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Thread: Your Imago

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    Lightbulb Your Imago

    Here is a truly eye-opening exercise, especially for those of you who have had little luck in romance.
    Knowing about your Imago can make sense of a lot of your past (and most likely future) relationship and attraction patterns.

    Your imago is the composite of all the important positive and negative traits of your primary caregivers when you were a child. He or she will appear to be the perfect match for you when you first meet; you’ll feel like you’ve known each other forever, sexual sparks will fly even as you feel very comfortable with them. Over time, they’ll be able to push all the buttons leading to “I’m unlovable” and “I’m no good”. They seem so familiar at first because they share primary traits with your parents (or whoever raised you). You’ll recognize the positive traits at first, then after awhile you’ll tease out the negative traits as well.
    It’s helpful to understand your imago, whether or not you’re currently in a relationship. If you are in a relationship, you might be able to create new dynamics that are supportive and nurturing. If you aren’t in a relationship, you’ll have a better idea of what you’re really looking for and why. This will hopefully prevent you from going through more heartbreak as “the One” becomes your worst nightmare.
    It would be appreciated if you shared which traits you have circled in/marked in the exercise on the page.
    It is understandable if you'd rather not, because doing this exercise may unearth some difficult emotions.
    That is why perhaps I should say Trigger Warning for Victims of Childhood Abuse.
    Even though you may be triggered, this kind of trigger could be highly therapeutic.
    If you find the time to face some difficult emotions, you could learn a lot from them.
    At last, it could be really interesting to know which Sociotypes and/or Enneagram types fit your Imago in the past.

     
    Take a piece of paper and draw a circle on it. Leave some space at the bottom of the page to write a few sentences. Draw a line across the center of the circle. On the top half of the circle, write all the positive traits you can think of about your parents and anyone who influenced you as a child. Circle the traits that had the most impact on you growing up. As you do this, think back to what they were like when you were a child, not what they’re like now.On the bottom half of the circle, list the negative traits of these key people from your childhood. It’s not necessary to write their names with the traits, just write out everything that pops into your head. Again, circle the traits you think affected you the most.

    This list represents your imago. Does it seem familiar?

    Underneath the circle, write and complete this sentence: “What I wanted most as a child and didn’t get was…”
    Next, write and complete this sentence: “As a child, I had these negative feelings over and over again: ….”

    Completing these two sentences will help you understand the needs you try to get your imago to fill for you, and the ways you sabotage yourself in relationships with limited (negative) thoughts. You can use a coach or a therapist to help you turn the negative thoughts to positive ones and to help you get your needs met on your own.


    I have written more about how the Imago influences our Mating/Partner choice, esp. versus Duality, here.
    If you want to know more about the Imago concept, read "Getting The Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix.
    I have read it and can recommend it.
    Last edited by Cassandra; 08-24-2016 at 08:24 AM.
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    Here are my Imago results:

     

    In bold those traits which affected me the most:

    Positive: optimistic, upbeat, hardworking, successful, dedicated, cool, reliable, good-looking, loving, funny, enthusiastic, energetic, calming, gentle, relaxed/relaxing, good with touch
    Negative: busy/rarely home, overprotective, smothering, mood swings, judgmental, unappreciative, critical, vain/shallow, distant, self-absorbed, unreliable

    What I wanted most as a child and didn't get was: being appreciated, understood and valued for who I truly am. Being "seen" and loved for my true being.
    As a child, I had these negative feelings over and over again: feeling alone, misunderstood; sadness, despair; feeling unheard or unappreciated

    It is a quite profound revelation ... that I used to feel "unheard", given I would actually not speak (enough) as a young child.


    I find it interesting how apparently the results reflect certain Enneagram types.
    The guys I have been the most attracted to in the past had been either 3, 9, or 7.
    As you can see, this is actually reflected by my result.
    Last edited by Cassandra; 08-25-2016 at 09:50 AM.
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    I like this exercise. Here we go:

    + protective, sacrificing, dominant, well-groomed, creative, honest, proactive, hard-working, image-conscious, nurturing, kind, funny, hygienic, responsible, lenient, non-violent, reliable, moral

    - paint-by-numbers, conservative, ignorant, busy, aristocratic, critical, aloof, fearful, nit-picking, uninformed, tabooing, defensive, derogatory, compliant, egocentric, complaining, strict


    My imago; Enneagram 1 sp/so, Tritype 136. The notorious Delta ST-ness of my parents (mom especially) is pretty obvious.

