Sixes – Keys to Change
- Tom Condon
"Anxious Sixes are often motivated to change because of the intensity of their fears and because of the sheer number of behavioral limits they endure when hostage to their fears. Most Sixes change because they fear a worse alternative.
Presenting problems to therapists and counselors can include anxiety, problems with authority, alcoholism, dependency. On the extreme end of things, there is a distinct risk for suicide if a Six feels generally helpless and is tired of battling with the world.
Generally good goals for change are: learning to trust themselves and others. Need support and encouragement but only to a point. Then they need to learn to provide themselves with their own. Exercise is very good as it gets them out of their heads and into their body, in touch with their physical power. Learning how to go past worst-that-can-happen fantasies is also helpful. Hypnosis, relaxation techniques, deep breathing, learning to make accurate reality checks and realistic risk assessment are all good. Exaggeration of fears to point of absurdity is also good.
When working with Sixes, your relationship with the Six may become part of the problem or even the subject of the therapy. While some Sixes come to therapy to work on their own inner goals, others will make you into an authority figure, an imaginary parent, to avoid owning their own authority. Part of their pattern is to create dependencies.
This can be blatant or implicit; subtle or obvious shifts of responsibility onto the therapist. Their tone of voice could carry a subtle entreaty to let them off the hook. A Six client might implicitly beseech you or say things like, “I have a lot of anxieties and insecurities and my friends tell me that I lean on their opinions too much. What do you think?” If they want to work on problems with authority and they could ask “Where do you think we should start?” could try to make your relationship part of the problem.
A Six could enter your office look at you expectantly and say, “My problem is that I hate authority figures – they are always telling me what to do. Do you have any advice?” Suddenly the coach is part of the problem. You might get an uncomfortable sticky feeling as though you have just stepped in something, or feel like the Six client is either at your feet or at your throat.
Some Six clients report going to therapist after therapist and “nothing has worked.” Once that’s out in the open, you might considering telling them you won’t do therapy with them; you’re wiling to sit with them and give them feedback but you won’t otherwise do anything since the chances are high you too would fail to help them change. This kind of “non-therapy therapy” works well to equalize the relationship and shift motivation and responsibility back on to the Six.
Sixes see themselves as small in proportion to the authority figure in front of them. The image of the person in front of them can be two – three times larger than their own person. In order to help the Six take back his power it may be possible to use language that prompts the Six to reconstruct his visual images. Example “ It was very big of you to make a decision to come in today – I feel indebted to you for choosing this office. My part in this process is only a small part – ultimately you make the final decisions”.
Sixes can think themselves into any corner imaginable and to negatively imagine all kinds of fears. Within their logic there is often no argument or solution since their most vivid fears are based on possibilities which , by definition, cant be disproved. If a Six is bent on making a paranoid case for things, you really can’t talk them out of it. In fact it’s usually better to confirm it.
Some Six clients repeat themselves and you may have to decide how much of this to allow. You may also have to repeat yourself as you are in competition with their internal dialogue. Progress with some Six clients may feel like three steps forward, two steps backward but it is still progress.
If you feel like confronting a Six in an angry, accusative way be aware that the Six probably had a parent like that. Like Twos and Nines, Sixes can delete their own hostility, so it can be helpful for them to know that you – the supposedly powerful one – feel aggressed upon: When you tell me you’re afraid of me, I feel distanced.” “When you tell me how strong and powerful I am, I feel alone and burdened, like I’m huge and you’re one foot tall, like I have all the power and you have none.” Pay attention to how you feel and communicate it, using “I” statements."
This is actually a very insightful insight onto how some of the 6 habits look like "from the outside", thank you! I always appreciate perspectives on 6 that focus on the type's authority dependency on more than just a superficial level.Originally Posted by silke
Phobic So/Sp 6w7 3w2 9w1
Bit of a comic books nerd, bit of a fashion nerd, a lot of a generalized nerd
Lucas: A 612
Person who wrote the caption: An 837
I would put this in a 468 thread if there was one.
The Spanish poem "Instantes" seems like a great message in regards to integration to 9. I'll translate it below in English:
If I could live my life anew,
In the next, I'd try to make more mistakes.
Not try to be so perfect,
Relax more.
