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Thread: How good is your eye contact?

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    Default How good is your eye contact?

    I wasn't aware how bad mine was.

    Recently I've started to incorporate it more and I found its helped me connect/be more in the moment with people.

    I work with the general public so I've been trying to lock eyes with all the customers lol.

    At first it was extremely uncomfortable and I still forget to do it but I'm working on it everyday.

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    I have read book about body language 5 years ago, which said its really good to keep an eye contact, now i always keep an eye contact and intimidate people. Dont do it man.

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    Took me a while to work out that staring at people's eyes can Intimidate and Has Connotations("I want to cut/sex you up.") Everything in moderation.
    Reason is a whore.

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    I'm good at it. I just kinda remembered recently how staring into someone's eye usually makes the opposite sex want to be around you.
    I would say that ethically you are still supposed to act as if you have unilateral responsibility; but simultaneously you have to be able to see the other as a fully autonomous, free, aware person.

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    I've been told I give "scary eye contact" so maybe too good

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    it's ok--I never felt concerned about it

    those psychology sites get you worried that your eye contact is bad
    then you get anxiety
    then your eye contact becomes bad.

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    i'm fine at it, though my eyes wander a lot. it seems to make people assume i'm not listening or that i'm bored with what they're saying, which is not true at all. it's a bad habit.

    i read in a book about body language that if you want to really intimidate someone, stare into the triangle between their eyebrows.

    3. The Power Gaze
    Imagine the person has a third eye in the centre of their forehead and look in a triangular area between the person's 'three' eyes. The impact this gaze has on the other person has to be experienced to be believed. Not only does it change the atmosphere to very serious, it can stop a bore dead in their tracks. By keeping your gaze directed at this area, you keep the screws firmly on them. Provided your gaze doesn't drop below the level of their eyes, the pressure will stay on them. Never use this in friendly or romantic encounters. But it works a treat on the person who you want to intimidate or on the person who simply won't shut up.
    “As a general rule, people, even the wicked, are much more naïve and simple-hearted than we suppose. And we ourselves are, too.” — Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

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    Its horrid. I'll look anywhere else, and when I do get the courage to make eye contact, I start blinking a lot and my eyes start watering. Its really embarrassing...

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    yeah I'm way too self conscious to look somebody in the eye without freaking myself out. even if i do it unconsciously it'll shock me
    salmon

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    I instinctively look people in the eyes...and maintain eye contact while talking. Unfortunately it causes problems. Either they think I am hitting on them, or they think I'm trying to dominate them or the conversation.
    I've tried not looking people in the eyes, but then they think I'm either not interested, or am hiding something or being untruthful.

    It's much easier to just walk side-by-side while chatting with someone. That way there's still a sense of connection, and the eye conundrum doesn't come into play. Since we have to keep an eye on where we are going and what's happening around us. If not walking, then looking at something together, such as a diagram, drawing, the subject, the joint activity, etc.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anglas View Post
    I have read book about body language 5 years ago, which said its really good to keep an eye contact, now i always keep an eye contact and intimidate people. Dont do it man.
    lmao

    Quote Originally Posted by GuavaDrunk View Post
    Took me a while to work out that staring at people's eyes can Intimidate and Has Connotations("I want to cut/sex you up.") Everything in moderation.
    Quote Originally Posted by Pookie View Post
    I'm good at it. I just kinda remembered recently how staring into someone's eye usually makes the opposite sex want to be around you.
    Yeah for dudes it can off as threatening...Also it can come off gay as hell especially if you close the space lol

    For girls I find it has the opposite effect of the above esp. if you close the space.

    But in normal interactions (grandmas, children, mail man) you should probably maintain neutral space/use moderate amount of eye contact

    Quote Originally Posted by ouronis View Post
    yeah I'm way too self conscious to look somebody in the eye without freaking myself out. even if i do it unconsciously it'll shock me
    practice practice practice lol

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    How long I keep it depends on how much I like your eyes.
    My only fear of death is comin' back to this bitch reincarnated.