    What strikes me is that my imago is as far away from SEE-Se So/Sx - my ideal dual - as possible On the other hand, I am a Ne subtype in DCNH which creates a hidden infantile agenda so that works out pretty well.

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    I circled:
    funny, practical, creative, dependable, caring, not nosey, teacher, intelligent
    annoyed, complaining

    What I wanted most as a child and didn't get was a bff.

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    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
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    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    This was kind of hard because I don't remember alot from my childhood. And btw what age do you mean with child?
    positive: kind, easy going, responsible, hardworking, stable
    negative: bad temper, shallow, smothering, not trustworthy, self-absorbed, socially awkward, boring
    What I wanted most as a child and didn't get was intimacy/a father figure
    As a child I had these negative feelings over and over again: I want to get away/have different parents

    I'm not really attracted to people like this? The last guy i was head over heels with was (out of these things) untrustworthy (or became over time) and that's basically it.
    “When it gets down to it, when you’re drowning, you don’t say, ‘I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,’ you just scream.”

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ghost View Post
    And btw what age do you mean with child?
    I'd say what counts the most is the time in-between the moment you were born up to the moment you went to the first grade in elementary school (or equivalent).

    That's roughly the age of 0-6 or 7.
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    Quote Originally Posted by SisOfNight View Post
    I'd say what counts the most is the time in-between the moment you were born up to the moment you went to the first grade in elementary school (or equivalent).

    That's roughly the age of 0-6 or 7.
    Since you've lived half your life by age seven, that should be enough time for anyone to be formed.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/...you-get-older/

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    Uh yeah I barely remember anything from age 0-6 except some random memories of embarrassment, and one where I was at kindergarten, and it was kinda warm outside but they put us in overalls and i sweated my ass off. I was more outgoing as a child and critical. Like a 1. As a child we act like the type we integrate to, but an immature version. Then when puberty kicked in (around age 9-10) I withdrew from my friends, and felt weird and inadequate.
    “When it gets down to it, when you’re drowning, you don’t say, ‘I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,’ you just scream.”

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    Positive: intelligent, funny, charming, relaxed, understanding, cool, mysterious
    Negative: unstable, angry, drug-addicted, manipulative, chaotic, neglectful, mean

    What I wanted most as a child and didn't get was: stability and kindness -- feeling like I was safe and loved.
    As a child, I had these negative feelings over and over again: fear, sadness, and emotional isolation.

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    I wrote down the effects of my upbringing on my own personality in parentheses.

    Positive: Well-nourishing (oral receptiveness and dependency), responsible, safety oriented (avoidance of danger/anxiety of what could go wrong, "are you sure about this...?"), very trusting
    Negative: Invasive (intricate lies to avoid certain inevitable social interactions/conversations, and avoidance of people), ethically strict, angry, preachy, oppression of curiosity and the truth, intimidating/mean.

    What I wanted most as a child and didn't get was:
    privacy, freedom to learn and express myself, someone receptive and open to new ideas and able to take me on an adventure
    As a child, I had these negative feelings over and over again: I want to run away, why do my parents have no feelings, I can't trust them enough anymore to say anything, I'm so bored.

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    Combined positives and negatives of 4 people from my younger years.

    Positive: Calm, dependable, humorous, unconditional type love, acceptance, adores partner, cares for/about others with physical or spiritual or homeless type problems etc, playful behaviours including silly dancing, singing and board games, charismatic/unusual/unique personality, taker of forward movements towards life, hard worker, creative, read stories aloud, attracted to other cultures, eagerness for outings and explorations.

    Negative: Self focused including talking about self to others constantly and making every situation about self, depression, abused because of race, doesn't know how to love or value others, took lives of animals - partly to do with farming, a completely non involved parent shirking every aspect of child raising.


    What I wanted most as a child and didn't get was: being loved and valued.

    As a child, I had these negative feelings over and over again: wasn't wanted/loved/valued, abandoned and not cared about.
    I remember consistently thinking as a very young child that this couldn't possibly be my real family, my mum was not my real mum, why was I placed here etc.
    Last edited by LeShay; 08-26-2016 at 12:17 PM.