I would be more goofy, more stupid than I have been this go-around;
In fact, I'd take very little seriously.
I'd be less hygienic,
Take more risks,
Go on more adventures,
Contemplate more sunsets,
Climb more mountains,
Swim more rivers.
I'd go more places I'd never been,
and have more real problems and less imaginary ones.
See, I was one of those people who lived sensibly
and productively in every moment of my life.
Clearly, I had moments of happiness.
But if I could go back again, I would try to
have only good moments.
In case you haven't figured it out, life is made solely of moments.
Stay in the moment; don't lose sight of the present.
I was one of those people who never
went anywhere without a thermometer,
a hot water bottle*,
an umbrella,
a parachute.
If I could live again, I would travel lighter.
If I could live anew, I would begin to walk
Barefoot at the start of Spring,
And I would stay barefoot until the end of Fall.
I would allow myself more turns on the carousel,
Contemplate more sunrises,
And play with more kids...
-If I I had that extra life to live.
But come on, I'm 85 years old, and I know that I am dying.
*[kinda like an older and more portable take on a heating pad for sore joints, etc.]
Phobic So/Sp 6w7 3w2 9w1
Bit of a comic books nerd, bit of a fashion nerd, a lot of a generalized nerd
Eminem - 6 sx/so, not sure about the wing
>provides Eminem as the classic counterphobic 6 example
>doesn't use "Not Afraid"
Phobic So/Sp 6w7 3w2 9w1
Bit of a comic books nerd, bit of a fashion nerd, a lot of a generalized nerd
Eminem - cp6 sx/so
Eminem - We As Americans Lyrics On Screen
We as a Americans
Us as a citizen
Gotta protect ourselves
Look at how shit has been
We better check ourselves
Living up in these streets
Through worse and through better health
Surviving by any means
We as Americans
Us as a citizen
We are Samaritans
What do we get us in
We better check ourselves
Look at how shit has been
Take a look where you live
This is America
And we are Americans
Odd. He was the only guy in that movie where when he talked I got irritated. I disagree with just about everything he said.
Projection is ordinary. Person A projects at person B, hoping tovalidate something about person A by the response of person B. However, person B, not wanting to be an obejct of someone elses ego and guarding against existential terror constructs a personality which protects his ego and maintain a certain sense of a robust and real self that is different and separate from person A. Sadly, this robust and real self, cut off by defenses of character from the rest of the world, is quite vulnerable and fragile given that it is imaginary and propped up through external feed back. Person B is dimly aware of this and defends against it all the more, even desperately projecting his anxieties back onto person A, with the hope of shoring up his ego with salubrious validation. All of this happens without A or B acknowledging it, of course. Because to face up to it consciously is shocking, in that this is all anybody is doing or can do and it seems absurd when you realize how pathetic it is.
as 6 as it gets
Phobic So/Sp 6w7 3w2 9w1
Bit of a comic books nerd, bit of a fashion nerd, a lot of a generalized nerd
Still not him stating why he did it. Enneagram: motivation > behaviour. What we see here isgoing down! TMZ is not a reliable source for typing enneagram because its just biased sensationalist commenting, do you have actual interview footage of him talking about his freakouts (without a script or voice-over)?
Well, when he punched the guy it was a reaction based on fear. CP 6s attack out of fear. Justin's reaction was exaggerated in that moment. Sure, he did useStill not him stating why he did it. Enneagram: motivation > behaviour. What we see here is
It is difficult to exactly describe his motivations. The 9 in his tritype certainly "tempers down" his CP 6-ness. In my experience, most people who are CP 6s have 8 in their tritype, so they will be even more aggressive at times and obviously CP.
Here is an interview where he talks about fame and how it almost "broke" him:
You suggest his motivation may not be 6 (core). But where is his Type 3 (core) motivation? I do not see him actually wanting fame for fame's sake. Nor is he concerned with a picture-perfect image. He does not seem much of an image type at all; in the interview and many others, or even on the streets, he's incredibly dressed down. He does have a style, but he does not identify himself with it. Elvis' style, his hair and outfits became as iconic as his voice. That does not apply to Justin.
Justin's main motivation was to spread his art (which is SX transference in a way, the transmitting instinct if you remember). And then his secondary motivation was probably to attain material security or perhaps even to get rich in the process (secondary SP).