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    Horrible, I can only make natural eye contact with people I know very well. I can force myself to make eye contact, but it's painful to do so.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Food View Post
    Horrible, I can only make natural eye contact with people I know very well. I can force myself to make eye contact, but it's painful to do so.
    me too. having eye contact with unfamiliar people feels forced and uncomfortable. i try to focus on their overall face instead, most couldn't tell the difference.
    “As a general rule, people, even the wicked, are much more naïve and simple-hearted than we suppose. And we ourselves are, too.” — Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

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    Quote Originally Posted by peteronfireee View Post
    lmao





    Yeah for dudes it can off as threatening...Also it can come off gay as hell especially if you close the space lol

    For girls I find it has the opposite effect of the above esp. if you close the space.

    But in normal interactions (grandmas, children, mail man) you should probably maintain neutral space/use moderate amount of eye contact



    practice practice practice lol


    just speak from a longer distance.. that is good for eye contact... and keeping interactions neutral.

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    Quote Originally Posted by anndelise View Post
    I instinctively look people in the eyes...and maintain eye contact while talking. Unfortunately it causes problems. Either they think I am hitting on them, or they think I'm trying to dominate them or the conversation.
    I've tried not looking people in the eyes, but then they think I'm either not interested, or am hiding something or being untruthful.

    It's much easier to just walk side-by-side while chatting with someone. That way there's still a sense of connection, and the eye conundrum doesn't come into play. Since we have to keep an eye on where we are going and what's happening around us. If not walking, then looking at something together, such as a diagram, drawing, the subject, the joint activity, etc.
    i agree with walking side by side.. especially with strangers. but if you want more eye contact, i think it's important to match amount of eye contact to a degree.. rather than one person looking much more than the other.

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    Quote Originally Posted by peteronfireee View Post
    I wasn't aware how bad mine was.

    Recently I've started to incorporate it more and I found its helped me connect/be more in the moment with people.

    I work with the general public so I've been trying to lock eyes with all the customers lol.

    At first it was extremely uncomfortable and I still forget to do it but I'm working on it everyday.

    i think most younger people in retail find it hard to do eye contact.. usually only ultra-responsive younger people make good eye contact to me, but most older people seem ok? i don't worry about it. a glance or two is fine by me.

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    Not so good, I think. I just find it awkward most of the time. It's alright if it's not serious and I don't have to try and match the other person too much. But people don't usually like it when I don't feel like pretending to be amused by them.

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    Just focus on one eye or the eye lid if you have problem with eye-contact.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Tigerfadder View Post
    Just focus on one eye or the eye lid if you have problem with eye-contact.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Satan View Post
    Eyelid. If you meet that creature take a picture and run.


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    I'm not good at making eye contact when I'm talking to people or when people are talking to me. I feel like it conflicts with my thinking process. Like if someone is talking to me, I have to look away to absorb and think about what they are saying. I will occasionally look at people when I'm talking, out of respect. Idk, but I'm uncomfortable staring at people as I talk. It just makes me feel awkward too. Although I remember someone a long time ago was a cashier at a fast food restaurant and she made a post on fb about how she hated when people would give their money or took their food without even looking at her when they went through the drive thru where she worked and how low it made her feel. I now make sure every time I go through a drive through to look the person in the eye and say thanks. I think I did this before, but it stuck with me what she said and now I think about it every time I go through a drive thru...
    Last edited by Blue; 08-10-2016 at 05:32 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Bird View Post
    I'm not good at making eye contact when I'm talking to people or when people are talking to me. I feel like it conflicts with my thinking process. Like if someone is talking to me, I have to look away to absorb and think about what they are saying. I will occasionally look at people when I'm talking, out of respect. Idk, but I'm uncomfortable staring at people as I talk. It just makes me feel awkward too. Although I remember someone a long time ago was a cashier at a fast food restaurant and she made a post on fb about how she hated when people would give their money or took their food without even looking at her when they went through the drive thru where she worked and how low it made her feel. I now make sure every time I go through a drive through to look the person in the eye and say thanks. I think I did this before, but it stuck with me what she said and now I think about it every time I go through a drive thru...
    IMO I think one of the greatest things you can give someone is your time/full undivided attention.

    From a service stand point, smiling/and taking time to give my customers eye contact made a helluva difference.

    From a customer stand point, one of the best servers/bartenders I tipped the most were the ones that took a moment to give me their undivided attention (even if it was for a brief moment). On the extreme end, strippers utilize eye contact to literally get their customers to fall in love with them lol.