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    Not saying there isn't validity to this, but I don't think it works for me. I only had two positive traits. I was fed and given money. I care little about those things, except for attaining goals. But I stopped talking to my dad and he died of lung cancer last year. I did not accept his request to see him. Only talk to my mom now because she became sane after leaving him. But I don't forget how she was to me back then.

    Too many negative traits. But I think I'm schizoid anyway. Intimacy causes too much anxiety; I feel like I want to vomit. There's a good chance I will never have another intimate relationship for the rest of my life and for some reason I'm perfectly okay with that.

    On the other hand. I do have an attraction to women that are strong, powerful, and have a dark nature to them. I get to see their worst side and if I still think it is beautiful, I could feel comfortable and love someone like that. But that has little to do with my parents and more to do with my existential feelings of estrangement with myself and the universe, possibly influenced by my parents.

    Not trying to sound cool or brag or seem special or something something, but I am a pretty odd person that pretends to be normal. So maybe this only applies to people that proactively seek out relationships.

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    Quote Originally Posted by strangeling View Post
    Not saying there isn't validity to this, but I don't think it works for me. I only had two positive traits. I was fed and given money. I care little about those things, except for attaining goals. But I stopped talking to my dad and he died of lung cancer last year. I did not accept his request to see him. Only talk to my mom now because she became sane after leaving him. But I don't forget how she was to me back then.

    Too many negative traits. But I think I'm schizoid anyway. Intimacy causes too much anxiety; I feel like I want to vomit. There's a good chance I will never have another intimate relationship for the rest of my life and for some reason I'm perfectly okay with that.

    On the other hand. I do have an attraction to women that are strong, powerful, and have a dark nature to them. I get to see their worst side and if I still think it is beautiful, I could feel comfortable and love someone like that. But that has little to do with my parents and more to do with my existential feelings of estrangement with myself and the universe, possibly influenced by my parents.

    Not trying to sound cool or brag or seem special or something something, but I am a pretty odd person that pretends to be normal. So maybe this only applies to people that proactively seek out relationships.
    You are not the only one who has claimed this "Imago thing" does not work for them.
    I have given this test to other people before posting it here.

    One SX blindspot person (SO/SP) who is also dismissively attached claimed "they have never been attracted to someone like their parent before", and that they cannot come up with any traits.
    After some extra probing, he actually could come up with a few, and admitted the results were not that wrong.

    Another person who is SP/SX grew up with many different caretakers – not only his parents, but also his aunt and grandmother.
    Just like you, he said the most positive traits he can remember were being fed and taken care of (seems to be an SP first thing to focus on).
    More positive traits or any negative ones he could not remember – he said he has "overcome" and "forgiven" their negative traits for the most part, without going into any detail.
    I've talked some more with him about it, asked him which person he felt the closest to and/or who has had the most positive impact on him.
    He admitted that person would have to be his ESI aunt. And lo and behold, a very common attraction pattern for him is to be attracted to ESI women.
    Also, he let on that something that draws him to people is a certain melancholic look in their eyes. And guess what – his mother used to be depressed when he was younger.

    At last, another case was someone who has had a pretty rough childhood.
    She stated that there were only negative traits ("too many") that she could remember regarding her parents.
    I asked her whether there has been any other kind of person in her life that took care of her, with whom she associates positive feelings.
    Actually, she does – her grandmother would be kind and considerate and help her with learning things. I don't know more details, but it is highly likely her grandmother's positive traits might be some of the positive traits of her Imago.

    All in all, you might simply not feel able to delve into your memories of that time and extract the positive/negative traits of people you picked up on back then.
    I suppose I am biased, but I believe that everyone is being affected by their Imago – some more, some less. (Those who are the most affected are usually: SX first + insecurely attached + have had a rough childhood)

    Some people's Imagos are more clear, as in they can tell you exactly what they are like (which is rare, considering the Imago is largely unconscious).
    Most people have to go through several failed relationships and then realize what kind of patterns they have been going through, to see that they have some kind of "type", which is essentially their Imago.
    Finally, some people – especially those with rough childhoods – have a very foggy idea of their Imago and have difficulties with "pinning them down". Their Imago may be very disassociated and full of contradictory traits. They may have had really scarring or dissatisfying romantic relationships due to that Imago.