Also, he does not have the shame and fears of an image type; image types typically fear they will be unloved if they do not either convey an image of a successful person (3), a helpful and loving person (2), or a unique, "deep" person (4). Again, Justin does not seem to have an attachment to image like that at all. He just wears what he likes and does not try to look "appropriately and/or well-dressed for every occasion" like many 3s are.
Another point against core 3, is how 3s are like chameleons, especially the w2 ones; they can be whatever you want them to be, or at least they try. Sexual 3s will try to become *the* spitting image of attractiveness (of their culture), in one way or another. That usually includes looks, but also personality traits and behaviour. Justin is SX first, but he does not have that chameleon nature to him. He does have 3 as his heart fix, so to an extent he will fit some of its traits, but it is not really in the forefront for him. Compare him to the Alpha m. video in the Enneagram type 3 thread. Type 3 men usually have a more "neutral" look that could fit in anywhere, but that "neutrality" is "amped up" – they will be dressed up. For example, Alpha m. and Steve Harvey will just walk around in classy suits, and convey the image and personality of a high-value attractive modern man. Justin Bieber's style is more rebellious and CP 6w7 like, closer to the rapper subculture. It is about looking like a "tough guy who doesn't give a sh*t" – note the excessive tattoos, baggy pants and shirts etc. 3s do not adhere themselves to any kind of subculture like that for the most part, except perhaps for the occasional 3w4 who will get into Emo and Gothic styles (like Adam Lambert), but even they will stay outside the subculture itself and just "borrow" from it.
At last, there are several 6s in show business, more than one would expect: Ryan Gosling, Kit Harrington, Ellen Degeneres, Emma Stone, Andrew Garfield, etc. Their motivations seem mostly connected to their instincts – the So/Sp kind usually did try to get into the show business (for social recognition, I am assuming), whereas the Sp/Sx kind often got into it "by accident" – I think in their case, it is actually their subconscious desire for material security and riches that motivates them; and also, the So/Sp stacking is their "Benefactor", so that is probably what draws them to the show business, too.
All in all, Justin's motivations match more those of the likes of Kanye West or Eminem (CP 6w7 Sx/So) than of Alpha m. or Steve Harvey or Elvis Presley (3w2 Sx/Sp).
Any type could punch someone under threat - 8 for feeling controlled by the threat, 5 for feeling intruded on, etc. If you can find proof of him stating: "I got anxiety, I suspected he'd harm me, I didn't trust him" - then yes! But until now, all we have is some guy being toxic and aggressive, which may be present in all 9 facets of the enneagram.Well, when he punched the guy it was a reaction based on fear. CP 6s attack out of fear. Justin's reaction was exaggerated in that moment. Sure, he did use
It is difficult to exactly describe his motivations. The 9 in his tritype certainly "tempers down" his CP 6-ness. In my experience, most people who are CP 6s have 8 in their tritype, so they will be even more aggressive at times and obviously CP.
SHIIIT. Forget 3, forget 6, this interview shows him being a frickin enneagram 4:
- 4's identity seeking + art: "This is who I am... this is not who I am... doesn't define who I am" "I want to explain myself" "I own up to it... I'm gonna show you who I am... My album talks about that"
- Completely unrejected victim mentality: "Completely destoyed me... unreturnable"
- "I love music... I love sharing my soul, my heart, and I put everything into this project"
- "I was born for this. I was born for all the struggles people threw in my way, I feel like God ordained my steps, I feel like this is meant to be"
- About God: "Blaming God... Getting to a point where he's not necessarily gonna change your circumstances but walk with you through circumstances" - savior, suffering and how to accept it, blame game - 4 again.
- Emotion-based approach: "I wanted to test the waters... What does this feel like, what does that feel like" - motivated by heart over head.
- "Take what they say to heart"
- "They love me so much" "I find them upset about that" "I hate that" "Please be nice to them" "Always loved God" - more heart triad gushing and language. The only 6 part of that was "doubting people" and disappointed (a very 6ish concept)
- Also reflects this on others, seeing them through a heart lense: "They take this so personally" (also, gesture: points to his chest!)