    One time I tried to get my oil changed and this lady was sitting on her chair looking down at her phone, and begrudgingly directed me to where I was supposed to park. I felt low lol.

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    i dream of course of staring into one another's eyes/souls but i avoid eye contact the majority of the time.

    i don't mean only romantically exactly... and i'm not really aware of avoiding it in the moment usually... i usually am aware of my own thinking... sometimes i'm not a very good listener because of it... so... i have a long way to go.

    i'm sometimes jealous of conversations in tv/movies, because they seem more intimate because the actors often put so much presence into things like eye contact... or how they move around one another... etc.

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    I have a birth defect in my left eye called a coloboma that I used to be self-conscious about as a kid. But, over the years, I realized most people don't notice, or (if they do) it's more of a curiosity than something that freaks them out, so I'm more comfortable with it nowadays. It doesn't affect my vision, just the appearance of the pupil.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
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    I feel like I intimidate people by giving them a very immobile stare with a very indecipherable and neutral expression, so I can be very avoidant with eye contact.

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    In customer service, I try and keep myself focused on little details I will normally overlook, simply for the purpose of not looking people in the eye. They expect something from me that I just cannot give them. But if I run out of little details to complete, I will keep occasional glances, depending on the type of vibe I get from them.

    If it's with someone I'm close with, eye contact is no problem. I think it's because eyes can give a lot away in terms of how you're feeling. If I'm comfortable with somebody, especially when they can tell if something is wrong by looking at me, eye contact is reliable and respectful. I can keep a good amount of prolonged eye contact with friends, but honestly, it helps me think and speak better when I'm not staring at somebody.

    With strangers, it's just creepy. I dart my eyes a lot around the environment, which makes me seem aloof and far-off. But in actuality, I'm just nervous talking to new people.

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    My eye contact is passable but I suppose it could be better. When younger, I used to have a major problem with eye contact- sometimes not even looking at all towards the person I'm speaking at. For me, having to look someone in the eye is distracting. I concentrate better when I can look where I want or at nothing in particular. I get obsessed with someone's expression- what if they are bored or upset? Then I needlessly worry. So sometimes I feel more secure if I don't have to worry about seeing someone's potentially unpleasant expression or gaze.

    I have been better about eye contact and try hard to give them just enough eye contact so they don't think I'm ignoring them. It still feels rather awkward to me- I never quite know for sure what is the sufficient amount. Maybe I err on the side of too little but I don't want others to think I'm just staring at them.
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    I am terrible at it. I minimise eye contact in case I seem like a killer. As a result, I seem like a killer.
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    Some people's personal energy is such that I must avert eye contact in order to construct my thoughts into sentences properly. Certainly not a lot of people, and not that often.


    Other than that, mine is generally shit.

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    I try to match the amount of eye contact that my interlocutor is using. I like wearing sunglasses because I stare at people. The people can probably see my eyes but I don't care.
    I think the more troubling aspect of eye contact is knowing where to look when I'm not looking at the person's eyes. I don't want to seem like I'm not paying attention.
    I most recently noticed the issue of how much eye contact to give when I was sitting across from a counselor. We were having a discussion and I tried to look away when he looked away I guess.

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    Not always, but sometimes.. I look deeply into the black pool of the pupil and wait for it to open wider. I try to see the spirit of that person looking back at me, then I twinkle my eye and watch for it to catch in theirs. Old, young, male, or female, it works the same on everyone because the actor loves to be seen.

    But usually I just use normal eye contact, depending on the circumstances, which is fluid and ever changing. Less at work, more at a dinner party. Or sometimes i just break away at look off into space...not much is forced effort at least I try not to force it.
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    My eye contact is trained. For purposes of silent evaluation and prediction, it's very introvert-friendly. Whether being trained is good or bad, no idea.

    If you want details, I use my glance consciously and in adequate terms, semi-constantly fixating the triangle of eyes & nose tip, below can be suggestive. A 3-4 second gaze straight into the other person's pupils works wonders as an icebreaker, I recommend you to try it out. Especially because you can see if they dilate or not, which indicates like or dislike, although illumination plays a role, intoxication et cetera.