    I'd also like to mention that the Imago can actually become more healthy the more healthy you become yourself.
    Some people might believe they are "doomed" with a "bad" Imago – but when they work on themselves and reach a better psychological state, their Imago will better itself, too.
    What that means, is that the more healthy you are, the less your Imago's negative traits in other people will entice you.
    I know that no one actually finds the negative traits of their Imago attractive (for the most part) – for most people, they are "pet peeves".
    But on a very unconscious level, the average person is drawn to those negative traits without being conscious of that.
    So, the more healthy you are, the less often and less strong this will happen.
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    Quote Originally Posted by LeShay View Post
    I remember consistently thinking as a very young child that this couldn't possibly be my real family, my mum was not my real mum, why was I placed here etc.
    Could it be you are Type 4 in the Enneagram?
    As far as I know, it is a very common theme for Type 4s to feel like they are the "alien" or "black sheep" in their family.
    (I absolutely relate to that, for instance.)
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    Quote Originally Posted by SisOfNight View Post
    Could it be you are Type 4 in the Enneagram?
    As far as I know, it is a very common theme for Type 4s to feel like they are the "alien" or "black sheep" in their family.
    (I absolutely relate to that, for instance.)
    I remember thinking for the longest time that it was likely that I was Type 4 possibly with more of a 5 wing.
    Somehow at a later stage I also found myself relating a bit to things posted regarding Type 9 but something always seemed off.
    In the following thread if you scroll down to post #13 by @silke you will see where she has quoted me in regards to a little I wrote about relating to a picture she posted about Type 9:
    http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...76#post1062376
    Concerning Type 4 my difficulty was in understanding what is written about their weakness of envy as I don't think this applies to myself and husband agrees.
    What are your thoughts on this - can you be Type 4 without any envy issues?

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    Quote Originally Posted by LeShay View Post
    I remember thinking for the longest time that it was likely that I was Type 4 possibly with more of a 5 wing.
    Somehow at a later stage I also found myself relating a bit to things posted regarding Type 9 but something always seemed off.
    In the following thread if you scroll down to post #13 by @silke you will see where she has quoted me in regards to a little I wrote about relating to a picture she posted about Type 9:
    http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...76#post1062376
    Concerning Type 4 my difficulty was in understanding what is written about their weakness of envy as I don't think this applies to myself and husband agrees.
    What are your thoughts on this - can you be Type 4 without any envy issues?
    When I came across the envy issue of Type 4, I was low-key shocked. Because I had prided myself on never being jealous!
    It took me a little while to come to terms with my envy. It was very repressed in me, because I had learned that being envious is not a good thing.
    And I still guard my envy a lot. I don't think anyone really knows when I am being envious or not, or whether I am actually an envious person at all.
    I try to ignore or overcome my envy whenever it arises.

    It also depends on your first instinct when it comes to what your envy is like and what it is about. For example, SX 4 will be envious about someone being more attractive or looking more like they wished the looked themselves, or other people finding it easier to be in/find happy romantic relationships ("What is wrong about me, and right about them that makes them able to find love and be loved, and not me??")

    I've found that for most people, typing themselves according to their "Vice" or "Virtue" is not really helpful, because it is often repressed and/or too unconscious.
    Instead, it is much more helpful to type your coping mechanism/behaviorism(s), because that is the reaction to your Vice.

    Type 9s will act calm, pleasant, "not rock the boat", peaceful – while actually being asleep to their own needs.
    Type 4s will be very introspective and try to delve into their feelings and impressions, and/or be melancholic, easily dissatisfied, feel cast out; long for some elusive ideal and/or person; try to be unique – while on the search for their own personal identity and significance.

    It is highly likely you have both types in your tritype.
    I am leaning towards 4 for you, just because Type 9s feel connected to both of their parents (in their childhood), while it is Type 4 who is disconnected from both their parents and feels like an outcast.
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    Quote Originally Posted by SisOfNight View Post
    When I came across the envy issue of Type 4, I was low-key shocked. Because I had prided myself on never being jealous!
    It took me a little while to come to terms with my envy. It was very repressed in me, because I had learned that being envious is not a good thing.
    And I still guard my envy a lot. I don't think anyone really knows when I am being envious or not, or whether I am actually an envious person at all.
    I try to ignore or overcome my envy whenever it arises.