- Looking up to saviors: "lucky enough to have people care about me" (yes, 6 needs guidance! But they don't confide blindly, their doubt goes on and on. Justin is emotionally and permanently connected after sorting out who is to blame about the pain he perceives)
- "Crucial for me to get my point across" - 4 authenticity!
- "Have people understand..." - ditto. 4 wants to convey what they feel.
- Wants to be blamed indirectly, saying his parents are not guilty. Between the lines that's basically: 'Please take me as your scapegoat'
- "You go against what your parents want you to do... to rebel" - can it get any more obvious!! 4 going against the stream!
All those things you interpret as 4 is there is just him being an ESI.
Fi lead and SF Club. ISFx are the typical Artists.
Again, I do not see him as an Image type, nor does he seem to have the issues of type 4 in particular, such as envy, shame, feeling deficient or like an alien, the desire to be unique, continuous search for an identity, etc.
Yeah and that goes together with E4!All those things you interpret as 4 is there is just him being an ESI.
Fi lead and SF Club. ISFx are the typical Artists.
Again, I do not see him as an Image type, nor does he seem to have the issues of type 4 in particular, such as envy, shame, feeling deficient or like an alien, the desire to be unique, continuous search for an identity, etc.
He said a lot of that in the interview you noodle
Of course he won't spill all of it at once. Did you even read the quotes?
I read the quotes and saw the interview.Yeah and that goes together with E4!
Well,can easily sound like 4, because all 4s have strong
As you said, motivation matters. He lacks the Type 4 motivations, he only expresses himself similar to one because of beingHA.
Then we have to agree to disagreeI read the quotes and saw the interview.
Well,
As you said, motivation matters. He lacks the Type 4 motivations, he only expresses himself similar to one because of being
3 i think
Eva Bartlett (SEI 6w5) schooling Norwegian journalist on why mainstream media lies about Syria.
This quote's going through my mind all the time.
The 8 counterpart would go like:
"I don't trust* easily. So when I tell you I trust you - don't fuck it up. Or else you'll regret it."
*can also be substituted with "protect".
Is Ronda Rousey a 6?
(Alternatives: maybe 8,3)
That is what I said about her Enneagram in some thread about SLEs and their Enneagram types:
I agree with Viktor there, a lot of SLEs are actually Counterphobic 6s.
Two examples I can think of at the top of my head:
Ronda Rousey (CP 6) vs The Hodge Twins (8).
They both look very similar (in vibe and presentation, I mean)
I'd argue that both Ronda and the Twins are Sx/Sp and the Justice Fighter (683) Tritype.
However, there are a few differences.
Ronda Rousey is very much driven by fear; read up on some quotes and her book, she's written about having to overcome her fears and so forth before. She also goes out of her way to look intimidating and strong, which is a Counterphobic mechanism: frighten the others so that they won't frighten you.
The Hodge Twins also care about looking strong, and sometimes play with intimidation, but for them it is more of a joke."People say to me all the time, 'You have no fear.' I tell them, 'No, that's not true. I'm scared all the time. You have to have fear in order to have courage. I'm a courageous person because I'm a scared person.'"
They are rather fearless. Neither going actively against fear, nor trying to run away from it.
the compass represents type 6's internal compass
the magnet represents some sort of outside authority
phobic 6 is the red/north arrow, counterphobic 6 is the white/south arrow
I'm not subtle
Phobic So/Sp 6w7 3w2 9w1
Bit of a comic books nerd, bit of a fashion nerd, a lot of a generalized nerd
sx/sp 6w7-8-4? I'm Axl Rose!
cp6w7-3w2-8w7 sx/so ILE--D
LII-Ne with strong EII tendencies, 6w7-9w1-3w4 so/sp/sx, INxP
Funfact: this is actually from my old tumblr and someone else replied with 6w7 to it while I was still not considering it as possibility and thought it would fit here.
Cyr is a 6w5 so/sx I think. Love him
Who else is going to watch this?
Holy crap, a new Blade Runner movie... it doesn't look that awesome though.
The first trailer was way better, check that one out. Ryan Gosling seems like a good choice so far I guess, letting a cp6 SP/SX play the role fits. If they can't come up with an antagonist like Roy Batty though, it's going to be boring.
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