    Actual staring causes insecurity of the target person (result: stammering, turning face to the side, squirming and so on) OR a sense of challenge so I always love to test that out, I equally enjoy being stared at. Eye contact says more than words just like the directions in which one's feet point. I analyze most of these cues religiously to get an idea of the person's motivations and affiliations while I don't even have to speak one word. I look for clusters because those are truthful, singular cues may deceive. For example: dilated pupils, eyebrows raised, neck touching, nodding, both feet pointed towards me - submissive, likes me. Sometimes, it's a gut process when I get a hunch but don't have a matching observation. Well, I also control my cues in the same way, alongside my signature postures which improve my wellbeing... and confidence :3 Mantra: Posture influences the body, the body influences posture. My eye contact (and also way of sitting) was really bad in the past but it improved drastically as I learned about it as a strategic/tactical aspect of communication. It's generally underestimated so it gives me a sense of security because my interpersonal skills aren't smooth by default. But since I want to /know/, I apply whatever body language strategy is useful.

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    If I like someone or feel intimidated, I have really shit eye contact.

    My mom's LSE boyfriend said he can always tell when I'm going through a depression. Apparently I have very poor posture and poor eye contact. He said that when I'm not depressed I look and seem like a completely different person which is much more charming and engaging.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    Friendly slightly prolonged eye contact from (certain?) strangers/acquaintances is one of life's best little pleasures imo. A little jerk out of interpersonal separation, a little energy jolt. It's interesting how something as minor as making your eyes shine can have an observable effect on the other person and I've played with this just to see what happens but I feel kinda manipulative and weird about it (I'm not as genuinely friendly as wacey).

    As for everyday usual, when speaking with people I don't try to catch their eye. I'm probably looking between or around their eyes a lot of the time. If they catch my eye I notice and look back at theirs.

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    My eye contact is good. I dont hold it for too long, neither shy away from it. Its one of those adult interpersonal skills like a firm handshake.

    I try not to draw too many connotations but um as @GuavaDrunk said intense eye contact can easily be taken for somewhere between flirting and murderous intent.

    In some cultures holding eye contact is very rude though. The Japanese especially try not to look people in the eye.

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    I don't bother with it often. I'll glance every now and then to show I'm still "present" in a conversation but that's about it. I prefer to keep people in my peripheral vision and usually get the sense that my eye contact comes across as analytical or penetrating somehow because in truth I suppose I do tend to regard a lot of people as some sort of subject of study moreso than a conversation half.

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    I get very 'aware' of what I'm doing when I look into someones eyes for a long time. When I was younger I used to avoid eye contact alot because it felt so intimate and sexual, and I was scared they would get uncomfortable. Now I do it more but occasionally look another way because again, don't want to make them uncomfortable, this is kind of an sx 4 fear, everything I do feels sexual and I feel like I accidentally flirt with whoever I talk one on one with, male teachers, everyone. When I fancy someone I can lock my eyes on them pretty well, I enjoy it. I avoid eye contact with people I'm not attracted to.
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    Quote Originally Posted by totalize View Post
    My eye contact is good. I dont hold it for too long, neither shy away from it. Its one of those adult interpersonal skills like a firm handshake.
    I literally can't understand handshakes at all. Like...you're supposed to squeeze their hand and shit or people don't feel comfortable dealing with you. But whether you handshake or not isn't going to somehow change a business deal. The most underhanded people probably give the best handshakes and make you smile and laugh anyway. I used to give weak handshakes because I didn't want the other person to feel threatened or have to ridiculously squeeze their hand (the whole idea is awkward even though I do it right now); funny how being gentle somehow is seen as a bad thing, a weakness.

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    jessica129's Avatar
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    When I'm talking to people, I have no issues with eye contact at all but sometimes I get self conscious that I'm making too much eye contact and then it just get's awkward.

    Also, I have this irrational fear of passing one or two people when we're walking in opposite directions. Do I stare at the ground? At them? At the sky? At something else? Is it rude if I don't look at them? The worst is when I'm walking my dogs and someone is coming down the street. Like what do I even do with myself lol. I think I'm just overthinking it, but it is genuinely uncomfortable for me.

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