    It also depends on your first instinct when it comes to what your envy is like and what it is about. For example, SX 4 will be envious about someone being more attractive or looking more like they wished the looked themselves, or other people finding it easier to be in/find happy romantic relationships ("What is wrong about me, and right about them that makes them able to find love and be loved, and not me??")

    I've found that for most people, typing themselves according to their "Vice" or "Virtue" is not really helpful, because it is often repressed and/or too unconscious.
    Instead, it is much more helpful to type your coping mechanism/behaviorism(s), because that is the reaction to your Vice.

    Type 9s will act calm, pleasant, "not rock the boat", peaceful – while actually being asleep to their own needs.
    Type 4s will be very introspective and try to delve into their feelings and impressions, and/or be melancholic, easily dissatisfied, feel cast out; long for some elusive ideal and/or person; try to be unique – while on the search for their own personal identity and significance.

    It is highly likely you have both types in your tritype.
    I am leaning towards 4 for you, just because Type 9s feel connected to both of their parents (in their childhood), while it is Type 4 who is disconnected from both their parents and feels like an outcast.
    Thanks for your response. You have got me thinking that maybe my 'envy' is shown through my 'dissatisfaction' that I have not succeeded in life as I would have wished and think others around me have, leading me to always think something is wrong with myself and I am faulty.

    I shall take your advice and go back and have a further look at the coping mechanism/behaviourism(s) of the Type, more so than the 'vice' or 'virtue'.

    And yes I was disconnected from both parents in my childhood leaving me with those negative feelings mentioned in post # 11 of this thread.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SisOfNight View Post
    Could it be you are Type 4 in the Enneagram?
    As far as I know, it is a very common theme for Type 4s to feel like they are the "alien" or "black sheep" in their family.
    (I absolutely relate to that, for instance.)
    I have an e4 friend who always comments how she can't understand how she got born to a family where everybody is so different than her. She sees herself as misunderstood from all other family members, an alien, but also better than them.

    I otoh see myself as fitting in and being accepted by my family. It makes sense that I turned out as I did . I'm spoiled by my dad, but I'm even closer with my mom, she's like a second bff who i tell everything to. People comment how I'm "a younger version of her" and I can defenitely see the similarity and feel strong attachment.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SisOfNight View Post
    I am leaning towards 4 for you, just because Type 9s feel connected to both of their parents (in their childhood), while it is Type 4 who is disconnected from both their parents and feels like an outcast.
    I don't know if this is true. I'm a type 9 and I used to pray and fantasize that I had actually been adopted. I told my dad this once and when he asked me why I was like, "So I can find my real family!" And I cut my mom off when I was 16 and didn't speak to her for 5+ years. Not even a little. Not even one phone call. The only reason we got back in touch was because my sister had a child, my mom was at the child's events (birthdays, etc.) and I thought it was childish to avoid those things just because she was going to be there.

    FTR, she's a much nicer person now and our relationship has healed a lot. I still have no idea how I came from her though - It's, like, mind blowing.

    I had (have) a good relationship with my dad, but there were chunks of years throughout my childhood where I didn't see him. Likewise with my mom. This Imago thing was hard for me to do because I had so many caregivers, I didn't really know who to focus on. The Imago I did doesn't match my attractions so maybe I focused on the wrong people or timeframe of my childhood.

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    Positive: knowledgeable, practical, wise, caring, perfectionistic, punctual.Negative: nervous, stressful, stubborn, indecisive.
    "What I wanted most as a child and didn’t get was…” acceptance
    “As a child, I had these negative feelings over and over again: ….”of being imperfect, bad, lazy, unworthy, alone, misunderstood.
    4w3-6w7-9w1 so/sx The Triple Doubtful
    RLUAI
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    socionics: some sort of NF


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    casual determinist troubadour's Avatar
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    positive: caring, supportive, creative, selfless, enthusiastic, encouraging, nurturing, practical, relaxed, lenient
    negative: unreliable, smothering, overprotective, martyr, reclusive, naive and easily led, zealot, intimidating, emotionally stunted, whiny, miserly

    what i wanted most as a child, but didn't get...
    normalcy, most of all. all i wanted was an ordinary, loving family. also, emotional stability.

