i act like ive never met them...

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    I absolutely agree with that. I just always feel bad like i ought to explain myself but i know its best to kill it while i can and not leave room for negotiations. Its just not fair to the person i know it isnt but its best

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Hi

    Depend on the moral and what degree. If someone has differing political views I don't consider that a violation of my personal ethics. So please provide a specific example so that I may assess the fine tuned moral view

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    Rebelondeck's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tryingtodobetter View Post
    .......only because I wanted to protect myself.......
    From what I have observed, when an INFj determines that a close relationship cannot work, no more effort will be expended on it so s/he moves on to viable projects. Their need for autonomy will make them seem distant even in their close relationships; however, they absolutely need this objectivity. Their search for idealistic standards will certainly limit the number of truly close relationships they will have; all other relationships will likely be polite but various formalities (chasms) will exist. I think the behaviour stems from information processing needs; protectionism may be an additional need for an insecure INFj. The behaviour that you describe seems appropriate for the type; don't fight it......


    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    From what I have observed, when an INFj determines that a close relationship cannot work, no more effort will be expended on it so s/he moves on to viable projects. Their need for autonomy will make them seem distant even in their close relationships; however, they absolutely need this objectivity. Their search for idealistic standards will certainly limit the number of truly close relationships they will have; all other relationships will likely be polite but various formalities (chasms) will exist. I think the behaviour stems from information processing needs; protectionism may be an additional need for an insecure INFj. The behaviour that you describe seems appropriate for the type; don't fight it......


    a.k.a. I/O
    Thanks for the advice. I feel very much the way you describe. It's pointless to fight your nature. It is very tempting though.
    The gardener is but a dream of the garden.

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    Arete GuavaDrunk's Avatar
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    Sounds like good boundaries. As stated above, why continue an insincere relationship?
    Reason is a whore.

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