    as a child, i had these negative feelings over and over again...
    feeling threatened, terrified, hopeless. i felt like i had to fend for myself from an early age. it was dissociating to realize that my parents weren't fulfilling the roles they were supposed to. i felt betrayed by the people who were supposed to protect me.

    i'm an enneagram 4, i find myself gravitating the most to enneagram 1's.
    “As a general rule, people, even the wicked, are much more naďve and simple-hearted than we suppose. And we ourselves are, too.” — Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

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    Cassandra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hag View Post
    positive: caring, supportive, creative, selfless, enthusiastic, encouraging, nurturing, practical, relaxed, lenient
    negative: unreliable, smothering, overprotective, martyr, reclusive, naive and easily led, zealot, intimidating, emotionally stunted, whiny, miserly

    what i wanted most as a child, but didn't get...
    normalcy, most of all. all i wanted was an ordinary, loving family. also, emotional stability.

    as a child, i had these negative feelings over and over again...
    feeling threatened, terrified, hopeless. i felt like i had to fend for myself from an early age. it was dissociating to realize that my parents weren't fulfilling the roles they were supposed to. i felt betrayed by the people who were supposed to protect me.

    i'm an enneagram 4, i find myself gravitating the most to enneagram 1's.
    Based on this alone, I'd feel like you'd do well with an SLI or SEI who was 9w1.
    IEI-2Ni
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    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SisOfNight View Post
    When I came across the envy issue of Type 4, I was low-key shocked. Because I had prided myself on never being jealous!
    It took me a little while to come to terms with my envy. It was very repressed in me, because I had learned that being envious is not a good thing.
    And I still guard my envy a lot. I don't think anyone really knows when I am being envious or not, or whether I am actually an envious person at all.
    I try to ignore or overcome my envy whenever it arises.

    It also depends on your first instinct when it comes to what your envy is like and what it is about. For example, SX 4 will be envious about someone being more attractive or looking more like they wished the looked themselves, or other people finding it easier to be in/find happy romantic relationships ("What is wrong about me, and right about them that makes them able to find love and be loved, and not me??")

    I've found that for most people, typing themselves according to their "Vice" or "Virtue" is not really helpful, because it is often repressed and/or too unconscious.
    Instead, it is much more helpful to type your coping mechanism/behaviorism(s), because that is the reaction to your Vice.

    Type 9s will act calm, pleasant, "not rock the boat", peaceful – while actually being asleep to their own needs.
    Type 4s will be very introspective and try to delve into their feelings and impressions, and/or be melancholic, easily dissatisfied, feel cast out; long for some elusive ideal and/or person; try to be unique – while on the search for their own personal identity and significance.

    It is highly likely you have both types in your tritype.
    I am leaning towards 4 for you, just because Type 9s feel connected to both of their parents (in their childhood), while it is Type 4 who is disconnected from both their parents and feels like an outcast.
    The association of envy with type e4 is something I have seen a couple of times, both in IEI's.

    In one case, a female IEI was engaged to and living with a very successful LSE. He had a 1930's house which cost $600k in Dayton, Ohio, which means it was pretty nice. Fabulously, nice, actually. But on her instagram page, she only posted pictures of the $1.5M house across the street, as if that were what she really wanted. When I saw this, I thought she might be a social climber, but in contact with her, I saw that she was extremely nice to everyone, high and low on the social scale. She gave me the impression that she felt she was missing out on something, but wasn't sure what that was. I suppose that could look like envy, but she kept that pretty well hidden.

    In another case, my favorite cousin (also IEI and a real "people" person) was living with her parents during her senior year of high school, and when they went on a two-week vacation, she sold all their living room furniture. This was so out of character for her that I simply refused to believe it when my LSE mother gleefully told this to me, as evidence of her obviously bad character. For years, I thought I had dreamed the incident. But my sister recently confirmed it. I can only assume she did it as an attempt to get what she was missing from her life, and mistook what was missing for the furniture which furnished her parent's house.
    I love my cousin, and like to spend time with her whenever I can, but to this day, I can sense an undertone from her that she is outside a department store window, looking in, and wishing she had all the things displayed inside.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    The association of envy with type e4 is something I have seen a couple of times, both in IEI's.

    In one case, a female IEI was engaged to and living with a very successful LSE. He had a 1930's house which cost $600k in Dayton, Ohio, which means it was pretty nice. Fabulously, nice, actually. But on her instagram page, she only posted pictures of the $1.5M house across the street, as if that were what she really wanted. When I saw this, I thought she might be a social climber, but in contact with her, I saw that she was extremely nice to everyone, high and low on the social scale. She gave me the impression that she felt she was missing out on something, but wasn't sure what that was. I suppose that could look like envy, but she kept that pretty well hidden.

    In another case, my favorite cousin (also IEI and a real "people" person) was living with her parents during her senior year of high school, and when they went on a two-week vacation, she sold all their living room furniture. This was so out of character for her that I simply refused to believe it when my LSE mother gleefully told this to me, as evidence of her obviously bad character. For years, I thought I had dreamed the incident. But my sister recently confirmed it. I can only assume she did it as an attempt to get what she was missing from her life, and mistook what was missing for the furniture which furnished her parent's house.
    I love my cousin, and like to spend time with her whenever I can, but to this day, I can sense an undertone from her that she is outside a department store window, looking in, and wishing she had all the things displayed inside.
    Both seem to be examples of Sp/Sx E4.
    Personally, I cannot relate to the specifics.
    I don't care about furniture and houses, and have never envied someone's living arrangement before.
    Sp blindspot does not care.

    As I said, the instinctual stacking influences what kind of things the E4 will be envious of.
    IEI-2Ni
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    I've been waiting for you Satan's Avatar
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    I can't be fucked with all of the circle and shit, and paper. But thinking about positive and negative things a little, seems to make me feel like quite the victim.

    And it appears that what I wanted most as a child was control. Do kids even know what control is, or is that my older me forcing the idea on my younger me?

  26. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by SisOfNight View Post
    Both seem to be examples of Sp/Sx E4.
    Personally, I cannot relate to the specifics.
    I don't care about furniture and houses, and have never envied someone's living arrangement before.
    Sp blindspot does not care.

    As I said, the instinctual stacking influences what kind of things the E4 will be envious of.
    Not true, my so/sx sister cares about interior design and likes decorating from time to time.
    “When it gets down to it, when you’re drowning, you don’t say, ‘I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,’ you just scream.”

    468

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ghost View Post
    Not true, my so/sx sister cares about interior design and likes decorating from time to time.
    Who says what I say must be untrue, and what you say must be true, hm?

    P.S: To be fair, I have noticed SP blindspot individuals with Si in their Ego (mostly SFs) will still sort of care for such things.
    P.P.S: I bet you'll just say I am wrong again and she is not SF, right? It is getting predictable.
    P.P.P.S: Neither one of us can prove our position, so we all have to take it with a grain of salt, I suppose.
    IEI-2Ni
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    Quote Originally Posted by SisOfNight View Post
    Who says what I say must be untrue, and what you say must be true, hm?

    P.S: To be fair, I have noticed SP blindspot individuals with Si in their Ego (mostly SFs) will still sort of care for such things.
    P.P.S: I bet you'll just say I am wrong again and she is not SF, right? It is getting predictable.
    P.P.P.S: Neither one of us can prove our position, so we all have to take it with a grain of salt, I suppose.
    You could say that some sp lasts care about it, and some don't. She cares about aesthetics, but not so much actual functionality. She lives in a small apartment that is pretty, but her bed is on a tiny loft with like 1 meter ceiling. I wouldn't live there if I had other choices. Too cramped.
    “When it gets down to it, when you’re drowning, you don’t say, ‘I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,’ you just scream.”

    468

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    NEGATIVE: Distant, presumptuous, handsoff, imposing, authoritarian, influential, stubborn, moralistic, antagonistic, maternalistic
    POSITIVE: Materially-supportive, educationally-supportive, intellectual, inspiring, noble, encouraging, conscientious, honest, intelligent
    (Reinforced in bold)

    SENTENCE #1: INDEPENDENCE
    SENTENCE #2: "I have to deal with this on my own."

  30. #30

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    Negative: Distant. Paranoid. Lazy. Abusive towards kids not deserving it. Too busy/neglectful.
    Positive: Warm. Fun/attentive. Optimistic. Energetic. Reliable. Knowledgeable with facts. Insightful.

    What I wanted most as a child and didn’t get was - Attention. Control.
    As a child, I had these negative feelings over and over again - Coping alone.
    Last edited by Myst; 09-15-2016 at 04:35 PM.

  31. #31
    2 EVIL goldenbane's Avatar
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    Positive: kind, skillful, competent, smart, hard-working, unpretentious, capable, artistic, patient, relaxed, generous, good business sense, book-smart, quiet

    Negative: irrational, small-minded, inexperienced, unrealistic, disempowering, faithless, cold, neglectful, unprotective, insensitive

    What I wanted most as a child and didn't get was: intelligent guidance and protection from someone wise and insightful

    As a child I had these negative feelings over and over again: unseen, powerless, undermined, brainwashed, deceived, used, silenced

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    Quote Originally Posted by Myst View Post
    Negative: Distant. Paranoid. Lazy. Too busy/neglectful.
    Positive: Warm. Fun/attentive. Optimistic. Energetic. Reliable. Knowledgeable with facts. Insightful.

    What I wanted most as a child and didn’t get was - Attention. Control.
    As a child, I had these negative feelings over and over again - Coping alone.
    Overall the traits are somewhat contradictory, but the bolded ones seem to point at ExFx 3w4, if I had to put a type label on it.
    The non-bolded traits resemble 6w5 and 9w1.
    IEI-2Ni
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  33. #33
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    Btw, I appreciate your honesty, everyone! Thanks for sharing your Imagos.
    IEI-2Ni
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  34. #34
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    + Positive +
    Caring
    Providing
    Hard-working/devoted
    Relaxed
    Encouraging
    Supportive
    Explorative


    - Negative -
    Conventional
    Religious
    Distant
    Emotional
    Pushy
    Judging/moralizing


    High-strung"What I wanted most as a child and didn't get was..."

    Validation for my imagination, humor, insights, questioning, and desire for discussing beyond the ordinary.


    "As a child, I had these negative feelings over and over again:"

    I don't belong here.
    Why doesn't anyone get me?
    Everyone is so obsessed with convention.
    Nobody appreciates how I think.
    "That's the way it is" isn't good enough.
    Last edited by Shiver; 10-12-2016 at 02:44 PM. Reason: ERROR

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shiver View Post
    + Positive +
    Caring
    Providing
    Hard-working/devoted
    Relaxed
    Encouraging
    Supportive
    Explorative


    - Negative -
    Conventional
    Religious
    Distant
    Emotional
    Pushy
    Judging/moralizing
    High-strung


    "What I wanted most as a child and didn't get was..."

    Validation for my imagination, humor, insights, questioning, and desire for discussing beyond the ordinary.


    "As a child, I had these negative feelings over and over again:"

    I don't belong here.
    Why doesn't anyone get me?
    Everyone is so obsessed with convention.
    Nobody appreciates how I think.
    "That's the way it is" isn't good enough.
    Okay, I can see a couple of possible types here.
    One type could be LSE-Si and/or 3w2 (hardworking, caring, providing etc.)
    Another would be a(n unhealthy) Type 1 (moralizing, etc.)
    At last, the relaxing part fits Type 9 the best.
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    It's actually not as important at all for me that someone provide material things as much as physical comfort as I have money and "stuff" covered on my own.

  37. #37
    وزير‎‎ lungs's Avatar
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    positive: imparter of knowledge, playful, enigmatic, honest and blunt, hardworking, funny, tolerant

    negative: fickle/inconsistent, controlling, stifling moods, self centered

    "What I wanted most as a child and didn't get was..." my voice to be listened to, understood, considered valid
    "As a child, I had these negative feelings over and over again:" frustration, being unheard

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    Positive: Caring, informative, selfless, practical, knowledgeable, resourceful, dependable

    Negative: Strict, overly cautious, worrying, overprotective, too serious or not serious enough. Also afraid to stand up to evil and evil people.

    What I wanted most as a child but didn't get: Encouragement, feeling like somebody had my back whether I failed or won

    As a child I had these negative feelings over and over again: Fear, anxiety, anger
    Raver: You're misunderstood BnD, you present depth in a shallow way.

  39. #39
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    V.I this dude.
    Haha.

    IEI-2Ni
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  40. #40
    per aspera ad astra Chae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SisOfNight View Post
    V.I this dude.
    Haha.

    100% sure it's an ST, I checked my VI list and he meets all the LSE criteria, some SLE ones.

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